Check out the look on these ladies’ faces when they’re approached with what they think is heckle from these bold guys. The results will leave you in stitches!
Category: DATING ADVICE
50 Hot Valentine’s Day Date Night Ideas
Copy: In case you were unaware, Valentine’s Day is fast approaching! Need a creative V-Day date night idea to win over your partner? Here are 50 that are guaranteed to give you both a fun, sexy, and of course, love-filled day!
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My Valentine’s Day Despair and Triumph
It’s a sunny February afternoon in Santa Monica, around 3pm. I am on my way to a meeting and then to meet up with the man who makes my heart stop. I walk a razor’s edge with him. I have never been this excited by another human’s presence who was also enchanted with mine. I stack my lovingly wrapped gifts in the trunk and just as the lid slams down, I do the kind of double take only the gut-that-knows-more-than-your-lovestruck-distraction could muster and I realize in my daze I left the keys in with the presents.
The auto-club service is very prompt, I barely have time to eat the taco with mango salsa that I ordered from the nearby taqueria chain/xanax alternative for the wait, but this delay causes me to miss my window of traffic freedom. Rush hour is coming in hot. As a recent transplant in LA, I am about to understand in this moment the reality of what is normally a 40 minute commute to my love’s home, is now easily quadrupled.
I cancel my meeting (actually they cancel it for me when they realize the time and distance and advise me that my eyes are bigger than my distance) and live-text apologies, a few updates, some incredulity and upbeat hope for our plans at stoplights to my heart-stopper. It’s no use. It appears I may have ruined Valentine’s Day. We both have work obligations so our time is reduced to an interaction long enough for him to issue a sweeping rejection of any of my gifts or attention. We agree to meet up after we finish our work.
12 Special Qualities A Woman Has That Mean You Should Never Let Her Go
Every once in a while – on very rare occasions – we meet the woman of our dreams. It’s always unexpected and almost never at a convenient point in our lives, but she appears nonetheless and changes your life forever.
The dynamics between man and woman have been gradually changing for the past few decades, but the essence of the partnership basically remains the same.
We are designed by nature in a way that allows two such opposites to join and make a whole. Finding your other half is a journey of its own – usually a grueling one at that.
If you are lucky enough to find that woman, that rare sunflower growing on a barren desert, then do right by yourself and hold on to her as tightly as you can – never, ever let her go.
Not all of us were so wise when we met the loves of our lives… and believe me when I say that we’re regretting it. If she has any combination of these 12 qualities then you should never let her go:
1. She’s smarter than you.
Every man needs a smarter woman to help him get through life in one piece. They say that behind every great man is a greater woman – they aren’t lying. Without woman, man is little more than an ego-trip.
Enter a smarter woman into his life and suddenly that ego has a purpose, a direction, and the wisdom not to screw everything up.
2. She’s beautiful.
Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder – as long as you find her to be incredibly beautiful, according to your definition, then she is worth holding on to.
I feel that these days we have those that put too much emphasis on beauty and then those that are rebelling against the concept and giving little to no importance to beauty.
Beauty is something that has been reveled upon since humans had eyes; it’s not something that we should be ashamed of, but rather something we should learn to appreciate properly.
3. She’s kind and nurturing.
Good people are kind people. If she isn’t kind then she isn’t worthy of taking up a part of your life. Being a woman, being nurturing is very important as well. Some people may not want children.
In some relationships the man may be more nurturing than the woman. Nevertheless, women are born with/develop maternal instincts with age. If you wish to one day start a family then you want to be sure you found a woman who wants to be, and is suited to become, a mother.
4. She’s vivacious.
Life gets difficult from time to time. It can get boring and monotonous just as well.
Women weren’t created to entertain men – if anything, it’s probably the other way around – but having a woman who is lively, energetic and hungry for adventure will add a dynamic to our life that will only make you happier.
5. She loves you with all her heart.
This is, by far, the most important quality any woman can have. When a woman loves you she loves you with her entire soul. It’s not the same sort of love that men experience – men always were and always will be more egocentric than women.
Women, on the other hand, have the uncanny ability to devote themselves entirely to the person(s) they love. If you find a woman that truly loves you then you found the greatest gift in the universe.
6. She’s willing to make compromises.
People are stubborn – both male and female alike. We like things the way that we like them and aren’t especially open to making changes we don’t deem necessary to make. However, relationships require making compromises.
It’s just the way things have to work if you want them to work. Finding a woman who will make compromises is only half the battle, however. You’re going to have to make them just as well.
7. She feels like home.
Being in love, deeply in love, is like finding your place in the world, your home, for the first time in your life. It’s knowing that you are exactly where you ought to be and that there is nowhere in the world you’d rather be.
If you look into her eyes and see your soul reflected in them, then you’re home. Don’t ever leave.
8. She is more than happy to tell you when you’re wrong.
Every man – and I mean every man – needs a woman who will call him out on his sh*t. Guys have an uncanny ability to make poor decisions and do stupid things.
