Some boys are raised with the same ideology, but society at large is much more forgiving to the young man who chooses to “sow his oats” before marriage. For boys, virginity is something to be discarded as quickly as possible so that they can keep up with their peers’ sexual exploits. With this way of thinking, girls might be viewed as pawns in a larger game, to be used and scored.

It’s easy, as a girl, to feel like the victim. But I assure you – everyone loses. With all that competition to impress, boys don’t get to feel good either. Both boys and girls face considerable peer pressure when it comes to sex, and this helps no one. “Losing your virginity” is a rite of passage that many rush to get through.

What about the mutual enjoyment and bonding that we crave? I’m no prude, by any means but the way that we’re taught to value sex is severely out of line with what actually happens.

When one person “loses” while another one “takes,” is it any surprise why so many of us feel shame years after that disappointing first time? A lot of young people don’t have the choice. Consent is still a grey area in many high schools and universities, and this is a tragedy that must be addressed. If you have been sexually abused, I urge you to seek professional help immediately.

For those of us lucky enough to have willingly taken the first step – why can we carry so much shame? I’ll be honest – my sexual experience broke my heart. That pain affected countless relationships afterwards, and sometimes it still gets to me.

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