5. Touch affectionately without thinking sex is imminent.

Women often complain that their husbands never touch them unless they want sex. This turns them off. If, as the man, you are the more highly-sexed partner, it will serve you well to remember this about your wife. She might want you to hug, cuddle, hold hands, sit next to her on the couch, or kiss her in ways that are affectionate but not sexual. Lots of women say that men are incapable of hugging without their hands sliding slowly down their bodies. Since many women have a strong need for affection without sexual overtones, they get annoyed when every touch becomes a means of foreplay.

If this sounds familiar to you, try being affectionate and stop there. Your partner will appreciate it, and you. She might wonder what in the world is going on. And that’s exactly what you want to do—break out of old unproductive patterns. When you start doing the things that touch her soul, she will be more inclined to do the things that touch your body.

6. Masturbate.

Since your sex drives are so disparate, it’s unreasonable for you to expect your spouse to take care of each and every desire. You need to take responsibility for satisfying your own needs from time to time. In all likelihood, you are already doing this but you may be resentful about it. That’s not good or fair. Although your partner could try to meet you halfway, there will still be times when you are hot to trot and he or she isn’t. That’s normal; you need to accept it. As long as your spouse is making more of an effort to understand and care for your needs, you need to accept your differences and take care of yourself occasionally without feeling resentment.

7. Accept a gift of love.

Sometimes, as things improve and your spouse tries to be more caring about your needs, he or she might decide to become intimate with you even though sex might not be a burning desire. Rather than feeling insulted or put off, you should accept this as a gift of love. In good relationships, people do things for their spouses all the time that may not be exactly what they feel like doing at the moment. That’s more than okay—that’s real giving, when you give to your partner what he or she wants and needs whether or not you understand, like, or agree with it. Allow your spouse to show his or her love by being sexual even if it wasn’t his or her favorite thing to do at the moment. Accept the gift and appreciate it. Good marriages are built on this kind of caring.

8. Respect your spouse’s sexual prerequisites.

Here’s another really good suggestion from Dr. Pat Love: When a partner with low sexual desire tells his or her spouse about the conditions that need to be in place in order to engage in or enjoy sex, the higher-sexed spouse often does not understand or accept the requests at face value. For example, if a wife tells her husband that she prefers making love at night rather than in the morning, the husband might think she is just making up excuses. (For most men, testosterone peaks between 7 to 8 A.M.; women’s testosterone levels peak in the evening.) If a husband tells his wife that he feels more turned on after they take a shower or when the kids are asleep, she may think he is just putting things off so that sex never happens. But the truth is these may not just be excuses. You may have a hard time believing this because you are ready to go at the drop of a hat, but your spouse may really need things to be a certain way in order to feel relaxed, comfortable, and turned on. As much as possible, try to honor these requests and not discredit your partner when he or she confides in you about these conditions. Take them at face value, and try to create the kind of atmosphere that is most likely to be conducive to your partner desiring sex.

9. If all else fails, be brutally honest.

I’ve worked with countless couples in which one spouse was so dissatisfied with their sexual relationship that he or she eventually had an affair or left the marriage. You might be thinking of these alternatives too. An affair is a lousy solutions. Even if it satisfies you temporarily, it will only make things more difficult at home. Although an affair or separation sometimes serves as a wake-up call to the other spouse, you can’t always count on that.

Still, as the more highly-sexed person, you might be at the end of your rope. You might be fantasizing about someone else—or about packing your bags and leaving. Before you act, make sure your spouse knows in no uncertain terms the seriousness of the situation. Make certain he or she understands what will happen if nothing changes. Don’t threaten in the heat of an argument. Don’t blame or criticize. Just say calmly that because of the differences in your sexual appetites, you are so unhappy that you are considering doing something you really don’t want to. Spell out what you’ve been thinking about. Tell your partner that this is not a threat, but rather, that you are so desperate you don’t know what else to do. Ask your partner one more time to seek help. Then wait and see what happens.

Each partner in a relationship needs to take personal responsibility for making things better. When both of you make more of an effort to understand each other’s needs and feelings, you will undoubtedly feel closer and more connected emotionally and physically. And at the end of the day, isn’t that what healthy relationships are all about?

Curated by Erbe
Original Article