Finding a woman who will keep you on track and tell you when you’re wrong can very well make or break your life.
9. She is strong, but feminine.
All people have a slightly different taste for the women they are attracted to – but they are all a combination of strength and femininity. A strong woman is a partner every man needs.
A feminine woman is… well, a woman. The two aren’t opposites. In fact, they are often one and the same – when found in a woman that knows how to hold her ground and be proud of who she is.
10. She’s passionate.
A life filled with passion is a life worth living. But living a life of passion alone is basically impossible. Passion exists between two living things – usually, in some way or another, between two individuals.
The beauty of passion is that it’s rather contagious. It’s the world’s most revered pathogen.
11. She’s driven.
I understand that some men want women to be stay-at-home wives. I also understand that there are plenty of women who want the very same. This sort of woman isn’t for me, but clearly some people are looking for just this.
Nevertheless, you still want a woman that is driven. If she wants to stay at home, cook, clean, and take care of the children, then make sure she’s the kind of woman that wants to be the best stay-at-home mom she could possibly be. Without drive, there is no purpose.
12. She means the world to you.
Sometimes we love a person beyond imagination and we aren’t sure why. To be truthful, you don’t really need a reason. If you love her and can’t imagine your life without her, then don’t allow yourself to lose her.
If she means that much to you, then understand that she means that much to you. Too often people don’t realize what the other person means to them until they lose them. We always think that there will be another chance, that it’s possible that the two of you will one day reconnect.
Maybe. But the opposite is also true. You may have lost her forever. You may suffer for years and years because you let go of the most important thing in your life. Don’t take the risk.
Curated by Karinna
Original Article
How to Date Today: A Guide for Every Generation
My mother is a baby boomer. She’s from a different generation of ideas about love and dating- she was a virgin when she married my Dad, and in dating, she expects to be courted, with flowers and formal plans. Recently, she had a long-term boyfriend that my sisters and I talked her out of marrying, because although she didn’t really want to, that’s what she thought she was supposed to do.
Mom: “But I’ve been seeing him for months, and everyone in town can see when his truck is parked outside my house!”
Sisters: “WHO CARES? You don’t have to get married unless you really want to!”
Mom: “But I go to church!”
My middle sister and I are Gen-X. We can remember dating in personal ads, when you would try to find someone with the same taste in movies and food and never see their face until the first date. My sister was in an eight year relationship where she wore nothing but flannels and ironic baby tees. We don’t have my mother’s reservations about living in sin- our generation has been known to live together for several presidential terms before considering marriage.
My baby sister is a Millennial. Her generation has never dated without the internet. All of their jobs involve social networking. They do not seem to know how to have a relationship, even if they want one. They only know how to hook up. They don’t plan ahead for dates, when they have a free hour they see who’s around. They say that they’ll fall in love with the perfect person, but they’re not sure who that is. They are not allowed to have body hair. And their dating style is ruining it for the rest of us.
The single serving date phenomenon has become a big part of the dating experience, at least in big cities. Once you’ve had one date, that person is suddenly in competition with everyone else in a twenty mile radius. As it turns out, even LA is not as big as people think it is- every rock show I attend is full of one-date men I have to avoid eye contact with. People are simply not being born or imported fast enough to be rejected by us! The most popular breakup method is the “fade-away”, where after two or ten dates you slow, then eliminate contact. It’s not just people in their twenties and thirties- I went on a couple dates with a fifty year old man whose longest relationship was shorter than his Audi lease, and he felt that this was extremely normal.
So far, I have had 50 first dates on OK Cupid and have had three relationships. Some people were looking for relationships and some were not, and those aren’t terrible numbers, but now that my Mom is in the game, she calls me to crow about her account.
“I have three dates this week, and your sisters don’t have any!” I told her I was very proud that she was the hot piece of action in our family.
5 Clues He’s Worth Keeping
He has a dog/wants a dog/LOVES DOGS.
Having a dog tells you two things about a guy:
A. He is responsible.
B. He cares about something other than himself.
These are great qualities to look for in a guy. A dog is a responsibility. You can’t stay out for days partying when you have this level of commitment. There is someone at home that needs you. If you have the ability to love and care for an animal, you are most likely a kind and loving person. I have always said that there is no such thing as a “dog person,” there are people that love dogs, there are people that grow to love dogs once they’ve been exposed, and then there are cat people. On the real though, even if he has a cat, it’s cool, as long as it’s not more than one.
He calls his parents.
I don’t mean e-mailing, or texting, I mean ACTUAL CALLING. He talks to his parents. They know what’s going on with him. He has a vested interest in their well being. Do not confuse this with momma’s boys. If he is talking to his mother 10 times a day, that is NOT a good sign and will most likely translate into him putting his mother’s wishes before yours. Just someone that checks in with his parents to make sure everything’s all good in the family.
He treats all women the same. (NOT BADLY)
If a guy walks you to your car, he is a gentleman. If he walks your friend to their car, he is a keeper. Of course I mean he is doing this in a friendly manner, and not trying to get their number. Look for the man that treats their mother, sister, and you with the same amount of respect.
