According to new research, there are 5 different stages of falling in love. It all starts with Butterflies, the first step towards Stability. Read more about the stages and find out where you are in your relationship!
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There’s a commonly held belief that sex in marriage is boring and predictable, but the truth is, it can be as exciting as you want it to be! With Valentine’s Day fast approaching try these 5 tips for spicing up your normal routine and adding a little adventure in the bedroom!
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If you’re worried this year’s Valentine’s Day will just be a repeat of every other year with your spouse, then we have a list for you. There’s no reason the two of you can’t make the most of the day and spice things up to celebrate your love. These 6 tips will help you stay curious and give you and your partner a whole new perspective on Valentine’s Day!
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There’s a million different reasons to have sex, but did you know there are also several health benefits from it? Here are 13 reasons to have sex…for your health!
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Find out what happens when one of Hollywood’s favorite couples, Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard invite an intimacy coach into the bedroom. The results are hysterical!
Are we honest about sex? According to this research, not always! Find out the difference between what we say about our sexual habits and what data says is the the truth.
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Why are some orgasms better than others, even when there’s no obvious reason for a difference in quality? A new study has proposed an explanation: A woman’s orgasm helps her determine how good a partner the other person will be.
In other words, the stronger the orgasm, the more eligible the bachelor.
By surveying heterosexual female college students in committed relationships (and it’s worth noting that only heterosexual relationships were examined), researchers at the University of Albany looked at whether orgasm intensity, frequency, and sexual satisfaction are determined by a woman’s choice of mate.
The researchers found that the more frequently the women orgasmed, the more intense the orgasms were. What’s more, the “ideal” mate — someone who causes plentiful, and therefore powerful, female orgasms — is funny, highly attractive (with broad shoulders, specifically), self-confident, and has a high-earning family. Yes, you read that correctly: Women have stronger orgasms if their partner is rich.
The researchers said that “sense of humour not only predicted [a man’s] self-confidence and family income, but it also predicted women’s propensity to initiate sex, how often they had sex, and it enhanced their orgasm frequency in comparison with other partners.”
Now, this doesn’t mean you should start pining away for a broad-shouldered heir with a rapier wit, but the study does remind us that there’s more to sex than physical performance. Or maybe it’s a message to all the men out there in committed, heterosexual relationships: If you’re trying to please your significant other in bed, consider focusing less on technique and more on your joke delivery.
Are you and your partner stuck in a rut? Not having enough sex? Need a little more excitement? Try these 17 tips to re-energize your sex life!
1. Have Morning Sex At Least Once A Week
It has actually been scientifically proven that morning sex is great for you. Between being less self-conscious and the fact that your partner is already right there, it’s a great way to start the day. I love starting my day with an orgasm and watching my partner grin all morning for the same reason.
2. Don’t Be Afraid To Surprise Your Partner
Even those people who are adamant about not liking surprises enjoy surprises when it comes to sex.
I love to welcome my partner home with a sex-related surprise. Whether I tell him not to say a word as I pull his clothes from his body, or greet him with nothing but a sly grin, it’s fun for both of us. The key here is not to do it too often. Surprises are meant for special occasions.
3. Take An Evening To Share Your Ultimate Fantasies
Once you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, you’ve tackled the awkward stuff and can truly open up — especially when it comes to sharing your fantasies. My partner and I are really open about what turns us on and accepting of what the other wants. We try to fulfill these desires or, at the very least, find a common ground. We’ve also learned that some fantasies can’t be fulfilled, and that that’s OK, too.
Set a specific night aside to discuss your fantasies. Chances are, even if you don’t think you have any, you’ll discover something after talking for awhile.
4. Flirt Like You Mean It
Too many people think flirting is what you do to lure the object of your affection into your clutches — but it’s more than that. Flirting is playful and fun, so throwing your partner a wink is a friendly reminder that you’re still hot for them, even when you’re not in the bedroom. I think I’ve perfected my flirting game since I’ve been in my long-term relationship, which is great for when we break up. I kid!
