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Find Closure on Your Own

Current thought is that closure is a myth, so banish any fantasies you might have about a happy, tearful reunion with your ex and figure out what it is you need to move on. What worked and what didn’t work in the relationship? Were there problems you feel like you should have noticed earlier on? What are the things that you’re going to miss about the other person? Is there something you really want to express to your ex now that the relationship is over? If so, can you do that while respecting the boundaries you’ve set with one another? If not, try writing a letter that you don’t intend to send–you can tear it up or burn it if you think that will help you put the past to rest. Don’t be afraid to get your self-help book on or to talk to a therapist if you think it will help.

Give Yourself Time to Grieve

You’ve just lost someone that you cared about and spent a lot of time with, so take time to acknowledge that loss and express it if you feel the need. You might need a good solo cry during a movie marathon or to click through your “True Love” photo album on Facebook. Use whatever helps you to come to grips with the ending of one chapter of your life and the beginning for another. You can be as low-key or cheesy as you like: make a breakup playlist on Spotify or have a faux funeral for the relationship with your besties. Even if you feel silly, it’s important to identify, honor, and express your feelings.

Open Up to New Possibilities

Now that this relationship is over, focus on things you want to do. Whether you feel like your former flame was holding you back or just feel the need to dive into something new, moving from passive coping to active coping will help you move on with your life. Focus on your relationship with yourself for the time being, unless a Tinder hookup is part of your active coping strategy! Putting yourself in new situations and new headspace is crucial to being ready for the next step in your romantic life, whether that means embarking on a relationship with a new partner or maximizing the single life. Whatever you decide, you’ll be refreshed and ready to handle anything.