Your friends like him.
I don’t care if he’s “different when you’re alone” or “you guys don’t get it – I LOVE HIM, YOU SHOULD TOO.” If you are dating someone that your friends and family do not like (and it’s not because they’re being racist), chances are he is probably NOT A GOOD GUY. You are lying to yourself. If you find yourself constantly making excuses for his behavior, you are really making excuses for your choices. Make the choice to leave and do better.
He doesn’t leave the seat up.
Ok, this one might seem a little trivial, but what I mean to say is, he is considerate. Considerate of your feelings, your time, and your day-to-day routine is pivotal to secure a happy partner. If he’s ignoring your needs or putting his own needs first, that shows a basic lack of respect. So if he is unable to do such a small thing for you, chances are he won’t measure up when things get real. What if he has to pick up the kids unexpectedly or god forbid change a diaper, how do you think he will handle it? The least he can do is make sure you don’t take a bath in toilet water at 3am.
The Art of Flirting: 5 Flirting Styles
Flirting is the gentle art of letting a person know that you are interested in them.
Flirting isn’t just a bird call to invite people to a relationship or a booty call; it’s also done to feel sexy, inviting, exciting and desirable. And perhaps, one or two off times, to make your partner feel jealous! But whatever may be the reasons, the fact of the matter is — that flirting is tricky. Almost all of us have missed to notice that someone was flirting with us. Also sadly, in these times, even friendliness is sometimes mistaken as being flirtatious, so you might have heard from your friend the morning after, that the girl you were bonding with over football, thought you were a pushy flirt, or maybe even borderline creepy!
Now, wouldn’t it be great: If you could somehow get the secret to flirting right? Haven’t you noticed around you, how people not traditionally appealing for the opposite sex, are still somehow popular with them?
The answer, my friend, isn’t blowing in the wind (Bruce Springsteen, anyone?). It is inside the book The Five Flirting Styles by Jeffrey A. Hall, a Ph.D and an international expert on dating and relationships, published by Harlequin.
The book, with its groundbreaking distinction of flirting styles into five distinct ones, has helped thousands of people to discover and polish their natural flirting style and assisted them to find their perfect match. We bring Mr. Hall’s research right to you, to unlock the secret to flirt right.
Flirting can essentially be divided into the following types:
1. The Physical Style
The Physical flirt knows what he’s got going for himself and is not afraid to use it.
Confident in using his body language to communicate interest, the physical flirt has no problems in touching their crush gently to indicate interest.
He is not shy about letting a potential partner know how he feels and does so through his physicality, non-verbal behavior and physical attractiveness.
What works for The Physical Flirt:
They have little problem letting people know that they are interested.
They often result in sparking a physical connection with their date, much quicker than the rest.
What doesn’t work for them:
Other people might interpret their everyday manner as more sexually charged.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, people might not be comfortable with their overt physical manner.
Research Says
Your physical attractiveness can change dramatically during a first date. Your personality affects how sexy other people perceive you to be. What you say can either enhance or undermine how attractive other people perceive you to be.
2. The Polite Style
Good manners are a must for this flirt.
Rule governed and polished, the basic arsenal in their armory is genteel and refined behavior.
They are always polite, and may refuse to engage in inappropriate or obviously sexual behavior that might make the other person uncomfortable. This type of a flirt is more likely to invite their potential date to a coffee shop or someplace quiet, as opposed to a noisy club, to get to speak to them at a more personal level.
They diligently follow courtship rules and will always choose civility over pushiness.
What works for The Polite Flirt:
They never come across as looking needy or trying too hard.
They also never embarrass themselves or pass off as appearing too aggressive and insensitive.
They are always well regarded by the opposite gender for their gentlemanly manner.
What doesn’t work for them:
They can seldom appreciate the flirting styles of other people. They may even feel that forward people are rude or impolite.
The Polite Flirt’s approach could be slow paced and quite indirect.
They like to keep their physical feelings in check for the sake of romance.
To the Polite flirt, being out-and-out direct when engaging in romance is simply uncouth. So they might fail to establish a physical connect with their date.
3. The Playful Style
For them, flirting is a game. To the Playful Flirt, it is fun to meet new people, talk them up and make people fall for them.
The playful style is bubbly, funny, flirty and fun.
Playful flirts do not care how others might interpret their behavior as long as they are having a good time.
Note: Playful flirts can even flirt with someone when they are not attracted to them!
What works for The Playful Flirt:
They are perhaps the most popular of all among the opposite sex.
They can easily mingle with their date and get a crackling chemistry with them in record time!
What doesn’t work for them:
Getting into a long term relationship is tricky for the Playful Flirt, as they have some big temptations to fight on the way.
For instance, a man who was a Playful Flirt all his life — now flirts with even a waitress when at a restaurant with his wife. He has a daughter too, and is quite loyal to his wife. But he simply can’t get rid of his habit. Now the two have just accepted that he will flirt wherever possible just to get an extra shot of self-esteem!
