4. Fear of social disapproval:
On the surface, many people are confident that they don’t really care what other people think. Yet, unconsciously, people feel ostracized for not choosing public partners who are socially acceptable. For example, similar to the fear of intimacy example above, many people will fall in love with another person but be unable to face their attraction to them because they know that society will disapprove. In the most “reasonable” circumstances this may happen when the other person is slightly overweight, disabled, from a frowned-upon social background or class or from the same sex group. In all of these cases, the much-loved person is not chosen as a life partner because there are powerful unconscious fears that prevent them from being chosen. Getting over this irrational fear is important. While the initial fears are often borne out (parents may disapprove of same sex or “unsuitable” partners), you are the person who will be living with a person with whom you want to have a long-term relationship. Examine whether your fears are more tied to social disapproval than you think.
5. Fear of responsibility:
This fear is more common than people think. Often people fear the burden of being responsible for someone else’s emotional well-being. So when their partners need a certain degree of sexual intimacy to feel less-anxious for example, this may frighten them. As a result, they may avoid receiving pleasure, gifts or even interaction with them even though they have never experienced or sensed an intimacy that would be more suitable for a life-long relationship. So they avoid the relationship altogether because the relationship is threatening. Why, apart from a genuine desire not to be responsible for someone else’s emotional well-being do people fear responsibility? This fear is also tied into the next fear.
6. Fear of disappointing others:
People often fear responsibility because they hate the idea if disappointing others. Unconsciously, they feel as though they are not up to the job. Rather than face their own lack of self-esteem, they turn this into “I don’t want to have sex.” This often has nothing to do with the expectations of the other person. However, just the idea of disappointing others is a real buzz-kill for many people whose emotional vulnerability leads them to people they can easily please, but with whom, they will have no real intimacy.
7. Fear of death:
Yes, yes. I know. You’re probably thinking: this is some hidden nonsensical psycho-mumbo-jumbo, but it really is not. It is not a coincidence that the French refer to sex as “le petit mort” which translates to “a little death.” Orgasm is the end of a brief life well-lived and stays in the brain as a metaphor of fear of death. Especially as people move on in years, this repeated death becomes a real fear and one that most people are not in touch with consciously.
Fears of sex are often not visible. They reside deep in the unconscious. For that reason, each of the fears above can take awhile to understand and reach. If you discard this understanding, you could be giving up an important and valuable experience in life.
Curated by Erbe
Original Article