Relieving a Solo Pleasure Pattern

Are struggling with orgasms or are you in a sex rut?

Dear Athena,

I’ve always masturbated in the same position (even as a young girl). I’ve tried getting a vibrator, masturbating in other positions, using running water and soliciting advice from my women friends. Nothing gets me off the way my hands in that one position do. Problem is, I have only come half a dozen times since I’ve been sexually active. I’m afraid that my one-position masturbation has affected my ability to experience pleasure in other positions, with other methods of stimulation, etc. I’ve tried approximating it during sex, but it’s not the same. How would you suggest I get out of this self-created rut?


Masturbation Rut

Dear M.R.,

In this advice business, I’ve heard from a great many folks who struggle to find their orgasm. Believe it or not, you’re one of the lucky ones! This conundrum has two sides: On the one hand (pun intended), you’ve learned to manually get down with your bad self, with stellar results. On the other hand, you can’t get psyched about it. Big-time bummer. Let’s get some perspective on this.

First, reaching orgasm is spectacular, but it isn’t the be-all and end-all of sex. Sex is about intimacy and connection, pleasure and discovery — the process more than the product, you see. The more you obsess over achieving an orgasm, the less likely it is to happen. And it’s not as much fun! So stop worrying about how you’re going to get there, and enjoy the journey.