4. The Sincere Style
They show sincere personal interest. This type of a flirt wants to create an emotional bond with a new crush. Their approach is to share things about themselves and get the other people talking.
They take the first rule of socializing to heart: that if you want to be an interesting conversationalist, you must get people to talk about themselves. They pay great attention to a partner’s personality.
For them, the best chemistry involves around communication and full disclosure.
What works for The Sincere Flirt:
This approach is highly effective and makes them liked by people immensely.
Seeking an emotional connect with a partner is defined as the most agreeable, desirable and effective of all communications, and flirts of this type usually go on to build lasting relationships.
What doesn’t work for them:
Some people might perceive the Sincere Flirt as boring, as most people like a little bit of fun and danger in flirting.
5. The Traditional Style
This type feels that men should make the first move and women shouldn’t.
It’s not just that they like this arrangement, in fact they even insist on it.
The men belonging to this flirting type like to confirm to traditional gender defined roles. Like paying for her every time, pulling the chair for her, opening the car door for her, etc.
They might think that the woman who flirts with them first is too forward, and in extreme cases might brandish her as a slut.
What works for them:
It’s easy to confirm to this type. Men ask women out, men open the doors for women, men clear the cheque at a dinner. Men kiss first. Men are more physically aggressive. Women push back. Men go further and conquer. See, so simple!
What doesn’t work for them:
Hey, most cool women won’t fall for that! This flirting style died in the nineties.
You can buy the full book here at www.hqnindia.com
Curated by Erbe
Using Siri Can Get You A Date
I always wondered if Siri could help you get a date…I guess she can!
As crazy as this video may seem, it isn’t fake. Haha, we really had no idea who the people were that we were approaching. We just used a little bit of magic to get their phone number :).
Curated by Erbe
Original Source
10 Reasons Why You’ll Fall For The Funny Guy Every Time
Why is it when girls are asked what qualities they look for in a guy, most say a sense of humor?
There’s just something about a guy who makes you giggle like a little schoolgirl, and there’s a reason Seth Rogen never fails to steal our hearts in every movie.
Funny guys have a charm and electricity about them that is hard to deny. Below are the real reasons why the silly man will always have you hooked:
1. He never fails to entertain you.
Dating a guy with a good sense of humor never gets boring. He is spontaneous and will pull almost any stunt for a laugh. It makes things exciting because you have to be quick to keep up with him.
2. To be funny, a guy must be witty and creative: plus and plus!
If you ask any writer what the most difficult genre to write for is, he or she will most likely say comedy. Sure, anyone can tell a good ol’ fashion fart joke, but it takes a certain type of a genius to nail a punchline that will make you laugh until your belly hurts.
To be on his game, he must be quick on his feet and original. If your guy is truly funny, he probably has a vast knowledge of peculiar facts and an arsenal of voices to share them in.
3. He knows how to handle social situations.
Nothing eases up an awkward moment better than a good-hearted joke. He has made enough inappropriate wisecracks to know when the time is right to tease and when it is better to keep his mouth shut.
You no longer have to cringe about leaving your guy in a room alone with others. Part of being funny is knowing where everyone else is coming from. Building off others, he can find something in common that they can all chat or even chuckle about.
4. He is naturally very observant.
How is he going to poke fun at your “Hunger Games” poster unless he’s taken a moment to observe your room?
The reason comedians are so good at what they do is attributed to their keen sense of what’s going on around them and ability to find the absurdness in it. A good way to one-up his witty remarks is to thank him for noticing.
5. He makes you a better person.
You stressed out too much before he entered the picture; now he teaches you to laugh at life and yourself.
Your safety wall melts away when he is around, and when he makes a fool out of himself, you feel more comfortable to do the same. What is a sweeter love when you can both truly be yourself around each other?
The Perils of Sexy Talk
by Julia Solomon
I love sexy talk. Only during sex, otherwise it’s rude. It’s not even so much that I like it, but that I prefer it to the sound of silence while bodies slap together and bed coils squeak. It helps me concentrate. It doesn’t get me hot and bothered, it just allows me to get a little bit out of my head (which is the worst place to be when you’re trying to relax and let an orgasm happen). It’s totally understandable why some people are a little hesitant to try kinky talking. It’s so easy to feel embarrassed because you’re putting yourself in a vulnerable position. Sex is already a very intimate activity, but adding conversation to it, you’re raising the stakes. Both parties could already be concerned about whether or not they’re doing the right “moves”, and now you might worry about whether or not you’re saying the right things. I think the key is confidence and commitment. It’s important to say things confidently. It kind of reminds me of being in class in high school (don’t worry, it’s not going there) and you hesitantly answer a question that the teacher has asked you. You’re not sure you’re right, so your pitch gets higher towards the end of the sentence. The teacher always says the same thing, “Are you asking me or are you telling me?” Then you feel dumb, because they’re kind of calling your bluff. You’re afraid to say the wrong answer. Here’s a fun example:
Teacher: Who is Justin Timberlake’s wife?
