As for many TV shows and movies’ portrayals of “true love,” I now find certain programs to be more toxic than I originally realized. For instance, in the show Friends, the relationship between Ross and Rachel is represented as two soulmates who keep missing opportunities to be with one another. But now that I’m in an actual loving relationship and I know how love develops and sustains, I just see two people who are addicted to the concept of love and treat each other horribly due to their own respective egos. I see two selfish people who can’t think of anybody outside of themselves.

I think we forget that TV shows and movies are written by human beings, and these writers are as flawed as anybody else. I believe many writers are perhaps dealing with their own unresolved issues with love and write characters to live out fantasies that they themselves never got to experience.

Many romantic comedies illustrate this very phenomenon. There’s a famous scene in Love Actually when one of the characters writes signs for his best friend’s wife which ends with the words, “To me, you are perfect.” I thought this was the most romantic gesture one could do for someone else. That is, until I actually tried this in real-life.

Just like in the movie, I wrote on a sign, “To me, you are perfect.” Not only was she unreceptive to what I wrote, she was quite freaked out as well.

I don’t have to watch these romantic comedies anymore to feel like love is possible, because the demonstrations of love that they show are so removed from reality. I now love myself enough to realize that losing your identity by obsessing over another person is not a sign of “love”; it’s a sign of desperation, codependency, and low self-esteem. Now, when I see programming that portrays complicated relationships with a strong emphasis on realism, I’m much more emotionally moved because there are so many more nuances about love that most TV shows/movies miss.

I believe the intentions of all great art/entertainment is to make us feel a wide range of emotions, and I don’t think you can fully appreciate great works of art if you yourself do not have a range of emotions to draw from.  I’m glad I discovered self-love and now have the ability to allow myself to enjoy things.

And if self-love made it so that I can enjoy Breaking Bad to its fullest capacity, then it feels like it was all worth it.