zfortadmin, Author at Love TV - Page 24 of 50

Author: zfortadmin

Do You Feel Sexy and Comfortable In Your Own Skin

by zfortadminin Body

Have a habit of backing out of rooms so guys don’t glimpse your butt? Well, you’re about to trade that kind of behavior for a look-at-me-I’m-hot act. Read on.

If someone told you that you could send insecurity packing and radiate serious sex appeal in and out  f your clothes just by reading this article, would you believe it? If you said no (or even thought it  or a fleeting second), then you’re exactly the kind of person who could totally benefit from what we’re about to tell you. You see, attitude counts for a lot in life, and making little adjustments to yours can pay off. For example, “shutting out the negative chatterbox in your head that criticizes every little
perceived flaw and learning to appreciate your unique beauty is essential to true happiness and real
confidence,” says Susan Jeffers, PhD, author of Life Is Huge. The real shocker: It’s easier than you think.

Your guide to basking in body bravado—even in the buff—and achieving a new level of allure starts here.

Ditch Your Self-Bashing Mind-Set

“Left to their own devices, many women will focus on negative things about themselves more than the positive,” says Darlene Mininni, PhD, author of The Emotional Tool Kit. If you want to revel in body confidence, turn off that self-critical tape that’s on a loop in your head.

● Quit cracking “jokes” about your bod. “Even casual, half-kidding self-assessments get lodged in your brain as truth,” says Jeffers. Get into the habit of censoring yourself every time you’re about to utter a derogatory comment like “I’ll probably need a minus-A cup for my pancake chest.”

● Put yourself in the hot seat. “When negative beliefs creep into your mind, fight back and challenge each one like a trial lawyer,” says Mininni. If you think, I’ve gained so much weight, ask yourself What evidence is there? Have I had to throw out my old clothes and buy larger sizes? If the answer is no, you’ll have to face the harsh truth—you haven’t packed on the pounds.

● Listen to what those voices are really saying. Insecure thoughts can be deceiving. “They usually occur because you’re feeling powerless or scared in some aspect of your life,” says Los Angeles hypnotherapist Nancy Irwin, PsyD. So when that inner bitch taunts you, ask What’s really bothering me? Maybe you had a spat with your guy or you’re anxious about work. Identify the true source of your angst so you can ditch self-hate and tackle the real issue.

●Look at “I’m a hottie” evidence. Beth, 29*, blasts her body blues by flipping through a photo album she’s filled with the most flattering pictures of herself. “Seeing proof that I am attractive, despite what my mind is saying, makes me feel great about myself again,” she says.

Enjoy Being Eye Candy

Do you ever burn with self-consciousness when a guy checks you out—even if it’s your boyfriend trying to cop a stare as you make a dash sans clothes to the bathroom? Learn to love being ogled and your sex appeal—and confidence—will go through the roof.

●Step into his headspace. We assume that guys are just as hard on our bodies as we are, but that’s so not true. “Men admire the whole package,” says psychologist Sheenah Hankin, PhD, author
of Complete Confidence. “They don’t pick you apart, and they don’t look longingly if they’re not liking what they see.” So when a babe is feasting his peepers on you in bed, remind yourself that he’s
appreciating the scenery, not cataloging your “flaws.”

● Hang out in your birthday suit. The more time you spend in the buff, the more comfortable you become with your bod. “And more important, it makes you feel less inhibited when you’re with a man too,” says Hankin. Your homework: Sleep naked, watch TV undressed, and when you step out of the shower, wrap that towel around your hair instead of your butt.

● Work it while you walk. “Master a confident stride. It oozes self-assuredness, and nothing’s sexier than that,” says Hankin. To strut your stuff, stand tall, keep your neck long and straight,
roll your shoulders back and down, and let your hands swing at your sides as you put one foot slightly in front of the other (to make sure you get that catwalk hip sashay). And take your time. A slightly languorous pace screams “I’m too hot to be rushed!”

● Flirt your fanny off. When you’re stuck in a social situation where you feel awkward or you think you look like crap, you probably try to blend in with the woodwork—which only makes you feel more like a loser. So conjure up your feminine wiles and try to charm the pants off someone (figuratively, or literally if you want). “Flirting will take your attention away from your self-consciousness,”
says Hankin. “And when the object of your attention flirts back, you’ll feel more attractive and confident.”

Stop Comparing Yourself to the Competition

Bitching about the genetic cards you’ve been dealt, and bemoaning the fact that you don’t measure up to some superhuman bikini model, is a self-destructive waste of time. “Being threatened by other women—and their perceived perfections—makes it tougher for you to appreciate and play up your own assets,” says Irwin.

● Focus on what’s sexy. Ever wonder why a major babe would fall head over heels in love with some far-from-perfect chick? That’s because men (well, most of them) aren’t really interested in a supermodel-perfect partner, as Hillary, 27, discovered at her 10-year high-school reunion. “Steve was voted Cutest Guy in my class, and his fiancée was average-looking at best,” says Hillary.
But as the night wore on, I realized she was super-outgoing, really funny, and actually sexy.” Pay attention to women you find sexy who aren’t classically beautiful—it will teach you to appreciate you own uniqueness.

●Fight your “If only…” cravings. “Too many women think that life would be better if they lost a few pounds or had longer legs,” says Irwin. Well, guess what? Even if you had those things, you’d find something else to complain about. “It never stops because it’s a mind-set, not a real problem. You have to be happy with who you are now.” To kick that wannabe habit, every time you find yourself envying another woman’s assets, stop and acknowledge something that you like about yourself. “You can admire other people’s strengths, as long as it’s not at the expense of seeing
your own,” Irwin says.

