zfortadmin, Author at Love TV - Page 15 of 50

Author: zfortadmin

Men Speak Out: The Secret to Keeping Him Committed

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

Are you willing to let your Man take the Lead? How adventurous are you in Love to step out of your comfort zone and try out a suggestion from your partner? 

 

Should we help him feel like a “conqueror”? Allowing men to take the lead sometimes helps men stay committed to the relationship. From  Death of the Cheating Man: What Every Woman Must Know about Men Who Stray.

Helping a man feel like a conqueror will help him want to stay committed. It may sound odd to women, but it can be easier than you may think.

Why do men love a “ride-or-die woman”? “She doesn’t get in the way,” one of my buddies told me about his wife. It’s true; she allows him to do the things that cause him to feel like a conqueror and that helps him to feel like she’s going to ride with him no matter what. When a man feels that he has this type of woman, he will go the extra mile to stay committed because he sees her as an asset to his life. And ladies, keep in mind that just because you are in a relationship, doesn’t mean that you’re an asset…many women become liabilities.

Men love to feel like a woman will do something out of her comfort zone for us. In other words, she’ll ride, no matter what. It’s all about the little things that help us keep our heads in the commitment.

For instance, a man wants to take on a task that you see is menial. If a woman makes him fight or justify it, then she may cause him to flee. Allowing him to do it without hassle, and trusting that he is a faithful man who simply needs to conquer something, will make all the difference in the world.

I’m not suggesting that women should give men whatever they want all the time, but it’s important for women to know that a man doesn’t always want what he’s asking for; he wants to know that his woman will ride with him if he asks. That makes him feel like a conqueror and that he has a ride-or-die type of woman.

It’s really that simple…the small things make a man feel like a king!

Little do most women know that a small task like pushing the elevator button can be important to a man. We have all been in the elevator when a little boy gets in and wants to push the elevator button and his mom lets him do it. What seems like such a menial thing to a woman can be a task of conquering for a man.

I used to have a girlfriend that battled me on simple issues like where we parked when we went somewhere. No matter where I wanted to park, she’d argue that we should park somewhere else. To her she had just as much right to pick the parking place as I did.

While she was in the right to voice her opinion about the parking decision, battling me over an issue where I needed to feel like a conqueror only served to cause me to try harder to conquer. So we’d argue back and forth and I’d park where I wanted to just to conquer, or I’d reluctantly give in and flee. For a while I pleaded my case to her and tried to get her to understand that little things were important to me as a man. But she decided that it was more important to her that we were equal in all decisions and in the long run, our relationship was lost in her conquest.

However, my next girlfriend saw that this was important to me, so instead, she placed her concerns on making sure that we were always on time and as long as we were safe, she allowed me to choose the parking without hassle. Again, it may sound like no big deal to a woman, but making that small decision helped me to feel like I had conquered, and in return, I made sure I accommodated her desire to always be on time.

Those little nuances serve to remind a man how valuable a woman is in the moments where he may tire of commitment.

On a larger scale, the thing that most faithful men complain about is that they can’t get sex when they want it in a committed relationship. When a man is single or cheating, he can have sex at random or whenever he wants it. But when he’s in a committed relationship, his sexual fulfillment is based 100 percent on the clock of his woman.

As I said earlier what many women may not see is that for a faithful man, being committed to a relationship gives us a sense of entitlement to sex. If we can’t have it at our leisure, we feel rejected and no conqueror thinks he should ever be rejected. If it persists, we won’t cheat, but it can cause us to pull away from the commitment.

Ladies, I understand that men always want sex and that can be inconvenient for a woman. Some women complain that they love having sex with their man, but they can’t keep up with giving it the way a man needs it—all the time.

When a woman shows frustration, she can cause a man to feel that he isn’t welcome to have what he believes is his. Because he can’t take the cave man approach and drag her into his cave, he may retreat in frustration. This causes a lot of men to pull away over time and want to get out of the commitment where he is faced with such restriction.

Instead of completely turning him away, another approach is for a woman to negotiate without him knowing. Let him know that if he’s willing to wait until the more convenient time, he can have it the way he likes it. This helps him feel like he can have it if he wants, but that she will fulfill his larger desire if he nurtures her needs as well.

As women find themselves at these little crossroads every day in relationships with faithful men, they can keep us engaged in commitment by allowing us the small things that make us feel like conquerors. Remember, just because a guy doesn’t cheat, doesn’t mean he doesn’t still have all the desires of a conquering man.

If you help your man feel like a conqueror, then he’ll be less likely to stray and look for other places or things to conquer. So don’t underestimate the power of the small things. Remember that if it seems small to you, it’s probably big to him.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

 

Soul Sex: Transcending Lovemaking

by zfortadminin Mind, Sex
Connecting on a deeper level than physical sexuality can unlock a deep well of passion and intense closeness. Have you transcended your lovemaking to Soul Sex?

Anyone can make love. Creating a love-making experience that takes you beyond orgasm is soul sex.

Ahhh! The art of love-making. Part I.

In today’s busy world where we fast forward through life often missing the best parts. We need to set aside dedicated time for quality sex if we want our relationship to survive. Soul Sex does not take place in 15 minutes. It requires patience, planning and will give you countless hours of exquisite pleasure.

In a series of 7 articles we will slowly go through the process of how to have the deep mind-body-soul connection that leads to great sex.

The ultimate love-making experience that goes beyond sex is where the expression, “I saw God!” comes from. This is the most amazing bliss that two people can have together. It is not an event that you can rush through to “get to the good stuff.” Orgasm is not the focus. Pleasure is. Building sexual tension slowly for a peak experience. You enjoy each moment as it comes. No pun intended.

Always begin with a squeaky clean body.  I guarantee you that the fresher you are from the shower, the more varied the activities that will take place.

Set The Mood

Music can set the mood for anything, including sex. From Barry White to Marvin Gaye, there is a wide variety to choose from. Make sure you have lots of music lined up, as one song will not do, unless it’s Ravel’s Bolero. A link is provided here:

ohttp://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/820681/7-Sexy-songs-to-hav…

Before you go any further, make sure you have your cell phones, and television turned off. Any interruption can jar you back to reality. You won’t want to be interrupted.

Blending Your Energies

Before the first touch, sit in front of each other, facing each other. Take a few moments to sit in silence and just breathe in the other. Without touching, close your eyes and enjoy your combined energy. This time will help you both get centered and calm from your day. Let each exhalation release all the negativity you have accumulated from the outside world.

Deep Eye Gazing

It begins with a look. A deep meaningful look where you gaze into your partners soul. You are not thinking about what to pick up at the grocery store, or texting while you are intermittently gazing into your partners eyes. With a soft focus on nothing else but each other. Keep your bodies from touching. Focus only on their eyes. You may laugh, or you may cry – be open to either. You have to able to allow your partner to see inside you. Be transparent. Do not try to hide or put up barriers to the other, you will miss the really deep intimacy you are creating.

Kissing

Kissing itself is an art. Some people can have an orgasm just by kissing. If you want your relationship to be more passionate or last, kiss more often. The hormone oxytocin is released as well as endorphins which make you feel good.

Think of velvet. Soft, gentle and delicate. Subtlety is an art. Instead of using your tongue and full-on lips, with lots of pressure, touch noses first, hesitate to join with your lips. Let the energy between you grow and build slowly. For more about Philemotology, the science of kissing follow the link.

Learn how to kiss in different ways. A kiss should not always be wet or with your tongue. Vary your styles and pressure. Your kiss is an indication of the kind of lover you are. It is the prelude of what is to come. You don’t always want to kiss in the same way.  Sometimes being in touch with your feminine and masculine sides can have tremendous benefits. Kissing and sex should be a delight of all the senses. Not just touch. There is a delicate balance between barely enough, to keep your partner begging for more and too much tongue, wetness or too forceful. You want to begin slowly. A delicate tug on your partner’s lower lip, almost a bite, without the pain. Pull back and look at your partner. Are their eyes dilated? Are they getting aroused? Try kissing in different places, like the palm of your partner’s hand.

