Out with the Old Season In Love

November 9, 2018January 22, 2024 by Terri-Jane Dowin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

How our relationships are affected by the changing seasons

As we turn back the clocks and get ready for winter to really set in, autumn seems like a good time to give our relationships a little bit of a shake too – see what’s working, and what’s maybe getting a little bit stale. It’s easy to get into a cold-weather routine. Nights are longer, it’s cold outside, and it’s really much easier to close the curtains and stay indoors instead of venturing out. But that gets old pretty quickly. It’s a positive practice to let go of old things to make room for new growth, and this goes for relationships too. As the nights draw in, finding balance in your relationships can help lead into winter – creating new habits together and removing any blocks that might be stagnating your partnership.

Pay better attention

Listening to the other person is one of the most important features of a positive relationship. It works not only to make them feel like you care what they’re saying, but also means you both relate to each other more effectively, and that you find yourselves both more actively interested in each other. Paying attention is a quiet way of supporting your partner, and working on this as a skill can only ever be a good thing. Developing your listening skills can be as simple as putting your phone away when you’re talking, and making sure that you aren’t interrupting the other person. It goes both ways too, and you’ll usually find that if you make the effort to be a better listener to someone, they’ll reflect the same back to you. Most of the time, it’s about awareness, so head out to a quiet bar, leave your phone in your pocket, and make sure you’re spending some quality time with your partner.

Darker date nights

In the summer, it’s easy to be spontaneous. The sun is shining, it’s much nicer to spend time outdoors, and it’s easy to set up a last-minute barbeque or trip to the beach. As the daylight hours get shorter, we want to make the most of them, but accepting the darkness is an option too! Check out what’s going on where you live – there’ll be festive fairgrounds opening soon, and wrapping up to head out for mulled wine and fireworks is never a bad idea. When staying indoors is a better idea, check what’s on at local galleries or museums, where you can wander for a couple of hours. If that’s not your thing, lots of restaurants start switching to a winter menu, so you could make a list of places to try out together and find a new favourite spot.

Back to school

For better or worse, years of school mean that even as adults we are programmed to feel like the changing seasons equal new beginnings. This can spell disaster for relationships, especially ones that seem less exciting because you’ve settled in, but it doesn’t have to. Instead of lamenting the loss of learning, invest your time together in teaching yourselves something new. Many colleges offer six-week courses, or you can find all sorts of things on the internet. Enroll on a creative course, learn a language together, or try out something sexier, like a tantric workshop. Couples who participate in activities together find that their relationships are more rounded, and less likely to feel stagnant. Embarking on a new project together will mean you can both support each other as you go along, and you might find a new joint passion.

Build your nest

Of course, there’s always the option of actually embracing the feeling of wanting to stay inside and get cosy – and it’s always much nicer to netflix and chill with someone you love. There are some obvious benefits to staying in bed all winter, but there’s also another bonus: creating a wintery nest for you to hibernate in together! Cohabiting, or even just sharing a bed occasionally, is a good excuse to light some candles and stock up on cosy cushions and fleecey throws. Make a blanket fort for the two of you to hide in, and practice finding a balance together, ready for the winter.

Fall is a great opportunity to spend some time reevaluating your goals, and the best way to build your relationship is to talk through what you and your partner are looking for, together. Don’t be afraid to talk about stripping back old habits, to make room for the next exciting stages!

6 Things Successful Couples Do to Appreciate a Significant Other

November 28, 2018January 22, 2024 by Terri-Jane Dowin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

How do you show your partner that you appreciate them?

In a long-term relationship, feeling taken for granted sometimes is an easy trap to fall into. Most long-term couples find that occasionally the balance seems to shift, and one person takes on more of the labour, be it due to work commitments or a more gradual move into bad habits which become routine. We set out to find out how couples in long-term relationships stop their partners from feeling underappreciated by asking them “how do you show your partner they matter to you?”

“I do the chores they hate”

Far and away, domestic chores took the medal for being the most common demonstration of partner-appreciation. From taking the bins out, to doing the washing up, to changing the cat litter, household tasks were the biggest response. Not just any household tasks though; specifically the ones their partner most hated doing.

“I cook for them”

An unsurprising runner up – the way to everyone’s hearts, it seems, is through their stomach. Cooking a nice dinner when they’ve had a bad day, making breakfast every Saturday morning, and giving them the best bits of a meal all popped up as answers. It’s not just meals though; people also love buying chocolates for their significant other, or baking loaves of bread at the weekend, or making lunches for them to take to work. In the same vein, there’s also getting a takeout, and having someone else bring the food!

“I take them out on a date”

Ah, date night. This can fall by the wayside in a long-term relationship, especially as the weather cools and it’s nicer to stay indoors. But putting in a little bit of effort can go a long way. Some people said that they planned meals out – a date night with the added advantage of no dishes to clean afterwards. If there’s a film they’ve been wanting to see, you can have a couple of hours distraction-free instead of waiting for it to hit Netflix.