● Don’t downgrade other chicks. Surprisingly, harshing on other women’s looks actually hurts your self-image as much as envying them does. “That yardstick you use to judge their so-called
flaws is the same one you use to judge your own,” says Hankin. Getting rid of that rating system will help you cut yourself more slack and really feel good.

Stop Soliciting Negative Feedback

It goes something like this: “Do these new espadrilles make my ankles look thick?” “C’mon, my arms look flabby, right?” “Just be straight with me about my huge butt—I can take it.” Enough! Though it might seem like harmless chatter, these queries are insidiously destructive to your self-esteem. You’re just reinforcing unhealthy thoughts,” says Mininni.

● Remember, it’s a big bore. Pay attention when you’re trolling for reassuring feedback and you’ll probably notice some eye-rolling from your audience before you get the same “No, you look great” response. That’s because your humble routine makes you seem self-involved, which is a total
yawn. It’s ironic, but perpetually broadcasting your insecurities can make you appear vain.

● Start accepting your props. When you get a compliment—whether it’s your guy praising your body in bed or a colleague admiring how great your outfit looks on you—skip the bashful rebuttal and try something more radical, like a simple thanks. “If you stop shutting out flattery and start listening to it, what you’re hearing will gradually become your automatic belief,” says Irwin.

Fake It Until You Feel It

You know how some actors become so immersed in their roles that they practically become their characters? Well, taking on a confident, sexy persona can help you feel like a confident, sexy chick. “If you make a conscious effort to act self-assured, eventually you’ll begin to believe it,” says Irwin.

● Lose the loser mannerisms. Folding your arms, slouching, or gnawing on your cuticles is the equivalent of wearing a neon sign that screams “I feel totally out of place!”

● Strike a poised pose. On the other hand, projecting confidence through body language, will make people respond to you more positively, boosting your self-assurance. “Confident people ‘mark their territory,’ ” says Irwin. “So, hold your head high and keep your shoulders back.”

● Get out of your clothing comfort zone. You may think your fat jeans make you feel better when you’re feeling blah, but you’re actually perpetuating that”I’m a whale” mind-set every time you slip them on. “Dressing well reinforces for you that your body is special and deserves nice clothes,” says Hankin. That means trade the schlubby weekend wear for cute body-hugging threads that make you like what you see in the mirror.

● Lay a sexy foundation. The confidence-boosting clothing rule also applies to the duds people don’t see, i.e., your unmentionables. “The garments you wear closest to your skin affect how you feel,” says Hankin. So ditch the granny panties, and make your “special occasion” undies part of your everyday wardrobe. They’ll make you feel so sexy, you might even give your guy a spontaneous
lingerie fashion show.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Fun, Intense and Intimate Sex

by zfortadminin Sex

We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. How can we make sex more intense?

But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off-limits, and all questions will remain anonymous. Please send your sex and relationship inquiries to tips@bustle.com. Now, onto today’s topic: how to make sex more fun, intense, and intimate.

Q: My partner and I have been together for years. Sex is important to both of us, and we want to keep growing together in our relationship. We’re lucky that sex is pretty great between us, but we want it to be even better. We want to feel like we’re learning more about each other and deepening our connection. How can we make sex more intense?

A: Thanks for your question! It’s awesome that the two of you place such a high value on sex, and are continually looking for new ways to connect. Trust me, that is going to go such a long way in your relationship! Here are my tips for making sex as intimate, intense, and fun as possible.

1. Define What Intimacy Means To You

First things first: what exactly do you mean by intimacy? What about intensity? These are powerful words that means different things to different couples. The first thing the two of you should do is talk about what intimacy means to your relationship. What does intense sex feel like, both in the moment and afterwards? What’s the kind of emotional connection you’re aiming for? What was the best sex you guys ever had like? You can’t work towards a goal until you know what your goal is!

2. Set Yourselves Up For Success

if you want to have intense sex, you have to have the right atmosphere for connection. It’s hard to bond with each other if your cell phones keep buzzing or if your pooch is pawing at your bedroom door. You guys may already do a good job at creating the space for intimacy, but it’s an important tip to remember.

You can do things in the moment, like turning off all electronics, or setting the mood with soft music and candles. You can also make bigger-picture changes like creating a weekly date night or planning weekend getaways.

3. Talk During Sex

Talking to your partner while you’re having sex is a great way to turn up the heat. Tell your partner what you want them to do to you. Tease your partner, and make them beg you to give them what they want. Describe to your partner exactly how their touches and kisses are making you feel. Even simple words of affection can make the two of you feel closer.

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Love Rituals Around the World

by zfortadminin LOVE

Love shows its face around the world in many ways and there are some peculiar love rituals to wow your Valentine. Red roses are very safe, so is perfume and chocolates; all very nice to give or receive but if you want to stand out maybe you should seek inspiration in the love traditions of one of these countries.

FRANCE

Nothing more romantic than expressing your love to someone by locking it up… Symbolically speaking. It came into fashion a couple of years ago in Paris. Attaching a padlock to the fence of a bridge or other monumental object with your names and throwing away the key, preferably in the river below while you vow to love each other forever.How romantic! Less romantic was its effect: In Paris the Pont des Art bridge was on the verge of collapse under the weight of so much padlocks and they had to take safety measures. But the padlocks keep coming, from over the whole world nowadays. And other countries have followed suit with their own padlock love customs.

Pont des Arts

AUSTRIA

From the country of lederhosen and Käsespätzle, both not very attractive to look at to say the least, comes another weird courting tradition. We have to add that it is no longer in demand due to apparent reasons but it was the way to go in 19th century Austria for girls to find out if men were interested.