This event is not for you to prove something, but to delight. Move forward again this time more slowly so that you can smell each other’s skin.

Now that you have kissed lightly, brushing each other’s lips, allow yourself to begin closing in and embracing fully, at the same time kissing deeply allowing your tongue to enter your partner’s mouth. Allow your passion to rise, as it does your partner’s will also.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Let’s Face it – Fantasies and Kinks are Normal!

by zfortadminin Sex

We all have deep, passionate desires. Some people hold their kinks close as personal secrets, while others are comfortable with making their fantasy requests real! 

Let’s be honest… Most everyone has some type of secret fantasy, fetish, or kinky desire. They have something in the back of their mind (or tucked in the back of a closet) that they are just dying to share with the right partner. But, bringing up the topic with a date or mate can be difficult. How do you go from “sexual fantasies” to “reality”?

Like most things on this blog, we can find the solution in persuasion and influence! So, break out your kama sutra, BDSM gear, or that little nurses outfit, and read on. Below are 5 steps to introducing your partner to what really turns you on.

How To Get Kinky

1) Realize that Fantasies and Kinks are Normal

Before you discuss your desires with anyone else, you first must be comfortable with them yourself. You may well be your partner’s first introduction into the topic. As a result, you will be leading them. If you are comfortable, they will be comfortable. Besides, despite the often sexually-repressive culture, everyone has something a bit “kinky”. So, embrace your inner desires.

Getting comfortable with your desired fetish or fantasy serves two persuasive purposes. First, you end up modeling the type of positive behavior you hope your partner follows. Second, you “normalize” the behavior and request, making it easier for your partner to accept as part of their worldview. When they see you discussing it comfortably, they come to feel that it is a normal and comfortable topic to discuss (and later take part in). So, to be persuasive, get comfortable with your fantasy and accept it…then share it.

2) Communicate that Your Desires are Intimate and Special

There is an unfortunate misconception that fantasies, fetishes, and kink necessarily “objectify” and “distance” lovers from one another. Usually, just the opposite is true. Sharing your secret sexual cravings with a special partner can increase trust and intimacy. It is a special, private piece of who you are that you are giving to someone else.

As a result, be sure to communicate that you want to share your fantasies or fetishes as “something intimate and special, with a special person”. Highlight the fact that your partner is unique, special, and you desire to share the behavior as an intimate experience with them. This operates on the influence principle of “scarcity” – where individuals value more what is special, rare, or unique. So, when you make the request intimate and special, you also make it scarce…and irresistible.

3) Demonstrate that Others are Enjoying It

Pretty much anything you are into has some coverage in movies, magazines, videos, etc. For some reason Netflix movies seem to be a goldmine for fantasy, fetish, and kink. In any case, lightly expose your partner to a bit of that “culture”. Casually comment about an article you read. Select a movie that features that type of fetish. Show them a video online that a “buddy” happened to send you. Begin to expose them to positive representations of the activities you like.

Yes, this does follow another influence principle – the principle of social proof. Individuals often choose to do what they see other people doing (especially when those people enjoy it). So, showing or discussing positive examples of “other people doing” what you desire will make your partner more interested and agreeable to it.

4) Appeal to Your Partner’s Self-Image

We all have different “sides” or “selves”. The “self” that we have at work is different than the “self” we have with friends. Our “sexual self” is no different…and it changes over time.

To ensure your partner’s comfort and agreement with a topic, make sure to align it with aspects of their sexual self. If they believe they are “adventurous” in bed, then praise their adventurousness and suggest your kink as an adventure. If they believe they are “intimate” in bed, then tell them you love their intimacy and suggest a fantasy as a further way of getting intimate.

The appeal requires that you first get them to “commit” to a certain self-image, where they say the type of person they are. You may do this in the form of a leading question (e.g. “are you adventurous?”). Next, you affirm that self-image with an attribution of your own (e.g. “that’s what I love about you, you’re so adventurous”). Finally, you present your desire in a way consistent with that self-image (e.g. “let’s try something adventurous together”).

This process works on the self dynamics of your partner. It helps them “see themselves as the kind of person” who would engage in a fantasy, fetish, or kink. It also employs the influence principles of commitment/consistency and attribution. Individuals are motivated to remain consistent to a self-image they project (consistency) or an image that others have of them (attribution). Therefore, when their image is in agreement with a behavior…they do it.

5) Start Small and Work Up

When you introduce your partner to a fantasy or fetish, start SMALL. Don’t bring out the latex suit and full body harness, or the entire clown outfit, on the first night. Ease them into it. Just the small toy. Just the handcuffs. Then work your way up!

Starting small allows your partner time to ease in, adjust and get comfortable. It also makes a “yes” to larger requests later more likely. The principle is called the foot-in-the-door effect – where individuals who say yes to small requests initially are more likely to say yes to big requests later. So, be patient. Let your partner ease in, then introduce something more, until you get to the whole fantasy.

Conclusion

Sharing your fetish or fantasy with a partner can be a positive (and persuasive) experience. You don’t have to keep quiet. Just get comfortable with what you want, to ask calmly and confidently. Make your partner feel special and unique to share your desires. Show them positive examples of others enjoying what you like. Align the request with their self-image. Finally, start small and work your way up. Follow those steps…and you both will reach kinky bliss in no time.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

 

Communication Guide to Booty Calls

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE

Getting clear on your needs in a relationship are very important. Being sure you are honest and on the same page with a booty call requires some finesse too! 

Most people don’t talk about booty calls. That’s part of their appeal: “We don’t have to endlessly com-mu-ni-cate because we’re not in a serious relationship.” People rely on a tacit understanding when it comes to casual sex with their friends and neighbors, and especially their exes. But it’s silly to assume that everyone “understands” the exact same set of personal guidelines. The implicit, unlegislated booty call is a complicated procedure, due to varying agendas, the likelihood of miscommunication, and the chance of emotional intimacy. The smart people know that without rules, there are expectations, and those, by definition, make things messy. Even if you don’t think you have any expectations, that in itself is an expectation: That you not expect anything of me, that you not sleep over, that you not get mad if I don’t text you back. So let’s once and for all manage those expectations with The 25 Rules of the Modern Booty Caller:

1. Separate sex from love.

2. You don’t need to have anything in common. The ability and/or desire to converse with each other is only necessary if one party requires that as foreplay.

3. Both parties must be either single or in open relationships.

4. Exes you are currently friends with make ideal booty call partners. However, if one party broke the other’s heart, pursuing a booty-call arrangement is a no-no (at least for 24 months).

5. Unless otherwise agreed upon, after midnight on a school night is too late to text/call. On weekends, all outreach should be done at least five minutes before closing time.

6. If you don’t want an overnight guest, then make the booty call before sundown. After the sun sets, you’ve got to resign yourself to the possibility of entertaining all night long–unless you have express rules to the contrary, it is the only polite thing to do.

7. It’s best to store your booty call’s number in your phone and NOT memorize it, should you someday wish to delete the number (and the person) from your sex life.

8.Booty calls are best made via text — the most civilized (i.e safest, i.e. cowardly) form of booty call communication. Texting (usually) helps instigators feel and appear less vulnerable, awkward and desperate.

9. If the receiver is not prepared to say yes, he or she can simply not respond — but be warned, too many cold shoulders and you run the risk of getting dumped by your booty call (which is almost more embarrassing than getting dumped by a significant other). Best to come up with a short, sweet and believable excuse as to why it’s a no go right now (e.g. “Sorry, watching ‘Project Runway All Stars’” is NOT a good one).

10. Though it’s understood that most booty calls are made after hours, the world would do well to remember that calls may also be made sober and in the light of day.

11. Ideally, booty callers should alternate who texts whom so that mutual interest is constantly re-established. If you have been the initiator more than three times without reciprocation, it is safe to assume they’d almost rather watch “Project Runway All Stars” than have sex with you. And if you’d rather watch reality TV, then it’s okay to simply stop texting (or stop responding)–especially if it was not a monogamous set-up.

