Lovers Archives

6 Ways to Awaken the Tantric Lover Within You

March 26, 2015January 22, 2024 by Michael Warshauerin Mind, Sex

We are all born Tantric lovers, because we are all born as divine, loving pure presence.

When most people think of Tantra, they think of the Kama Sutra and a host of awkward sex positions that seem unattainable even to the well-practiced yogi. Many think Tantra is all about sex.

Yes sexuality is a part of Tantra, because Tantra is Love; Tantra is Life. So sexuality obviously falls under this broad category.

Tantra is love. Tantra is connection, presence and conscious relating to one’s self and to another. Tantra combines spirituality and sexuality as a platform to deepen into self-understanding and empowerment, and is a sacred path walked by many.

Living a Tantric life unveils gateways to balancing and integrating our masculine and feminine energies, in order to feel whole again. To feel connected to our truth and infused with copious amounts of love and acceptance. A Tantric life allows one to see the divine and sacred in every living being and experience.

Exploring Tantra also creates space to shine light and heal shame, guilt and suppression — embedded in our society around our sexuality, where the seat of our personal power and creative gifts lie.

So how does one become a Tantric lover?

Bringing Tantra into your life means inviting in more love and presence. And yes, this includes your sex life as well.

Below are six tips on how to infuse the sacred in the bedroom and awaken the Tantric Lover within:

1. Think of love making as a sacred ritual.

Shift your perception from “having sex” to “making love and co-creating with the divine.” Set up your bedroom as a sacred space; a temple. Create an altar in your bedroom with things that are special to you both; things that support the growth of each other and the highest good of all. Add special photos of the two of you, sacred books or other objects for manifestation purposes. Light candles and burn incense. Create a beautiful, nurturing and sensual space.

2. Meditate and set intentions before love making.

Before engaging in love making, take time to sit in meditation together while facing each other. Call forth your highest selves and offer your bodies up to a higher power. Imagine energy forming around the two of you individually, as well as around the both of you. Envision a third co-creative field being created.

Set intentions for the journey together and ask yourselves what you want to offer up to the divine through this act of love making between your bodies. Set clear intentions — individually and collectively — for the relationship.

3. Commit to presence.

By committing to being 100% present with each another creates space for true feelings, vulnerability and honesty to unfold. This in turn, will allow you both to go deeper into your highest self and to your partner. Do not be afraid to be honest, with how you are exactly feeling.

Check in with your body, constantly asking what it wants and where it is at. For women: If your yoni is not yet wet, it is an indicator that your body is not ready to receive. Do not lie to yourself and go against the natural signals from your body. Continue to dive deeper into yourself to look for any blockages, barriers and resistances; for these will only allow you to open more.

4. Practice Tantric massage on your partner.

Take time to massage and worship each other’s body with full presence and awareness. Do not rush into the act. Use deep, slow and mindful massage. You may also practice a Tantric technique of yoni and lingham worship, by worshipping each other’s genitals.

5. Men: Learn how to hold your seed.

All ancient Tantric traditions encourage men to retain their seed. Spiritually, this allows the energy to flow back into the body upon orgasm and raise up the body through the chakras. This leaves the man feeling energized as opposed to drained after sex, for his energy is being retained and used for higher spiritual purposes. Men become more focused, clear and present as a result. Plus they can continue to make love for hours and hours…

6. Ditch any expectations and agenda.

The golden rule is to never have an end goal in mind. Goal-oriented sex; to reach a peak in orgasm, will leave you both disappointed and disconnected from one another in the present moment. Much like in life, when you have expectations you often miss what is actually in front of you and REAL.

Commit to the authentic deepening of your bond, rather than reaching a climax. And then once you make this mental shift, the climax will occur naturally, unexpectedly and even more intense.

For Lovers: Christmas in Japan

December 17, 2015January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin LOVE

Why is Christmas in Japan a time for lovers?

While on Christmas Eve many in the West might have been sitting down to a family dinner in preparation for an even bigger dinner on December 25, how was Christmas Eve being spent in Japan?

In recent years, particularly for families with young children, Christmas is celebrated in a very similar way to how it is celebrated in Europe or America, with children eagerly awaiting the arrival of Santa and presents. But the real way to celebrate Christmas in Japan is with your boyfriend or girlfriend. In Japan, Christmas Eve is a night for lovers.

The article below discusses the phenomenon, along with netizen opinions on the reasons why Christmas should be a lovers’ festival in Japan.

From Yahoo! Netallica:

It’s a theme that is repeated year in year out. The rule that ‘Christmas Eve is for lovers and romance’, though implicit, makes its presence felt. Feeling that I should investigate this mystery, I tried searching for it on Oshiete! goo [a site similar to Yahoo! Answers]:

‘Why Do Japanese Spend Christmas Eve With Their Lover?’