Girls would dance the night away while carrying an apple in their armpits. At the end of the night a slice of the sweaty apple was offered to the men they desired. If the interest was mutual Mr. Eligible would eat it with gusto. If not, he would politely decline. Not sure if you should try this at home unless you like the taste of sweaty armpits. In a modern version you could opt for homemade strudel. After all, the way to someone’s heart often goes through the stomach. One tip though, don’t cook it under your armpits.

Austria Folk Dance

NIGER

In Niger it is the men who wear make-up and dance to attract attention from the opposite sex. The Geerewol is a male beauty contest for the Wodaabe tribes men of the Niger desert to impress young women and secure a potential bride. If the man does has notion picked by the female “judges” it takes another year at least before he gets to dance and show his beauty again. If you’re a man we suggest you skip the make up part but showing your moves could be very attractive, if you know how to that is. Watch the video about the Geerewol below:

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Will You Have an Epic Sex Life? Here is the Chemistry Test

by zfortadminin Sex, SEX TIPS

Find out if you and your partner is a perfect sexual match.

Having a similar sex drive as your partner will definitely keep things hot in the bedroom, but having different sexual preferences is actually the key to long-lasting sex life, says a new study.

The research, published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, examined similar sexual preferences and complementary sexual preferences and how each influenced sexual compatibility and satisfaction within a relationship. (In this case, an example of similar sexual preferences was both enjoying oral sex or both enjoying being dominant in bed, while complementary preferences would look like one partner preferring to be on top while the other likes to be on bottom.) Scientists surveyed 304 heterosexual couples between the ages of 18 to 65 who were dating, engaged, or married. Some had been together only one month, while others had been together for over 30 years. Using the Sexual Activity Inventory, the couples responded to questions about their sexual fantasies and positive and negative aspects of their sex lives, including questions about what their partner did and didn’t like to do in bed. Then, they each ranked their level of sexual satisfaction in their current relationship.

The results showed that having complementary sexual preferences—rather than the exact same ones—correlated to higher sexual satisfaction. Essentially this meant that bottoms liked to be with tops and givers liked to be with receivers. It’s not exactly suprising; it makes sense that someone who likes to take the reins in bed would have better sexual chemistry with someone who is a little more submissive, rather than someone else who likes to dominate. So if your partner loves giving oral and you love receiving it, you’re obviously a match made in sexual heaven. Basically, your favorite sexual behaviors complement each other.

Interestingly, the study also found that men have a pretty big responsibility when it comes to maintaining that sexual chemistry. When guys were better able to predict what turned their partners on, they ranked their sex lives more positively and so did their partners. So why not give them a little help by letting them know exactly what you like in bed? It’s pretty much guaranteed to put your sexual satisfaction—and his—through the roof.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Gratitude: Can It Save Your Relationship?

by zfortadminin Mind

One of the first life lessons little kids are taught is to always say, “thank you.”

When someone does something nice for you, you thank them. It’s a concept that is drummed into our heads starting at the age of about two. But you’ll notice that saying thanks doesn’t come easy. Very rarely does a kid remember to say it – it usually follows a prompt by a parent…now what do you say? And it never gets easier.

Gratitude doesn’t come easily or naturally to most of us; rather, it’s a skill that needs to be honed and crafted. But when you get it down, it can literally change your life. Countless studies have demonstrated that expressing gratitude can vastly increase our physical and emotional well-being.
Gratitude can also have enormous implications for your relationship…and your ability to find love if you aren’t currently in a relationship. When both partners see the good in one another and feel appreciative, the relationship is filled with love, connection, and harmony. When both partners focus on what the other isn’t doing and take each other for granted, the relationship is filled with resentment, frustration, and bitterness.

The truth is, a good relationship starts with you. When you bring positivity and happiness into the relationship, your partner will rise up to match and then your relationship will flourish. I’m not saying the responsibility is on the woman – it goes both ways. But the only person you can control is yourself.

If you want your life and your relationship to improve, you can’t blame circumstances or your partner. Instead, you need to take responsibility and make internal changes that lead to external ones. And the most important lesson is that of giving thanks.

Read on to find out how it’s done and why it’s so important.

Why Is It So Hard?

Life can tear a lot of us down. As the years go by, bitter experiences pile up and our hearts become shrouded with hurt and pain. The more jaded we become, the harder it is to see beyond the darkness and feel thankful for anything. A lot of us become the victims of our own lives and we feel justified in it. We blame our parents, our upbringing, the boy who broke our heart, the bad economy. I’m not saying none of it is valid, but when you dwell on all the bad hands you’ve been dealt, you fuel the fire of anger and resentment and this only makes for an even more miserable experience.

When it comes to relationships, expressing gratitude can be even more challenging because the stakes are so much higher. Romantic relationships can cause many emotions to rise to the surface…some are good and exhilarating, and some are bad and rooted in pain from the past. All of us look at life through a lens that is colored by our own experiences and we form certain expectations as a result. When you measure a guy against this code of expected behavior, he will always fall short and you will always feel disappointed. The reason he’ll fall short is because no one can get it right every single time. He isn’t a mind reader and he has been shaped by a whole different set of experiences.

When you think a guy should do something, and if he doesn’t it means he doesn’t care, then you ignore all the things he does that show he does care and get all riled up because of a few things that you (or rather, your unconscious mind) think a man should do when he loves a woman. You feel hurt and unloved and might start blaming him for “making” you feel a certain way. When you’re in this head space, you will not be able to appreciate anything he does and will silently resent him for not doing more. He can text you back promptly every single time and you will still get upset the one time he takes a little longer to get back to you.

