What is that recipe? Well, there are research papers galore on every element in the following list, but in a nutshell; be positive, cheerful and complimentary; communicate openly and listen to your partner when they share their thoughts or feelings with you; have an equitable relationship; give assurances about your level of commitment and talk about your future together; spend time in each other’s social circles; share chores; be supportive; do fun and exciting things together; practise sexual and emotional self disclosure (be open about what you like and don’t like sexually); use inside jokes (pet names) and humour; and manage conflict in a constructive way.

Given the idiosyncratic nature of sexual desire and the fact that your sexual interactions are still frequent and spontaneous, I don’t think there is any need for you to start scribbling sex into your weekly diary just yet.

Besides being unnecessarily prescriptive, scheduling sex is really a last resort for couples who have an otherwise solid relationship, but who have allowed other aspects of their life to deprioritise sex.

Sustaining a sexual connection is very important, but you shouldn’t get too hung up on frequency. There are couples who have miserable sex every night and don’t speak to each other all day. And there are couples who have glorious sex once a month, and bask in the afterglow for weeks.

Statistically, couples who only have sex every four or five weeks should be classified as “sexless” but if two people have a happy relationship and are happy with having sex once a month, they are happy. End of. You can’t calculate intimacy with a quota and ultimately it is relationship satisfaction that counts.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article