5. Make A Plan to Try One New Sex Position a Month
The Kama Sutra exists for a reason — and it’s not to give Cosmo more fodder for impossible sex positions that “your man will love!” Although it does include 64 sex acts, it’s also a guide on all things amorous, including reaching ultimate intimacy during these positions. Sure, you won’t be able to master them all, (and besides, who really wants to stand on their head during sex), but trying some out, especially these ones, can be fun.
6. Get To Third Base Someplace Public-ish
The world is your oyster! (Hee hee.) There are so many places where you can have sexy times with your partner, so keeping it just in the bedroom isn’t an option. Spice it up! I’m not suggesting you take to a public bench for all to see, but with discretion and creativity, you can make it happen in more places than you know.
7. Meet Each Other For The First Time — Again
While personally, I think the whole school girl role-playing thing is played out, what I do love is meeting my partner at a bar and pretending we’re strangers. We actually like to play this game when we’re on a plane, too. We play ourselves, only we pretend we don’t know each other yet. There’s nothing better than meeting each other for the first time all over again, and remembering why you fell for them in the first place.
8. Make Out. Often.
Making out is so underestimated. Think about it this way: You’re probably with your partner now because it all started with a kiss, so why would you let making out go now? Don’t only think of making out as something that has to lead to sex — try appreciating it on its own, and seeing where that leads.
I could kiss my partner for hours, if only we both had the time. Damn these full time jobs! I guess we’ll have to wait for retirement to get that happening.
9. Take Advantage Of Technology
If only I had a penny for every time I sent my partner a sext, I’d be a very, very wealthy woman. Sexting, if you haven’t done it yet, is, in one word, fantastic. It’s basically the technological version of foreplay, and a perfect way to get both you and your partner in the mood. It’s also a great way to liven up your oh-so-long and exhausting work day. Think of it this way: at least you know you can trust them.
10. Watch Porn Together
Contrary to decades-old misinformation, women are watching porn just as much as men, and they’re loving it, too. Although we may have different things that turn us on than men do, you can, if you look around, find something that you both enjoy. If visual porn isn’t your thing, then written erotica (my personal favorite), is something to definitely give a try.
11. Tease Each Other
Teasing is awesome. Whether you do it with facial expressions or in a more hands-on way, it gives fuel to the sexual fire. My teasing of my partner is relentless. I just can’t help myself, then when I see that he’s getting all hot and bothered about it, I just turn it up a few notches.
12. End Every Argument With Make-Up Sex
Sometimes I think I subconsciously deliberately provoke my partner just so we can have make-up sex. Because even when it’s a legitimate argument, like who ate the last slice of pizza, we always make sure to end it in a romp. Hey, if you’re going to have a disagreement with your partner, you might as well conclude it with a bang.
13. Play ‘Everything But’
I love this game! As much as I love sex, the game of doing everything but intercourse is a great way to explore other avenues in getting each other off. You may also end up surprising each other, and appreciating intercourse more.
14. Communicate What Feels Good (And What Needs Work)
The most important part of having good sex is communication. If your partner goes down on you and clearly has know idea what they’re doing, it’s your job to give direction. You absolutely have to share what feels good and what doesn’t if you want to get the most out of your sex life. As our sexual health columnist Emma Kaywin likes to say, ”communication is the best lubrication.”
15. Add Sex Toys To The Mix
I write about sex. A lot. Because of this, I’m constantly getting new and exciting toys to try out. Sometimes they fall flat, because seriously, what am I supposed to do with terrifying mask from The Town? But a lot of them make for some experimental fun. It’s OK to bring in a little outside help in the form of toys — they really do add to the sexual experience.
16. Embrace The Magic Of Foreplay
Foreplay is amazing! And the longer you can extend it, the better. While a quickie is fun sometimes, devoting lots and lots of time to the build up to the big finale is really hot. I’ve always found that the longer the foreplay, the better the actual sex. It makes for one hell of an explosive orgasm.
17. Put Your Pride On The Line
I have, on more than a few occasions, tried to do a striptease — granted, it usually ends up being a disaster. I’ve yet to take off my underwear with the grace and seduction of a pro, but at least I try. It’s hard for me to put myself out there, but even as I stumble in my attempts to be sexy, my partner is still into it.