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Are You Thankful for Your Sexual Health?

by zfortadminin Sex

I am referring to more than simply being STD free.

Around this time of year we often think of things we are thankful for like family and friends.  Of course, I’m thankful for my family, especially my beautiful daughter, and friends. In addition to them I’m thankful for having good sexual health and access to reproductive health care to maintain it!

When I say I am thankful for good sexual health, I am referring to more than simply being STD free.  Though, being STD free is definitely included.  As recently as 4 years ago I was still taking my sexual health for granted. I assumed that as a female I’d be able to get pregnant and carry a child to term.  However, that was not the situation despite getting regular prenatal check-ups. My pregnancy and child birthing experience was anything but how I always thought and had planned for it to be. As a sexologist I am aware that some women have difficult pregnancies and others who are unable to conceive or carry children at all, yet I didn’t think for a second that I’d be one of those women. Don’t get too sad – I have since been told that I can have children in the future if I want to.

I certainly hope that you can also say that you are thankful for your sexual health. If you need more convincing, here are 3 reasons to be thankful for good sexual health:

  1. Ability to reproduce – should you want to. I am not assuming that everyone wants to have children, however, those who do want to have children in the future should consider adding sexual health to the list of things they are thankful for this year.  Women and men can be equally thankful for being able to contribute to the creation of life.  Without such an awesome ability the sexiest species would cease to exist. If we think of it that way – maybe people who don’t plan to reproduce should be thankful for those who do.
  2. Can serve yourself up as a great dessert.  The only thing better than a great meal with people you love and care about is having a great dessert to top it off!  You can be a sweet dessert for one or more others to enjoy. This sexy human buffet is most enjoyable when you are free of sexually transmitted infections and diseases.  Trust me this is only one of many reasons to be thankful for being STD free – though it may well be the tastiest.
  3. Can have pleasurable sex. When we are not feeling well sexually many of us tend to find sex less pleasurable, if we’re even willing to participate in having it. Who wants to have unpleasurable sex? I know I don’t. That’s the main reason to have sex is for the pleasurable experience and relaxation benefits. I’m thankful for being able to have pleasurable sex. I wish I could say I’m also thankful for a partner.

Let’s not forget that thanks to Affordable Care, Planned Parenthood, and in California – the State Office of Family Planning –we can all be thankful for low to no cost contraception and preventive reproductive care.  In many cases this includes access to various type of birth control such as pills, the patch, nuva ring, and more. It also includes access to testing for STIs, HIV, and pregnancy.  You can see from this short list that sexual health would make a great addition to things you are thankful for at this time of year and always.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How to Initiate Sex With Your Man

by zfortadminin Sex

Jump-start your love life by learning how to put the moves on your man

You’ve heard all about the benefits of having sex—it can improve your health, help you sleep and, obviously, strengthen your relationship. And the best way to have more sex is to ask for it. But for some women, that’s easier said than done. It may be because you can’t figure out a way to get the message across, or you’re exhausted, shy or just plain out of practice, says Aline Zoldbrod, Ph.D., sex therapist and author of Sex Talk. No matter what the reason, if you’re not sure how to give your man the hint, read on for nine tips to initiate romance.

1. Put it in writing.

Sometimes, saying, “I want you, now” out loud can feel intimidating or embarrassing, especially if that kind of talk doesn’t come naturally to you, says Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., a couples and sex therapist and author of Getting the Sex You Want. But writing down your desires can help shake off your inhibitions, since you can get your point across without face-to-face contact. Pop a note in your husband’s coat pocket before you leave for work, send him an email (to his personal account!) or tap out a quick text message. What you say depends on your relationship, but, “Try to break out of your comfort zone to help build erotic anticipation,” says Dr. Nelson. Texting things like, “Can’t wait until tonight,” or “Having a naughty thought about you right now” can work to build excitement for what’s to come. Or, Dr. Nelson says, you can be more graphic than you might feel comfortable doing in person, saying something like, “Tonight, I’m getting into bed naked and will do XYZ to you…”

2. Establish an “I’m in the mood” code.

Between the two of you, come up with a word or phrase that is a secret call for sex. “Make it something that you can say in front of your kids, or even your in-laws,” says Dr. Nelson. The contrast between how ordinary the code sounds to others and what it really means to you stirs up excitement and fosters intimacy. Try something like, “Honey, can you help me balance the checkbook later?” or, “I really have a headache!”

3. Get—and stay––in the mood.

When it comes to summoning sex, getting yourself in the mood is half the battle. “You are more likely to initiate sex later if you pay attention to your own feelings first,” says Dr. Zoldbrod. Look at some erotic images, such as those in the Kama Sutra, or read a few passages from a favorite romance novel to put you in a sexual state of mind. If that’s not your speed, just spend some time thinking in detail about the last time you had sex, which will help rev your appetite. Dr. Zoldbrod also recommends going for a walk to boost endorphins, wearing lingerie to work or even thinking about your favorite celebrity crush. By reminding yourself to keep sex at the forefront of your mind all day, the positive vibes will last well until bedtime, inspiring you to make a move.

4. Send a nonverbal cue.

If verbal requests for sex are out of your comfort zone, don’t worry: non-verbal initiation can be just as powerful. Try a kiss on his neck or a little ear-nibbling while he’s on the computer or watching TV, suggests Dr. Nelson. Then escalate the gesture by stroking his arm while you’re sitting near each other. Ramping it up slowly like this serves two purposes: First, the element of surprise can boost sexual feelings; secondly, the non-verbal come-on can be unexpected, which could pave the way for spontaneous sex, says Dr. Nelson.

