The healthy role of sexuality in the women’s and couple’s life is a 15-20% factor. Sexuality energizes your bond and reinforces feelings of desire and desirability. Paradoxically, dysfunctional, conflicting, or avoidant sexuality has an inordinately powerful role, draining intimacy and threatening relational stability.

The major inhibitors for female sexual desire are power struggles (especially frequency of intercourse) and predictable, routine sex. In addition, coercion, anger, blaming, performance pressure, and placating the partner sexually subvert female desire. What promotes healthy female and couple sexual desire are positive anticipation and a sense of deserving sexual pleasure. In addition, freedom, choice, pleasure, and unpredictability enhance desire.  Healthy female and couple sexuality is facilitated by combining intimacy, non-demand pleasuring, and erotic scenarios and techniques. A core concept is the woman views the man as her intimate and erotic ally, not her critic or someone who pushes her to sexually prove herself.

A key concept is mutual, synchronous sexual experiences are most highly valued (i.e. both partners experience desire, pleasure, eroticism, and satisfaction). However, when both people recognize the inherent complexity of couple sexuality rather than demand perfect sex performance sexual desire will thrive. The woman (and couple) who embrace multiple roles and meanings of sexuality can enjoy both synchronous and asynchronous sexual experiences, and value sensual, playful, and erotic scenarios in addition to intercourse will have strong, resilient desire.