self care Archives

Self-Love 101, with Brie Larson

July 15, 2016January 22, 2024 by RJ Newellin LOVE

I’ve struggled with a lot of self-doubt, this month. Like most young women, worrying about my appearance and self-worth takes up a great deal of my mental energy.

One night, (like any sad Millennial up past her bedtime) I found myself looking to Google for validation. I searched ‘self-love,’ hoping to find some permission, somewhere, to embrace it myself. And then, it happened. The miracle. I actually found what I was looking for.

Meet your new Patron Saint of Self-Love: Brie Larson.

Brie’s Instagram and Twitter accounts have become beautiful channels for her to celebrate self-love and practice compassion, one funny caption at a time.

Screen Shot 2016-07-13 at 1.25.01 PM — (Photo credit below)

Before now, I couldn’t imagine Brie Larson having bad days. I mean, she’s fabulously talented, beautiful, and successful. But even the most glamorous celebrities look bad from time to time, because they’re human – and a lot of them pay other people to make sure this doesn’t ruin their ‘public image.’ But Brie’s image, public or otherwise, is 100% herself.

I hate to say it… but in today’s Hollywood, loving yourself is a brave thing to do.

As women, famous or not, it can be hard to appreciate ourselves as we are. After all, we live in a society that profits from our self-doubt. We are taught to monitor our imperfections constantly and do our best to conform to whatever beauty ideal is hot at the moment. But perfection is a losing battle. Even supermodels needs stylists, makeup artists, personal trainers, and fashion designers who are paid to make them look flawless – and that’s before photo shop!

Nobody is perfect, not even those whose livelihoods rely on the illusion that they are.

SO, instead of obsessing over unreachable goals, let’s rebel and love ourselves. Instead of ogling somebody’s “cellulite” in a paparazzi photo, how about we gush over public figures that actually inspire us?

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I Stopped Changing Myself For Men And Here’s How You Can Do The Same

January 28, 2018January 22, 2024 by Becca Martinin Body, Mind, Wellness

You are enough without changing yourself or who you are for anyone.

I’ve always been the girl who needs to be liked and accepted, not just by men, but by everyone. I know it’s not possible but I still try because being accepted by other people feels good. It makes us feel good even when we don’t feel good about ourselves or like ourselves, which was what I used to obsess over.

I was always so focused on if other people, especially men, liked me. Instead of putting effort into myself and making sure I liked who I was I became so focused on if other people liked me.

I dated a guy who I’m not sure I even liked because I never evaluated him. It might sound ridiculous, but I was so focused on if he liked me that I forgot to question if I even liked him. For months, I’d scratch my head and wonder if I was good enough for him, if I’d be able to make him really mine, if I could get him to stick around for longer than a few months. I tried to be who I thought he would like instead of just being myself.

I knew it was time to change my mindset when I realized that I was compromising my own happiness and self to try to be what someone else wanted, or at least what I thought someone wanted.

Something that really stuck that helped me adjust my mindset is a conversation I had with my life coach. She asked me if I changed who I was on first dates, if I acted different, less like myself, and I said yes, to a certain extent. I told her I am usually nervous, a little more quiet, a little more reserved. She followed that up with a very insightful comment: “you don’t act different around your friends when you hang out with them, right? You just know they like you so you can be yourself. That’s how you have to go into dating.”

She’s right – that’s why I pay her to give me advice. I realized I had to start going into dating with the mindset that they’re going to like me and if they don’t then it doesn’t matter. At least if I’m going into dates as myself and not pretending to be someone I’m not they’ll get to know the real me. Some people might not like it but some will love it, either way I am who I am and I’ve learned to love myself just for that.

Knowing who you are is half the battle in loving yourself and knowing you deserve love.

I always used to try to mold myself into a cookie cutter shape of what someone else likes or wants. The truth is I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and that’s fine. Some people hate tea, some people prefer coffee, some people prefer neither and that is what makes us all unique. That is why there are so many different types of people.

You don’t have to like everyone and everyone doesn’t have to like you! I finally decided it’s time to stop forming to please other people and just be myself.

I decided it no longer matters if he isn’t interested in me because there will always be someone else who is. I learned it’s better to not force relationships or conversations that aren’t happening. Those kinds of interactions will never leave you satisfied, because they’re not honest.

It’s not worth trying to fit into someone else’s story. It’s time to write your own! The right person will accept you for who you are, not who you try to be.

Being yourself is one of the most liberating experiences you can have.

Once I stopped changing myself to please others that aren’t interested, it made a world of difference. I gave myself permission to be who I am without reservation and that is a freeing feeling. It’s allowed me to meet someone for a drink and not go in with any expectations.

