Chivalry: “Because it’s Free”

Women in the modern day feel that chivalry is dead. Some men even feel that it insults women to be chivalrous: “I can carry my own boxes, thank you very much.” Others feel it appears too eager, or too old-fashioned. When it comes to the bill, a common retort from men is “If you want to work like a man, and earn equal pay, then why should I have to pay for your meal? You can pay for yourself.” While I understand that position, come on man, can’t a gal get a salad?

Nowadays, with the line between being courteous and sexist becoming increasingly obscure, I understand the confusion felt by men. The days of approaching women on the street and offering a hand might be well behind us, but when it comes to dating, I’ve found a little bit of chivalry goes a long way. If you don’t have the budget to buy dinner, here are 5 chivalrous acts that go a long way whilst being completely FREE:

Open her car door.

This is a game changer. The payoff in proportion to the amount of effort it takes is astronomical. WE NOTICE. THIS IS MAJOR. Its been said “If you open a woman’s door for her and she doesn’t reach over to unlock your side, she’s not a keeper.” Unfortunately, now that we have automated locks there is no way to tell anymore, so you’ll have to use your own judgment. Opening the door is an extremely positive way to commence a date. It showcases you in a positive light from the get-go. Make this a habit, a reflex, and you won’t be sorry.

Call, don’t text.

Boys text. Men call. If she’s “weirded out” by the fact that you called to arrange seeing her, then SHE’S not worth it. When people are first getting to know one another it is important to communicate, and calling is pivotal. It shows that you are willing to make the time and effort to talk to her, instead of taking the easy route: “Dominick’s. 8pm.” which feels much more impersonal. Is this guy asking me out or trying to buy weed? A quick call says, “Hey, I like you and look forward to getting to know you.”

Walk her to her car.

You guys, there are rapists out there. Creepers, lurkers, perverts, and sure you could be one of them, but we trusted you enough to go out with you so at least make sure we make it to our car. We may front like we are just as tough and strong as a man, but the reality is we will always feel safer with you by our side. This shows that you are a protector, which is instinctually the key trait that attracts women to men.

Choose your words.

When you are at dinner avoid phrases like “Lemme get a uh…” or “Can I get…” In fact, you should always avoid phrases like that. The proper way to order is by saying, “I would like” or “May I have.” Proper vernacular is the mark of a true gentleman. If you speak to others in a respectful manner and ask instead of order, this will put you in a league above the rest. Never forget, a charming man that knows how to say the right things the right way can win over a Queen, even if he’s bald.

Get Dressed.

This is the generation of the hoodie. A hoodie is not an appropriate thing to wear on a date, it is an appropriate thing to wear to a second interview at Petsmart. Show that you care about your appearance, it reflects well on you. It’s simple; all you need is one good blazer – THAT’S IT. Throw it on over a button up, or even a t-shirt. JUST GET A BLAZER. It will put you at the front of the line, and every woman wants to be with a winner.

As for offering your jacket, pulling out her chair, and walking on the side of the street closest to traffic (so you get killed first) those go without question, but these are just some of my favorites.

New Chivalry… Here’s What to Look For


I’m a modern girl. I’m independent and I’m single. I have built a career from the ground up, read everyone from C.S. Lewis to Suzanne Collins, can navigate social media with relative ease, and watch New Girl every week like it’s my job.

And? I know I can take care of myself. But hey, call me old-fashioned, too. It’s fine. I can appreciate aspects of feminism, but I prefer gender roles. I like when a guy volunteers to kill a massive spider without complaint, or lift a heavy box in my stead.

I find chivalry to be a gorgeous thing.

Most women I know are a little like that. We love our modern independence in life and in love, but deep down, we want guys to treat us like ladies. As most women will attest, it’s become increasingly rare. Gentlemanly behavior sets our hearts aflutter. We want to see it, and many of us are waiting on it.

I want a guy to court me a bit. In fact, I’m sort of holding out for that. Someone to sweep me off my feet? No, gosh no. Grand gestures are wholly unnecessary. I just want someone I can count on. I just want him to do little things to make me sure he’s the real deal.

Dating today is tough, and we women always seem to have doubts about the guys that roll into our lives. Does he like me? Are his motives genuine? Can I trust him completely? Guessing means you usually can’t, and confusion isn’t a good thing.

Most women would like to erase that. So if he puts in the time and does the little things, it’s like a screening process for us. He’s more likely to be into us as human beings, not hookups. He’s more likely to be Mr. Right when we’re over dealing with all those Mr. Wrongs. That’s why chivalry is as important now as it ever was.

Here’s to all the women who are looking for that chivalrous, good-hearted guy. He’s out there. These are the things he does to make us swoon. (And to all those chivalrous, good-hearted guys, keep doing what you’re doing. We love you for it.)

1. He holds the door for you.

The other day, I was headed inside a building when a dark-haired guy with glasses noticed me a few steps away from the door. He waited for me to catch up, then held the door open and stepped aside, allowing me to head in first. I don’t see this much anymore, living in a liberal area with a younger populace.

And yeah, I swooned. I slowed down, looked him in the eye and thanked him. In actuality, I wanted to shake his hand or give him a bear hug or something for being so darn chivalrous(don’t worry, I didn’t). Note: I have the same reaction to pulling out chairs and lifting heavy objects.