Out of all the different non-verbal behaviors, I think that spotting attraction is without a doubt the easiest. We are very emotional creatures and when we’re attracted to somebody, it’s very, very difficult to hide. People think they’re hiding it, but things always slip.
One of the ways they slip are essentially the eyes. There are a lot of different ways you can use the eyes to determine whether or not someone’s attracted to you. The first thing is essentially eye contact. For the most part, usually we make eye contact with people that we’re interested in or people that we’re attracted to. Right? But this is not entirely true. Some people are shy or anxious and they’re not going to make eye contact. So what you’re looking for essentially is a deviation in eye contact.
So one of the ways you can use eye contact and there’s a little trick that’s very, very reliable. So what you’re going to do is if you look at somebody in a bar or restaurant or on the street and they break eye contact vertically, so they look down. So you make eye contact with them and they break eye contact vertically and then within 20-30 seconds they reestablish eye contact, approach them. They like you. It’s a very, very reliable thing.
Essentially what they’re doing. You stare at them. They’re submitting to you and then they take a little second glance to see who you are. It’s very, very, very reliable. The opposite of that would be if you look at somebody and they look at you and they immediately go and break eye contact. Nope, not interested. But what is reliable is they break eye contact and they come back. Break eye contact and then come back. Break eye contact and then come back. It’s very interesting.
And don’t let it wait. If you see that, go right away because the more and more you wait. The more and more eye contact becomes very, very awkward. One of the things that I do in one of my classes is I have people stare each other in the eyes for three minutes without saying anything. They just stare each other in the eyes like this. Try that. Go out and try to stare somebody in the eyes for even 90 seconds. I guarantee you can’t do it. It’s awkward. It’s so awkward because humans are not really at a level intimacy. When you stare somebody in the eyes is so awkward when you’re doing it with a stranger.
Studies will show that if you stare somebody in the eyes for 90 seconds to three minutes, all of a sudden you’re going to like that person a lot better than everybody else in the room because you kind of shared this emotional connection. So eye contact is important in that respect.
The second thing you can look for essentially is blink rate. Now, this is really cool. So blink rate correlate with emotional excitement. When we are emotionally excited, our blink rates tend to increase. Right? Average blink rates tend to be below 20 blinks per minute. For most people it really depends on where you are, but it’s really hard to nail down what the average blink rate is. But in my experience, it seems to be around 10 blinks per minute. Right? So you see, whenever you see a sudden spike or a bunch of sudden spikes in somebody’s blink rate in can be an indication of attraction. In my dating studies you see blink rates through the roof because the person across the table from you has an emotional response. You’re attracted to them.
The third way of kind of using the eyes to determine attraction is dilation. It’s very interesting. Our eyes dilate when we’re attracted to something. Right? Go out and find a Maxim magazine or a Playboy magazine or any cover that’s predominately men focusing. Every single woman will have her eyes dilated. You never, ever see them constricted. The reason why is because men perceive women with dilated eyes more attractive than women with more constricted eyes. To the point of back in the day prostitutes used to put a specific toxin in their eyes to make them dilate.