I can be more open and I can look in the mirror and accept that I am enough just the way I am whether someone else thinks so or not.

Allowing yourself the freedom to just accept where you are in your life, without hoping that every person you come across is going to want you is an invigorating feeling.

It’s important to realize, at the end of the day, you have to be enough for yourself. You’re worth being loved, especially by yourself.

Allow yourself to express yourself the way you want. Stand up for what you care about. Wear as much or as little makeup as you want. Don’t change yourself for anyone, instead be proud of who you are!

Ever since I started being completely myself I’ve found a new sense of freedom I didn’t realize was possible. I started going out with more guys from dating apps because I didn’t have that fear holding me back that they wouldn’t like me. I also didn’t feel that pressure I used to put on myself of being skinny or pretty enough for them. I am who I am and they either like me or not. But that’s still not as important as if I like them or not.

Putting yourself and your comfort first in these situations isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. Absolutely necessary.

Just last weekend it gave me the confidence to go up to a man in a bar (something I never do). I didn’t worry about what he would say or if he would be interested or not, I just went up to him and started talking. (I was also wearing the ugliest handmade Christmas sweater the world has ever seen.) The best part about it? He loved that I was confident to walk up and talk to him in that ugly sweater. He liked it so much he asked me on a date and it was great!

The right person will like you and love you for your unique characteristics, how you look, what you say and everything in between. If he doesn’t completely accept you then he’s not the one, but know there is someone out there who will. The right person will love you for who you are, not who you try to be.

For more ways to please women, check out Why I Am Loving The First Date.

Why I’ve Decided to Institute Self-Care Fridays

August 9, 2019January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin Body, Wellness

After having a serious panic attack last spring, I decided to begin self-care Fridays.

After my dog died in April, I never imagined how much it would affect me. It took an episode of extreme panic for me to realize that I was not only stressed out and suffering from the grief of losing my dog, but I was in serious need of some self-care.

I finally realized, I need to do something for myself—I needed to love myself more in order to stay mentally healthy. I decided to institute self-care Fridays for myself and came to some important realizations.

The Importance of Self-Care

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, stress affects your entire body, both physically and mentally. Common stress signs include headaches, insomnia, aches, pains and tense muscles and stomach issues. After Moe passed away, I finally realized I was not only experiencing deep emotions of grief but also stress from wondering what life would be like post-Moe. I found myself getting into an anxious spiral, worried if Moe was what was keeping my boyfriend and myself together, and if his loss would have a profound effect on our relationship. I am now relieved enough to be so happy that I was aware enough to realize that I needed to take care of myself first. By making sure I am taken care of, I can devote more time to my relationships.

Easy Ways to Care for Yourself

After dealing with another anxiety flare-up, I decided every Friday I would do something to care for myself. I’ve done simple things like get a Starbucks iced coffee in the morning before work, or pause in the middle of freelance writing to use my portable foot massager for a quick 15 minute time out. Sometimes I just stop what I’m doing in the middle of my day and go for a walk around the block.

I’ve also done larger-scale things too, like go get a spa pedicure at my favorite nail salon or see a movie by myself and get a big bag of salty popcorn. There are plenty of other ways to take care of yourself too, including ordering your groceries instead of trekking to the supermarket or just getting some exercise. Sometimes, freeing up your time is helpful for your own mental health too.

Why Fridays?

You’re probably thinking, why did you decide on Fridays to do nice things for yourself? I have always seen Fridays as the celebration of making it through the end of the week. I know if I can get to Friday in one piece, I have a weekend ahead of me to rest and relax.

I think some of it stems from my childhood too. Friday night was family pizza night in my house. We would often all get together and watch nostalgic shows like the old TGIF lineup or The Simpsons.

My Realization Once I Started My Self-Care Fridays

During the times I set aside for myself every Friday, I began to come to a few realizations. Every time I have felt very anxious, especially to the point of fainting, I was not properly caring for myself. I was not eating healthy, or I wasn’t getting enough sleep. I was often so stressed about what others thought of me. I also began to see just how hard I am on myself. I now see that during the time I set aside for self-care, I can better reflect on what bothers me.

While my Friday tradition is still fairly new, I appreciate that it is slowly helping me discover more about my anxiety, my “triggers” and how to better cope with what concerns me on a daily basis. It has even inspired me to start seeing a therapist every other week. In short, I’m learning how to love and accept myself.

The concept of self-care may seem gimmicky these days, but it really just comes down to learning what’s right for you. There are so many options. Next time you feel overwhelmed, take some time for yourself. By setting self-care into your regular routine, you’re more likely to stick to it. I’m sure glad I did.

Are you feeling stressed out and now sure how to deal with it? You’ll want to read this.