5. Try something new together.

Explore unknown territory as a couple, whether that means attending a free art class at your library, going to see a foreign movie or signing up for a volunteer opportunity in your community. “When couples do new things together they produce more dopamine, the feel-good brain chemical,” which will help make you feel closer, says Dr. Zoldbrod. And if you enjoyed that foreign film or art class and ended up making love when you got home? That tradition will likely catch on, so doing it after any excursion may become a delicious habit.

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8 Sweet Things to Say to Your Man That Will Strengthen Your Bond

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE

You love it when he says just the right thing at the right time, don’t you?

Boyfriends love to hear compliments, words of encouragement, and other sweet sayings too. So, don’t be shy – let your man know how much he means to you.

Sweet Things to Say to Him

At Behavior and Relationships, Monica Strobel, author of The Compliment Quotient, explains that, “To give a genuine compliment, couples must refocus their attention onto something positive. A compliment interrupts the patterns of common couples’ gripes and resentments.” She also explains that it’s a way to avoid taking each other for granted. Saying something sweet to your boyfriend will strengthen your bond by making you both feel uplifted.

Thank You

It’s simple, and it’s a common courtesy you’d pay anyone after they did you a favor, but sometimes couples tend to take each other for granted. Stop and thank him for fixing your computer or thank you for giving you a ride to work when your car was in the shop. Toni Coleman, psychotherapist and relationship coach, suggested changing up your routine. Instead of using an accusatory tone, ask him nicely to do something and then thank him.

You’re Talented

lovely couple

Some guys come across as confident enough to know that they’re good at what they do, but that doesn’t mean that they honestly feel that way on the inside. Give him a few words of affirmation; let him know that you think he’s a top-notch chef, drummer, or that he awes you with his understanding of politics or history. Be specific in your compliments. Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, explains on his blog that words of affirmation–compliments–can have a tremendous effect on happiness. In his example, a husband is giving his wife a compliment on her writing skills, but it can work on a guy too, regarding any skill he’s practicing. If you’re boosting your boyfriend’s self-esteem and complimenting him on things he cares about, you’ll strengthen your bond.

You Make Me Smile

Telling him how he makes you smile, lets him know that he’s a good boyfriend, and he can cheer you up no matter what. It means he knows the sweetest things to say to you as well, and probably has a great sense of humor. This statement is several compliments wrapped up into one.

You Are a Fabulous Kisser

Men take pride in the ability to sweep a woman off her feet. Stroke his ego by complimenting him on his kissing skills, and he’ll want to practice with you even more.

You Make Me Feel Safe

Most guys like to protect their ladies and make them feel safe and secure. Let him know he’s doing a good job. Playing up the masculine and feminine differences in your relationship help keep your bond strong, as Lana Holstein, MD, director of sexuality and vitality programs for couples at Miraval Resort said in the Cosmopolitan article. This ties into the kissing compliment as well. Saying sexy things to your guy is one of the sweetest things you can do. Holstein recommends that you, “Save the gab sessions for when you hang out with your girlfriends and your sexy energy for connecting with your guy.”

I Love Your Family

It’s important for you to like the people in his life. There could be tension, hurt feelings, and plenty of awkward moments if you actively dislike the people who are close to him. Let him know that you love him and those he’s surrounded himself with.

You’re Handsome

Men don’t always seem as openly concerned with their appearance as women, but most of them do still care. Compliment his looks and you’re sure to see that smile you love. If you want to take it further, you can compliment him on his eyes, the way he smiles, his biceps, or anything else you really love about the way he looks.

You Are Strong

Men love it when a woman comments on their physical strength. John DeVore at GuySpeak.com says this is a question your guy won’t mind hearing.

Fill in the Blank

Each guy is different and has his own unique qualities to offer, so try to fill in the blanks and see what you can come up with:

  • I really appreciate it when you ___________________.
  • It means a lot to me when you ___________________.
  • Thank you so much for ___________________.
  • You make me happy because ___________________.
  • You really helped me when you ___________________.

Say Sweet Things at the Right Time

You won’t want to compliment his kissing skills in front of his mother, but he might appreciate it if you compliment him on his strength in front of other people. Use your instincts to know when your guy would most like to hear your compliments–some are better for when you’re alone while others can be advertised.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How to Have a Quality Relationship When You Work All the Time

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

Working can be intense!

It’s not easy to switch off, is it?

How often do you come home at the end of the day and you’re still feeling the weight of it from earlier?

Sunday blues ahead of Monday – do you recognise those in yourself or your partner?

Have you ever thought to yourself, “They just don’t understand,” when you’re feeling your work pressures and your partner isn’t “getting it”?

At the Champion Academy we teach you how to communicate with yourself and others so that you and your partner can support one another through each day more effectively, resulting in a better work and home environment, and all the benefits that those bring.

1. Learn empathy and compassion

In a relationship, empathy and compassion are key.

Empathy is being able to share and understand someone else’s emotions. Compassion is being able to see the suffering of others, combined with the natural desire to help.

These are the best gifts we can offer to those closest to us, or to anyone for that matter: compassion and empathy.

To practice compassion and empathy, try this: ask yourself how you would feel in your partner’s shoes after their day.

2. Recognise the challenges

Whether you want to admit it or not, we can all be needy. We often come home emotionally drained from a long day at work.

Both you and your partner should recognise the difficulties of each other’s working days.

We often see our own job as being the hardest job in the world. Remember that your partner’s job can be difficult and time-consuming too. Share together.

3. Be supportive

We all, at times, have a tendency to bottle things up when we are at work and then when we are at home. To a degree, this is a lack of an appropriate emotional response to our situation – we internalise our feelings, and this often gives them more negative meanings.

