6. ASTERISK.
Meaning: You’re afraid the person isn’t as cool as you.
The main reason people use asterisks in a text is to censor a word, for example: “I like deep-fried sandwiches so my friends call me the C*** of Monte Cristo. Little do they know I’m plotting my elaborate revenge on them.”
And there’s really only one reason to censor a swear word: if you’re afraid the person’s not as cool as you. Because if they were, they’d run around dropping f-bombs and c-bombs and f’d-in-the-a-with-your-own-d-bombs without the censorship.
So asterisks imply that you don’t think that person likes it raw, like you (and ODB). Save the asterisks for funny usage, something like this: “I bet you $65,000* that I am a better bowler than you.
*prize may be substituted for firm handshake or one turn at claw game.”
7. PLUS SIGN.
Meaning: You’ve got it bad.
If you use the plus sign in lieu of the word “and” or an ampersand, it’s your subconscious telling you that you really like the person. When couples carve their names into trees, they use a plus sign between them. “Laura + Mike. July 1991. I do it for you”; “Joe + Susan. January 1998. Our hearts will go on”; “Logan + Madison. August 2010. California gurls.”
A plus sign doesn’t simply translate to “and” … it’s a symbolic unification. So if you send the text “Me + you should go to Medieval Times,” you’re really carving those Medieval Times plans — and the love therein — into a tree.
8. EMOTICONS.
Meaning: You want to bring the conversation to life.
Texting is a faceless, emotionless means of communication. So no matter how middle school-ish they are, emoticons can be the best way to make your texts feel 3-D (and not crappy, retrofitted 3-D like they’re using in movies to add to the ticket prices. Good 3-D).
For women, use them carefully. Too many and you look immature. I had a friend who was texting with a girl and every single message she sent contained the winky face. It’s like she was outsourcing her texting to a seventh grader. (Or that her emoticon had some kind of palsy.)
And if you’re male … steer very clear. Any ratio higher than one emoticon per one hundred texts is pure poison.