MAINTAINING ATTRACTION
Adopting the ‘interviewer’ role and dropping the ‘daughter’ role became challenging when I had to ask more stuff about their sexy times. I gritted my teeth and spit it out. How did they stay attracted to each other all these years? I held my breath. They answer at the same time:
Mom: We didn’t.
Dad: We didn’t.
Am I about to find out that my parents only had sex four times?? The first time, twice for each kid, and that one other horrifying time I walked in on them and my father and I didn’t look each other in the eyes for 52 hours?
Mom: What happened is we stayed loving each other. But no, you go through periods where you’re not. Life changes, you have kids, you have this, you’re busy, you’re working. I mean, you have sex, and then you don’t have sex, then you have sex, then you don’t have sex.
Dad: Well sex is kind of like a natural thing. When you’re a couple you have sex when you feel like, or whenever it comes up.
Mom: We had a similar libido. And at the end of the day, it’s not the defining factor of a life. There’s so much in a life.
Dad: I cannot imagine that anybody would stay together just because of the sex.
Mom: Or break up because it doesn’t last.
Dad: I can’t imagine that would the defining moment in anybody’s marriage. I think the feeling that you have when you look each other and laugh is more important.
GROWING TOGETHER AND NOT APART
Not having had this experience yet, I was desperate to find out if they had a verbal magic potion so I asked how they did it. They were silent for a while.
Mom: Here’s the thing. You should never stop getting to know each other. Because you’re always changing. You never completely know a person. Your father still surprises me.
RELATIONSHIPS THEN AND NOW
I asked their opinions on how courtship and romance is different now versus in 1968.
Dad: Technology. It’s totally different. You gotta remember back then, you had a phone in your house. If you weren’t home, you couldn’t get a phone call. There was no beeper. You could maybe get a telegram.
Beeper. That’s cute. It’s 2015. I asked them if they still would have gotten together and stayed together if they met today. They both said absolutely. At the same time of course.
Mom: Connection is ethereal. But we didn’t ask as many questions! We didn’t have those kinds of choices. We were forced to go on our feelings. You didn’t have 10 other guys on your tinder list to go through.
Dad: I think the imaging today compared to what happened then is so different. You guys get force fed with ideals, that it’s so hard to find the person you should go for.
Mom: I feel like there is just a lack of commitment.
Dad: They’re always looking around the corner for someone better.
Mom: But you do go through those commitment moments. The 7-year itch is real. The mid-life crisis is real.
So what do you do?
Dad: You should not look for what people can do for you. You should look for what you can do for yourself.
Mom: If you want to be completely independent then you’re not looking for anyone else. You’re looking for yourself. Work through it. Look at yourself. Work on yourself.