Even more importantly, it’s exciting for me to push myself outside my comfort zone. I’m making an effort, and that’s what being in a relationship is all about.
Curated by Michael
Original Article
There is a difference between sex and intimacy, and sometimes in a relationship, those two things can get separated. Once you reclaim that intimacy, you can find your relationship stronger than ever.
What is intimacy to you?
Chances are you picture hugs, and long talks staring deeply into each other’s eyes, and holding hands, and even enjoying the silence together. We love feeling totally emotionally connected to another human being–especially our husbands.
Yet most husbands’ definition of intimacy would likely involve far less clothing and far more action. To them, intimacy tends to be sexual. When we open ourselves up sexually, they feel invigorated, accepted, and needed.
Because we both view intimacy differently, though, it’s easy to withdraw when we don’t feel like our needs are being met. When he doesn’t listen to our hearts or show affection, we can easily feel hurt and unappreciated. That makes us clam up. Then he starts feeling unloved and unappreciated because we aren’t making love, and he withdraws.
Have you ever been part of that domino effect, where everything just starts collapsing?
It’s exhausting.
That was me for the first few years of our marriage. I felt like the more he wanted sex, the less he must love me, because it meant that he loved me for what I could do for him, not just for who I was. His love felt conditional. But he felt the same thing about me!
So there we both were, both feeling like we were being loving, yet both feeling very unloved.
There’s a neat thing about the domino effect, though. When those dominoes start dropping, you can stop the disaster by getting ahead of it. Just do something differently!
With Christmas coming, many of us are eagerly looking for the perfect Christmas gift for our husbands, so that they’ll feel cherished and loved and respected. Perhaps the best gift we can give him is to make an attitude change ourselves, and decide that this year, we’re going to stop that domino effect. We’re going to start figuring out how to look forward to sex–and how to feel true intimacy when we do make love, too.
Seriously. Sleep is a real marriage issue. One of the main reasons that women don’t want to have sex, and have their libidos plummet, is that we’re just too tired. Getting rid of things off of your plate, going to bed at a decent hour, and carving out time for yourself during the day isn’t selfish at all. It’s putting a priority on your marriage!
Added Benefit: Sex helps you sleep better! You fall asleep faster, and you sleep more deeply. So now when I’m super tired, I don’t tell my husband “no”. I say, “come put me to sleep, baby!”
Your husband doesn’t want to be placated. He wants to be wanted. Saying “yes” to him while you lie there and don’t move very much isn’t going to make him feel ten feet tall; he’ll feel like a heel. If you are the one who starts, though, you show him that you do want this.
Added Benefit: If you initiate, you tend to be more active, which has the added advantage that you do things that feel good to you. Instead of him setting the stage, you can set the stage and steer things into a direction that feels great to you!
Have you ever been making love to your husband when the thought suddenly occurs to you, “is there milk in the fridge for breakfast?” As soon as the thought’s in there, you start adding to it. “What else do I have to pick up at the grocery store tomorrow?” And before you know it your mind is gone.
We women are multi-taskers, but this is one area where that’s a very bad idea. If your head isn’t in the game, your body won’t follow. So when you are making love, make it a practice, even if it’s difficult, of not letting your mind go anywhere else. He’ll likely notice the difference immediately, since that will likely make you more active all at once.
Added Benefit: When we concentrate on what’s going on, we also feel more intimate ourselves, and we feel more loved, because it becomes more emotional and less clinical.
Finally, maybe one of the reasons it’s hard for you to jump on the bandwagon is because making love has never felt that stupendous. The earth has never moved and you start to wonder what all the fuss is about.
That’s normal. When I wrote The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, I found out that it took on average about sixteen years of marriage for things to begin to work like clockwork. It isn’t automatic. And that’s perfectly okay.
As you get better at communicating, as you trust more, as you become more vulnerable, sex will improve. But sometimes you also need a little bit of help! Get a book that can help you learn how to make your body feel good. Find a book to work through together (like my 31 Days to Great Sex). Even put the book in his stocking, with a letter, saying that you want 2014 to be the year that you both really connect.
