grief Archives - Love TV

In the just over 4 years that I have been a widow, I have had to sit in silence and bite my tongue through an endless array of insensitive or just plain stupid comments coming from both friends, family, acquaintances and co-workers, and yes, even total strangers. As the person who is grieving, we are told over and over again by society that “people just don’t know what to say” and they are “only trying to help”, and that they “mean well”, so therefore, we are supposed to just nod politely, smile and get on with things. Okay. I can do that, if that is what the world wants from me. However, I do think that just continuing to brush off people’s hurtful and often rude comments as “not knowing what to say” is unhealthy. The only way that people will ever learn what NOT to say to someone who is grieving the life they had and the person they loved most in this world, is to educate them. And since I’m a comedian, I choose to offer up my education in a comedic tone. So if you are reading this and you have no sense of humor, please go out to Wal-Mart or somewhere and get one. Then come back and have a good laugh.

The following is a list of 25 (in no particular order) actual comments that actual people actually said to me after my husband Don died very suddenly, with zero warning or symptom, in July of 2011, from a massive heart attack, at age 46. Below each actual comment, I have listed what I wish I could have said in response at the time, but of course, didn’t. Some of these comments were said to me right away after the death, and others were said as recently as last month. So, what does this accomplish? Well, for one thing, it’s fun to come up with pretend, smart-ass replies that I could never actually say in real life to these people. And secondly, the next time me or any of my dear brothers and sisters in widowhood have to put up with one of these or other insensitive comments, they can now laugh their asses off, thinking of what they wish they could say in response; as they nod their heads politely like a good widow (er) should.

Here is the dialogue that I wish could take place as part of normal and acceptable society:

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What’s the difference between having a fantasy and sleeping with a ghost?

When there’s something strange in the neighborhood, who you gonna call?

Whether it’s the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man walking through Manhattan or Whoopi Goldberg warning, “you’re in danger, girl,” ghosts litter our fictional world. Especially during the holidays, the Ghosts of Christmas Past haunt the office halls of the most heinous of misers.

The reality, however, can be a little more somber.

Sometimes grief makes you see things.

My grandparents met when she was 15 years old and he was 17. On a cold day in 1987, her car slipped on a piece of black ice from an early snow, she went into oncoming traffic and ran into someone else. At just 50 years old, she was gone.

My grandfather was understandably devastated. Over the years he dated a few women, but never remarried. She was the love of his life and no one quite measured up. When I was home after college one year we were talking about her and he told me that the night she died, he had a horrible time trying to get to sleep. He was distraught, likely in shock and sleeping alone for the first time in almost 35 years.

He told me when he finally fell asleep that she came to him to say good-bye. When he woke, he said that he could still feel her lips on his. Was it a dream? Was it real? Was it grief and exhaustion?

What are the chances ghosts are real?

One English “spiritual guidance counselor” not only swears that they are real, but that some sexy ghosts are able to manifest their energy into treating her to a good time. After all, who said the afterlife can’t be sexy?

This is her story, via Newsweek:

Talk about otherworldly sex! Amethyst Realm, a 27-year-old “spiritual guidance counselor” in England, says sex with ghosts is much better than sex with men—and she should know because she’s made love …

Continue reading “Can You Really Have Sex with a Ghost? This Woman Said She Did”

Tag: grief

25 Clueless Comments Said to Me as a Widow, and 25 Responses I Wish I Could Have Said

Here is the dialogue that I wish could take place as part of normal and acceptable society:

Can You Really Have Sex with a Ghost? This Woman Said She Did

What’s the difference between having a fantasy and sleeping with a ghost?

When there’s something strange in the neighborhood, who you gonna call?

Sometimes grief makes you see things.

What are the chances ghosts are real?