12. You probably shouldn’t draw on one booty source more than once a week. Two weeks is ideal. Any more often and you risk drifting into a common-law relationship.

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Be a Man Magnet Everyday

by zfortadminin LOVE

Learn flirting techniques from a professional wingwoman. Men paid her to help them make a move, apply her tips close the deal the next time you lock eyes with that sexy man at the bar. 

Do you ever go out sometimes and feel like guys aren’t giving you the attention you deserve, and you can’t figure out why? That used to happen to me too. Then I became a part-time “wingwoman” — a girl who helps guys meet chicks in bars by posing as the guys’ platonic female friend. (Wingwoman services are available in many cities, including New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Dallas, Miami, and Saint Louis.) While earning my wings, I learned lots of little tricks every single girl can use to improve her success with guys. Warning: Once you perfect these moves, you might find that you’re such a powerful man-magnet, you attract guys everywhere. I used to date a guy who asked me out at the ATM!

Wingtip #1: Go out in groups of no bigger than three.

Larger groups of girls are supertough (read: intimidating) to approach. Three is a good number because your two friends can keep each other company when a guy walks up to chat with you.

Group of friends toasting with cocktails in the bar

Wingtip #2: Hold a drink in your hand.

Guys don’t want to be used. Meaning: They don’t want to buy you a drink right off the bat. My clients and I used to look for the girl with half a cocktail. That way, if she finishes her beverage while chatting with my guy, he could offer to buy her another to keep things moving.

Wingtip #3: Smile genuinely.

So obvious, right? But I can’t stress it enough — and I can’t believe I ever acted aloof in an attempt to seem sexier. Now I know that women smile all the time naturally (when we’re nervous, when we’re trying to be polite, etc.), so if you don’t do it at all, you look like an unapproachable bitch.

Wingtip #4: Work the eye contact.

To reel him in from across the room, tilt your chin down a bit and flash him a couple of sultry glances. (Guys love it when you look up at them — it makes them feel manly.) If the guy across the room is so gorgeous you have a hard time looking straight at him and are simply too nervous, fake it by focusing on the tiny area right between his eyes. He won’t be able to tell the difference.

Wingtip #5: Don’t immediately ask him what he does.

Some men think all women are gold diggers. A lot of my clients hated being asked what their job is. It’s that fear-of-being-used thing again.

Wingtip #6 Make positive small talk.

Once I started studying other women, I couldn’t believe how negative some of us appear. When you’re out on the town, you’re supposed to be having fun, and any complaint (“It’s hot in here!”), pessimism (“There will definitely be another terrorist attack”), or snarky quip (“Look at that chick’s belt — so 2002!”) pretty much pokes a hole in the fun-girl aura you should be projecting. Some better small-talk topics: recent vacations, favorite bands, hilarious movies. You can hit him with your deep, dark world-view some other time.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

 

Are Sex Toys the Missing Link in Your Relationship?

by zfortadminin Sex

Do you get adventurous with your partner and play with Sex Toys together? JoDivine explores the great benefits of adding some play time with sexy adult toys. If you are still on the fence, we have answers to the common questions that might be holding you back.

Often thought of as a solo activity, the use of sex toys by couples can improve their sexual relationship. Using a sex toy is a fun way to spice up your relationship whilst boosting a couple’s intimacy. The benefits of using a sex toy are numerous, including keeping your Kegel muscles toned and your libido charged.

Why should I use a sex toy?

The benefits of using a sex toy are huge. Having great sex can promote health and well being by improving your mood and physically making you feel good. Using a sex toy can spice up a flagging sex life and bring a bit of fun into your life. A sex toy will make you feel great as well as promoting your circulation and the release of the “feel good factors” during an orgasm. It can also increase the tone and elasticity of the vaginal walls and promote the release of vaginal secretions which can decline as we get older, as a result of ill health or side effects of medication.

Sex is not just about having sexual intercourse which is only one way to have fulfilling sex. Using a sex toy can bring great pleasure to both of you if full intercourse is not possible. Many couples are unable to have sex due to physical or emotional problems so using a sex toy may help.

Will it ruin my normal sex life?

When used with your partner, sex toys provide couples with the opportunity to fully express themselves sexually and increase their sexual pleasure, especially when using them to stimulate their partner.

Couples can use sex toys to boost their sexual satisfaction, introduce variety into a relationship which may have become boring and make sex fun. Having sex with the same person for many years can become a bit stale but a sex toy can help to make sexual intercourse more fun, pleasurable and exciting. Becoming aroused with the help of a sex toy is no different to any other way and may increase your pleasure. Your partner may prefer to use a sex toy to arouse you to avoid an aching hand if it takes a while!sexy couple kissing and playing in bed

I want to but I’m too embarrassed

Since the famous rabbit vibrator was mentioned on “Sex and the City” it has become acceptable to own sex toys. According to recent statistics, nearly 60% of women own a sex toy and 75% of those who do are married. You may be surprised at how many of your friends own a toy: it is normally the quiet ones!

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Romantic Comedies: Love Inspiration or The Dark Side?

by zfortadminin LOVE

Are you a fan of romantic comedies? How much do the elaborate plot lines and character triumphs do you apply to your own dream of romance? 

They’re both really attractive, in a cutesy kind of way. They’re meant to be together. We, mere strangers in a movie theatre, chomping popcorn like witless cud-chewing bovines, know they’re meant to be together. So why in the name of all things Jennifer Aniston don’t they know they’re meant to be together!

Misunderstandings roll, cute things happen, zany best friends glide in and out, you check your watch, no CGI explosions occur (there might be the odd “humorous” fist fight) and finally these two lovable bright-toothed dimwits realize they were always meant to be together. What a relief for all of us. Now we can go home. The Rom Com is over, thank you very much and goodnight. But is that the end of it for you?

Romantic Comedies: The Dark Side!
Personally I feel all rom-coms should carry health warnings because of the testosterone-depleting effects they can have on men. Okay here’s a secret; I admit it. I have enjoyed the odd rom-com begrudgingly. Is that wrong? But it seems these movies really could damage your relationships. Research has found that viewing a rom-com can make people feel less appreciative of their partner and less loving toward them (1). Expectations get unrealistically raised and reality bites and it isn’t sexy. But is this new?

Popular media has always moulded notions of how romance and relationships “should” be. Traditional fairy tales, read literally, seem to propagate an idealized version of romance. On cue with a little understanding from the beautiful girl our frog turns into a handsome prince with a private trust fund. Or the situation seems hopeless, all is chaos with wicked step sisters and the like, but somehow, through destiny, the prince finds his bride, the slipper fits, and everybody gets the “happily ever after” we all knew was coming.

But in real life the “princess” wonders why the “magic” so often happens in reverse. Kiss Prince Charming (plus a little more) and miraculously he’s transmuted into an uncommunicative, belching, couch-hogging frog. “Cinderella” takes to stalking “Prince Charming”, finds he’s married or as faithful as a rooster on heat and it all ends in tears. I don’t remember that fairy tale! So, unrealistic expectations aside where, if at all, is true romance in all of this?

Romance-the forgotten art
Genuine romance, as opposed to paid for at the movie theatre, shouldn’t be about holding perfectionist standards for our loved one or expecting smooth glamor now and always. Romantic feelings should be resilient and override the normal demands of life, up to a point at least.

What is romance? You can have wonderful sex and friendship in your relationship but little or no romance. I think men fall for a woman romantically when she captures his imagination as well as his…err loins. And she will capture his imagination (as long as he has one) by responding to his romance. So romance may be more likely to spark and burn alongside sex and friendship but somehow it’s more than those two things. A meal can be sustaining and satisfying but the “romance” of the meal is in its unique flavours.

It’s often said by women that men, most men, just aren’t romantic. But I wonder whether this is really true. I suspect men feel just as romantic but don’t always know how to communicate their romantic feelings. The flavor needs to be unlocked.

Men will just as often speak of love when honestly discussing their relationships. The idea that men only care about the lust part but not the deeper feelings associated with love is just not true. Romance is a feeling, a sense of unique connection with someone – a merging of spirits, but it is also a behaviour – a way of communicating. So you can feel loving and romantic but not necessarily know how to communicate that.

