Relationships are like plants. They have to be nurtured, or they will die. It is easy to go from passionate lovers to random roommates if you don’t keep a watch on things. You get busy, you don’t prioritize the other person, and pretty soon you barely know one another. Here are 5 things you can do with your partner to ensure you are still a team and connected to each other.
Find a show or a comedian that you both enjoy and can enjoy together. It is important to share humorous moments in life, it’s a specific kind of bond. Plus, quoting shows to one another is so much fun! If you are busy people, designate a specific night or time of the week to this. No cancellations, take it seriously. My husband and I enjoy Bravo’s “Millionaire Matchmaker” (I know!)
When having a disagreement, it is easy to let things escalate until the situation becomes a full blown war. Try your best to speak in a calm, and respectful tone even if you are upset or seriously enraged. I know, THIS IS REALLY HARD, but it can be done. Trust me, it is better for your relationship. You have to set the bar for how you are going to speak to one another, and it is important not to cross the line. Basically, don’t call your partner a piece of shit for waking you up from a nap (referring to a friend, of course).
Even if you aren’t in the mood for actual sex, do other stuff. Get involved. Be careful not to let weeks or months go by without any sexual activity; remember habits can be formed overnight and can take ages to break. Once I was “not in the mood,” and one day turned into one week, one week turned into one month, and pretty soon I was in a sexless and coincidentally loveless relationship wondering where all the passion went. So keep it up. Even when you don’t feel like it, once you start you will get into it. Sexual activity has to be maintained just like your nails, or gym routine. Don’t slack off in this essential department.
It is shocking to me how some people manage to live with someone without having any real conversations. Every evening I turn off the TV, get off my computer, put away my phone, open a bottle of wine, and TALK to my husband (for at least one hour) to reconnect. I don’t mean talk about the weather, or what you have to do that week, or when the kids have to be picked up, I mean TALK ABOUT THINGS. Talk about your opinions, what you think about the current state of affairs, what your common goals are, what you see your life to be years down the line. Your feelings, what you feel one another could work on, be better at etc. (in a constructive manner) It is the only way to evolve as a couple. The alternative is growing apart.
“I love you.”
I know this sounds cheesy, but you can’t stop saying it. I say it when I get off the phone, I write sweet things and leave them on post it notes, I just find a way to say it, EVERY DAY. It is important to relay the message “hey, I love you and I appreciate everything you do.” You can even say those exact words. Remember when you first started dating? How obsessed were you with waiting to hear those words? …and when it happened? OMYGOD. BEST. FEELING. EVER. So why should we let that die? Staying in love over time is hard enough as it is, and it’s even harder if you stop saying it.