Having asked someone they liked(?) to a party, a netizen, duffyduffyvさん, asked ‘Why do Japanese spend Christmas Eve with their lovers? Although they are Buddhists, why do they celebrate a Christian festival? And why do they spend it with their lovers rather than their family?’, and furthermore they also added ‘I just don’t understand why they’re hung up on December 24.’

However, those responding to the question said things like, ‘If you can win that argument, you may as well have a party!’. Here, I will introduce some of the answers given to the question on Oshite! goo, and I’m going to suppress the feeling of wanting to ignore the respondents as ‘irritating people’.

■ Is Your Lover Santa Claus?

‘The ancient Japanese religion was Shinto. Namely, a religion with myriad gods and goddesses. Even Buddha and Christ are no more than one god from a whole host of deities. Therefore, even if we celebrate Christmas, there are no discrepancies.’（hekiyuさん）

‘The point is that we don’t have to get hung up on “Westernness”, or “Learning about the real Christmas”. For Japanese, “Westernness” is not real, […] Christmas has the same appeal as a “matsuri” [festival].’（gldfishさん)

These are the individual perspectives of the respondents, but ‘matsuri’ seems to be a perfectly fitting phrase.

‘It was since Yuuming’s [singer Matsuyoya Yumi] song ‘My Lover Is Santa Clause’ that Christmas Eve became a day to spend with your lover. People became richer, […], hotels, who had their eye on this, offered loads of Christmas plans. […]. It was the natural flow of things that Christmas Eve then became thought of as a day you spend with your lover.’（IDii24さん）

According to Wikipedia, it appears that it was after the Christmas sales wars were waged in the 1900s that Christmas spread to countries across the globe. Even regarding Christmas Eve parties, Wikipedia says that the oldest is recorded as being in the Meiji period, and that the custom of spending Christmas Eve with the opposite sex had already become common by the early Showa period. Still, it seems that even Yuuming’s song, that is played at this time every year, can be said to have played an important part in creating the image of Christmas as a time you spend with your lover.

And For Those Who Blow Hot and Cold

This writer had some doubts about the hot/cold nature of the questioner’s date. In this case, the comment below might be the correct approach to take.

‘Logically speaking, of course it’s inconsistent that we celebrate Christmas Eve like this, but for me, Christmas Eve is an extremely important day that I spent enjoying with my family or my friends when I was young, so is it wrong to say I want to spend that important day with the one I love?’（alienabiliさん)

Although there was no one was able to give a definitive reason as to why Christmas is celebrated in this way in Japan, there was also the perspective that:

‘(The reason Christmas Eve has spread in Japan’ is most likely because it was the festival of the winter solstice, I think. In Japan, where we have four seasons and winter is generally cold, the joy of the winter solstice […] just seems to work with Christmas Eve.’

In the church calendar, it seems that it is Christmas from nightfall (the evening of December 24). So there is also the explanation, just as the previous response says, ‘the festival of the winter solstice that celebrates the reappearance of the sun’. In Japan, where harmony is respected, then isn’t it alright if we cast it as an ‘annual occurrence in which we feel the passage of the seasons’? After all, Japan is a country that has respect for the cultures of other nations…

Leaving aside the issue of whether the netizen who asked the original question was able to win the argument, and enjoy Christmas Eve, I think I’d like to end by representing the Christmas Loners’ Alliance, with the words: ‘Stop rubbing my face in it, you bastard.’

Irie Neco

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Arranged Marriages and Problem Solving: Is TV’s ‘Married at First Sight’ on to Something?

September 28, 2018January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

It might seem like just another reality show… but Married at First Sight brings up important points about love and relationships.

Recently I’ve been obsessed with Lifetime’s hit Married at First Sight, now in its 7th season. In this reality show, relationship experts match three sets of strangers who have agreed to meet (and marry) their future spouse at the altar. The show follows the first months of their marriages, and in the final episode, the couples decide if they want to stay married or get a divorce.

At first, the show’s concept sounded absurd to me.

It used to be that reality shows were about answering quiz questions or eating worms… not getting married. Sure, there were relationship shows— but signing up to play The Dating Game or going on NEXT was one thing. Getting legally married on TV? To a stranger? That’s another.

But after watching a few episodes, I started to think that maybe these couples aren’t so crazy after all. It occured to me that maybe this show was on to something. Here are the top four relationship lessons I learned from Married at First Sight:

1. Looks (really) aren’t everything

Over the years, I’ve watched a lot of single friends swipe left on potential matches because, “her hair is weird” or because, “I don’t like his nose.”

With all these dating apps where the picture pops up first, it’s almost too easy to make decisions based on appearance. But Married at First Sight proves that looks aren’t always a good indication of a good match.

