Fun, Intense and Intimate Sex

We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. How can we make sex more intense?

But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off-limits, and all questions will remain anonymous. Please send your sex and relationship inquiries to Now, onto today’s topic: how to make sex more fun, intense, and intimate.

Q: My partner and I have been together for years. Sex is important to both of us, and we want to keep growing together in our relationship. We’re lucky that sex is pretty great between us, but we want it to be even better. We want to feel like we’re learning more about each other and deepening our connection. How can we make sex more intense?

A: Thanks for your question! It’s awesome that the two of you place such a high value on sex, and are continually looking for new ways to connect. Trust me, that is going to go such a long way in your relationship! Here are my tips for making sex as intimate, intense, and fun as possible.

1. Define What Intimacy Means To You

First things first: what exactly do you mean by intimacy? What about intensity? These are powerful words that means different things to different couples. The first thing the two of you should do is talk about what intimacy means to your relationship. What does intense sex feel like, both in the moment and afterwards? What’s the kind of emotional connection you’re aiming for? What was the best sex you guys ever had like? You can’t work towards a goal until you know what your goal is!

2. Set Yourselves Up For Success

if you want to have intense sex, you have to have the right atmosphere for connection. It’s hard to bond with each other if your cell phones keep buzzing or if your pooch is pawing at your bedroom door. You guys may already do a good job at creating the space for intimacy, but it’s an important tip to remember.

You can do things in the moment, like turning off all electronics, or setting the mood with soft music and candles. You can also make bigger-picture changes like creating a weekly date night or planning weekend getaways.

3. Talk During Sex

Talking to your partner while you’re having sex is a great way to turn up the heat. Tell your partner what you want them to do to you. Tease your partner, and make them beg you to give them what they want. Describe to your partner exactly how their touches and kisses are making you feel. Even simple words of affection can make the two of you feel closer.