Tag: health and wellness

16 Women On The One Thing They Appreciate Most From A Man In Bed

by Becca Martinin Sex, SEX TIPS

Your sex life might be good, but here’s how you’ll make it better for her.

Last night I was sitting at a bar with a friend getting drinks. I saw a hot guy across the bar drinking a Coors Banquet, eating chips and salsa, watching the game on TV. He looked completely uninterested in everything going on around him, as he sat there alone, never looking away from what was right in front of him.

“The man in the baseball hat across from us is so hot,” I said to my friend.

“Yeah, he really is. Just by the looks of him though, I bet he wouldn’t go down on a girl in bed, he’d just expect you to do all the work,” she said.

She probably wasn’t wrong, but we’ll never know if the man at the bar drinking a Coors Banquet could please a woman the way she wants to be pleased.

The conversation inspired me to ask 16 women from my life and the Internet what they appreciate most from a man in bed, here are their answers:

1.  “I appreciate a guy that tends to my needs first before he *expects* me to put his dick in my mouth. It shows he cares a little more for me than just the sex and that he also cares about making me feel good in bed.” – Jess, 24

2.  “When the guy actually wants me to orgasm and is turned on by it rather than just focusing on himself getting off. That is not enjoyable and it doesn’t make me want to continue to have sex with him when he’s only focused on himself.” – Lacey, 23

3.  “When you can openly say what you like and they actually listen to you, instead just assuming I like what they’re doing, especially when it’s in the moment. It makes the connection better and it’s way more fun for both of us.” – Sara, 28

4.  ‘“I appreciate when a man communicates in bed. Silent sex is boring and awkward. I want to know that your world is being rocked, what you want more or less of, how good it all feels or asking me to ride you harder or who my pussy belongs to. That’s the kind of stuff that turns me on and makes it WAY more enjoyable.” – Catrina, 27

5.  “Open, honest, raw and real communication about wants, needs and desires without judgement.” – Julia, 36

6.  “The warmth that radiates from their body.” – Macy, 26

7.  “His voice when he cherishes me.” – Emily, 30

romantic couple

8.  “I appreciate when a man acknowledges other parts of my body than just my tits and ass. I know he’s enjoying my ass when he’s grabbing it but it would be nice to be reminded that he also thinks I’m beautiful or that he likes my eyes. It makes me feel like less of a just a body for him to fuck and more like he appreciates me.” – Kaitlyn, 33

9.  “FOREPLAY! I get that he can go from 0 to 100 real quick, but like, I don’t. I appreciate when a man is gentle and slow, instead of just trying to do it quickly (unless that is what we’re going for). I want foreplay, it makes everything feel better and makes me so much more into the sex.” – Bella, 26

10.  “I appreciate when a man takes control. I am strong and independent as hell, but the bedroom is the one and only place I want to be dominated by a man. I want him to be rough, to a healthy extent, and take control. That is so hot to me and such a turn on.” – Nicole, 34

11.  “A man who makes sure I also cum! I’m sick of dudes cumming then just flopping down beside me all out of breath. Like that’s awesome he just got a load off, but he better not think he’s done without making sure I’m taken care of. Not how it works, buddy.” – Rachel, 23

12.  “I appreciate a man who is willing to try new things with me in bed. Routine is boring, even in the bedroom. Doing missionary then finishing doggy style gets old REAL quick. I want some excitement and I appreciate a man who is also into switching things up and experimenting in the bedroom.” – Cheryl, 41

13.  “His praise telling me he likes what I’m doing. I enjoy giving him head but only when he communicates to me that he likes what I’m doing. It makes me feel really good and I appreciate his words of affirmation.” – Kylie, 25

14.  “When a man is aggressive with me, but only after we’ve communicated what we’d like to do to each other and are on the same page. It allows me to feel more comfortable with him and myself in bed.” – Michaela, 29

15.  “A guy who takes things slow and makes me feel special, when he kisses down my neck, whispers in my ear, tells me that I’m beautiful. Those things all make me feel so appreciated and confirms that I’m not just someone he wants to fuck but actually cares about. Sometimes it’s so easy to feel worthless in bed and like I don’t matter so when he does little things like that it shows me he really cares.” – Brooke, 24

16.  “When he stays and cuddles after! There is no worse feeling than when a guy comes over, has sex with you and leaves. When he stays and I know he enjoys spending time with me after it makes me feel so loved and cared for.”  – Suzy, 23

May this information empower you to new and exciting adventures!

