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How to Date Today: A Guide for Every Generation

by Virginia Jonesin DATING ADVICE, LOVE1 Comment on How to Date Today: A Guide for Every Generation

My mother is a baby boomer.  She’s from a different generation of ideas about love and dating- she was a virgin when she married my Dad, and in dating, she expects to be courted, with flowers and formal plans. Recently, she had a long-term boyfriend that my sisters and I talked her out of marrying, because although she didn’t really want to, that’s what she thought she was supposed to do.   

Mom: “But I’ve been seeing him for months, and everyone in town can see when his truck is parked outside my house!”

Sisters: “WHO CARES?  You don’t have to get married unless you really want to!”

Mom: “But I go to church!”

My middle sister and I are Gen-X.  We can remember dating in personal ads, when you would try to find someone with the same taste in movies and food and never see their face until the first date.  My sister was in an eight year relationship where she wore nothing but flannels and ironic baby tees.  We don’t have my mother’s reservations about living in sin- our generation has been known to live together for several presidential terms before considering marriage.

My baby sister is a Millennial.  Her generation has never dated without the internet.    All of their jobs involve social networking.  They do not seem to know how to have a relationship, even if they want one.  They only know how to hook up.  They don’t plan ahead for dates, when they have a free hour they see who’s around.  They say that they’ll fall in love with the perfect person, but they’re not sure who that is.  They are not allowed to have body hair.  And their dating style is ruining it for the rest of us. 

The single serving date phenomenon has become a big part of the dating experience, at least in big cities.  Once you’ve had one date, that person is suddenly in competition with everyone else in a twenty mile radius.  As it turns out, even LA is not as big as people think it is- every rock show I attend is full of one-date men I have to avoid eye contact with.   People are simply not being born or imported fast enough to be rejected by us!  The most popular breakup method is the “fade-away”, where after two or ten dates you slow, then eliminate contact.  It’s not just people in their twenties and thirties- I went on a couple dates with a fifty year old man whose longest relationship was shorter than his Audi lease, and he felt that this was extremely normal.

Young Couple Kissing In Restaurant

So far, I have had 50 first dates on OK Cupid and have had three relationships.  Some people were looking for relationships and some were not, and those aren’t terrible numbers, but now that my Mom is in the game, she calls me to crow about her account. 

“I have three dates this week, and your sisters don’t have any!”  I told her I was very proud that she was the hot piece of action in our family.

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Date With a Social Network

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

google-plus-date-video

What would it be like if you went on a date with a social network?

That’s the question answered in this very funny video, produced by up and coming YouTube star Emma Blackery, and it turns out, Google+ would be very, very needy indeed. So, we should clarify here. In the video, Emma shows what would happen if you were on a date with a person who exhibited the stereotypical qualities of a particular social website. It’s shockingly accurate.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How Similar Are Your Dating Habits to Korean Daters?

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Are your dating habits similar to Korean daters?

Every culture has its unique dating customs, and Korea is definitely no exception. In Korea, dating is all about showing your affection for each other – couple menus, shirts, and sneakers are everywhere, and every month has at least one special, albeit incredibly commercial, day for couples to celebrate. There’s just so much to do and experience if you’re a couple, or at least going on dates, and that’s why everyone is always looking for someone! Naturally, each and every relationship is special and unique, and there’s no guidebook to mastering the “Korean dating style.” But, if you ever find yourself getting ready for a date in Korea, nervous and clueless about what to expect, our list should give you an idea of how dating here works.

1. It’s common for your friend to set you up with someone

When in need of a date, look no further than your Korean friends. It is all about connections, and people commonly set their single friends up with each other. You’re technically going on a blind date, but at least you know (s)he’s not a creep (always a plus) and you should have something in common. In Korea, people rarely meet anyone outside their personal school or work circle unless they’re introduced by a mutual friend. Approaching people on the streets is not as common as in the West, for example, but young adults are generally more open to strangers than their parents’ generation, especially if they have had a drink or two.

2. There are two options: one for everyone, one for couples

Couple rings, shirts, sneakers, pillows, caps, underwear… You name it, Korea probably has it, and people make them look stylish, not tacky. Couples pretty much live in a fascinating parallel world of coupleness, and everyone wants to experience what it’s like to be in it. Most restaurants and cafés have menus designed specifically for couples, major attractions have romantic date packages for two, and movie theaters even offer private couches for an intimate date. For those that are not used to such couple-centric culture, this might all sound puke-inducingly sweet, but once you try everything out yourself, you realize that the couple activities are actually fun and meaningful.