It’s about the gesture
I know a woman whose ex-boyfriend bought her an electric drill for her first birthday they were together. He’d assumed this would have more utilitarian value than a surprise weekend break or a painting and flowers. And he was right – an electric drill is more useful and will last longer. But romance is about:

    • The gesture
    • The unique symbolic meaning behind the gesture.

So what is the gesture, the meaning behind buying your loved one an electric drill? That you feel neighborly towards her? That you are a post feminist male? That the floorboards need aligning? We men might find it hard to comprehend that the less practical application a gift has the more romantic it can be.

In one survey nearly all the women sampled agreed that flowers meant more to them when they were given for no particular reason at all (2). Go figure! Or rather go buy some flowers! What makes it romantic is precisely that it doesn’t “do” anything, it represents something. It has symbolic meaning.

Here’s an important point. The guy who bought his woman an electric drill may have felt romantic toward her, so it wasn’t that he wasn’t romantic at heart it’s just that a central aspect of what romance really means to many women wasn’t on his radar.

Romance can be learned
Men may not stand around in locker rooms discussing the “lovely romantic gesture” their hot date made last night and guys don’t generally discuss Rom Coms when they get together for a beer. But the fact that men, okay some men cherish their women, love them passionately and actually like them too shows that romance is genuinely part of who they are and how they feel. Many men are amazed how behaving more, just a bit more, romantically with a woman has such powerful affects. Romantic gestures and even words show:

      • That you take the trouble to think about her and the two of you.
      • That you are considerate and feel uniquely toward her.
      • That however tough, manly, macho up-to-the-plate-stepping you are, you are able to be nurturing too.
      • That you are able to think creatively.

Sure some men will learn to counterfeit romance in order to manipulate women, just as some women will counterfeit sexual interest in a man in order to manipulate him. Romance, to be genuine, needs to be congruent, a genuine sentiment. There are and always will be those non transforming toads and the wicked witches of fairy tale lore. But most people, women and men can feel true romantic sentiments and develop ways to genuinely communicate them outside of Rom Com land.

 

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

 

How Do You Feel about Tinder?

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

With so much of today’s millennials connecting with friends online in there daily life, its no surprise dating apps like Tinder are popular. Tinder and other online dating apps have changed the way dates and relationships are formed, but would you say it has caused a “dating apocalypse.”

Tinder has thrown a Twitter tantrum over a Vanity Fair article all about today’s hookup app generation, mobile dating apps and the “dating apocalypse”.

Written by journalist and author Nancy Jo Sales, who wrote The Bling Ring, the article was published last week on Vanity Fair.

Titled “Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse””, Sales gives a glimpse into today’s hookup app generation, told through the eyes of young men and women who recount their often shocking experiences in the modern dating landscape.

The article really focuses on how today’s daters are using apps like Tinder, the kind of throwaway hookup behaviour both sexes are accustomed to, and how dating apps could be changing their attitudes towards sex, love and relationships.

Here are some sample excerpts:

“With these dating apps, he says, “you’re always sort of prowling. You could talk to two or three girls at a bar and pick the best one, or you can swipe a couple hundred people a day—the sample size is so much larger. It’s setting up two or three Tinder dates a week and, chances are, sleeping with all of them, so you could rack up 100 girls you’ve slept with in a year.””

“But others lament the way the extreme casualness of sex in the age of Tinder leaves many women feeling de-valued.”

“So where is this all going to go? What happens after you’ve come of age in the age of Tinder? Will people ever be satisfied with a sexual or even emotional commitment to one person? And does that matter? Can men and women ever find true intimacy in a world where communication is mediated by screens; or trust, when they know their partner has an array of other, easily accessible options?”

Although the article was posted last Tuesday, Tinder only embarked on the 30-tweet rant yesterday, after journalist Nancy Jo Sales posted a link to an article which said 30% of Tinder users are married.

Tinder repeated their position that this survey was “preposterous”, which sparked a flood of tweets explaining why Tinder is so much more than just a hookup app, helping singles across the world create meaningful connections, relationships and friendships.

Tinder has insisted for years that the app is about more than just hookups, and this Twitter storm almost feels like that particular pot boiling over after simmering for a long time.

And the company has subsequently stood by the rant, which has received national press and lots of attention on Twitter, with an official statement.

Check out the full rant below, and read the Vanity Fair article here.

 

 

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Orgasm Together: You Can Do It!

by zfortadminin Sex

Having a an explosive, passionate orgasm can be the icing on the cake. But orgasming at the same time as your partner can be a very intense and rewarding moment. Cosmopolitan shares 8 ways to have the big O with your partner at the same time.

1. Give yourself the finger. If you need clitoral love during P in the V, buzzing a fingertip vibe—try the Frisky Finger ($11, PleasureChest.com)—on your clitoris during doggie is a game changer.

2. Get in before you start bar-hopping—not after. Alcohol makes you want to jump your partner’s bones, but it produces vasocongestion, down-there swelling that keeps him from going deep, which can make it harder for you to finish. Tequila is a cruel mistress.

3. Sex should not feel like Winter’s Bone. Lube the eff up, please (both you and your partner, before and/or during The Naughty). Almost 50 percent of women say lube makes it easier to orgasm. And forget the myth that it’s just for older women—all the cool kids are doing it.

4. Tell him to slide a finger (or two) into you while he uses his mouth on your Georgia O’Keefe. Internal and external play is twice as nice for your orgasm chances.

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Make Sex Last Longer with Hot Foreplay

by zfortadminin Sex

Lovemaking is a powerful physical connection, but can be even more intense with foreplay.  

If you think “sex” refers only to intercourse, it’s time to reconsider what it means to score. The payoff to slowing down: a longer, stronger, more electrifying orgasm.

When you and your man get together, he’s pretty much guaranteed to hit a home run, right? And likely, the sequence of steps involves little more than a few kisses before leaping into intercourse. But by skipping “bases,” you’re not living up to your pleasure potential.

Extending foreplay can rev up your arousal and your likelihood of having an orgasm. “You may discover things about each other’s bodies you didn’t know or learn new ways to please each other,” says therapist and relationship expert Amber Madison, author of Hooking Up: A Girl’s All-Out Guide to Sex and Sexuality. “Plus, it’s bound to make the experience more intimate, and it can remind you of the early days of your relationship when the sparks were flying.” Follow these tips for holding at each base.

First Base

Focus on making out. With tongue. A study published in the journal Neuro Endocrinology Letters found that couples are happier and less irritated after kissing, and the warm, face-to-face contact boosts peripheral circulating proteins in the body that improve overall health and well-being. “French kissing offers a deep connection in a small moment of time,” says Kristina Wright, author of Bedded Bliss: A Couple’s Guide to Lust Ever After.

Start by planting a closed-lip kiss on him as you straighten his tie or collar. Gently tug on his bottom lip with your teeth before introducing your tongue. (As a bonus, first smear on a mentholated lip balm or gloss for plumper, more sensitive lips.) Or try what Jessica O’Reilly, Ph.D., a sexologist in Los Angeles and author of The New Sex Bible, calls “lip lining”: Trace your tongue around the curves of his lips, paying extra attention to the thin skin at the corners. “It will give your honey a peek into your sexual skills, too,” she says.

Second Base

Holding hands on your way to dinner is cute and all, but copping a feel in the car before you walk in? That’s hot. “Touch is important throughout a relationship, not just in the beginning when you’re learning each other’s bodies,” says Wright. Research in the journal Sexual and Relationship Therapy suggests that couples who caress their partner’s body experience an increase in erotic feelings and overall marital satisfaction.

So if you and your man are feeling a little frisky in a secluded corner of a bar, a dark movie theater, or the back of a cab, don’t swat each other’s hands away from exploring underneath your shirt or over his pants. Better still, channel your adolescence by getting off with your clothes still on: Rub up against each other at a concert or on a dance floor. “Just be slower and more deliberate with your motions, so you can avoid that awkward, sometimes painful humping you did as a teenager,” says Madison.