For more ways to please women, check out: Tongue-Tied During Sex? Here’s the Sexy Talk Women Want to Hear.

Will #MeToo Spur a Sex-Ed Revolution for American Youth?

by Ola Faletiin Sex, SEX TIPS

It’s not just about learning how to use condoms — and it never was.

When I think of my introduction to sex-ed, I think of weekday mornings in a stuffy seventh grade classroom, with diagrams of male and female reproductive anatomy.

Our teacher was a kind, dark-haired woman who entertained the questions our pubescent selves would anonymously drop in a box before each class. Things like “how much pubic hair is too much pubic hair” and “is it ok to be attracted to older men.”

I feel lucky to say that I actually learned a lot from these sessions. We covered the common and lesser known bodily anatomy (think vas deferens) while talking about our changing bodies.

One subject we absolutely did not discuss was consent. I don’t remember a unit on it, or even discussion of rape except maybe a token, brief no means no mention.

We didn’t have a unit on consent in my high school sex ed class, either. Both classes were over ten years ago.

Over the past five years, talk of sexual assault on college campuses has been covered in various news outlets. However,  2017 was the year when floodgates, seemingly, burst open. With each new account and each new accusation of men in power abusing it in the worst ways, more questions surfaced: what are we teaching our men and boys? What kind of society tolerates, even becomes accustomed to, so much sexual violence?

A patriarchal one. #MeToo is a glaring sign that a greater shift needed to happen. Not just hashtags, and protests, but fundamental education too. Sex-ed is a great place for that shift to happen.

Sex-ed in the United States remains contentious because for one, it doesn’t exist everywhere.

Eleven U.S. states don’t require any sex education in schools. The religious right is adamant in believing that any non abstinence-only education will lead to premarital sex. The U.S. education system is in shambles as is. So why even invest the resources in better sex-ed programs?

More than 20% of children are sexually abused before the age of 8. If anything, it’s more imperative that they learn the consent talk early.

I have clear memories of pre-school, being chased on a playground by a group of boys, with them catching me and attempting to pull down my skorts. This behavior isn’t uncommon. It isn’t even frowned upon. It’s saying “boys will be boys,” to the detriment of all genders.

Consent is not too complicated for toddlers to understand. They learn to share toys and space with others, why shouldn’t they learn the same with bodies?

Teaching anatomy only isn’t enough.

teaching children sex education

The young generation has unprecedented access to pornography and sexual media. In the information age, these kids are “informed” in many ways that previous generations were not. But pornography doesn’t teach consent. Most TV programs don’t teach consent either. And that’s a problem.

Sex education can only work if its teachings are being enforced by society at large. With an alleged rapist occupying the highest U.S. office, the recent near-election of an accused child rapist, and dozens, thousands, millions of victims whose voices go unheard, sex education in this country will need a stronger support than grassroots organizations.

On the other hand, can there even be a curriculum for teaching consent? While it’s easy to think of it as a black-and-white area, it’s not. Not when consent (or lack thereof) is non-verbal, and not when both parties or intoxicated, or not when one party regrets the sex in the moment but does not communicate that to their partner.

I wish my sex ed classes covered how to say no when you’ve changed your mind about sex, and how to communicate what you’re willing and not willing to do. At the very least, discussed it.

Those are good starting points for teaching young people about consent. My hope for this generation is that it will be the last to be silenced by sexual trauma. I believe a sex-ed revolution is on the rise, but it’s more of a question of whether or not a sex ed revolution is enough.

More like this, A New Way to Help Teens Foster Healthy Dating Habits and Relationships, A Consent Uprising and My Own Sexual Assault, or What You’re Getting Wrong About Sex Positivity