3. Be prepared, and willing, to pay

It can be pretty awkward to decide who’s going to get the bill, especially if it’s your first date. While the status quo used to be that men pay for the first couple of dates (or even all of them), that is quickly changing, and women are no longer afraid to swipe their cards at the cashier. Korean couples rarely split the bill, and it’s usually the guy who gets the movie tickets, and the girl who pays for dinner afterwards. In the end, you end up paying around 50-50 or 60-40, which is what most people feel comfortable with. Some couples use money from their joint bank account for dating costs (like Hong Jong Hyun and Yura on “We Got Married”), which just makes everything a tad bit more fair and convenient.

4. Keep your phone with you at all times

Forget everything you ever learned about the ‘three day rule.’ Koreans love their smartphones with instant messaging apps and adorable emoticons, and couples will spend hours glued to their phones, chatting with their other half. Don’t be surprised if you get a text from your crush every two hours, asking what you’re doing, eating, or thinking. And remember to text back instantly, or (s)he might understand your silence as a rejection. If you like someone, don’t be afraid to send a message even if you have nothing special to say – it’s just to show that you care.

5. Anniversaries and holidays are a really big deal

Another distinctive characteristic of dating in Korea is the celebration of anniversaries, which take place every hundred days, and not just on an yearly basis. You might have seen K-pop groups and “We Got Married” couples bring out decorative cakes and gifts whenever it’s their 100th, 200th, or 1000th day together, and this is an accurate depiction of what happens in real life as well. Additionally, couples have a unique romantic holiday to celebrate on the 14th of every month. You have the traditional Valentine’s Day and White Day, but also ones like Rose Day, Wine Day, and Kiss Day. Commercial? Undoubtedly, but if you love planning romantic dinners and wrapping gifts in the cutest way possible, then you’re going to enjoy dating in Korea.

6. Hold back on the PDA

Overall, Koreans are not afraid to get touchy with close friends or family, but when it comes to public intimacy between couples, you might want to hide from judging grandmas. It’s totally acceptable to hold hands, hug, and give a gentle kiss on the lips, but try to have your passionate makeout sessions in private. While contemporary Koreans are not exactly conservative, there are still unwritten rules regarding acceptable public display of affection, and anything beyond cute pecks tends to cross the invisible line, especially in bright daylight.

7. There can be a difference between someone you date and someone you marry

It’s not uncommon for Koreans to have two “ideal types”: one you’d like to date, and one you’d like to marry. You might date a pretty girl with a wonderful personality, but if she can’t cook for her life or comes from a financially unstable family, marriage might be ruled out. Similarly, many Koreans are open to dating foreigners, but tend to be much more hesitant about interracial marriage. Naturally, there are numerous couples who unexpectedly fall in love and end up tying the knot, so don’t automatically rule out marriage with your Korean partner. Just remember that traditionally, Koreans see marriage as a union between families – not just two individuals – which means that marriage will eventually require the approval of the Korean family, and not everyone considers this when they jump into a relationship.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Why Sex on a First Date is Passe

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Not sleeping with someone on a first date is the number one rule of dating, but why? Well, we’ve discovered there are are many, many reasons, so listen up, ladies.

In the new book, The 30-Day Love Detox, CNN Human Behavior expert and former co-host of The Doctors, Dr. Wendy Walsh, writes a research-supported prescription for slow-love. Her mission: to help single women compete for a narrowing market of men who will make a commitment in a high-supply sexual economy. Here’s why we, apparently, should not be getting it on after a first date.

1. It reduces chances for real love

Sex is lust over love but it’s still a hugely intimate act. It can be fumbling, awkward, and frankly, more than a little embarrassing when normal bodily functions happen in front of a stranger. The way the brain deals with this awkwardness is to disassociate a bit. It creates emotional distance keeping the physical intimacy in one tidy little box and the heart in another, safely under lock and key. Attempting to have both emotional and physical intimacy on a first date would be too much for our psyche’s to tolerate. And once you’ve set up the two-box system, it can be hard to break. Therefore, in one study, participants who moved fast sexually, had the worst relationship outcomes later.

2. It can bring feelings of regret

Think about it. Most women want sex for the first time with a new partner to be a mind-blowing special experience that brings them closer to a mate. And in one study called “the passion turning point” study, participants who expressed feelings of love and/or had conversations about commitment before that first-time sex, found the event to be positive passion turning point. The sex made them feel even more connected and secure. But if they didn’t have these conversations, sex became a negative turning point in their relationship, evoking feelings of regret and needs for apologies. And, who, on a first date is ready to talk about love and commitment?

3. You Can Get Really Sick

Oh yeah, that part. Most women wouldn’t give the keys to their apartment to a man they’d just met, to water her plants, yet plenty would expose their bloodstream and precious eggs to the same man. Let’s face it. Women’s unique biology makes us far more susceptible to STD’s than men. We, after all, are the ones who accept deposits. And if you think, using a condom is enough, think only about the new stat that the HPV virus one of the biggest causes of throat cancer.

