6. Highly sensitive people make good decisions.

If you have a highly sensitive spouse, you may want to defer to them for decision-making, because Dr. Aron explains that although highly-sensitive people can take longer to make decisions, “they’re usually good ones.” She may, for instance, recall some unpleasant details about a restaurant they are considering eating at, or avoid a certain hiking trail based on past experiences, saving both parties the bane of bad bread or a less-than-dazzling view.

7. Fighting warrants special consideration for highly sensitive people.

It’s not a stretch to imagine that if one or both partners are highly sensitive in a marriage, fights could have the potential for disaster, but the Arons have a few tips for making it through intact.

“For sensitive people, when you get to the point where you’re really over aroused, stop and take a 20-minute break,” Dr. Aron advises. Or better yet, try not to get to that point. She also suggests staying on the topic of what you are discussing. “Don’t start bringing up the other things you’re mad at your partner for,” she says. “If you’re discussing how your children should be educated, you don’t want to bring up the subject of how their mother didn’t do things right.” If you start throwing in what Dr. Aron dubs, “the kitchen sink,” then everything escalates.

Being highly sensitive also might mean being more vulnerable to slights by your partner — the person who knows you best in the world. “The whole goal for humans is not to be shamed — your partner knows you so well that it’s easy for them to bring up the things that are shameful,” she notes.

 8. Recognizing that you’re highly sensitive won’t magically fix your marriage.

Although it may feel like a bit of an eye-opener, a spouse recognizing that he or she is highly sensitive won’t magically transform a relationship overnight. “Couples need to get it that it’s genetics, you can’t change this about your partner — but you can change how you manage it,” Dr. Aron says. “If you don’t get that, you become a hard person to live with.”

So what’s a newly informed Highly Sensitive Spouse supposed to do with all of this enlightenment? Don’t go running to your spouse with the good news, cautions Dr. Aron. “Don’t expect your partner to be delighted with this news,” she notes.

And of course I dutifully recorded her advice — than went running to my husband with the news that I thought I was highly sensitive.

He looked at me skeptically.

“Highly sensitive, huh?” he scoffed. “I’d say more like highly egocentric.”

I think he was just kidding.

And if he wasn’t, don’t tell me — I’m not sure I’ll take the news well.

Curated by Steven
Original Article