10: I JUST went to the gym 4 days ago. Who am I, Jillian Michaels?
9: It’s already 5 p.m. By the time I eat dinner, change into gym clothes, pack my gym bag, yadda yadda yadda – it’ll be February. They close at 10 p.m. I HAVE NO TIME!!!!
8: I can’t find my gym pants.
7: My gym pants have cat hair on them.
6: Where are my sneakers? Oh, I’ll never locate them in this mansion of an apartment. Forget it! Not going.
5: (to my roommate) Well, you need the car in 4 hours, right? I’ll never make it back in time.
4: I think the pool is closed today. (I have actually said this one out loud and it was a total lie. One in ten times, it’s true. But usually, I’m lying. Oh, who am I kidding. It’s ALWAYS a lie.)
3: Where the hell are those gym pants?
2: I’m already comfortable and IN for the night.
1: Hey, I don’t really NEED to lose weight. I’ll just join one of those fetish-dating-sites, where the men go crazy for middle-aged, fat widows whose stretch pants are covered in cat hair.