4. Women don’t as often, ahem, get off

Yes, I must mention the big “O” here. Many women report that first date sex is so awkward and run on a man’s timeline, that her body doesn’t receive the necessary warm up time needed to reach climax. Men’s sexual arousal pattern is like a microwave oven. Women are more like a crock-pot. And way to put sex on slow boil is to move slowly and wait until you’ve grown close enough to have good sexual communication.

5. It can make a man run for the hills

Here’s a study I hated to read. Groundbreaking work by David Buss at the University of California, Los Angeles, showed that the more sexual partners a man has had, the more he perceives “diminished attractiveness” in each new mate. It’s a race to the bottom for him. Each new woman disappoints him more. It’s as if he is looking for some princess of a woman whose sex will tell him he’s in love. And you can be sure, if he’s pressuring for sex on the first date, this man has had many partners. But, real love, of course, is something that takes while to grow.

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What Not to Do During the First Few Dates

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Forget the “rules” about dating.

There are no hard and fast rules for getting to know someone better, but there are some easy mistakes you can avoid to ensure you won’t send him off and running or give her the cold shoulder and lose your chances with someone great. According to data collected from Relationup, an app that provides live, anonymous relationship advice, 68% of their users seeking advice about new relationships want help managing the beginning phase of the relationship.

Here are five common mistakes people make in the dating process, why they don’t work, and some tips for how to overcome them.

Over- or under-texting.

If all you want to do is send texts to your crush all day long, let’s face it: you might be needy. You come alive with the intensity of a new relationship and may need a lot of reassurance, but over-texting isn’t going to help. Send too much too fast can easily overwhelm the receiver. Their desire to text may not match yours, which can lead you to overanalyze the situation and worry. However, if you tend to be guarded and don’t want to show your cards too quickly, step up and make sure that you reciprocate and initiate some texts as well. If you don’t respond or send a few flirts here and there, you may come across aloof and give the impression that you’re not as interested as you really are.

Rushing into things after a hook-up.

More and more, hook-ups are becoming a common way to meet someone. Sometimes, that one-night stand results in the couple never having contact again. However, some hook-ups mark the beginning of a budding relationship. Remember, physical intimacy doesn’t mean you are necessarily close and connected. Following a single fling, take time to get to know the other person and see what direction it takes, if any.

Replacing live conversations with texts.

Don’t fight or make apologies over texts. Texts are too ambiguous and misinterpretations can easily happen. Do the old-fashioned thing and pick up the phone (if you were texting, it’s already in your hand) and even leave a message if you have to. The tone of your voice helps set a context for what you are saying. Your humility, sincerity and willingness to work through a problem will come through when you talk to each other directly and repairing any damage made will be quick and painless.

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How to Navigate the Grace Period

by Christian Cintronin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Whether you’re hazy about commitment, new to a relationship, or playing the field it’s best to approach this grace period with honesty and mutual respect.

Dating is like buying a house. It may not be a particularly romantic metaphor, but they weren’t lying when they said, “Home is where your heart is.” Real relationships require work and commitment just like purchasing a new home. Before you move into a new house there is an escrow period. Why should your relationship be any different? There is a grace period after you met someone you really like and before you’ve decided to purchase a one-way ferry ticket to Monogamy Island? But how do you navigate this period? How do you talk about the rather tense subject of potentially sleeping with other people? And how do you ultimately know when you’re ready to commit?

Courtship has changed over the past 50 years. There was a simpler time when people got married as virgins, chaperones accompanied people on dates, and doctors endorsed cigarettes. But our sexually liberated times have given rise to people taking control over their sexual wants and needs. That’s great, but that can leave a lot of people with a murky understanding of what’s “normal” in dating. You probably don’t tell someone you’ve just met you’ve been casually seeing a few guys. You probably don’t want to spend your fourth date talking about Julia, your friend with benefits. You may not even want to mention them until you’ve dissolved your benefits agreement. But it’s important to find a balance between honesty and consideration for your and your partner’s feelings.

I personally have been on the receiving end of many an awkward conversation with guys I’ve really liked. “Sorry, I’ve been dating a couple of people and it’s really working out with someone else.” It’s like a gunshot wound to the chest. Here you are picking out china patterns and not only are you no longer in the running for America’s Next Top Partner your “relationship” was a figment of your imagination. That’s a tough, dry pill to swallow but it is a harsh reality for the new arena of dating in a post-Tinder, post-Sex and the City, pre-Apocalypse dating world. People will be dating, sleeping with, and talking to other people and you will need to find a way to navigate that space.