Added Benefit: You’ll start to feel those fireworks, too! And the more your body starts to respond, the easier it gets to respond, so that it snowballs.
The best gift you can give your husband is to start valuing the things that he values, and that includes the way that he sees love. And as you do this, you’ll learn a special secret: sex is actually pretty great, and it isn’t just for him! So this Christmas, give him all of yourself. You may just find that you enjoy the present just as much.
Curated by Michael
Original Article
If you want to know if you’re really with the right person, the person you could actually partner with forever more, the one who could really love and trust and respect and admire and grow with you — not the one who does — but the one who could, I have a real test for you. The Pussy Test.
You see those other tests all the time, those tests and lists about how to know if you’re with the right person. She makes you laugh. He’s seen you at your worst. She loves a night in as much as a night on the town. You fight and make up.
I cheat on those tests. Always have. Yeah, she’s funny sometimes. Sure, he’s seen me with a cold. Yeah, we spend equal nights on the couch and on the dance floor. Sure, we’ve said some things with voices raised and later exchanged apologies, I say to myself, if I want it to be the right person, and the converse if I don’t.
It’s like those Cosmo quizzes. You know which responses will result in which score or category or whatever end game is at play. “Are you geeky sexy, classic sexy or closet sexy?” Question one — Would you prefer to: (a) play video games in your underwear; (b) wear a slinky dress and go out for a night on the town; or (c) cook a nice dinner at home and hopes he asks if he can stay the night.
Duh.
This test is different. I don’t care if you’re gay, straight, bi or otherwise — if you have a pussy, this test will work.
One night in bed, lay back on a whole mess of pillows in as comfy a position as possible with some lovely lighting at play. Nothing too bright, nothing too dim. You can wear a top, if you like, but nothing from the waist down. And ask your partner to sit between your legs. Ask her or him to sit comfortably between your legs and explore your pussy.
I mean really look and touch you sweetly and slowly and take her or his time. Ask her or him to take a look around, spread your pussy open, slip her or his finger up and down and around. Not in just yet. Have her or him massage your outer lips and pull back the hood of your clit and admire you.
Tell her or him what feels good. Invite her or him to ask you about your pussy, and what feels good. What is what. And where your on spots or spaces or edges are. When you’re ready, invite your partner to explore inside your pussy, too. Take your time. Give her or him the time and space and comfort and opportunity to feel the different textures and layers and depths. Talk about what you’re both experiencing.
What’s surprising or exciting. What feels good. Or doesn’t. When she or he hits a spot that you recognize as your G-Zone or your A-Zone, speak up. Or if you find that neither of you know what you’ve stumbled upon, just explore and enjoy and save the research and questions for later.
End your session with orgasm or not. Finish exploring when you feel seen, and she or he is filled with the requisite wonder.
I mean it.
You can shake your head or laugh or call it hippy dippy or whatever you like. But a woman’s pussy is a wondrous thing with the most amazing parts and abilities, and it is simply not given its due in our culture. We are over-sexualized in theory, and under-experienced in practice. It’s time to get in there.
And this isn’t just a test for your partner. It’s for you too, because if you don’t feel comfortable asking the person you’re with to do that, you have to question your relationship with your body and your sexuality. If that relationship is in question, if you’re not whole in that way, how can you be expecting to find a relationship with another human that’s whole?
This test is about pulling back the layers, literally and figuratively.
In lesbian sex, in general, it’s tougher to ignore the pussy. A number of the positions and acts require full confrontation, as it were. But PIV (penis in vagina) intercourse can allow the pussy — and more sadly, the clit — to be universally ignored. He can slide in and back out again without ever giving any real consideration to just what exactly he is slipping in and out of. Certainly, the same can happen between two women. But the logistics alone make that less likely.
This test is about real intimacy and real pleasure and real connection between two people.
This test won’t tell you if you’ve found the one. But, neither will those other tests or lists. One thing is for sure though, this one will certainly tell you if she or he is even a candidate.
