8. Let Them Know They Don’t Need To Feel Guilty

The most important thing to say to a person in this position is “it’s not your fault.” Over and over again. They may not understand or believe you, but it is exceptionally important for them to hear it. Guilt is a constant presence in emotionally abusive relationships, used to outrageous lengths to control and cow the abused person; they are constantly told they’re the cause of all the difficulty and “drove their partner to this.” Guilt is a toxic emotion that can be extraordinarily powerful, but it’s not real. Click To Empower, an organization for domestic and emotional abuse survivors, has a list of excellent ways to communicate this, including “You are not responsible for their behavior” and “No matter what you did, you do not deserve this.”

9. Take Emotional Care Of Yourself

This is rough, guys. Ultimately you may feel as if you’re not doing enough, or that you’re exhausted, particularly if the situation becomes a volatile pattern of break-up, make-up, rinse, repeat. It’s necessary for you to draw the line as to how much emotional effort you’re able to make, and how involved (and, therefore, unsafe) you personally are prepared to feel. That’s your choice and nobody else can make it for you. Find emotional support for yourself in this situation, as well, while trying as much as possible to respect the privacy boundaries established by your friend. Speak to specialists, find counsellors, and recognise that this is a burden with the potential to wreak real damage. Here, have a hug.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article