It’s not that we’re not having lots of casual sex.  It’s easier to get than ever before, with a wealth of dating apps hooking up strangers based on proximity and mutual attraction.  How can hooking up for single people be so casual and worry-free, but if married people do it, it’s the end of the world?  According to some studies, Tinder is up to 30% partnered people, but the difference is they’re not admitting to it.

It’s not that we’re not cheating.  Let’s look at the math.  According to the 2014 census, there are 59 million married couples in the United States.  This website claims 38 million members, mostly in the US and Canada.  That means that out of 118 million married people, up to 30% could be members of the website.  Current statistics claim that 50% of married women cheat, and 60% of married men cheat.  How many people crowing about cheaters are cheaters themselves?

It’s not religion.  In 2015, the United States is more secular than ever before, with 8% fewer people identifying as having faith since 2010, and of course of the 70% of people who say they’re religious, clearly many of them are having affairs, unless there’s a secret pocket of 10,000 rabid pansexuals in the middle of the country, screwing everything that moves and skewing the data.

I spoke to a friend who’s involved in a polyamorous relationship, and we tried to puzzle out: how can Ashley Madison still be such a hot button today?  Why are other people’s relationships our business?  And if your marriage is good but your sex life isn’t, why not go poly?

Virginia: If your sex life is lacking but you want to stay married, instead of cheating on a website, why don’t you ask your spouse about opening up the relationship?