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Capture his Heart and Go Deeper in Love

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Are you longing to go deeper in your dating relationship but not sure how to connect and take your relationship to the next level? Eric Charles gives a man’s point of view on what your beau is looking for. 

What does it take to get a man to truly commit and want only you? It’s a question I’ve been asked more times than I could ever quantify.

What men desire most is a woman who inspires them to be their best self. Being that woman is a much different mindset than what most women typically do these days.

So what’s the major error that trips women up? It’s their focus. Instead of focusing on the feelings and experience they create for the man, the woman fixates on her own wants, her own worries, her own fears. And amidst this completely self-absorbed mindset consumed by what she wants, it’s no wonder that she’s unable to hook a man’s interest in a significant way, one that goes beyond just hooking up.

Sure, that woman might cook him dinners, perform in bed, and tell him how much she likes him, but none of that stuff penetrates a man’s psychology on a deep and meaningful level. Forget about just getting commitment. When you really understand and master the art of tapping into the deep parts of a man’s psyche, he will want to move mountains to possess you.

Men don’t start out there when they first meet a woman, though. She needs to reach him at that level by recognizing his ambitions, his fears, his motivations, his “mission” in life and where he ultimately wants to “win.”

Here are four ways to reach a man deeply and make him want to commit and devote himself fully to you.

1. Understand: Choice is Everything

I have a confession to make, when I was revising this article to get it ready for publishing, it was three ways to make him commit… not 4.

The original article came off cold, harsh, and even depressing because I had left out the most important element of all.  So in this revised version, I made sure to convey the most important piece of the puzzle right at the beginning.

Who you choose is by far the most important factor in all relationships.  So one of the most important ways to make a guy commit is to get really good at understanding the reality of relationships, love, and your specific guy.

In my personal life, I meet all sorts of people.  Some people are easy and fun to be around… I can spend hours with them, talking about things, laughing about things, and just genuinely enjoying their company.  Being around them doesn’t require effort and I don’t want anything from them.  I would have just as much fun driving in the car with them and chatting as I would doing something “exciting.”

On the other hand, there are people who I meet that immediately make me feel uncomfortable and defensive.  I feel like I have to constantly be  on my toes, choose my words carefully, and being around them is far from pleasurable.

Between those two extremes, there are all sorts of people who fall somewhere in the middle.

As a writer who talks about dating and relationships, what has always amazed me when it comes to relationships is how people completely disregard compatibility.  They describe what it’s like to be with their guy and it almost sounds like they’re talking about their arch-enemy… there is no comfort, no trust, no compatibility.

Sometimes the relationship started out well and then over time disintegrated into something that resembles resentment and abuse rather than love or respect.  Sometimes the relationship was never good to begin with, but the woman wants me to show her “relationship magic” to “make it work.”  This is what I equate to trying to shove a square peg through a round hole.

Personally, I needed to date around and experience several relationships before I had a good understanding of what I really wanted, valued, and resonated with in a relationship.  In my late teens and early twenties, for example, I knew that I wanted a girl that had a hot, fit body and a beautiful face.

Now, in my thirties, I realize how much I value having a woman who really “gets” me… a woman that I can talk to for hours every day and never feel bored… a woman who I can laugh with for hours and hours on end… a woman that I know how to be there for and who knows how to be there for me.

It took me a while to figure that out. When I realized it, I mentally revisited my past relationships and realized something very important that I want to pass along to you…

When I think of relationships that didn’t work out for me in the past (ones where I wanted things to work out and I got dumped), I realize that the woman I was with at the time was never going to be that woman with me.  Even if she wanted it to work.

I can clearly see now, years later after all the emotion and attachment is completely gone, we never would have reached that level of intimacy that is ultimately valuable to me in a relationship.

I couldn’t see past my attachment to those relationships, though, or past my blind desire to make things work because I didn’t want to fail, I didn’t want to be rejected, and I didn’t want to lose someone.

All those emotions have nothing to do with love or compatibility.  They’re just fear, ego, and a false sense of identifying with relationship success.

Real relationship success is not about making a relationship with someone work when, at your core, you and him are ultimately incompatible.  It can be hard to see if you’re blinded by fears of loss, self-doubt and relationship fantasies that you want to come true…

The thing to realize is that people with great relationships don’t have the great relationships because they know great relationship secrets or psychological loopholes of the male mind.  Fundamentally, people in the best relationships all have one thing in common: they don’t have relationships with people who are not a good match for them.  They don’t let them into their life.

And what’s the easiest way to know if they’re a good match or not?  Plain and simple – how do you feel about yourself when you’re with that person? Do you feel better about yourself?  About life? About the things that upset you?

Or… do you feel insecure?  Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells?  Do you feel like you’re suffocating… holding your breath in anticipation of a relationship that you desperately want to come into existence but always seems just out of reach?  Helpless, powerless, and afraid they’ll do something to hurt you?

How you feel with the person you’re with is the best indication of whether you’re with someone who’s compatible or not. How much you want it to work is the worst indicator of a good relationship (in fact, usually the people who tell me how desperately they want something to work are highlighting how incompatible they really are from their partner)

2. Attraction:

The guy you’re into has to be sexually attracted to you. This is not a radical claim, it’s just fact. If he doesn’t feel a sense of biological, physical attraction to you, then nothing else I say will matter. His physical attraction isn’t the end-all be-all of his desire to be with you, but it is a required foundation.

That’s the bad news… if you want to call it that. The good news is that some of the most powerful seductresses the world has ever known were not the most beautiful.

My advice is to strive to be as attractive as you possibly can, and fortunately, this is largely in your control. And for the things you can’t control…. own it.

Too many women kill their attractiveness by walking around with insecurities and no self-esteem because they feel that something about their appearance is flawed and they’ll never be good enough to attract the man they really want.

Whatever your supposed fault is, I can guarantee that your self-doubt is far more unattractive. Nobody is perfect and no man demands or expects perfection. But those who own their imperfections are massively more attractive than those who do not or cannot.

There is definitely something attractive about a woman who owns her imperfections and is totally OK with them. Conversely, being insecure is a massive energy drain to you and the people around you. Insecurity stinks of desperation and desperation kills attraction.

So change what you can to be sexier and more physically alluring and appealing. Spend more time at the gym, eat healthier, learn how to apply makeup to enhance your best features, train your voice to be pleasant and seductive (tape recording yourself works wonders), master attractive body language and facial expressions, dress to flatter your figure, you get the point.  And that which you can’t change… own it.

3. Reach Him Deeply


What makes you irreplaceable in the eyes of your man? Your ability to reach deep into the depths of who he is and inspire him. To put it more bluntly, you must offer something that is much more rare and valuable than sex if you want him to treat you as something important in his life. I mean… duh, right?  And yet this obvious truth gets distorted and overlooked.

Ask yourself: what are you bringing to the table besides a physical hookup that he values deeply?

Sex is readily available. Having it isn’t enough to make a relationship and withholding it isn’t enough to cast some kind of “love spell” on a guy (maybe it worked 100 years ago, but withholding sex till X date is just plain obsolete now….he’ll just go somewhere else).

Men have a deep unconscious fear that their life, their contribution to the world and their existence is pointless, meaningless, and insignificant. At the same time, every man has hopes, dreams, and aspirations.

And here’s the major lesson: In order for a man to feel truly alive and truly fulfilled, he needs to be pursuing his deepest aspiration and his “mission” in life.  Your ultimate gift as a woman is to inspire him to do that, to realize his ultimate potential as a man.

4. Put Energy Into the Right Places

Creating the foundation for a strong, healthy relationship comes down tot putting energy into the right places. Worrying and stressing is not putting energy into the right places.

If you’re still stuck in feeling needy and out of control, you’re not going to see the necessity of bringing that value to the relationship because you’ll still be fixated on your own worries, your fears, your insecurities. And with that fixation, you won’t be able to put energy into the relationship, you’ll have wasted all your energy needlessly worrying about stuff.

I understand that after you’ve been continually hurt and disappointed by men using you, you may have formed some insecurities and frustration around relationships. But in the end, those emotions do nobody a favor – they repel men, they waste your energy, and they make everyone miserable.

