On top of that, our happiness-at-all-costs culture isn’t helping. In a TED talk about infidelity, sex therapist Esther Perel said it’s a sign of the times. “We have never been more inclined to stray,” she said. “We live in an era where we feel entitled to pursue our desires, because this is the culture where ‘I deserve to be happy.’ And if we used to divorce because we were unhappy, today we divorce because we could be happier.” Going on Tinder, or any online dating site, can show you scenario after scenario that maybe, possibly, could vastly improve your life.
As tempting as these apps might be, reps from Tinder deny that this is going on on their site. “You can’t really use Tinder for cheating, because we show you common connections and people you know. You have to use a Facebook profile [to sign up],” says Rosette Pambakian, head of communications at Tinder. “It’s probably the fastest way you can find a cheater. Logically, it’s not the right app for that.” Yes, logic. So commonly used among cheaters.
The key to navigating this new world is through a new kind of communication. “I find that people talk the least about sex with the person they’re having sex with,” Nelson says. “What is your monogamy agreement?” Does checking out singles online count as cheating? Figure that out before it happens. And if it’s too late for that and you catch your spouse on Tinder, take it as an opportunity to redefine, and even reinvigorate, your marriage. “Not everyone is convinced that an affair has to be the end of their relationship,” she says. “For some people it’s a wake-up call. For a lot of couples it can mean a brand-new beginning.”
And remember: This may not really be about an app at all, says Jessica Tom, novelist and former community director at dating site HowAboutWe. “Dating sites are tools. They don’t invent desire. If my husband went on Tinder, it’s not Tinder’s fault. It’s my husband’s fault. The relationship may be flawed.”
Tinder is thinking even more positively, claiming these apps might even be “disrupting” marriage in a good way. “I actually think it’s making marriage better,” Tinder’s Pambakian says. “I think people are choosing their mates more wisely. They’re encountering more people, they’re making smarter choices, and they’re choosing more compatible partners.” Here’s hoping being more compatible from the start fends off the desire to stray. Until then, we’ll be keeping this tab open.
Curated by Erbe
Original Article