Whether you’re hazy about commitment, new to a relationship, or playing the field it’s best to approach this grace period with honesty and mutual respect. Let’s say you’ve met someone you really like and things are going really well. After a few dates you will want to check in on how you both are feeling. It doesn’t need to be a grandiose conversation about commitment. You will want to clear up if you are casually dating or seriously seeing each other. You may want to ask if they are seeing other people and disclose if you are. It’s also a good time to calmly tease your feelings on monogamy. It will be unclear until you mention it. Finding out your shiny new dance partner is dating a few other people can be a huge shock. So why not temper the surprise by being as honest as you can as early as you can? I have found it’s best to be honest because then you and your partner can approach your relationship as it is rather than how you both want it to be.

As your relationship progresses you’ll want to have periodic check-ins to be clear about how you are both seeing your future together. Do you want to be in a committed relationship, would you prefer a throuple, are you interested in open relationships? These are important conversations you will want to organically come to. You don’t need to push them, force them, or turn them into a huge confrontation. But it’s good to clear the air. Your best bet is a calm, casual four sentence conversation. You ask a question, they answer, you accept what they say, and you move on. This will avoid any needless escalation or discomfort. In my experience it’s good to ask and be as open and diplomatic as possible. If you feel the situation starting to escalate try to just reiterate your commitment and excitement about the relationship. That way you don’t let fear or insecurity needlessly escalate the situation.

Handling these conversations can be tough. It’s easy for these honest moments to unearth a lot of baggage. The key is to be honest, open-minded and respectful. If your partner tells you they have opposing political views you wouldn’t immediately break up so why should you do that if you have different views on sex, relationships and boundaries. Sometimes the biggest hurdle to establishing healthy and happy relationships is our own personal idealized version of a relationship. That great person you are spending time with is a full-fledged human being so entertain their individual beliefs, opinions and experiences. If you have a calm conversation you can understand how the other person sees your relationship and how they see you. Now this doesn’t guarantee a marriage proposal or that you will not break up. But it does guarantee that you’re on an even playing field and having a healthy conversation. It also ensures you are entering into a relationship with the healthiest perspective you can.

There is no right or wrong way to date. There are billions of people on the planet and there’s someone out there for everyone. But you can never go wrong with establishing honest conversations with people you sleep with and date. If you are honest and open during this grace period it will help you establish healthy patterns and develop organic intimacy as your authentic self. That’s better than implying monogamy if you’re not ready or dating a few people. It also allows you to see how well you can communicate, empathize, and handle tense conversations. Even if it doesn’t go well you’ve worked on the key skills to a healthy long-term relationship for next time. Once you’ve done that you’re in a better position to make it work or attract your right match.

New Chivalry… Here’s What to Look For

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Congrats!

I’m a modern girl. I’m independent and I’m single. I have built a career from the ground up, read everyone from C.S. Lewis to Suzanne Collins, can navigate social media with relative ease, and watch New Girl every week like it’s my job.

And? I know I can take care of myself. But hey, call me old-fashioned, too. It’s fine. I can appreciate aspects of feminism, but I prefer gender roles. I like when a guy volunteers to kill a massive spider without complaint, or lift a heavy box in my stead.

I find chivalry to be a gorgeous thing.

Most women I know are a little like that. We love our modern independence in life and in love, but deep down, we want guys to treat us like ladies. As most women will attest, it’s become increasingly rare. Gentlemanly behavior sets our hearts aflutter. We want to see it, and many of us are waiting on it.

I want a guy to court me a bit. In fact, I’m sort of holding out for that. Someone to sweep me off my feet? No, gosh no. Grand gestures are wholly unnecessary. I just want someone I can count on. I just want him to do little things to make me sure he’s the real deal.

Dating today is tough, and we women always seem to have doubts about the guys that roll into our lives. Does he like me? Are his motives genuine? Can I trust him completely? Guessing means you usually can’t, and confusion isn’t a good thing.

Most women would like to erase that. So if he puts in the time and does the little things, it’s like a screening process for us. He’s more likely to be into us as human beings, not hookups. He’s more likely to be Mr. Right when we’re over dealing with all those Mr. Wrongs. That’s why chivalry is as important now as it ever was.

Here’s to all the women who are looking for that chivalrous, good-hearted guy. He’s out there. These are the things he does to make us swoon. (And to all those chivalrous, good-hearted guys, keep doing what you’re doing. We love you for it.)

1. He holds the door for you.

The other day, I was headed inside a building when a dark-haired guy with glasses noticed me a few steps away from the door. He waited for me to catch up, then held the door open and stepped aside, allowing me to head in first. I don’t see this much anymore, living in a liberal area with a younger populace.

And yeah, I swooned. I slowed down, looked him in the eye and thanked him. In actuality, I wanted to shake his hand or give him a bear hug or something for being so darn chivalrous(don’t worry, I didn’t). Note: I have the same reaction to pulling out chairs and lifting heavy objects.