The only way to get out of that cycle and move towards building a firm foundation that leads to a good relationship is to find your own self-love and fulfillment independent of a relationship.

Remember: a relationship will never fill an emotional void, complete you, or “make you” happy. You have to show up to a relationship “whole” and happy already. If you show up “broken,” the guy will either leave or you’ll attract the type of guy who will take advantage of you… then leave.

The energy you put into the relationship is the only thing that matters. Putting energy doesn’t come from a self-absorbed place, it isn’t attached to feelings of anxiety, fear, worry, anger, rage, resentment. You are outside of yourself and putting energy into giving him that “extra something” that makes you valuable, rare, and inspirational to the guy.

I don’t care if you like it.  I don’t care if you think it’s fair or unfair. It is a simple truth that people value those who bring a unique, special, meaningful value to the table.   If you honestly think that you can have a man want to choose you and only you forever without bringing something deeply valuable to him… then you’re either choosing very low quality men or you just haven’t thought through reality yet.

Sex is not enough. And loving him the way you want to be loved is not enough either. When it comes to him choosing you, you have to love him in the way that’s deeply meaningful to him. Your energy would be better spent figuring out what this is rather than worrying about him leaving you.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

 

Your Questions About Tantra Answered!

by zfortadminin Mind, Sex

Are you curious about Tantra but filled with questions? You’ve come to the right place! The Care2 article takes a deep dive into the sensual world of Tantra and how you can apply it to your sex life.

There’s a scene in my women’s novel where the main character, Lorna, has an amazing sexual experience. It’s not because her partner has any special abilities in bed, but rather that Lorna, on a new quest to live spiritually in her everyday life, opens herself to the energy of source during the encounter. “The expression ‘best sex I’ve ever had’ seems a massive understatement,” Lorna marvels afterward. “This feeling of expansiveness, of being at one with the world, is the best anything I’ve ever had.”

I didn’t know until I recently spoke with Miranda Shaw, author of the book Passionate Enlightenment: Women in Tantric Buddhism, that what Lorna had glimpsed was a Tantric sexual experience. Shaw, an associate professor of religion at the University of Richmond, says Tantric sex is not so much about sex as many of us think. Instead, the intimate act is merely one of many vehicles practitioners use to connect with the cosmic flow. Western teachers who focus on boosting your sex life through Tantra have it wrong, she claims–the emphasis is more appropriately placed on boosting your enlightenment.

That’s not to say sex doesn’t enter the picture. Read on for more about this fascinating practice–and some of Shaw’s tips for bringing a piece of it to your own bedroom.

Can you describe what “Tantra” is?

Tantra emerged in India in the seventh century as a way to weave (that’s what the word Tantra means) every aspect of daily life, including intimate relationships and erotic experience, into the spiritual path. Strands of Tantra exist in the Hindu, Jain and Buddhist traditions, although my study is Buddhist Tantra.

So Tantra involves much more than sex?

Yes, there are many practices: methods for working with energy, images to contemplate, sacred sounds (mantra) to chant. The central goal is to realize the inherent beauty and perfection of the world and sacredness of all beings, including oneself. Romantic partnerships are a focus of Tantric practice because they are fertile ground for revealing the beliefs and emotions–the illusions–that cause us to suffer and act in ways that harm others. The goal is to see reality as it is and respond appropriately, with clarity and compassion, in a way that contributes to the evolution of the planet toward greater well-being and happiness for all living beings.

But sex is also a major part? Why?

Rather than something that detracts from religious life, sexual experience is a prime opportunity for spiritual cultivation if approached meditatively and as a yogic practice. The central purpose is to tap the cosmic energy that flows through the human body, heighten and concentrate the energy through sexual union, and then use the energy as fuel for spiritual transformation.

Tell me a little about a full-blown Tantric sex ritual as practiced by a serious practitioner?

I prefer the term “sexual yoga” to “Tantric sex.”  The practice is advanced and rather technical–a kind of inner “rocket science”–that incorporates mindfulness meditation, emptiness philosophy, yogic breathing, mantra recitation, visualization of deities and symbols, and movement of energy and inner fire (called kundalini) through the subtle yogic anatomy of channels and energy centers (chakras) along the spine.My book, Passionate Enlightenment, describes some practices–-ways to meditate and images to envision–to direct sexual union to spiritual ends.

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Crave This in Your Relationship?

by zfortadminin Sex

What’s Your Perfect First Sequence – Sex or Intimacy?

Men and Sex

Women feel intimacy and closeness when they talk, touch, and share their thoughts and feelings with a loved one. They are usually more interested in intimacy than in sex of and for itself.

A feeling of intimate closeness takes time to develop. Therefore, women want to take their time with a relationship. They want to go through the stages of getting to know the man, becoming friends, touching, kissing, hugging and showing affection. Eventually they get around to sex when they feel closeness and believe they are in love.

If women typically require closeness and intimacy before they experience “good sex,” does that mean they can’t and won’t have sex before they feel intimate? No, it means that sex is often not satisfying, even when orgasm takes place, without that close feeling.

When some women feel pressure to have sex before they are ready, they think, “This man doesn’t love me for me. He only loves me for what he can get.”

They might even develop resentments toward men in general.

Men, Sex and Feelings

Women are probably even more of a puzzle to men than men are to women. Even though women are important to men, they live in this mysterious other world of menses and babies and rampant emotions and even tears that men can’t or don’t want to understand.

This man who is notoriously poor at figuring out his own feelings is even worse at figuring out the feelings of a woman. Just deciding what a woman wants from him in general is fraught with danger.

Many men see sex, though, as a way to get close to women, and possibly, even a way to please them. The fact that they are usually wrong, of course, doesn’t stop a man from thinking sex can make everything right with his woman. A cure-all of great proportions… “All she needs is a good f___ ,” is a common solution to male – female problems for many men.

Very seldom is that what she needs but that is another story…

“Don’t Push Me So Hard For Sex” Women Want Time Before Sex

One young woman told me that she has to have time before sex to get to know and trust a man. She has to see him in different situations, with different people, and talk to him for hours before she will “allow” herself to even consider sex.

She continued, “One guy I dated pushed so hard for sex, that I gave in before I was ready. But that made sex basically unsatisfying. Even though chemistry was there at first, I lost interest sexually. Once I decided he wasn’t a good lover, I was ready to move on. We never gave real love a chance.”

Another women agreed that time is necessary to feel a real desire for sex. She said, “If a man pushes me to sex too quickly, the relationship rarely gets much further than a few trips to bed. Then they (men) are hurt and can’t understand why I don’t stay in love with them. They don’t get it-I never was in love with them.”

Most women agree that men who push for sex before the woman is ready had better be really good in bed. Unfortunately, this is unlikely to happen.

For whatever reason, women are a diverse group in terms of what produces pleasurable sex. It is a rare man that can be a good lover to a woman without a certain amount of experience with that particular woman.

Women can forgive fumbling, partial or non-existent erections, and premature ejaculations when they are in love. They can even call up a certain acting ability in the name of love. But when love has not been given the time it takes to grow for the woman, she often labels the man a poor lover and the relationship is stillborn in the bedroom.

Some women learn to look at sexual-timing incompatibilities with humor. One lady said, “I used to resent being pushed for sex. Now I get amused at all these guys and their gropings. Most of them end up providing me with a few funny stories to tell my girlfriends. I certainly don’t fall in love with them, but I don’t get mad at them anymore either.”

And still others avoid sex. These women feel if they put themselves in the position to get what they want: affection, touching, and cuddling, they will have to do battle not to have sex.

So some women do without desired affection, particularly in the beginning of a relationship, to avoid pressure to have sex.

Why Women and Men Have Different Sex Timeframes

How can women and men have such different timeframes for the beginning of sex in a relationship? Two reasons stand out:

  1. Our society teaches females that “nice girls don’t.” When society has taught this lesson for years, it is hard to suddenly feel sexual, even when hormones start raging in adolescence.
  2. And, probably because of the lessons of their youth, women reach their sexual peak in their mid-to-late thirties or even later, rather than when teen-age hormones first kick-in.