Student: Jessica Biel?
Teacher: Are you asking me or are you telling me?
Student: Jessica Biel. His wife is Jessica Biel. I have no fear. I am woman, hear me roar.
I’m not really sure what class this conversation would take place in, but I hope you get the gist by now. Just commit, and say it confidently, you have nothing to fear. You’re both in this together, you stepping up will make the other person feel more comfortable, which is important, because now the person has nothing to worry about. You went for it, now they can reciprocate. I’ve had mostly pleasant experiences while using sexy talk in the bedroom, but when you don’t know someone really well, things can get weird. You don’t know each others’ boundaries and you could end up saying something the other person is not comfortable with. Or, something they’re just not used to, which can make for an…interesting experience, to say the least.
There have been some instances in my life where certain things were said in the bedroom that not only put me back into my head entirely, but also, made it very hard for me to contain my laughter. When I first moved to New York City, I was very anxious to get laid. So, when a guy invited me back to his place late at night, I went with it. He wasn’t a complete stranger, but I didn’t know him very well, either. I wanted to have fun. I didn’t particularly like this guy so I wasn’t interested in feigning any sort of romance. I just wanted to have sex, and hopefully have an orgasm while doing so. That did not happen, mainly because of some pretty silly things he said to me. If you use any of these terms during sex, there’s nothing to be ashamed of, it just wasn’t my cup of tea. I’m going to share a couple of them with you. Please note, I was not offended nor did I feel violated by anything he said that night — the end result was mostly confusion, laughter, and a general questioning of what I was doing with my life.
While we were having sex, I encouraged the kinky talk at first, which is probably why he felt comfortable asking “Yeah, are you my little sex slave?” Fortunately, I was not facing him at the time when he said this, because I started smiling and holding back laughter immediately (thank you, doggy style). Wait, did he seriously just say that? This is hilarious. I can’t take this seriously. That was all I could think. Then started the imagery. The term “sex slave” brings to mind women tied up in chains, in Egypt or something, where the only thing they’re allowed to do is have sex with the Pharaoh or feed him grapes. But, I’ll try anything once — I went with it, and felt like an idiot. This was just so out of my ball park, I couldn’t handle it. I was used to stuff along the lines of “oh yeah, does that feel good?” or.. you know what, one example is enough. The point is, it was pretty tame compared to what this man preferred.
The first thing that weirded me out wasn’t necessarily an unusual request. He kept asking me to say his name. But, it was a weird name. By weird, I mean, the least sexy name in the world. I won’t reveal it, so I’m going to use the name Harold. Imagine saying “Oh yeah, give it to me, Harold! Harder, YES! YES, HAROLD!” It sounds awful. Also, we were in a 4-bedroom loft. Were his roommates used to stuff like this? When they hear women screaming for Harold, do they just think, “Oh, Harry! That dirty old dog!” or are they more like “I can’t wait to get a one bedroom apartment.” Why do guys want you to yell their name? Maybe it’s a watching-too-much-porn thing, maybe it makes them feel powerful. My theory? Perhaps a little bit of narcissism, like they want to know they’re the best or they need to be reassured that “Yeah, this girl wants it, and not just in general, specifically from me!”
He told me I was more than welcome to stay the night, and I politely declined. I instead opted to take a cab from Brooklyn to Harlem, which is not cheap. As expensive as it was, it was completely worth it. I got into the cab and laughed all the way back to Harlem until I had to pay the fare. This guy was super nice and sweet outside of the bedroom, so what was the deal? You can never really assume what someone is like in the sack. As the saying goes, “Never judge a sexual partner based on their behavior in public and/or in front of others.” Yes, it was a weird experience, but it would have been a lot weirder had he not been confidently saying those things. I can’t think of anything funnier than a guy hesitantly asking me to be his sex slave. Go big, or go home. He went big, I went home.
Dating Rules for the 21st Century
Does anybody actually date any more? It seems that dating rules may be an outmoded concept, but perhaps they shouldn’t be. Even if the way people meet in the electronic era may be quite different from 50 years ago, people still do meet, hang out and eventually pair up.
In 2012 a national survey published by a CDC affiliate concluded that though “people are marrying for the first time at older ages, and many adults co-habit with a partner”. In 2006–2010, the probability of first marriage by age 25 was still 44% for women ( a decrease of 25% from 1995) and by age 35 the probability of first marriage was 78% , by age 40 there was no significant change.
It would seem obvious that people are still finding love, and most of them still date, hang out or hook-up first.
Since it would seem that more people live together before marriage, and eventually marry (not necessarily the person they lived with, according to the data), does this mean that people are more sophisticated in their dating habits, or just more choosy? The third option is that people are just taking longer to grow up and take on adult responsibilities.
Updating the guidelines for how to meet a partner – and let’s face it, that’s what we are doing, however long it may last – probably has more to do with how we meet that when.