Curated by Michael
Original Article
The foundation of a strong marriage starts long before you tie the knot. Before marrying the love of your life, you have to know there are promises both of you must keep. These 10 promises can prepare you and the one you love for the rest of your life.
I’m starting off with an important one. I have said it before and I’ll say it again — anyone can stand by your side during the sunny days. The real test of character is whether or not they will hold the umbrella over you during the stormy days.
When making a lifelong commitment to someone, you are committing to being there for them “in sickness and in health.” Sickness — may not be a common cold. It may be a large, life-altering challenge. It may be the sickness of a family member. Maybe, your own sickness. It may not necessarily be a literal health challenge, but perhaps a rough patch in life that tests your commitment and love. You are not pledging to be a fair weather spouse and only be there when times are good. You are pledging to be there — always.
Yes, strive for success. Yes, go for that promotion at work. Yes, hustle to take your business to the next level. But be very careful not to destroy your relationship through neglect in the process. Before you were a CEO or a high-powered attorney or a doctor, you were a man or woman who fell in love. You are a human being who is intimately and emotionally connected to another human being.
Even the greatest accomplishments in life lose their meaning when we have lost the person we always wanted to share them with. The key is to find a balance. To build off of your relationship as a foundation. To appreciate your teammate as part of your success as he or she supports you along the way. Letting the scales tip too far in either direction will only lead to disaster.
As an extension of the previous point, sometimes life gets crazy and we lose sight of things by accident. One of these things can easily be letting our significant other know how much he or she means to us, daily. One of the biggest problems in long term relationships is lack of gratitude. When someone feels taken for granted it can easily breed resentment and a whole slew of other problems that will eat away at your foundation.
You’ll know you’ve found the right partner when they keep showing you how much you mean to them, long after they’ve already committed to you.
In any happy, healthy relationship, it is important that the two individuals who are together still remain two individuals. Of course your lives are combined into one and you have become ‘us,’ but if either partner begins to lose sight of their hopes, dreams, hobbies, or whatever makes them, them — it can bring about a deep dissatisfaction that could be projected onto the relationship.
This is another reason why self development is so important, as well as personal growth. We need to be sure to not only grow as a couple, but also as individuals alongside each other.
A step beyond consistently reminding someone you love them is literally taking action to keep the spark alive. Spontaneous candle-lit dinners. A bath running when they get home from work. A weekend getaway for no reason.
When we start a fire, we cannot walk out of the room and expect it to keep burning forever. We need to continue to add logs to it and to stoke it. If we keep doing that, it will never go out. The problems arise when we stop giving it the attention it requires in order to continue burning.
Always keep stoking your fire.
I don’t have kids, so I can’t speak to the obviously large challenges that come along with it. But what I can do, is appreciate the importance of making them a priority in your life and doing everything you can to love, teach, and raise them into adults you can be proud of.
You can read all of the books you want, talk to all of the parents you want, and be as prepared as anyone could be — but one can imagine that there are endless unique challenges that every set of parents face. When you make the promise to your husband or wife that you will do the best you can and figure it out together along the way — that’s exactly what happens.
We all have flaws. We all have insecurities. We all have things we want to change about ourselves. We cannot expect to like every single little thing about our spouse, but what we need to do is promise that we accept all of their traits, and love them to their very core, just the same.
Yes, of course you should love someone’s beauty. Yes, of course you should be physically attracted to the person you are with. Yes, of course you should love making love to them. But all of these things are very different than loving someone for their beauty.
My mother and grandmother always said to never fall in love with someone for their hair, teeth, looks, or money — because they can lose all of it. When marriage is part of the conversation, when true love is part of the conversation, all of these things take a back seat to who this person is at their very center. In their heart. Who they would be if everything that made them beautiful got taken away. If it did, would you still love the person underneath it all?
Is this a contradiction to the previous point? I think not. There is an important distinction to be made between someone who reaches old age and someone who figures “hey, I’m married now, I can stop trying.” Of course bodies and appearance change as we age, but the point here is to not become a giant lump on the couch just because you’ve gotten yourself a husband or wife.
