• We are not competitive. I don’t think an open relationship can work for people who count notches on their bedposts. If you’re going out with someone to get back at your partner, or showing them pictures of your escapades to somehow even the score, then I don’t know that you’re in it for the right reasons. Sure it feels nice when everything is equal, but there will be times when you’re seeing someone and your partner is not, and vice versa. It tends to even itself out, but you have to know and trust that. It’s like tips at a restaurant. Whenever I got stiffed by a table, later that night I’d have someone who tipped me well above 20%. Or I’d walk with terrible money on Tuesday and be a baller on Wednesday. Life has a way of evening the score, you don’t need to make a conscious effort to force this.

• We recognize when rules need to be made and respect our partner’s need for them. When we started off we had no rules, aside from safe protected sex. But then things came up that bothered one of us, and thus a rule was born. One night, Aaron was coming back from a trip and I happened to have a date that night. He texted me that he was home, but it was right at the exact time that my date and I headed into the bedroom. He didn’t hear from me for about an hour and he had been home just waiting to see me after not seeing me for almost a week. This really bothered him, and I didn’t even realize it would be an issue. When I got back, he expressed his feelings to me and I took it all in. After thinking about it, I realized had I been in the same situation, I would have reacted the same way. Thus a rule was born: when one of us is leaving for a trip or coming home, we don’t make dates for the day of leaving or homecoming. We can make other plans, as life must go on. But we can’t miss each other on those days for a date. It just doesn’t work for us.

So there you have it. This is the way my open relationship works. None of this is meant to be a guide for you personally, although take it as such if you find it to be useful. I’ve met a few others like “Aaron” and I, but like I said, for the most part every open relationship couple does it differently. I truly just want to allow an opportunity to think outside the relationship box. The world could be more fun if we’d all realize that there’s so much more than just single or married. And if you find the right person or people who share your same wants and needs, any type of relationship can work.