Get Closer by Mixing It Up in and Out of the Bedroom

If you feel that daily sex will make you both happier, read on. According to fascinating research, the action between the sheets once a week is enough to reignite and keep the passion and love alive between the two souls.

Although more frequent sex is associated with greater happiness, this link was no longer significant at a frequency of more than once a week, the team revealed.

“Our findings suggest that it’s important to maintain an intimate connection with your partner, but you do not need to have sex everyday as long as you are maintaining that connection,” said lead researcher Amy Muise, social psychologist and postdoctoral fellow at the University of Toronto-Mississauga.

The results, based on surveys of more than 30,000 Americans collected over four decades, reveal that happiness quotient is not there after couples report having sex more than once a week on average.

In one study, researchers analysed survey responses conducted by the University of Chicago about sexual frequency and general happiness from more than 25,000 Americans (11,285 men, 14,225 women).

For couples, happiness tended to increase with more frequent sex but this is no longer true after couples report engaging in sex more than once a week.

Despite common stereotypes that men want more sex and older people have less sex, there was no difference in the findings based on gender, age or length of relationship.

“Our findings were consistent for men and women, younger and older people, and couples who had been married for a few years or decades,” Muise noted.

Sex may be more strongly associated with happiness than is money. To find this, the researchers also conducted an online survey with 335 people (138 men, 197 women) who were in long-term relationships and found similar results as the first study.

These participants were also asked about their annual income, and there was a larger difference in happiness between people who had sex less than once a month compared to people who had sex once a week than between people who had an income of $15,000-$25,000 compared to people who had an income of $50,000-$75,000 per year.

“People often think that more money and more sex equal more happiness, but this is only true up to a point,” Muise pointed out.

The findings don’t necessarily mean that couples should engage in more or less sex to reach the weekly average but partners should discuss whether their sexual needs are being met.

“It’s important to maintain an intimate connection with your partner without putting too much pressure on engaging in sex as frequently as possible,” Muise advised.

However, the findings were specific to people in romantic relationships and there was no association between sexual frequency and well being for single people.

The findings were published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Using Sex to Cope with Emotions

My experience with hypersexuality involved meeting men on Craigslist expressly for the purpose of having sex.

I love sex. Maybe more than the average person. But having had an episode of bipolar hypersexuality — defined clinically as extremely frequent or suddenly increased sexual urges or sexual activity — I’m always careful when starting a new sexual relationship. I know that I can have a healthy sex life even with this struggle in my past, but it takes some careful attention to my situation and to my feelings.

My experience with hypersexuality involved meeting men on Craigslist expressly for the purpose of having sex. Other than work, finding the next sexual partner was my primary focus during that time. As is common with this condition, I couldn’t find the pleasure that I sought with these encounters, which made me seek out even more men. The driving force behind hypersexuality is actually bipolar mania, so without proper treatment or a change in my condition, my sexual behavior was not likely to change.

After having gone through this period of intense sexuality, I sometimes view my sexual appetite as a symptom. I’ve been careful to ask myself whether I’m really feeling someone’s vibe or if I’m about to have sex because I’m driven by other feelings. That helps me make sure that I’m well emotionally, my bipolar is under control, and that I’m about to be intimate with someone for the right reasons.

Recently, I was reminded of a period when I was driven by hypersexuality in a relationship. There is a man in my life, Steven, that I see every few years. It’s one of those situations where we just can’t get out of each other’s systems — you know what I mean. The last time he called me, I was a mess. I’d recently gotten out of the hospital and was still reeling from a breakup earlier that year. Of course, I agreed to see him and we got together a few times. But what I really wanted to do was see Steven more frequently. I couldn’t stop thinking about him, calling him, imagining how wonderful it would be if we just had more sex. When I didn’t get what I wanted from him, I went to dating sites — I’ll never go back to Craigslist — but couldn’t meet anyone. That’s when I knew that I was in trouble.

Fortunately, I confessed my behavior to my therapist while getting an adjustment in medication to keep the mania at bay. I learned that, yes, hypersexuality can be a symptom of my disease, but that it can also be a symptom of unregulated emotions. My experience with Steven was probably a little of both, since I’d been a bit lonely since my breakup and I saw sex as something that I could use to replace any other negative feelings I had. I know now that it’s not healthy for me to use physical intimacy as a substitute for my emotions.

Steven called me a few weeks ago and we did get together. These days I’m healthier and clearer about the role of sex in my life, and I decided to be with Steven because of my feelings for him and not as a surrogate for anything — or anyone — else. As a result, we can have a fulfilling, honest and healthy sexual relationship and I don’t have to worry about triggering an episode of hypersexuality or other unhealthy behavior. So far its going well for me, which I believe is working out well for Steven too. If you know what I mean.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article