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Dating Disabled …What We Have Wrong

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

We need to stop believing that people with disabilities can’t do these things.

In the age of interracial, transgender, and trans-generational dating, why is it still so easy to get a little freaked when you find yourself attracted to someone with a physical disability?

The answer lies with the many false assumptions and negative stereotypes about people in wheelchairs that continue to be prevalent in our society. On top of that, we also are frequently not portrayed in the media as sexy and desirable. Unfortunately, this misinformation may be preventing you from having the most amazing romance. Drawing from my history as a clinical psychologist, whose specialty is counseling people with disabilities on the topic of dating, sexuality and romance, as well as pulling from my own exploits as a single Manhattanite on the dating scene, I am going to debunk the five most common myths that are current today.

Myth 1:

If you date someone in a wheelchair, you won’t have a fulfilling sex life, if you can have sex together at all.

Fact:

This is probably the most common myth out there, and it is 110 percent false. If you have a body and a brain, then you can have great sex. Through the media, we are often fed the image of how sex is “supposed” to look, and that image involves people with perfect bodies engaged in rigorous porno-style sex. This is very damaging for everyone, disabled or not. Creative thinking, imagination and good communication are actually the key ingredients of having a completely satisfying sex life, and these are possible for everyone.

Myth 2:

The date will be very awkward, and I will do or say something stupid or offensive.

Fact:

This myth stems from the fact that many able-bodied people still view people with disabilities as essentially different from them. Not only are one in every five Americans affected by some sort of disability, but we also need to keep in mind that everyone has issues. For some, the issues are very visible; for others, the struggles are more internal. Having a disability is like dealing with any other curve ball that life throws our way. With these facts in mind, you will see how “normal” living with a disability can be, and that your date is just like any other.

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The Things You Undervalue About Dating

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Cuddling, sharing, and happiness! These are just some of the things we can enjoy about dating someone.

1. By default, you always have someone to do things with.

2. And you can communicate using special eye-code when other people are around.

3. You get honest (read: invested) fashion advice.

4. And like, you finally have someone to make your choreographed dreams come true.

5. Sofa time is accompanied by hi-tech foot-warming technology.

6. There’s also the sweet, sweet relief of a simple hand-holding sesh.

7. You see a SIGNIFICANT improvement in meals…

And finally someone will appreciate your smooth moves in the kitchen.

8. …and twice the manpower for cleaning up (and other boring chores)!

9. Let’s not forget: Joint. Streaming. Accounts.

Guilty pleasures are best shared!

10. In fact, sharing things in general…

11. …and saving $$$ as a result!

(AKA money left over to do even more things together!)

12. Your knowledge improves from adopting their smarts and interests…

13. …and so does your hygiene.

14. Let’s not forget the comfort of sleeping with your S.O.’s shirt while they’re away.

Bonus points if you have a pet — you get all their attention too!

15. Just having someone special to hug and hold is awesome…

…and best of all, even staycations in your sweatpants can be considered sexy.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Social Butterfly …What to Expect When Dating One

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

The life of the party. A social butterfly. Always on the go. If these expressions describe your partner, then you are dating an extrovert.

Your extrovert partner brings energy and enthusiasm into your life – and the energy can feel invigorating, but it can also be draining. To keep your footing (and your sanity) in the relationship, it can help to have an understanding of how extroverts operate – and what you can expect when you’re paired with one. Here are a few tips:

1. Be prepared for lots of activity and plenty of company.

Extroverts are typically talkative and thrive on being around lots of people. They are gregarious and can be quite engaging.

2. Be attentive to your reactions to your partner’s social nature.

If you are sensitive to rejection, it’s important to keep in mind that their drive to get out and about with others isnot about getting away from you. Extroverts recharge by being with others. And when others are drawn to them, this doesn’t mean that they are being – or will be – unfaithful. So, if their social nature makes you uncomfortable or anxious, make sure to keep the lines of communication open as a way to ease your concerns.

3. You may need to create the opportunity for a deeper connection.

Extroverts can be so busy that they don’t slow down enough to allow for thoughtful communication or mutually savored moments. You may not feel truly heard or have a sense that they are sharing from deep within. So, to deepen your relationship, you might sometimes want to encourage quieter moments – such as a candle-lit dinner – along with discussions that reveal intimate thoughts and feelings.

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Picking Up the Bill on a Date

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

A confession to the men I’ve dated: If I ever insisted on paying my half at the end of a first date when you offered to treat, it may have been because I never wanted to see you again.

My persistence to pay was—at best—code for, “Let’s just be friends.” At worst, “Beat it.”

We all carry assumptions surrounding that first date bill and how it ought to be settled. When those expectations aren’t met, the evening could end awkwardly. She might be offended if he doesn’t let her pay; he might be annoyed if she doesn’t at least offer to chip in.

