My Top 20 Excuses Why I Can’t Possibly Go to the Gym Today (from a Widow)

10: I JUST went to the gym 4 days ago. Who am I, Jillian Michaels?

9: It’s already 5 p.m. By the time I eat dinner, change into gym clothes, pack my gym bag, yadda yadda yadda – it’ll be February. They close at 10 p.m.  I HAVE NO TIME!!!!

8: I can’t find my gym pants.

7: My gym pants have cat hair on them.

6: Where are my sneakers? Oh, I’ll never locate them in this mansion of an apartment. Forget it! Not going.

5: (to my roommate) Well, you need the car in 4 hours, right? I’ll never make it back in time.

4: I think the pool is closed today. (I have actually said this one out loud and it was a total lie. One in ten times, it’s true. But usually, I’m lying. Oh, who am I kidding. It’s ALWAYS a lie.)

3: Where the hell are those gym pants?

2: I’m already comfortable and IN for the night.

1: Hey, I don’t really NEED to lose weight. I’ll just join one of those fetish-dating-sites, where the men go crazy for middle-aged, fat widows whose stretch pants are covered in cat hair.

I’m going to be alone forever, aren’t I?

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My Top 20 Excuses Why I Can’t Possibly Go to the Gym Today (from a Widow)

About The Author
- is a writer, actor, and stand-up comedian, living in NYC. Her first book: "My Husband Is Not a Rainbow: The Hilariously, Awful Truth About Life, Love, Grief, and Loss", will be released in 2017. Twitter and Instagram is @kelleyiskelley and