“I take care of them”

Letting the other person sleep in was a popular one, especially with new parents. An extra hour in bed in the morning might be more necessary than it seems, and helping out by getting up and taking care of the kids is a hugely symbolic gesture of appreciation. Imagine this doubled with breakfast in bed too! Care-taking gestures also included running them a bubble bath after a long day, and giving them a foot rub. Looking after someone is a great way of making them feel like they matter, and even more so if the gesture is acknowledging that they’ve had a bad day, or that they’re feeling a bit tired or run-down. Reminding them that they need to take some time for self-care is thoughtful, but going some ways toward carving out that time for them is even better.

“I buy flowers”

Everybody loves flowers, right? The problem is that they’ve come to symbolise apologies for wrongdoing, so flowers are sometimes a fraughtly given gift and have fallen out of favour a little bit. However, ‘Just Because’ flowers always go down well, because who doesn’t love a delivery of fresh blooms? Extra points for knowing their favourite flowers and including them in the bouquet. There were also people buying little gifts for no reason, too. Surprising someone with a gift they aren’t expecting, but that you know they’d love is a nice way of letting someone know that you value them, even if it’s something small.

“I send a text”

In our age of technology, we’re almost always connected, but an unexpected SMS or email is a nice gesture to let someone know that you’re thinking of them in that moment. Having someone pop up on your phone to randomly tell you that you’re on their mind is never a bad thing. It’s nice to be reminded that you’re thought of when you aren’t physically in the same room.

Overwhelmingly, though, it was the thought behind the gesture that meant more than the gesture itself – as much as foot rubs and flowers are lovely to receive, the feeling of being appreciated was far bigger than the action itself, and went much further.

What about you? Do you buy flowers, or are you more of a breakfast in bed person? What little things do you do to show someone you care?

5 Ways to Get Through Awkward Holiday Situations with Your Significant Other

November 14, 2019January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Let’s face it, as fun as the holidays are, they sure can be awkward sometimes.

If you are headed to your partner’s hometown this festive season, you’ll want to be prepared.

Here are five situations and solutions to get through awkward holiday situations with your significant other.

1. A nosy mother

Let’s face it, all moms want to do is protect their children. If you encounter a mom who takes you aside to ask some intrusive questions, or flat out interrogates you at Thanksgiving dinner, just take a deep breath and don’t be impulsive. Remember, while a mother may come off as a little too nosy, she’s just being a mama bear to her baby. If the conversation gets a little too awkward, just direct things back to the celebration at hand—comment on how good a dish is or thank whoever brought the wine. Chances are, it will lighten the mood and quite possibly help your significant other’s mother feel more at ease with you.

2. A creepy uncle

Ugh there’s always one and unfortunately, even in the #MeToo age, they are still around. It’s important to set your boundaries as soon as you get odd vibes from a creepy uncle. Don’t be afraid to tell him no, loud and clear. Stopping things early is the best option to keep you safe and avoid any not only awkward, but dangerous situations too. Your significant other should respect you for sticking up for yourself. If they don’t, it might be worth having a talk about your relationship, as your own self-worth should be the most important aspect of your life.

3. A grandma who means well but really wants you two to marry.

Oh goodness do I have a meddling grandma! My last surviving grandparent is now 90 and is pretty tech savvy for her age. Thank goodness she did this via text instead of at a holiday table, but she once texted me a huge message saying that my boyfriend hasn’t married me yet because he only wants friendship and I leave him and should try CatholicMatch.com instead. I kid you not! I am cracking up again now as I write this. After being utterly appalled, I now laugh about it. I sent my grandma a text saying I appreciate her watching out for me but my partner and I are happy. That’s exactly what you should say at a holiday get-together too. Most of the time, all grandparents want is to make sure their grandchildren are happy. Sometimes they just show it in mortifying ways!

4. Kid cousins who ask a lot of questions

I adore children but my goodness, can some of them ask a lot of questions! If you find yourself in the hot seat with your boyfriend or girlfriend’s kid cousins, answer what you want to. If things get to be too much, start turning the conversation around and asking them questions. Kids love to talk about themselves and many will be happy you are taking a genuine interest in them. If you are not great with kids, this recent SNL skit was so funny and may help with any nerves you have. Also, as someone who used to be the oldest of my brood of siblings and cousins, I remember adoring aunts and uncles who took an interest in me and what my life was like at that moment of my childhood.

5. Dads big on the dad jokes

Dads and their dad jokes will withhold the test of time! The best thing you can do if you encounter a dad who loves to make embarrassing, cringeworthy jokes is to laugh at them. He will be so happy that someone finds them funny and endearing. However, the only time you shouldn’t laugh at jokes dad makes is when they are racially, sexual orientation or gender insensitive. If they are in poor taste, take your significant other aside and explain that you are not a fan of their father’s sense of humor. It’s up to them on how they want to take it up with dad. As much as you want to be welcomed into their family, it’s not worth it to risk your personal values.