Little did I know, if I had mentioned it, guess what? He totally would.
Communication is important in relationships. We all know this. I probably overshare, a lot. But if you’re dating me, that comes with the territory, and you soon learn there is no such thing as over sharing because every thought I have needs to be said out loud or else I will cease to exist. It can be hard to have an open discussion with your partner about sex, especially if it’s to voice a complaint. I don’t even like calling it a complaint. An observation, let’s say. You don’t want to embarrass your partner or have them feel bad about themselves.
His Sex Conversation with Me
My boyfriend told me he didn’t think we were having sex enough. That wasn’t an easy conversation, but it was an important one. I felt bad and a little embarrassed. Was he going around feeling unfulfilled? I can’t make myself want to have sex more. To be fair, this wasn’t a complaint, but an observation. Well, maybe it was a complaint, but he was super nice about it, and it seemed like it was mostly out of concern that maybe I wasn’t sexually attracted to him, which is worrying, and not the case. That is completely understandable. This opened the floor for me to bring up something that had been on my mind as well.
You Could Do It Better
I kindly let him know, that maybe, he could be a little better at going down on me. It’s not always easy for me to come from actual intercourse, so that is something I need. I also let him know, that, you know, there are instructional videos out there, and…maybe he could look, and, hey… that could be fun. I didn’t completely tip toe around the subject but I also didn’t BS him. He voiced a concern, and now it was my turn. It’s an open dialogue.
I remember reading one of Jonathan Ames books in which he goes to a class to pick up some new tricks. I remember thinking “I wish my boyfriend would do that.” Little did I know, if I had mentioned it, guess what? He totally would. Well, not actually go to a class. That’s a pretty big ask. Watching YouTube videos in the privacy of his home? That was a little bit easier for him to wrap his head around.
Embarrassing but Game
I was honestly really surprised by his response. He was game. We both had a sense of humor about it, and he was happy I was honest, and seemed excited. He was up for the challenge. I felt so relieved. Yes, he was a little embarrassed, but tough. These conversations are not comfortable, but the results are worth it. If your partner cares more about pleasing you than a bruised ego, there is no reason why this wouldn’t help a relationship. It also helps to be a little subtle at first when bringing it up. Or, do you? You know the inner workings of your relationship better than anyone else. You know how you communicate with your partner, so trust that.
Once we got over that initial awkwardness, it started to be fun. He got excited to try out new things he had learned. I was excited to let him go to town, you know, for educational purposes. He tried different methods, I gave him feedback. It was a learning experience for both of us. Things he hadn’t tried, I didn’t know about either. It made him more confident in the bedroom. Can you imagine if I had never brought this up? Turns out it’s much easier to figure stuff out if you just put it all out on the table. It brought us a lot closer, and, as it turns out, he’s quite a fast learner.
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