In the recent past, probably still in your parents’ generation, most people met through work, friends or family. Someone actually knew the person you met. (Of course there have always been casual hook-ups in bars or at parties, but these encounters were less likely to produce an actual date!). In the electronic age people have a much wider menu of options, in addition to the traditional ones, all of these options still need some navigating, and a road map (or GPS) is always useful.
Many cautionary tales have been written already on being careful how we meet through electronic media, and I won’t re-state them here. In fact, these rules fall into some logical groups:
- Always find out who you are really speaking to;
- Meet first in a public place;
- Be yourself, but be sparing with personal information.
These guidelines actually make logical sense no matter how you meet!
Now that we’ve met, how do we present ourselves? What are the guidelines for behaviour in the modern era? Dating rules for previous generations had people putting on their very best selves, and presenting a persona that probably did not exist at all. I would suggest that this is actually a recipe for failure. As the song lyric goes “be yourself”, not every date turns into a romance, but could be the possibility of a new friendship.
Trying to find out how compatible you are, without sounding like you are interviewing for a mate, can be tricky. Using a tactic from the business world may help here. Active listening, as opposed to just hearing, means paying attention to what the person is saying, and giving gentle prompts, to keep them talking. I am a natural blabbermouth, so I know how hard this can be for some of us. Sure the other party wants to know about you, but dole it out in small doses, they don’t need to know everything on the first date.
It has been said that charismatic personalities have a knack of making the other person feel fascinating, as though they are the only person in the room. They do this largely through making eye contact (not staring, that just creepy!) and paying attention, i.e. Active Listening!
This also means that you learn a lot more about the other person, and they will probably find you fascinating too. Hopefully they will also listen when its your turn, but if they don’t that will give you some valuable insights into their personality as well.
Our parents had rules about how far to “go” on dates. Though this may seem old-fashioned it had it’s merits. Getting to know someone before falling into bed with them has been shown to lead to a better relationship. Introducing sex into the equation too soon may lead to the intimacy taking over. Its not about prudery, but caution. If the sex is mind-blowing, then that’s probably all you will do! ( Many couples have found that when good sex wanes there isn’t anything else.) If the encounter is less than stellar it will probably lead to a quick end to any kind of relationship, and you may lose the opportunity to make a new friend.
Making a new friend may sound like a boring goal for dating, but it has been shown that having friends, of both genders, leads to a happier and more fulfilling life. Keeping the initial dates light and friendly takes the “shopping for a mate” aspect out of the way, and may actually lead to a better experience.
Continuing with that theme, what do you do on a first date? Experts suggest that you meet for coffee, or at best lunch. This places fewer expectations on both parties, and limits the amount of time you spend together. Most people find that you know almost immediately if there is a reason to meet again. Trust your instincts, this is the theory on which Speed-Dating is based. In the business world it is said that you make a decision about a candidate in the first six seconds! That may be extreme, not everyone is a star right out of the gate.
So who pays? Accoring to old-fashioned etiquette, s/he who made the invitation should pay. Of course if you are just meeting for coffee or lunch it probably isn’t a big question. After the first date I would suggest you do what you would do with a friend of the same gender, split the check, or offer to pay – and “you can get it next time”.
As far as continuing the relationship, how about deciding if there is going to be a next time, at the time? I may be naive, but honesty really is the best policy. If you just didn’t hit it off, don’t agree to meet again, and guys, please, drop the “I’ll call you” line if you don’t mean it! A simple , “it was a pleasure to meet you, see you around” should get the message across.
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It’s All Relative: Meeting the Parents
Whether you’ve been hot and heavy with your new main squeeze for a couple of months or a couple of years, meeting the parents is stressful for everyone. Your partner is hoping you get along with his entire network of relatives. His family is hoping you’re not too weird/crazy/mean to be dating him. You’re just trying to hold it all together. Luckily, with a little foresight and planning, you can ensure an easy introduction that works for everyone.
Do the homework.
If you’ve only been on a few dates with your honey, you might want to hold off on meeting Mom, Dad, and the rest of the gang until you get a sense of how he or she gets along with everyone. Do they talk and text everyday, or do they only get together at major holidays? Is there major drama with his older brother or her younger sister? Do they just not talk about long-lost Uncle Terry, or are conspiracy theories welcome? Also remember, if you’re being pressed to meet the family before you’re ready, be sure to let your partner know that you need time to get to know him or her better before you can meet everyone else.
Start small.
If your partner is set on you being his plus one at a big family wedding or this year’s multi-generational reunion, suggest that you meet a smaller group of his relatives to start out, especially if you’re shy or overwhelm easily in large groups. Meeting just your partner’s parents or siblings can give you a sense of their family dynamic without the added pressure of participating in a bouquet toss or three-legged race. Plus, you offer them the opportunity to really get to know you as a person, rather than as your date’s arm candy–it will make introductions at bigger family functions easier for everyone involved.
Set yourself up for success.
Encourage your partner to choose a meetup situation that works for everyone. After all, he knows everyone involved. Suggest avoiding passive activities, like attending a movie or sporting event, where conversation isn’t the focus. Sharing a meal, meeting for drinks, and other low-key social activities are best.