It’s an early stage financial crossroads that could make or break chances for a second date.

So, when in doubt, how should men and women best handle that first date tab? And was I right to offer to split the bill if I didn’t like the guy?

I tapped relationship experts Marni Battista, founder of DatingWithDignity.com and Bernardo Mendez of Your Great Life TV for some guidelines.

Men: Offer to take the lead.

Battista and Mendez both agree that it’s generally best for men to pay on a first date. Yes, even still in 2014—a time in which, as I myself have written, women often outearn men.

But the fact of the matter is that men typically want to pay: In a poll last year conducted by LearnVest and T.D. Ameritrade, 55% of men said they thought the guy should take the check. As Mendez explains, many men feel fulfilled and accomplished when they see an opportunity to provide, even if it’s in simple ways like paying for a drink.

Perhaps more importantly, paying is a way for him to preen. “Even a guy who doesn’t make much money if he really likes you will try to impress you to the utmost that he can,” says Battista

As for women? “In my experience, 90% will be offended if a guy doesn’t offer to pay,” says Battista.

The data seems to support her claim, at least to some extent. That LearnVest poll found that 63% of women expect the guy to pay. And when researchers at Chapman University recently surveyed more than 17,000 people on the topic of first-date finances, they found that 39% of women who offered to pay said they secretly hoped the men would not let them. Meanwhile, 44% of women said they were annoyed when expected to help pay the bill.

So guys, pick up the check. It’s just a first date dance move that—more often than not—leaves each person happy and satisfied.

The exception: If she asks him out and picks the place, the experts say, she ought be prepared to settle the bill.

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Is Your First Date a Success? Here is How to Tell.

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

When you’re in the thick of a date (whether it’s the first, second, or fifth), there are so many emotions, thoughts, and feelings running through each person’s head, it can be hard to judge how well the actual date itself is going.

How many times have you caught yourself leaving a date wondering, “Was that good?” “I had a good time. I wonder if they did, too?” Here’s a list of five tell-tale signs that will help you know if you’re date is going well:

1. You both laugh, a lot.

A connection via sense of humor is powerful. If you and your date spent the majority of your time together cracking up, chances are it went even better than you think it did! If you can laugh together, the possibilities are endless.

2. You keep jumping from one subject to another.

One of the best signs that you and someone else have really hit it off is if neither of you are able to stay on one topic very long. You both just have too much to say; one line of conversation reminds you of something else you just have to share with them right away! Fast-paced, exciting conversation like this is a great sign.

3. You didn’t even realize what time it was.

If the date flies by before you even realize what time it is, you can rest assured both of you are having a great time. It’s very telling when a date goes on much longer than either of you had planned. If just drinks turned into hours of talking then into dinner then into a nightcap, you just had yourself a great date!

4. Quiet moments are few and far between.

When you’re first getting to know someone, lag time between conversation topics should be pretty much non-existent. It’s natural for the fervor of new conversation to temper itself over time, but the very beginning should be filled with non-stop get-to-know-you exchanges. If you’re already experiencing painful, awkward silences on the first few dates, someone could either be extremely shy or just not the right match.

5. Your initial feeling when you get home is positive.

We all fall into the trap of over-analyzing a good situation. Don’t do that! When you walk in the door after your date, and the first feeling your gut gives you is “YAY!” then go with it. Don’t muddle your good feelings with pangs of nervousness or second-guessing. Chances are, if you truly believe the date went well, it did. Now relax, pour yourself a glass of wine, and get ready to divulge all the details to your friends.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

5 Reasons to Have a Summer Fling

by Jennifer Ashley Greenein DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Summer lovin’ had me a blast. Summer lovin’ happened so fast.

I know, technically it’s still spring, but let’s be realistic, people are solidifying their Memorial Day Weekend plans and then all of a sudden it’s summer and if we don’t start thinking about it now, we’ll be ill prepared when everyone else is all geared up (and paired up) for those steamier days (and nights!) So back to summer love I go! What’s the appeal of a relationship that only lasts three months? What’s the point? This is how I answered my friend recently when she asked me if I’d ever have a “fling”. Admittedly, I didn’t know people used this term in real life so once I stopped laughing at her and was able to have a serious discussion about it, I was surprised to discover that we both agreed it might not be the worst thing.

Here’s why I changed my whole perspective on the fling thing. The idea of getting involved with someone when there’s a timestamp on the whole experience gave me a bit of pause at first, sure, but when I spun it differently (and there ‘s always more than one way to look at any given situation) it actually sounded kind of exciting to me. I started thinking about not having to wonder where my relationship is headed, or if we both want the same things. The stuff he does that bugs the hell out of me? Who cares? Soon enough those annoying habits will be someone else’s problem! The idea of just being present and focusing on enjoying our time together without worrying about expectations or plans for the future is all too appealing. I can just be myself and feel comfortable and not have to change a single thing about me.

