10. Go Beyond the Bedroom
Pump up the passion under the covers by doing other fun things together. “Part of what bonds people and creates sexual energy is that sense of play and newness,” says Zoldbrod. In fact, research shows that novelty stimulates the transmission of a brain chemical called dopamine, which is important for arousal and excitement, adds Kerner. Sure, you can get that feeling of novelty by trying out new positions in the bedroom, but you can also get it from watching an athletic event together, going to a play, traveling to a destination that you both decide on, spending time with friends or anything else in which the two of you share a new experience.
11. Be High Maintenance
“It’s far easier—and more enjoyable—to keep a love life working than it is to try and fix it after it’s broken,” says Macleod, who stresses the importance and effectiveness of “maintenance sex” in long-term marriages. This is a tried-and-true way to deal with disparate sex drives and differing levels of sexual interest that occur naturally at different times, say, if one of you is feeling preoccupied by problems at work. “The less interested partner may simply agree to have sex, just to keep things going,” says Macleod. If performed with affection and received with respect and love, this kind of sex can help maintain your sexual and emotional bonds, which strengthens your marriage as a whole. Adds Macleod: “Sexual intimacy is one of the primary things that distinguishes your married relationship from all your other relationships and it deserves the attention of both partners to be sure that it stays well maintained.”
How Real Couples Keep the Sizzle
“We have a rule that we only use our bedroom for sex and sleep, and we stick with it by banning anything electronic like TVs, computers and cell phones. Without these distractions we find more romantic things to do.”
—Neil, Los Angeles, CA
“We actually schedule times to make love. It sounds very unsexy, but if we don’t ‘pencil it in,’ it just doesn’t happen. Sometimes we simply cuddle or talk instead of having sex, but just making that time together keeps us connected and feeling good about our relationship.”
—Judy, NY, NY
“Shortly after we were married, we both started to let ourselves go, and coincidentally our sex life went downhill, too. We decided to change that by making an effort to look attractive for one another. It may sound trivial, but it’s really helped life inside the bedroom.”
—Meredith, Warren, NJ
“I initiate sex more often. When we were dating, I worried about feeling rejected if he wasn’t in the mood. But the feeling of commitment that comes with being married has changed all that. When he’s not in the mood, it’s okay—he’s still my husband. But more often than not he’s turned on that I’m taking the lead.”
—Melissa, Flushing, NY
How do you add spice to your sex life?
Curated by Erbe
Original Article