Season 1 star Jamie didn’t like her husband when they first met. She wasn’t attracted to him physically and, on day one, considered giving up on her marriage. But it’s lucky she didn’t, because today, they’re one of the show’s greatest success stories. Jamie and Doug are one of the few couples from the show who are still married, and now they have a baby girl.

Meanwhile, Season 2 stars Davina and Sean were immediately attracted to each other when they met at their wedding—but things went bad quickly. They fought about where to live and ended up barely seeing each other over the course of the show. Their passion fizzled out and it was no surprise when they got a divorce.

Whether this changes the way you Tinder (or not) it’s definitely something to think about. It’s funny to think that if Jamie had first seen her now-husband Doug on a dating app, she would have swiped left and that would have been the end of it. But if Davina and Sean had seen each other on an app they probably would have been a match.

It’s proof that looks can be deceiving.

2. It doesn’t always matter how long you’ve been together

When it comes down to it, the show is simply about arranged marriages, a tradition that was very popular for many generations and is still practiced today. While a match maker can’t always guarantee marital bliss, there were (and are) many loving, life-long, arranged marriages.

But even if you’re not up for the whole arranged marriage thing, there’s a lot to be learned by watching these Married at First Sight couples because, as it turns out, their relationships aren’t that much different from many other new marriages.

They still have to worry about finances, their living situation, and family planning. They also set goals together and they enjoy their honeymoon phase… just like any other married couple. Of course, these TV spouses have the added challenge of not knowing each other well, and that can add a lot of stress, but a lot of their issues, problems, and even their joys are similar to ones any newly married couple would have.

When I started watching Married at First Sight, I thought I would have nothing in common with these people who were marrying strangers… after all, my husband and I were together for nearly ten years before we got married. But as it turns out, I definitely saw similarities.

When Ashley and Anthony from Season 5 were decorating their new place together with mementos from their wedding, it reminded me of the fun my husband and I had putting up wedding pictures. When Mia and Tristan from Season 7 first considered moving for Tristan’s work, it reminded me of how hard it was for my husband and I to decide to move.

Like anyone trying to make a life together, these new couples practice communicating, try to account for each others’ needs, and even learn how to best show affection. Sometimes, it doesn’t matter how long a couple has been dating, marriage will always carry new challenges, new perks, and plenty of changes.

3. In a relationship, and especially a marriage, it’s important to not give up too fast

Throughout the show, every couple hits roadblocks. They fight about where they’ll live and how many kids they want. They argue about families and chores and careers—all typical things for couples to clash on at one point or another—but that doesn’t make it any easier. Like many couples who are faced with one of their first big disagreements, they sometimes talk about calling it quits.

Of course, these Married at First Sight couples can’t do that so easily. They’re married (and, I suppose, have a TV contract) so they can’t simply walk out of each other’s lives. But in typical new relationships, a lot of people decide to do just that.

Shawniece and Jephte from Season 6 had some issues early on, mainly about Jephte not opening up. Shawniece would get frustrated and start saying that she couldn’t be in a relationship with Jephte if he didn’t change. There would be a lot of tension, like they were about to break up, but after a talk, or a counselling session with one of the show’s relationship experts, the problem would be solved and everything would be fine.

The problem, which had seemed like grounds for divorce at the time, ended up being nothing. In fact, a lot of times those fights ended up being an opportunity to bond and get to know each other better.

It’s important to remember that sometimes small arguments can seem like a big deal, but that doesn’t mean you’re incompatible or you can’t build a relationship. Shawniece and Jephte ended up staying together after the show ended, and now have a baby on the way.

4. Know when to not waste your time

While Shawniece and Jephte made it work, that doesn’t mean that sticking with a relationship is always the right choice. Some couples are simply not meant to be together, sometimes people change, and often breakups and divorces are the best option.

Season 6 couple Molly and Jonathan had a difficult time from the beginning. Molly didn’t feel comfortable getting physical, they had explosive fights, and it seemed like they never got along. So, it was no surprise when they decided to get divorced before the show ended.

They knew that the marriage wasn’t going to work and they didn’t want to waste their time. They came to the season finale to talk about their decision and left on good terms.

While there is value in not giving up on a relationship, of maximizing the best parts of your chemistry and not dwelling on your challenges, there is a point where a couple has to acknowledge when they’re simply not compatible.

While you may want to put all your energy and time into a relationship to try to make it work, sometimes you shouldn’t. And that’s okay.

These Married at First Sight stars took a big risk when they agreed to marry a stranger, and while most of us would never agree to get married at first sight, we can still learn something from these couples. Their relationships show viewers how to get passed differences, how to find and create love, and how to create a life together. Not every relationship is built to last, but some are worth fighting for, and I think, in the end, that’s all that really matters.