That sounds lovely doesn’t it? Being yourself in a relationship? What a notion! I don’t know about you, but I struggle with this seemingly easy concept more often than not. Speaking my mind, communicating my needs, setting boundaries, all the while being myself and having fun? I’m sorry, what? It can be totally overwhelming trying to find the delicate balance that relationships require. So when I think of taking the thing that overwhelms me the most- the future- off the table, and just focus on the ‘now’ part, then, um, yeah, I think I’ll give this whole summer love thing a shot. When I think of all the fun things associated with summer- beaches, pools, vacations, picnics, outdoor concerts, fireworks, etc, and then having someone to do these things with? Yes please! Why wouldn’t I be open to this?

In case you’re not sold on flinging yet, allow me to really drive my point home with some of the benefits I found to being open-minded to this kind of non-commitment:

  • Being in a less serious relationship helps to take some pressure off and has gotten me in the mindset of enjoying dating (yes, it’s possible!)
  • I have the perfect opportunity to make some mistakes! Look, dating can be super challenging; no one is going to argue that. Here’s a chance for me to do all the things I might not do in a serious relationship.
  • You know all those events we get invited to in the summer? I do, and I dread going to them solo. Barbeques, weekends at the beach, weddings? Having someone to attend with? Someone to satisfy everyone’s constant probe, “are you seeing anyone?” Sign me up!
  • It’ll encourage me to break the pattern of my usual “type”. Who doesn’t have a dating pattern? Mainly attracted to athletes? Ethnic guys? Financiers? I am. I’m going to take a risk and date someone outside the norm for me. Maybe a politician. Who knows? That in and of itself is super exciting and enough to make me want to give this a shot. Even if it ends up being as epic a fail as breakaway track pants, I’ll have learned something from the experience!
  • It’s not easy to do things solely on your terms in relationships. Things get really tricky when considering the feelings of everyone involved. Having a short summer romance might actually help me to find my voice, and gain more confidence when it comes to stating my needs in a future (serious) relationship.

All I’m saying is I’m going to give this a shot. There are way worse things than opening myself to the possibility of happiness. And even if I just discover it’s not for me? Awesome. Now I know. And I’ll also have a really fun “fling” story to share with my friends. My online dating stories are getting old anyway.

10 Reasons Why Dating Is So Complicated Now

by zfortadminin LOVE

When we were younger, romantic relationships seemed so much simpler. If we liked someone, we told them — and if they felt the same, we got together. These days, things are endlessly more complicated and frustrating, and dating as a millennial is seriously f*cked up.

1. We ghost as a way to end things.

If we’re no longer interested in someone, we don’t need to tell them — we simply stop responding. If someone did this to us in real life, it would be completely psychotic, but because it’s over text or an instant message, we’ve somehow resigned ourselves to thinking it’s OK. Newsflash: it’s totally not. Even in the golden ages, the “Dear John” letter was left on the table in the foyer, but now, we’re lucky if you even get a typed string of characters saying “I’m sorry, it’s not working.”

2. We’re hyper-focused on sex.

Sex is scarily available — we can have it simply with the swipe of a finger. There’s zero effort made into getting to know someone for who they truly are unless we’re willing to undress and show the most sacred parts of ourselves first. And most of the time, sex doesn’t lead to a relationship — it leads to heartache, confusion and another one-night stand with the next person.

3. We’re in a competition of who can care the least.

Showing actual emotions is heavily frowned upon. If we show our cards and act like we’re interested, it leaves the person we’re affectionate about turned off and running in the opposite direction instead of being flattered that we actually give a sh*t about them. There’s little gratitude for honest and happy emotions.

4. We’re too strategic about our responses.

Responding right away comes across as desperate and too available. It’s amazing how millennials view the luxury of having instant access to communication as something we need to treat as if we’re still using carrier pigeons. Instant messaging is just that — it’s f*cking instant — but we still withhold our response times to try and show just how busy, important, and unattached we are. What backward and bullsh*t logic.

5. We expect a perfection that doesn’t exist.

Social media and thousands of dating profiles shoved in our faces lead us to believe we’re entitled a fairy tale life that doesn’t truly exist. We write people off for a minor detail and quickly look for the next best thing that we’ll somehow also find flaws in. Nothing is ever good enough for millennials. We fail to realize that relationships are a balanced bond and that with the amazing things come imperfections as well.

6. We’re overloaded with options.

We don’t believe we need to settle on anything because there’s always someone better looking with a better family life, better hobbies or someone with a better bank account. We move from person to person and even if we land on someone that makes us feel great and we could totally devote ourselves to in a relationship, we’re never quite willing to give up the search. The never-ending journey becomes more exhilarating than the actual prize itself.

