One of the more challenging things for many people when it comes to sex is to find out what really turns them on after having removed all of their shame and judgment. The next big step is to then state their desires aloud to themselves and to their intimate partners. It is easier said than done because it requires time, patience and dedication.

Recently, one of my sex coaching clients, Vicky, started our session by exclaiming “Holy shit. I think it’s actually revolutionary what I’m doing. I am practicing being sexual. I can now actually use the word ‘sex’ without feeling self-conscious or guilty. I am finding my sexual voice. And damn, it does take practice!”

Vicky has been practicing what is often referred to as “Orgasmic Yoga” which, in reality, is not about yoga or orgasms! It’s really just another name for developing a core erotic practice.

She has been on a 30-day practice schedule of working solo with her own body; exploring it on a physical and emotional level. Orgasmic Yoga is a pleasurable, intimate and transformative discipline that is practiced while sexually aroused. The goal is to develop or reclaim erotic capacities. Some individuals practice it to reawaken the awesome feelings in their body. Others practice it to discover those feelings for the first time.

Taking the time to participate in a mindful, planned solo erotic practice allows the individual to focus on what is substantial in their sexuality rather than what is superficial.

Vicky has also been working to identify her peak erotic experiences in order to understand what gives her authentic sexual pleasure. The desired result is to give herself the ability to better communicate her sexual needs to herself and to her partner. This takes guts, and it takes time. It can feel like a radical step to actually practice being sexual. But Vicky, like the countless women and men that I work with, have decided they really want to own their own sexuality; that it’s their time.