When the big day finally arrives, do everything you can to ensure a smooth introduction. Get a good night’s sleep, eat well, exercise–do whatever it is that helps you be your best self. Be polite and respectful, and follow your partner’s lead. Avoid discussing religion, politics, and other hot- button topics for the time being. Be sure to give everyone a basic picture of who you are. Tell them about your hometown, your work, and your hobbies. Keep it friendly and light–humor is your friend here.
Give honest feedback to your partner.
After you’ve both made it through the first meeting, take the time to check in with your partner. Let her know what you liked or didn’t like about the family, or ways that she behaved when she was with them that are red flags for you. If your relationship is getting serious, it’s important that decide together about what kind of family interactions are acceptable, and whether the two of you see eye-to-eye on how you fit into one another’s families. And don’t forget to emphasize the positives you experienced with his family–remembering the moments that worked alongside the moments that didn’t will go a long way toward figuring out the best way to build your relationships with family as a couple.
5 Habits that will Prevent You from Getting Married
Are you standing in your own way of love?
Marriage is one of the most important decision in the life of every person and according to relationship experts, harmless habits can make people lonely and prevent them from getting married.
Sometimes highly successful and healthy people often cannot find a real love and get married, because it’s hard to make a right decision in this complicated and artificial world.
Your inability to find a life partner may lie within you, maybe there is something within your subconsciousness that make people walk away from commitment with you.
Diana White of Womanitely lists those 5 unconscious habits:
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They’re afraid of reality: I think that people who’re afraid of reality will never get married if they do nothing to overcome this fear. It’s been proved that every human being is afraid of reality in a varying degree and it’s absolutely normal, because fear is a natural response to danger. But when these fears and deep-seated phobias take over, people become unable to take risks and responsibilities. A bit later these too sensitive and emotional personalities become the victims of their active imagination. I think that this weakness should be eliminated at earliest convenience. Every woman yearns to get married with emotionally strong and self-confident man. Diffident personalities should once and for all realize that life is a constant struggle. If you want to reach success in either marriage or career, you should be ready to take up the running and face harsh realities of life with you head held high.
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They prefer to be passive lazybones: In most cases lonely people are passive lazybones. The pursuit of happiness and self-cultivation aren’t their pair of shoes. They don’t try to take the initiative, but want to take the best things from life. If they believe that they’ll eventually get married, then their chances are limited. Nothing in this life happens eventually. Life is a dynamic thing that requires people to be extremely active and productive. If you want other successful people to notice your talents, beauty and the depth of your rich inner world, you should open up and do your best to express yourself. But how can you meet a wonderful partner if you enjoy aimless passive pastime cooped up in your house? I’m sure that every lazybones can become an interesting and attractive person, if they finally get involved in different activities and find friends with common interests.
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They’re too judgmental: Nowadays many people have incredibly high standards, especially when it comes to personal life and marriage. Sometimes human principles don’t let people think rationally, but provoke them to judge others for their failures and weaknesses. People who don’t take any effort to find a compromise will never get married, because a healthy marriage is always based on mutual understanding and respect. Wise people say that sometimes it’s necessary to keep silent if you’re at odds with your partner. It will help you keep your love relationship healthy and strong. Furthermore, women should keep in mind that their habit of blaming their partners for low incomes can seriously damage man’s self-esteem. As a result, deep-seated contentment in man’s heart can gradually chill the ardor of his love. By all means, try not to offend people around you and you’ll be able to get married in a quite short period of time.
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They dedicate their life to career: Workaholism has become one of the most difficult and actual problems of a modern world. This problem has a lot of advantages and disadvantages. Do you believe that workaholism can make you a happy person? If a successful career is the top priority in your life, then sooner or later, you’ll achieve a desirable result. All you have to do is throw yourself into this work and live for it. Unfortunately, between two stools you fall to the ground. If you choose career, then you should be ready to sacrifice your health and love. Almost all workaholics find it difficult to build and maintain happy relationships, because they work and think only about their projects 24 hours a day. They have no time for love and romance.
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They cry for the moon: Today both men and women have blurred vision of reality. It seems to me that ladies still believe that one day a wonderful knight in shining armor will appear and win their hearts. Men waste valuable time looking for a bachelor’s wife. It’s high time to get rid of this pointless habit and finally realize that perfect people do exist only in your imagination. The only way to find a suitable partner is to set realistic goals. You need to be sure that your dreams and desires coincide with reality. If you’re dreaming to get married with Johnny Depp by all means, then your private life is in danger.
Curated by Erbe
Original Article
5 Courtship Rules Modern Daters Can Use
Do you know the difference between Courting and Dating?
Courtship isn’t only for the conservative set. Here are 5 rules all daters can use.
