8. …And Definitely Don’t Wait Until You’re Stripping

I highly recommend not disclosing right before getting down and dirty, when the lust haze emotionally compromises our brains. It’s not fair to pressure someone into making a decision about his or her sexual health in the heat of the moment. If you can tell a situation is heading in that direction, slow things down and talk it out. Waiting until after you’ve had sex to disclose denies them the chance to give you their informed consent. Then you really will have something to apologize for.

At a party, I once realized the playful flirting between a friend and I was not quite as harmless as I’d thought. He already knew that I had herpes—I tell most of my friends, whether or not I want to bone them—but as we left the party to go back to his place, I made sure we took the long route. By the time we’d reached his apartment, he knew the statistics and we were both confident in what we wanted to have happen between us.

9. Know That You Deserve a Yes—But Don’t Take a No Personally

Sadly, an STD will be a deal-breaker for some people for a lot of reasons. Men and women with other health conditions might not want to put themselves at risk. A dude once broke up with me because he’d just gotten over chlamydia and didn’t want to gamble with his sexual health again so soon. And of course, every once in a while you will meet a jerk who has internalized the cultural stigma surrounding STDs too much to move forward with you.

Yes, rejection sucks. But it doesn’t really matter how valid or bogus your partner’s reason is for turning you down—respect it, and consider yourself better off. Now, you don’t have to waste time on someone who can’t be the best partner for you.

10. Remember That a Yes Doesn’t Guarantee a Good Relationship

It feels validating and awesome when someone says your STD is no big deal. But if accepting your STD ever becomes a bargaining chip or a “favor” your partner has done for you, this person might not be someone you want to date. They don’t get to congratulate themselves for being kind enough to have sex with you—or use your STD as an excuse to not put effort into the relationship. Keep your bar high. You should have a partner who adores you and treats you the way you deserve to be treated, regardless of your sexual health.

I’ve dated several incredible guys since I was diagnosed with genital herpes. What’s my secret? I refuse to think I deserve anything less than a supportive and fulfilling relationship, no matter what a stigma may have told me.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article