It requires awareness to notice that you or your partner are overly harsh with yourselves. Why hold yourselves up to an impossibly high standard that no one can meet?

We are often expected to be perfect at work, and we expect the same from ourselves all the time. However, mistakes can and do happen.

When mistakes do happen, be compassionate. Recognise that one of you is in pain and simply be there for the other.

Finally, celebrate one another’s victories and successes at work. We are often motivated by the stick rather than the carrot. When something good happens, like closing a sale or completing a deal, give the “victor” a carrot and celebrate these wins. Tell them they did a great job. Offer genuine words of praise and support.

4. Looking after yourself is your responsibility

Of course, these tips must be mutual – but you can only look after others as well as you are able to look after yourself.

Examples of looking after yourself obviously include exercise, mindfulness, sleep, nutrition, rest and holidays. However, the key component to looking after yourself is setting boundaries between work and home.

Treat yourself to the small things that bring you pleasure, and schedule time each day for you.

Remember that looking after yourself is something that only you can do for yourself.

Absolutely encourage one another by doing things as a couple that help each of you. However, you can’t force your partner to exercise, eat right or get enough sleep.

I remember reading once, “Work can be a possessive mistress.”

Our careers are fulfilling and financially important, but we are replaceable at work. We’re not replaceable at home.

It’s about priorities.

Ultimately, if there are difficulties in your relationship, approach them with curiosity and gentleness.

Recognise the problems that you bring to the relationship, and when things get tough, remind yourself that these moments will pass.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Get Closer by Mixing It Up in and Out of the Bedroom

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS, Sex

If you feel that daily sex will make you both happier, read on. According to fascinating research, the action between the sheets once a week is enough to reignite and keep the passion and love alive between the two souls.

Although more frequent sex is associated with greater happiness, this link was no longer significant at a frequency of more than once a week, the team revealed.

“Our findings suggest that it’s important to maintain an intimate connection with your partner, but you do not need to have sex everyday as long as you are maintaining that connection,” said lead researcher Amy Muise, social psychologist and postdoctoral fellow at the University of Toronto-Mississauga.

The results, based on surveys of more than 30,000 Americans collected over four decades, reveal that happiness quotient is not there after couples report having sex more than once a week on average.

In one study, researchers analysed survey responses conducted by the University of Chicago about sexual frequency and general happiness from more than 25,000 Americans (11,285 men, 14,225 women).

For couples, happiness tended to increase with more frequent sex but this is no longer true after couples report engaging in sex more than once a week.

Despite common stereotypes that men want more sex and older people have less sex, there was no difference in the findings based on gender, age or length of relationship.

“Our findings were consistent for men and women, younger and older people, and couples who had been married for a few years or decades,” Muise noted.

Sex may be more strongly associated with happiness than is money. To find this, the researchers also conducted an online survey with 335 people (138 men, 197 women) who were in long-term relationships and found similar results as the first study.

These participants were also asked about their annual income, and there was a larger difference in happiness between people who had sex less than once a month compared to people who had sex once a week than between people who had an income of $15,000-$25,000 compared to people who had an income of $50,000-$75,000 per year.

“People often think that more money and more sex equal more happiness, but this is only true up to a point,” Muise pointed out.

The findings don’t necessarily mean that couples should engage in more or less sex to reach the weekly average but partners should discuss whether their sexual needs are being met.

“It’s important to maintain an intimate connection with your partner without putting too much pressure on engaging in sex as frequently as possible,” Muise advised.

However, the findings were specific to people in romantic relationships and there was no association between sexual frequency and well being for single people.

The findings were published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Top Reasons Why You Should Be Thankful For Your Significant Other

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

On Thanksgiving, it’s customary to be appreciative of the many things we all have to be thankful for.

But it can be easy to take the person who’s always there for granted, even though he or she actually means everything to you.

I asked friends and family of all ages and genders to tell me why they were so thankful for their significant other.

Here are 20 of their answers, which made me smile, laugh, and occasionally tear up:

“I’m thankful because although I may physically be alone I’m never mentally alone. The dude has got my back. And he always knows which beer at the microbrewery I’ll like.” —Andrea

“I am thankful that instead of emphasizing my faults, my husband uses them as an opportunity to help me be at my best. I missed my alarm this morning and got up a half hour before I was supposed to be at work. Instead of telling me I should have set two alarms, he asked “is there anything I can do to help?” Who has two thumbs and is beyond blessed? This girl.” —Alicia

“Poptart, my feline boyfriend, because he never judges my crazy hair, ugly sweats or when I cry during sappy commercials.” —Erin

“I’m thankful for my wife for standing by me in very difficult times in my life, difficult financial times and stressful times in my life.” —Rick

“Because he is hilarious, silly, and always keeps me laughing. Even when he sometimes threatens to not be funny anymore and talks for 10 minutes in monotone, it is hard not to laugh at such a ridiculous statement and behavior. And I’m thankful he has red hair, because I can find him anywhere—especially in foreign countries (except the U.K.—that’s a little tougher)!” —Erin

“He pays my bills.” —Joel

“He is always there for me and always has been there for his kids, a family man at heart, and he loves to cook!! A great plus for turkey day.” —Debbie

“He tolerates and appreciates my family…which has proven to be very difficult for previous men in my life! He makes the holidays enjoyable for me again!! Love him!!!” —Joanna

“Because we are a true TEAM in every way—we couldn’t have the wonderful life we have if we weren’t. I am also grateful and happily surprised that he can put things together and fix things around the house—a talent I didn’t know I was getting when I said ‘I do.’ You know, before we actually owned anything, we had to put together or fix…” —Addie

“Ben takes his role as the spiritual leader of our household seriously, and he is really good at lightening the mood at home when the kids are starting to drive me crazy.” —Brianna

“Because he truly is my best friend! He is a wonderful husband and father, putting our needs before his own. He can also take care of most everything in our house. So nice to have a competent DIY-er always on call.” —Monica

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Are You Stuck in a Toxic Relationship? Say Goodbye Now

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

You deserve healthy, meaningful, loving and mutually beneficial relationships. Say goodbye to a toxic relationship now!