Tired of dating? Have you considered courtship? It’s difficult to define, but the essential difference between courting and dating lies in their purposes: people date for various reasons, but people court only under assumption that they will marry. And despite its old-fashioned connotations, courting is still widely practiced today, especially in religious circles. But even if you’re not religious, courtship guidelines can offer solid advice to the modern daters among us. Check out five guidelines below and find out how they can apply to your dating life, whether or not you’re in for a full-court press…
1. You only court one person at a time. There’s no “shopping around” once you start courting. The “what are we” talk may even occur date number one. This initial commitment is meant to provide the freedom to love each other fully without being afraid that the other person will start considering other partners. Of course, this doesn’t mean all courtships end in marriage, as reality dictates that some things simply aren’t meant to be. It just means that people enter into courtships for the purpose of a serious, future-focused relationship.
Apply this: Be honest and direct about your intentions when you start dating someone. Looking for a rebound? Say so. Want a long-term relationship? Make that clear. Likewise, be honest with yourself. If you want to settle down, don’t feel uncomfortable passing on a man who’s sweet and charming but a total commitment-phobe.
2. The man pursues the woman. While this practice varies from community to community, most groups that favor courtship also favor a more traditional method of wooing. The man initiates the friendship, the “talk,” and even approaches his and the woman’s parents for their blessing. Think The Kite Runner.
Apply this: If you’re a woman eager to let the man take the lead, by all means, let him! For those who prefer an equal-opportunity approach to dating, well… try letting him pay now and then, or at least hold the door for you without being deeply offended. Many men like to feel they’re leading the way, even if you know you secretly have the upper-hand.
3. Family and community are central. Courtships are always conducted publicly, and with the approval of both parties’ parents. Oftentimes, the man will ask the woman’s father for his approval before the courtship officially begins. In more conservative circles, pastors and parents act as matchmakers. The goal is for the family to help the man and woman stay accountable for their level of commitment to each other. So, Mom and Dad are allowed to counsel their son if they feel he is compromising the woman in any way.
Apply this: Sometimes your mother does actually know what’s good for you. Don’t dismiss advice from your elders. Relationships haven’t changed all that much in the past few decades.
Chivalry: “Because it’s Free”
Women in the modern day feel that chivalry is dead. Some men even feel that it insults women to be chivalrous: “I can carry my own boxes, thank you very much.” Others feel it appears too eager, or too old-fashioned. When it comes to the bill, a common retort from men is “If you want to work like a man, and earn equal pay, then why should I have to pay for your meal? You can pay for yourself.” While I understand that position, come on man, can’t a gal get a salad?
Nowadays, with the line between being courteous and sexist becoming increasingly obscure, I understand the confusion felt by men. The days of approaching women on the street and offering a hand might be well behind us, but when it comes to dating, I’ve found a little bit of chivalry goes a long way. If you don’t have the budget to buy dinner, here are 5 chivalrous acts that go a long way whilst being completely FREE:
Open her car door.
This is a game changer. The payoff in proportion to the amount of effort it takes is astronomical. WE NOTICE. THIS IS MAJOR. Its been said “If you open a woman’s door for her and she doesn’t reach over to unlock your side, she’s not a keeper.” Unfortunately, now that we have automated locks there is no way to tell anymore, so you’ll have to use your own judgment. Opening the door is an extremely positive way to commence a date. It showcases you in a positive light from the get-go. Make this a habit, a reflex, and you won’t be sorry.
Call, don’t text.
Boys text. Men call. If she’s “weirded out” by the fact that you called to arrange seeing her, then SHE’S not worth it. When people are first getting to know one another it is important to communicate, and calling is pivotal. It shows that you are willing to make the time and effort to talk to her, instead of taking the easy route: “Dominick’s. 8pm.” which feels much more impersonal. Is this guy asking me out or trying to buy weed? A quick call says, “Hey, I like you and look forward to getting to know you.”
Walk her to her car.
You guys, there are rapists out there. Creepers, lurkers, perverts, and sure you could be one of them, but we trusted you enough to go out with you so at least make sure we make it to our car. We may front like we are just as tough and strong as a man, but the reality is we will always feel safer with you by our side. This shows that you are a protector, which is instinctually the key trait that attracts women to men.
Choose your words.
When you are at dinner avoid phrases like “Lemme get a uh…” or “Can I get…” In fact, you should always avoid phrases like that. The proper way to order is by saying, “I would like” or “May I have.” Proper vernacular is the mark of a true gentleman. If you speak to others in a respectful manner and ask instead of order, this will put you in a league above the rest. Never forget, a charming man that knows how to say the right things the right way can win over a Queen, even if he’s bald.
Get Dressed.
This is the generation of the hoodie. A hoodie is not an appropriate thing to wear on a date, it is an appropriate thing to wear to a second interview at Petsmart. Show that you care about your appearance, it reflects well on you. It’s simple; all you need is one good blazer – THAT’S IT. Throw it on over a button up, or even a t-shirt. JUST GET A BLAZER. It will put you at the front of the line, and every woman wants to be with a winner.
As for offering your jacket, pulling out her chair, and walking on the side of the street closest to traffic (so you get killed first) those go without question, but these are just some of my favorites.