Age is a leveler

As men and women get older, women usually become more interested in sex for the sake of sex, and most men learn to curb some of their sexual impatience, giving closeness and love a chance to flourish. So, for many single men and women, it can be true: love and sex are both more wonderful the second time around.

Without a doubt, the sexual revolution changed the sex scene for women. Fewer virgins at marriage; more women with multiple sex partners; more women having affairs; more women having sex openly, more women opting for sex only rather than marriage, etc.

Some women felt this was a change for the better. Others saw it as unfavorable.

The Changing Sexual Attitudes and Behaviors of Women

Working outside the home also changed women’s attitudes toward sex.

The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior by Samuel Janus, Ph.D. and Cynthia Janus, M.D., copyright 1993, had some eye-opening observations along this line. They wrote, “Our study has documented many levels of sexual and social changes for both women and men in the early 1990s, but we acknowledge that women’s, not men’s, sexual attitudes and behavior have drastically changed within the past two decades.

“The enormous and ongoing change in women’s social and sex lives has separated women into entirely different groups.”

The Janus’ write, “Work-life and a workplace outside the home have given a new focus to many women’s lifestyles. The innovations transcend income earned or the nature of the work performed; more significantly, they involve a personal sense of identity that sets these women apart.”

They continued, “In the women-C (career women) and the women-H (homemaker women) groups, we found that we had two distinctly different populations, regarding sex life and life-style in general.

“Women who work part-time outside the home offered responses that were almost always between those of the women-C and women-H groups.”

Interesting!

But more interesting still was another observation of The Janus Report, “One of the most striking indications of our data involves the unprecedented levels of agreement between men and women-C (those who work full-time outside of the home), as compared to women-H, who do not work outside of the home at all. New levels of sexual affinity and relatedness can also be observed, in sharp contrast to the stereotypical sexual roles men and women have had assigned to them in the past.”

They concluded, “No longer does the man alone decide the mode of sexual gratification; most often, the couple decides together.”

The sexual revolution was followed by the reality of Herpes and AIDS and the need for safe sex. Many experts predicted a slow down for sex in general and certainly a slow down for those out in the less-safe singles’ world.

Dr. and Dr. Janus found the experts were wrong.

They reported, “Approximately one-quarter of the men (24%) and one-fifth of the women (20%) had much more sex activity. When we combined sex activity.”

They continued, “Perhaps not too surprisingly, the homemakers increased their sexual activity more than the career women did (43% versus 37%). We felt justified in assuming that more homemakers than career women were in ongoing monogamous relationships.”

Certainly a major sexual change has taken place in American society. Assertiveness regarding the “when, where, and why” of sex rather than passive acquiescence to sex is now a prerogative exercised by many American women.

If the Janus’ observations are accurate, much of this sexual change was brought about by women taking jobs outside the home and acquiring a heightened sense of personal identity.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

“Normal” Sex for a Long-Distance Couple

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS, Sex, SEX TIPS

How much sex is considered ‘normal’ for a long-distance couple?

First off, “normal” is highly overrated. Let your freak flag fly, as I always say. But if you’re trying to figure out whether your sex life in a long-distance relationship is normal, there are a few signs things are easy breezy — and a few things you can add to your repertoire to ensure a healthy and thriving long-distance relationship. “Long-distance relationships put intimacy to the test,” says relationship psychotherapist Rachel Moheban-Wachtel. “Although the physical connection isn’t as prevalent, there are things couples can do to keep the spice alive in their relationship across the miles.”

Some of it is pretty practical: Be sure to have frequent “date nights,” travel to see each other regularly, and keep your sext game on fleek. But she also includes some other concepts — things like trusting your partner and sharing fantasies with each them — that are incredibly important in any relationship, and vital to keep an LDR going strong. It’s never, ever a good idea to compare your relationship with anyone else’s, but if you’re pining for your love from afar and are feeling a little panicky about how your situation holds up, here are a few things that should be present in every healthy sex life of couples who live in very different zip codes.

1. Date Nights

Sure, everyone knows how to Skype, but do you schedule regular date nights with your partner that are a bit more involved than just a “hey, wassup” via video chat? If so, props. If not, perhaps you should consider it. “Technology today makes it easier to have the same type of dates in long-distance relationships as couples do when they live in the same city,” says Moheban-Wachtel. “’Go to a movie’ together by watching a movie at the same time and texting comments,” she suggests. Or “play games together, such as ‘name that tune’ or ’21 questions.'”

And don’t do all of your dates fully clothed. “Schedule a phone sex or Skype date to share desires or engage in sex talk with each other,” Moheban-Wachtel says. This’ll keep things hot between face-to-face visits — and it’s fun! (More on this later.)

2. Daily Verbal Communication

It takes ~two seconds to send a text. And though it’s superfun to lob texts back and forth all day, your romance — and sex life — will take a hit if that’s all you do. “People’s lives are busy,” Moheban-Wachtel says. “Texting is so much easier and faster that many long-distance couples fall into the trap of sticking exclusively to this type of communication.”

Don’t do it, she warns: “Break out of the cycle and reconnect every night before bed by having a phone conversation. You’ll feel more like you’re a part of each other’s lives, and solidify the connection on a daily basis,” which will lead to better sex when you’re face to face — or screen to screen. “Also, if you’re ever upset, verbal communication is the only good way to handle the situation,” says Moheban-Wachtel. “Speak in person or over Skype about these heavier feelings,” she recommends.

3. One Word: Trust

For the best sex of your life, you must trust your partner. One way to foster trust is to be sure to speak to your partner daily — but not just about the quotidian mundanities of life (though those are important too). “Maintaining a daily connection lets you know the other person is thinking about you and vice versa,” Moheban-Wachtel says. “Actively work to maintain the other person’s trust by reassuring them they’re the only one for you.”

How to do this? “Share your lives,” she says. “Make plans. And be as open as you can with each other about your goals for the relationship. You build trust by letting the other know the level of commitment you have, and how you want the relationship to grow.”

4. Lots Of Cuddling

When you fly in for a visit, don’t hit the town night and day. “Face-to-face interaction is vital,” says Moheban-Wachtel, so “take advantage of your in-person time together by staying in and enjoying the intimacy of being together.” Sex will obviously be on the menu, but for the best sex life — LDR or otherwise — make time to snuggle. “Touch, cuddle, enjoy each other physically, since distance doesn’t allow you to experience this part of your relationship,” Moheban-Wachtel says.

5. Sexting Regularly

Couples in a long-distance relationship become expert sexters sooner or later — sextperts, if you will. This is a good thing, Moheban-Wachtel says: “Not only is sexting normal when you’re separated by distance, it’s also healthy. Keep the spark alive and maintain a sexual connection with pictures and shared fantasies.” It’s fun to change it up in this realm by incorporating Snapchat and other photo/video apps, so as to keep things playful and keep each other excited and interested.

6. Love Letters

I don’t know if I would call this “normal” in this day and age, unfortunately, but this is, by far, my favorite method of keeping an LDR sex life fresh: Write hand-written letters to your long-distance love. If you’re already doing it, mad props — and things are likely smoldering in the bedroom too. (Have you ever read James Joyce’s dirty letters to his wife? Caliente.) “It’s easy to get caught in a rut of using the ever-accessible text messaging and email,” Moheban-Wachtel says. “Break away from it once in awhile and surprise each other with a handwritten message.”

So get out the stationery (or go to the store and buy some, because I bet you don’t have any) and put pen to paper to express your feelings. “Old-style traditional letters are great, even with surprise gifts,” she says. If you can get in the habit of sending care packages to your boo every month or so, and vice versa, this will cultivate serious feelings of anticipation and happiness — and you know where those feelings lead. (Hint: in the direction of great sex.)