I’m not entirely sure why I felt compelled to write a post about toxic relationships today.

I don’t feel particularly strongly about any past toxic relationship (of which I’ve had many) right now, and I certainly don’t feel like I’m in any presently.

However, I’ve learned throughout my life that one of the biggest regrets one can have is not going with their “gut”, which in my experience has never led me astray. That being said, I’m assuming that at some point, someone will read this and feel that it was meant for them, to which I say, yes, it very probably was.

What is a toxic relationship?

I dated someone in my younger years who was incredibly unhealthy for me. I was head over heels (or what I misunderstood as head over heels) for this person, and had no idea that our relationship was completely toxic. Part of the issue was that I was a naive teenager and had nothing to compare it to, but the other part was that I was terrified of admitting the truth.

The truth was that I knew deep down something wasn’t “normal”. I knew that I was being manipulated, lied to, controlled, deceived, coerced and belittled. I just didn’t know that I’d be okay without it.

If it sounds crazy, it’s because it is.

Back then, I didn’t understand co-dependency. I didn’t have an ounce of self-esteem, and I didn’t know who I was.

I was the perfect candidate for someone to take advantage of.

So, how did I not see that my relationship was so toxic? What does a toxic relationship look like?

This article, 5 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship, outlines some of the biggest clues that you’re in a relationship that’s less than healthy.

  1. Your partner brings out your worst qualities.
  2. There is a constant power struggle.
  3. You have contrasting communication styles.
  4. Your partner is prone to irrational and frequent displays of jealousy.
  5. You feel bad about yourself when you’re around your partner.

When I read a list like this, I think, “yeah, I remember feeling all of those things.” He was so controlling/jealous that he isolated me away from my friends as much as possible. Claiming, “I just want to be with you all the time.” Which is so lame, but to a young teenage girl with no backbone, no confidence and no self-esteem, that was all I needed to hear to feel wanted and loved.

I remember never feeling good. I never liked myself, never liked my life, never had a “good” day, never had “fun”. I felt trapped, never realizing that I was the one holding the key to the lock.

Why would anyone stay in a relationship like this, if it makes them so unhappy?

It seems insane that anyone would willingly stay in a toxic relationship, but it happens all the time. If you’ve never been in one, you have friends or family members who have. In this article on Psych Central, it explains that the reasons people stay are similar to those I mentioned about my own toxic relationship. Low self-esteem, believing it’s normal, hoping the other person will change, the fear of being alone.

Kris Carr writes about her own experiences with unhealthy relationships on her site, www.kriscarr.com. She explains that this spills over into all types of relationships, not just romantic/intimate ones.

How do you know if you have toxic friendships?

I hate having to admit this as well, but I’ve had a few toxic relationships with friends. Real Simple published this article on 7 Signs You’re in a Toxic Friendship, and I couldn’t help but wholeheartedly identify with it.

You may have had a few friendships like this in your past, or maybe you do right now. You dread seeing their name come up on your phone; your stomach knots up, and you’re not entirely sure why, but your subconscious knows that it’s probably because they’re about to use you. Again.

The relationship is all take and no give. Favors are never repaid. They waltz into your life, sucking you dry, and you constantly make excuses for them.

I’ve also had a few toxic friends in my past who were always doling out advice. Not so much advice I guess, but more like, “this is what you’re going to do.” And even against my better judgment, my gut feelings, my personal preferences or my opinion, I would most often just do what they thought I should.

I could kick myself in the shins just thinking about it.

How do you end a toxic relationship?

If you’ve read this far, I’m sure you’re not looking to me for advice on how to end a toxic relationship, (although at this stage in my life, I’ve finally learned how). For expert advice, this piece on Psychology Today is a great reference.

One of my favorite nuggets of wisdom is to build yourself up. Surround yourself with healthy people and practice self-care. If I could go back to my teenage self, I would tell her that she is so okay without this person in her life. That she’s okay on her own. That she’s got a lot more to offer than she can see. That she’s worth so much more than she’s settling for. Now that I’m older, I forgive that girl for not seeing things as they really were.

The idea of giving up a friendship with someone toxic is different, it’s not the same dynamic as breaking up with a romantic partner. However, I have heard of people doing almost that – explaining that they’re taking a “break” from the friendship, and the reasons why they feel they need to take time and space away from that person.

More important than actually ending the friendship, though, is figuring out how you won’t go down that path again. What was that relationship offering you that you can find a healthier way to satisfy? What unhealthy or negative patterns do you need to identify and heal from?

I know that leaving these relationships, or ending these friendships, can be scary. Especially when you’re terrified of not knowing who you are without this person, or of simply being alone. Please know that you deserve healthy, meaningful, loving and mutually beneficial relationships.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Why Are You Thankful For Sex?

by zfortadminin Sex

Thanksgiving!

In the spirit of the holiday, I’ve put together a list of 10 reasons I’m thankful for sex. I’m sure we can all agree there are many more than 10 reasons to be thankful for sexy time, but there is football to be watched, online sales to be shopped and pumpkin pie to be eaten. There just isn’t enough time in this day to say all my Thank You’s.

