That’s when I realized that “true love” is more romantic than this idea of “soulmate.” “Soulmate” seems too easy. The idea that you magically sync up with another person is not only a fairytale, but I feel cheapens the relationship experience. To me, true love is working hard to maintain your relationship and loving your partner despite qualities that you may deem as flaws. You love the entire person, warts and all. You love the experience, even the hard times.
She embraced me the day I came out as transgender. She was so happy that I could finally be myself, and honestly, she wasn’t surprised at all. But underneath this joyous celebration, there was so much uncertainty. For the next couple of weeks after coming out, neither of us brought up what this meant for our relationship. Would things change? Would she still be attracted to me when I would start presenting as female? What do we tell people when they ask for our labels?
I felt so selfish, like I had jeopardized everything for the sake of internal happiness. That’s when I started arguing with her every day, trying to push her away because I felt like she would inevitably leave me. I resented myself. And she hung in there no matter how hard I tried to create distance between us.
One night, I broke down and told her that if I knew that it potentially meant the end of our relationship, I don’t think I would’ve ever come out. Personally, I felt happier with myself than I’d ever been, but the prospect of potentially losing my true love devastated me. I told her that she’s the most important and best thing that ever happened to me. “I just want to go back to being ‘us,’” I said through my tears. “I wish I didn’t screw everything up.”
She reached over and put her hand on my knee. “Look at me,” she said. She started talking to me firmly with complete clarity. “I’m so happy that you came out. I wouldn’t want you to ever give up your own happiness for my sake. That wouldn’t make me happy. If you coming out somehow meant that it’d be the end of us, I’d be devastated, but not as devastated as I’d be knowing that you were sacrificing your happiness for our relationship. Your happiness is more important to me. That’s how much I love you. I just want you to be happy. That’s all I ever wanted for you.”