It is important we continue to live a healthy lifestyle. To eat right. To take care of the only body we have in this life. To show the man or woman you love that you will still put in effort for them and not become too comfortable. Just because you are in a long term, committed relationship, does not mean that your partner deserves a lesser version of you.
Scary, isn’t it? The rest of your life. Death. Possible illness. Forever. Hell yes, it’s scary. It scares the living daylights out of me, to be honest. I don’t want to get old, ever. I am watching my grandparents age and it kills me to think that we are all looking out into the same future. It is not romantic or glamorous or beautiful. And for them, they still have each other.
But, it is reality. It is love. It is commitment. And, it is marriage.
When you pledge the rest of your life to someone, that is exactly what you’re doing. I think this is so far outside of our realities that it’s almost not an ‘actual’ promise we feel like we are making. 50, 60, 70 years down the road? Who knows what the future will bring, anyway? We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it…
When you marry someone, though, you are making the promise that you will be crossing any bridges you reach together. You will do it whether you are walking side by side holding hands, or whether one of you is pushing the other in a wheelchair. You will cross each bridge you find along your journey with the quiet confidence that your partner is going to be stepping onto the other side with you.
How can you be sure they will be there?
Because they promised you.
Curated by Erbe
Original Article
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=je93vzro1Ow
Long distance relationships can be hard, especially the lack of intimacy. But thanks to computers and smartphones, there’s no reason the two of you can’t enjoy a little sexy time, even if it’s more digital than personal. There are a few drawbacks though…let this couple show you the harder parts of having Skype sex!
Curated by Erbe
There’s nothing less sexy than putting a number on how many times a month you and your partner should be having sex.
But in the Business Insider video above, psychotherapist and author M. Gary Neuman suggests that carving out time for sex may be the key difference between happily married couples and unhappily married ones.
While working on his “Creating Your Best Marriage” video series, Neuman and his team polled more than 400 women and found that unhappily married women had sex three to four times a month while happily married women had sex 11 times a month.
“Believe it or not, it was not about the satisfaction of the sex, it was about the frequency versus infrequency,” he says of his 2009 research in the clip above.
So what’s Neuman’s best advice for fostering the kind of intimacy that leads to a little action between the sheets? First, you need to emotionally connect with your spouse.
“Sexuality in marriage is connected to the emotional connectedness of the spouses but sometimes that time needs to be planned out,” Neuman told The Huffington Post. “Go out on a weekly date night and talk about anything except the three subjects you always discuss: money, work, and kids. Those conversations aren’t what made you fall in love with each other and they won’t sustain your love either.”
Curated by Amber J.
Original Article
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWWl6L1QeO8
When the urge hits you and your partner, it’s likely that nothing will stop you. You both feel a rush as you reach for one another, your minds racing and yet blank at the same time. Adrenaline flows, your hearts pound. Everything intensifies. And that’s just the first stage!
There are four stages to the sexual response cycle: Excitement, Plateau, Orgasm, and Resolution. During each one, your body goes through a number of changes, many of which may not be noticeable, especially in the heat of the moment. Watch the video above to find out what happens to you during each one!
Curated by Erbe
Original Video
What if studying tantra could heal our addiction to Porn? What if tapping into our natural abilities to experience ecstasy changes everything?
I was really nervous when I first realized that I wanted to teach Tantra. What would people think? Would they be offended? Talking about sex is such a no-no. I live in a very small conservative community, how was this going to work?
But then a good friend said to me, “Do you realize what you’re offering people? Tantra is essentially the OPPOSITE of porn.” Once I realized this, I never looked back!
Porn is a funny thing. Despite some opinions, I believe that it isn’t inherently evil. Lots of people truly enjoy watching porn, including many couples who use it together to have a new experience. Yet it is seemingly undeniable that there are some real dark sides to porn.
Besides the obvious violence and anything involving children, there are much more insidious issues:
Porn focuses on being stimulated through the body. And so we are subconsciously told that sexuality depends on what your body looks like. You must be young, fit, have perky breasts and a large penis, otherwise you can’t be a good lover. And ironically this sets up a huge self-worth issue in everyone, particularly those who don’t see themselves as young, fit and perky. And for the ones that do, they still quite often don’t see themselves as perky or big enough. Ultimately, no one leaves happy with themselves.