So, here goes.
My big, fat thank you to fornication!

1. Orgasms. ‘Nuff said.

2. Sex releases endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. They also make your hair shiny and skin smooth.

3. Sex makes babies. Babies are cute (as long as they’re not mine).

4. Sex is free (usually) and fun (usually).

5. Sex helps me connect with people. And not just the people I have sex with. Sex gives me dirty details to dish to my friends, the Internet, or even strangers on the subway.

6. Sex gives me something to write about every week. Which looks good on my resume. Which will help get me a job. Sex will get me a job!

7. Sex gives me something to daydream about during my long, boring biology lectures. (My professor may drone on, but he’s banging and I can only imagine what’s going on under those pleated khakis.)

8. Sex burns calories. Up to 300 an hour! So after today’s feast, it will only take about 25 hours of sex to burn it all off.

9. Sex helps me fall asleep at night, which is a much healthier habit than relying on sleeping pills. Plus it’s more fun. See #4.

10. Sex made me! I’d rather not think about the specifics, but some day a long time ago my parents had (gasp) sex and now here I am. And that is definitely something I can be thankful for.

Why are you thankful for sex?

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

5 Reasons Gay Couples Are Most Thankful in Shanghai

by zfortadminin LOVE

Let’s take a moment to acknowledge the things that we are most thankful for in the queer community, both locally and globally.

November brings many things that make a queer grrl happy — pumpkin spice lattes served up by that cute lady barista with the killer smile, snuggle-weather that begs you to hole up at home with your honey and rewatch seasons one through six of The L Word and, of course, American Thanksgiving. On the fourth Thursday in November, you can bet we’ll be chowing down on turkey, mashed potatoes and five types of pie while revisiting age-old debates over social justice and which L Word character is the hottest (does no one else appreciate the sexy psychopath thang that Jenny Schecter’s got going on?).

Of course, amid the food-coma-inducing meal and family/friend bonding, it’s easy to forget one traditional element of the holiday: recognizing what we are thankful for. There are plenty of things to be bitter about these days, and plenty of arguments to be had about everything from social justice to fictional televised lesbians, but if only one day a year, let’s take a moment to acknowledge the things that we are most thankful for in the queer community, both locally and globally. Here’s our list:

1. This past June, the US Supreme Court made history when it voted to legalize same-sex marriage nationwide. While some states had already taken measures to allow gay unions, the 14 states that hadn’t are now required to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, catapulting the U.S. into the ranks of nearly two dozen countries around the world where gay marriage is legal.

2. Following numerous gay bar closings at the end of last year, Shangays are proud to say that queer nightlife in the city is now thriving, with several new openings in the past year. Happiness 42 on Xingfu Lu gives queers a trendy spot to grab a drink amid sexy red lighting and Asian-infused decor, while Telephone 6 on Panyu Lu is another option for the gay party crowd that congregates outside beloved Lucca Café & Lounge (formerly known as 390) every weekend. Most notable for us lady queers, Roxie on Kangding Lu (previously ’50s rockabilly bar Hepcat) recently re-opened as a lesbian bar and hosts red-hot events every weekend.

3. Orange Is the New Black debuted its third season this year, and lezzie fans the world over breathed a sigh of relief when they heard that sultry, mysterious Alex Vause would be back on the show full-time after going mostly MIA last season. Indeed, far more screen time was devoted to the Alex and Piper pairing, but even more exciting were new queer lady developments like the highlighting of important trans issues through Laverne Cox’s character, Sophia, and a guest appearance from sexy genderfluid Australian model Ruby Rose.

4. Queer couples gained more commercial acceptance in China this year, as evidenced by Taobao’s wedding competition that solicited heartwarming video applications from gay couples, which were then voted on by the public. The 10 winning couples received an all-expenses-paid wedding trip to Los Angeles, California.

5. Cara Delevingne’s eyebrows. ’Nuff said.

6. Shanghai pulled off its seventh annual Pride festival in June, with the theme “Love Is Our Future.” The festival garnered nearly 6,000 attendees, and the team has already started planning for an even bigger and better event next year.

Happy Thanksgayving to all you queers — here’s hoping that your Turkey Day is full of glitter, grrlzz and gay, gay cheer.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

I Am Thankful for Me

by zfortadminin LOVE

Today is Thanksgiving, a day to remember what we’re thankful for – and I’d like to touch on a subject that’s tough for many modern women:  being thankful for our beauty, both inside and out.

We spend a lot of time criticizing ourselves, particularly when it comes to beauty. I promise you, though – no matter who you are, you possess a beauty like no one else.

Peasant WomanSo today, I’m asking all the readers out there to stop wishing for bigger eyes and smaller butts, and to simply take one day to be thankful for what makes you beautiful.  Whatever it is.

Take a real look at yourself. In the mirror, in your actions, in the reflections of you in your family’s eyes. In fact, it’s probably the things that you think make you ugly that actually make you beautiful.

Look at Jennifer Grey and Renee Zellweger. They were pressured by Hollywood to change their most distinctive features to make them fit a more traditional definition of beauty; yet once they did, they somehow lost the magic. That’s because what made their faces unique was what made them beautiful. It’s true on the outside as well as the inside.

So take today to celebrate your Roman nose and your Irish temper, and quit envying your sister who got the “good hair”. Because here’s what: those things, the things you hate the most (like how nerdy I think my voice sounds and how my nose bends a little to the right) all make you the gorgeous gal you are.

Happy Thanksgiving. Now go hang out with your family or something. After all, your drunk Uncle Ronnie only makes it out twice a year!

Curated by Erbe
Original Article