7. We’ve become content with being alone.

While we’ve been navigating the journey to find love, we’ve consequently committed our lives to ourselves and made them into something that’s happy and rewarding without someone to love, which means it’s that much harder to invite a relationship into our lives. We’re fine on our own, so we won’t leave our comfort zones for anyone. Sometimes we even find minor and trivial reasons not to because we’re secretly happy with things just the way they are.

8. We’re always stuck in a grey area.

Almost relationships and no strings attached sex are the millennial versions of commitment. We’re left constantly wondering where relationships are headed, if anywhere, and plague ourselves with wondering if we’re wasting our time. No one is clear about their intentions, some lie about their intentions entirely just to have their ego’s stroked for a while, and basically no one has any clue what the f*ck is going on.

9. We don’t feel accountable for the pain we inflict on to others.

When we’ve hurt someone’s feelings, we don’t feel even the slightest bit inclined to apologize or to make good on our wrongs. It’s not our problem — it’s theirs. A person’s emotions, even if caused by something we did or said, is up to them to resolve. We feel entitled to walk around acting like complete d*cks with the expectation that the way it’s received is a reflection of the person we dump our sh*t on and nothing to do with the fact that we were the cruel ones.

10. We’re all jaded as f*ck.

Trust is severely lacking in our dating culture. We’re in the thick of a hookup culture that values sex more than love, temporary fulfillment instead of life-long commitment and lazy ass communication that often gets lost in translation. We’re all so confused by our own pasts, and with heaps of more sh*t constantly being added to the pile, we’re all becoming more and more jaded than ever before. We don’t even trust that love exists anymore because all we’re constantly met with disappointment. Dating as a millennial is like being in an apocalypse of love — and it’s pretty f*cked up.

Curated by Peggy
Original Article

I Took a Relationship Hiatus for 18 Months

by Jessica Gablein LOVE

What abstaining from romantic love taught me about myself.

A while ago, I ended an unhealthy relationship and decided to give dating a wide berth for the foreseeable future. That turned out to be 18 months. I made the decision not out of bitterness or because I didn’t want to love again, and not even because my heart had received a sucker punch. It definitely had (multiple times).

But I realized that after my last relationship, I didn’t recognize myself. I felt so far removed from the person I wanted to be. I knew I needed to get to know myself, not a man.

Women spend so much time learning who we’re supposed to be that we forget to pay attention to who we actually are. The fear of being alone drives us towards men with whom we are ultimately (and sometimes glaringly) incompatible.

And one day it occurred to me that I was unfit to be anyone’s partner until I could stand to be myself.

Step 1: Face down my own emotions

I took some time to feel what I hadn’t let myself feel: all of the pain, abandonment, insecurity, etc. that had accumulated throughout my adult life. It socked me in the jaw. But I faced it down and began dealing with it. At first, I was terrified. I felt the suffocating loneliness of dating withdrawals. I panicked when, with no one else around, I stood face to face with my own demons.

But here’s the incredible thing: it didn’t last forever. After a few months, I learned new, healthier ways to deal with loneliness. The negative voices gradually softened. Like exercising a new muscle, my confidence and sense of self-worth strengthened.

Step 2: Date myself

It started with simply learning to be with myself. I took long walks and I thought. I took time to do exactly what I wanted to do. I wrote a novel. I read my favorite authors and watched my favorite films. I realized that while I love company, I don’t necessarily need it to be happy. Everything I need is already contained within me. Self-soothing is a wonderful skill we somehow acquire as babies and promptly forget once we reach adulthood. I’m proud to say I rediscovered it.

Step 3: Rekindle platonic love

Then I focused on my platonic relationships. I received so much more love than I could ever have anticipated. My friend recently told me I’m much easier to be around now than I was a year and a half ago. Taking this time to clear my own head opened up myriad possibilities — I cultivated friendships and relationships with family that I had neglected, began a new career path that I had dreamed of but never had the courage to pursue, and above all, in committing my love to those dear to me, I learned how to love myself.

Step 4: Set new #relationshipgoals

Affirming my choice not to date was liberating. I know now that if and when I do enter into a new relationship, I will do so as a more capable and compassionate partner. I also learned that I’m fine being alone. I faced my demons and came out alive.

There were times when I miss being kissed. I miss holding a man’s hand or the back-and-forth repartee that accompanies a first date. But I also recognize that it’s worth waiting for. I refuse to accept anything less than exactly what I want.

If it’s not out there, so be it. I’ll be ok. I have friends and family who love and support me. I have a new career that constantly challenges and rewards me. I’m enough.

Loved this? Discover more stories about finding yourself while single on Love TV.