Tag: being yourself

5 Reasons to Have a Summer Fling

by Jennifer Ashley Greenein DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Summer lovin’ had me a blast. Summer lovin’ happened so fast.

I know, technically it’s still spring, but let’s be realistic, people are solidifying their Memorial Day Weekend plans and then all of a sudden it’s summer and if we don’t start thinking about it now, we’ll be ill prepared when everyone else is all geared up (and paired up) for those steamier days (and nights!) So back to summer love I go! What’s the appeal of a relationship that only lasts three months? What’s the point? This is how I answered my friend recently when she asked me if I’d ever have a “fling”. Admittedly, I didn’t know people used this term in real life so once I stopped laughing at her and was able to have a serious discussion about it, I was surprised to discover that we both agreed it might not be the worst thing.

Here’s why I changed my whole perspective on the fling thing. The idea of getting involved with someone when there’s a timestamp on the whole experience gave me a bit of pause at first, sure, but when I spun it differently (and there ‘s always more than one way to look at any given situation) it actually sounded kind of exciting to me. I started thinking about not having to wonder where my relationship is headed, or if we both want the same things. The stuff he does that bugs the hell out of me? Who cares? Soon enough those annoying habits will be someone else’s problem! The idea of just being present and focusing on enjoying our time together without worrying about expectations or plans for the future is all too appealing. I can just be myself and feel comfortable and not have to change a single thing about me.

That sounds lovely doesn’t it? Being yourself in a relationship? What a notion! I don’t know about you, but I struggle with this seemingly easy concept more often than not. Speaking my mind, communicating my needs, setting boundaries, all the while being myself and having fun? I’m sorry, what? It can be totally overwhelming trying to find the delicate balance that relationships require. So when I think of taking the thing that overwhelms me the most- the future- off the table, and just focus on the ‘now’ part, then, um, yeah, I think I’ll give this whole summer love thing a shot. When I think of all the fun things associated with summer- beaches, pools, vacations, picnics, outdoor concerts, fireworks, etc, and then having someone to do these things with? Yes please! Why wouldn’t I be open to this?

In case you’re not sold on flinging yet, allow me to really drive my point home with some of the benefits I found to being open-minded to this kind of non-commitment:

  • Being in a less serious relationship helps to take some pressure off and has gotten me in the mindset of enjoying dating (yes, it’s possible!)
  • I have the perfect opportunity to make some mistakes! Look, dating can be super challenging; no one is going to argue that. Here’s a chance for me to do all the things I might not do in a serious relationship.
  • You know all those events we get invited to in the summer? I do, and I dread going to them solo. Barbeques, weekends at the beach, weddings? Having someone to attend with? Someone to satisfy everyone’s constant probe, “are you seeing anyone?” Sign me up!
  • It’ll encourage me to break the pattern of my usual “type”. Who doesn’t have a dating pattern? Mainly attracted to athletes? Ethnic guys? Financiers? I am. I’m going to take a risk and date someone outside the norm for me. Maybe a politician. Who knows? That in and of itself is super exciting and enough to make me want to give this a shot. Even if it ends up being as epic a fail as breakaway track pants, I’ll have learned something from the experience!
  • It’s not easy to do things solely on your terms in relationships. Things get really tricky when considering the feelings of everyone involved. Having a short summer romance might actually help me to find my voice, and gain more confidence when it comes to stating my needs in a future (serious) relationship.

All I’m saying is I’m going to give this a shot. There are way worse things than opening myself to the possibility of happiness. And even if I just discover it’s not for me? Awesome. Now I know. And I’ll also have a really fun “fling” story to share with my friends. My online dating stories are getting old anyway.

I Stopped Changing Myself For Men And Here’s How You Can Do The Same

by Becca Martinin Body, Mind, Wellness

You are enough without changing yourself or who you are for anyone.

I’ve always been the girl who needs to be liked and accepted, not just by men, but by everyone. I know it’s not possible but I still try because being accepted by other people feels good. It makes us feel good even when we don’t feel good about ourselves or like ourselves, which was what I used to obsess over.