7. Frequent Visits

Sign up for a credit card affiliated with an airline, because it’s time to rack up the frequent flyer miles: “Too much distance can lead to more misunderstandings, loneliness and possibly an unnecessary disconnect,” Moheban-Wachtel says. “Unless financial stress, exams or major life obligations are a concern, plan to visit each other every weekend or every other weekend. This way, the distance won’t feel quite as stressful.”

In some instances, this is much easier said than done — if you’re in LA and your beau is based in NYC, it’s unlikely you’ll be jetting back and forth every other weekend. If it’s a physical possibility, heed Moheban-Wachtel’s advice by all means. If not, prioritize face time (in addition to FaceTime) as much as possible. “By making the effort and going out of your way to see each other, you show you are working to keep the relationship alive and healthy,” says Moheban-Wachtel. Also, guess what you can do when you’re in the same room as your partner that you can’t do from afar?

8. Skype Sex

You knew this one was coming. Partly because I warned you, but also partly because — duh. It’s 2015 and we can Skype whomever we want whenever we want, wearing whatever clothing (or lack thereof) we want. “Some couples worry intimate dates over Skype is sleazy,” Moheban-Wachtel says. “It’s not. It’s normal, healthy — and necessary.”

As such, “surprise your partner with sexy outfits and different ideas on how to experience virtual intimacy,” Moheban-Wachtel suggests. Now there’s a term you don’t hear every day: “virtual intimacy.” I like it! “Maintain the sexual momentum and romance in the relationship by taking advantage of and embracing the virtues of technology,” she says. The more you trust your partner, the more comfortable you’ll feel — but keep in mind that Skype (or whatever your video chat of choice may be) sex takes practice. The more you do it, the more at ease you’ll feel doing a sexy striptease “with your partner,” aka in a room alone by yourself.

9. Being Present

Here’s an easy one: Find out what turns your partner on and do it, Moheban-Wachtel says. “Is it lingerie? Buy something new,” she suggests, and surprise your partner via video chat or next time you see them. “Is it fantasizing? Make sure to act these fantasies out when you see each other in person.” It boils down to paying attention to your partner: “Every person and couple has their own unique ways of getting excited by another person,” she says. “Understanding these will help you keep things exciting every time you meet.” This is as true outside the bedroom as it is within. If you love when your partner shows up at the airport to greet you with a clean shave, thank him when he does just that. And the same goes for whatever your partner appreciates about you — do it, and notice what effect that has on him.

10. Sharing Your Fantasies

Here’s what’s up, Moheban-Wachtel says: “If your partner is into sex toys [and you are too], embrace it. Use them to spice things up and keep the intimacy alive.” No worry if your fantasies don’t align with your partner’s, though it’s always a good idea to be as GGG as possible. “If toys aren’t your thing, flirt and have phone sex to describe exactly what you want and wish to do to each other sexually,” she says. “This can be just as spicy and sexy.” Whatever the fantasy may be, talk about your desires with your partner and vice versa for a fulfilling and top-notch sex life in an LDR — or just a regular old LTR.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How to Find True Love Through Meeting You

by zfortadminin LOVE

“The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.” ~Sonya Friedman

The moon was shining brightly that balmy summer’s night in the park. He’d arranged a meeting to “sort things out.” Little did he know I’d finally built the courage to walk away. And that’s exactly what I did.

I was devastated but mostly relieved. Finally I was free.

For the longest time I’d craved his love. I needed his approval. I wanted the happy ending so badly.

Why? I meant something when I was with him. I felt worthy and kind of secure.

But I wasn’t. I’d given away all of my power. I was dependent on him to feel love.

And he knew it so he treated me however he wanted. For him it was a game, and every problem in our relationship somehow always came back to me.

I was needy, insecure, and completely out of touch with who I was and what I really wanted. I’d sacrificed everything about me in an effort to try and please another being.

He told me I wasn’t sexy enough, so I read book after book about how to be more feminine and alluring. He told me I was too quiet, so went out of my way to be outgoing, happy, and bubbly. He told me I took up too much time, so I made other plans and disappeared for a while.

He could have told me anything and I would have accepted it. There wasn’t an ounce of self-respect in my bones. My misery was born from this very fact.

I’d let this happen for so long. It wasn’t entirely his fault. My neediness and lack of self-worth had created and perpetuated our problems. But for some reason that I can’t explain, that evening a spark had been ignited and I’d finally had enough.

I’d reached my pain threshold. I was completely done with feeling miserable, doubting myself, and feeling disrespected. I was so over letting someone else control my decisions, emotions, and self-worth.

I’d begun to love myself a little more than I loved him. A butterfly was emerging from the cold, dark cocoon I’d been hiding in my whole life. It felt new and scary but ridiculously empowering and liberating.

In a moment of clarity a string of epiphanies melted my confusion:

  • Deep love comes from within.
  • I choose how I want to feel.
  • I’ll never be satisfied just with love from someone else.
  • If I don’t authentically love myself, I can’t expect anyone else to truly love me.
  • The way I treat myself shows others how I expect to be treated.

That evening I vowed to put myself first and to be kind, loving, and generous with myself. This is the way I wanted to be treated. Out of self-respect and needing a fresh start, I walked away. From that point on it was my intention to live my life on my terms.

It might sound selfish but it was completely the opposite. And it eventually led me to the life-long relationship of my dreams.

What’s The Real Impact Of Neediness On Relationships?

I wholeheartedly believe that sharing the joys and wonder of life with another being who lights up your world is absolutely priceless. There’s nothing like it. It’s one of the greatest joys on Earth, and something every human being deserves to experience.

But it’s extremely hard to find this happiness with another if you’re in a relationship with a need to be filled up by someone else.

Being needy, insecure, and trying to gain approval and a sense of self-worth from your partner puts a huge amount of pressure on them, and it’s a major turn-off.

It’s an unachievable task because feeling inherently loved and worthy comes from within. Not from your partner.

Creating an outstanding love doesn’t come from two half-fulfilled people coming together to make one whole, complete life. Outstanding love comes from two whole people coming together to share and enhance their already full and beautiful lives.

An amazing relationship comes about when we own and appreciate who we are and completely accept the other person for who they are.

So loving and putting you first is not selfish, it’s necessary. It’s imperative to creating the wonderful love and life we all desire. And let’s get something straight—loving yourself doesn’t deplete the love tank; it actually fills it up so we have even more to give.

What Does Self-Love Really Look Like?

It’s prioritizing your dreams and making an effort to do things that inspire and light you up.

It’s saying “no” to things you don’t agree with or that don’t fit in with your plans.

It’s deciding to spend time with people who support, encourage, and motivate you to be the best version of you.

It’s owning your thoughts and opinions and refusing to be swayed in order to please others.

It’s being gentle with and talking kindly and sweetly to yourself.

It’s having the courage to try new things that you’ve always wanted to experience.

It’s taking time out to nourish your mind, body, and soul—exercise, eating well, alone time.

It’s trusting your intuition and honoring your own truth.

It’s spending money on things that make you feel amazing while investing in your future.

It’s daring to believe that you’re capable of achieving and creating the life you visualize.

It’s choosing to see the good and refusing to let others bring you down.

It’s gifting yourself forgiveness and accepting yourself for all of your beautiful and not-so-cool quirks and qualities.

How Does Self-Love Create A Great Relationship?

When we truly love and respect ourselves, we’re free from doubt and endless worry, so we trust our feelings and decisions. It allows us to be courageous and authentic.

We begin to live from the heart and play a bigger, kinder, more generous version of life. We forget our self-imposed boundaries and dare to dream larger and wilder.

We stop focusing on negativity and become present to the beauty and possibilities within and outside of ourselves. We realize how great our lives are and open the doors for gratitude to flow in abundance.

We start to emanate happiness, confidence, playfulness, peace, and positivity.

It’s electric and like a powerful magnet to others. Your ideal partner will be drawn to you like a bear fresh out of hibernation looking for his first meal.

And once you find that special one, love will be easy.

It’ll be natural. It’ll flow freely without judgment or pretense. It’ll inspire and nourish you. Your lives will be even richer, happier, and more vibrant than ever.

And you’ll wonder why you didn’t take the time to fall radically in love with you just a little bit sooner.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article