Porn focuses on pleasing the other. Now obviously there is some part of us deep down that knows that the desire to please our partner is actually a wonderful thing. But that isn’t usually how it comes across in porn. It comes across as the only thing that is important. That bringing the other person to orgasm is the only goal. And what’s wrong with that you ask? Well it is the message that our unconscious receives, that this is the only goal of lovemaking. That if you can’t bring your partner to orgasm, then there is no point making love. We end up with things like performance anxiety on both the giver and the receiver side.
Porn has nothing to do with connection. It is simply a series of physical events that two people do together. There is no connection or intimacy. And this isn’t always bad, sometimes a round of rockin’ porn sex can be fun, but again it sends programming to our subconscious that this is what sex is about. That the connection doesn’t matter and it’s just about getting off.
The worst part of it is that porn makes us believe that this is all that there is. We think that we know what sex is all about and that porn just plays the edge of it, which is what is so titillating. But it isn’t true.
THE TRUTH IS that we as humans are using maybe 5% of our sexual abilities. It’s like having a piano where we think that there are only 10 keys. So we get really good at playing chopsticks. But the truth is that there are 88 keys and we can actually play phenomenal mind-blowing music. But we just didn’t know.
Porn deepens the belief that chopsticks is all that there is. So we just play it edgier and edgier so that hearing it still interests us. But we are missing the boat.
So how does Tantra change all this?
It shows us the other 78 keys on the piano, and then teaches us how to play.
The sexiest part of us isn’t our physicality. A truly sensual person has a presence about them that is absolutely captivating and enthralling. They can look at you and gently touch you in a way that will leave you spellbound. They will bring you into their inner quiet where you will breathe and touch each other sending chills and orgasms throughout your bodies. What their body looks like is quite irrelevant.
We are energetic beings as well as physical. When we are touching our partner, if we are really present and enjoying the feel of our partner’s skin, they will sense this. Your touch will be different than if you are just doing it in order to please them. When you are truly in the moment, there is an electricity that comes out your fingers (or other sexy parts) that permeates your partner’s entire body. As your partner’s body responds to this, this pleasure cycles back to you, and the giver and the receiver roles start to become blurred. There is just simply pleasure being shared regardless of who is doing what.
We are DESIGNED to connect with each other on a very deep level. Human beings do not do well without feeling deep connection. We call it “neediness” and “being desperate” when someone is feeling disconnected. But it’s really just because deep down we know that we are capable of phenomenal connection. And when we feel this amazing connection, things in our lives just get better. Depression lifts. We don’t feel as anxious. We notice the joys in life. We appreciate each other. We feel a level of content and happiness that we just don’t experience when we are all alone.
In tantra, this connection comes first. This is the foundation of all the sexual play. It’s like you first have to “plug in” to each other before the energy can flow. And so there is real intention to drop our guards and allow each other inside to truly connect and experience each other.
When we actually bring in everything that we truly are into our intimate experiences, we go from having simply physical sex to having an experience involving our minds, emotions, feelings, intuition, passion, presence, plus a pile of dimensions that you can’t even explain, they just happen.
And the most amazing thing is that it doesn’t take any tricks. It doesn’t take a pile of methods or fancy sexual abilities. It is actually incredibly natural and programmed into us, we just haven’t accessed it.
I don’t think so. We love sex. Our sexual desire makes us feel alive. And truthfully, watching other people have sex can be very titillating.
Tantra heals our REAL relationships with REAL people. Learning how to actually be intimate with others allows us to have incredibly satisfying relationships with the people around us. We feel deeper connections and our intimate experiences actually heal us and make us feel wonderful about ourselves!
So porn won’t go away, but for many, the addiction can fade, because once you start experiencing the opposite side, your true potential, true intimacy and the sexual experiences that we are designed to have, the porn can’t own you. It just doesn’t come close to comparing to the experiences you’ve had.
I mean, once you’ve driven a Mazerati, driving a child’s push car just doesn’t compare.
Curated by Karinna
Original Article