I was always so focused on if other people, especially men, liked me. Instead of putting effort into myself and making sure I liked who I was I became so focused on if other people liked me.

I dated a guy who I’m not sure I even liked because I never evaluated him. It might sound ridiculous, but I was so focused on if he liked me that I forgot to question if I even liked him. For months, I’d scratch my head and wonder if I was good enough for him, if I’d be able to make him really mine, if I could get him to stick around for longer than a few months. I tried to be who I thought he would like instead of just being myself.

I knew it was time to change my mindset when I realized that I was compromising my own happiness and self to try to be what someone else wanted, or at least what I thought someone wanted.

Something that really stuck that helped me adjust my mindset is a conversation I had with my life coach. She asked me if I changed who I was on first dates, if I acted different, less like myself, and I said yes, to a certain extent. I told her I am usually nervous, a little more quiet, a little more reserved. She followed that up with a very insightful comment: “you don’t act different around your friends when you hang out with them, right? You just know they like you so you can be yourself. That’s how you have to go into dating.”

She’s right – that’s why I pay her to give me advice. I realized I had to start going into dating with the mindset that they’re going to like me and if they don’t then it doesn’t matter. At least if I’m going into dates as myself and not pretending to be someone I’m not they’ll get to know the real me. Some people might not like it but some will love it, either way I am who I am and I’ve learned to love myself just for that.

Knowing who you are is half the battle in loving yourself and knowing you deserve love.

I always used to try to mold myself into a cookie cutter shape of what someone else likes or wants. The truth is I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and that’s fine. Some people hate tea, some people prefer coffee, some people prefer neither and that is what makes us all unique. That is why there are so many different types of people.

You don’t have to like everyone and everyone doesn’t have to like you! I finally decided it’s time to stop forming to please other people and just be myself.

I decided it no longer matters if he isn’t interested in me because there will always be someone else who is. I learned it’s better to not force relationships or conversations that aren’t happening. Those kinds of interactions will never leave you satisfied, because they’re not honest.

It’s not worth trying to fit into someone else’s story. It’s time to write your own! The right person will accept you for who you are, not who you try to be.

young attractive couple

Being yourself is one of the most liberating experiences you can have.

Once I stopped changing myself to please others that aren’t interested, it made a world of difference. I gave myself permission to be who I am without reservation and that is a freeing feeling. It’s allowed me to meet someone for a drink and not go in with any expectations.

I can be more open and I can look in the mirror and accept that I am enough just the way I am whether someone else thinks so or not.

Allowing yourself the freedom to just accept where you are in your life, without hoping that every person you come across is going to want you is an invigorating feeling.

It’s important to realize, at the end of the day, you have to be enough for yourself. You’re worth being loved, especially by yourself.

Allow yourself to express yourself the way you want. Stand up for what you care about. Wear as much or as little makeup as you want. Don’t change yourself for anyone, instead be proud of who you are!

Ever since I started being completely myself I’ve found a new sense of freedom I didn’t realize was possible. I started going out with more guys from dating apps because I didn’t have that fear holding me back that they wouldn’t like me. I also didn’t feel that pressure I used to put on myself of being skinny or pretty enough for them. I am who I am and they either like me or not. But that’s still not as important as if I like them or not.

Putting yourself and your comfort first in these situations isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. Absolutely necessary.

Just last weekend it gave me the confidence to go up to a man in a bar (something I never do). I didn’t worry about what he would say or if he would be interested or not, I just went up to him and started talking. (I was also wearing the ugliest handmade Christmas sweater the world has ever seen.) The best part about it? He loved that I was confident to walk up and talk to him in that ugly sweater. He liked it so much he asked me on a date and it was great!

The right person will like you and love you for your unique characteristics, how you look, what you say and everything in between. If he doesn’t completely accept you then he’s not the one, but know there is someone out there who will. The right person will love you for who you are, not who you try to be.

For more ways to please women, check out Why I Am Loving The First Date.