There’s a commonly held belief that sex in marriage is boring and predictable, but the truth is, it can be as exciting as you want it to be! With Valentine’s Day fast approaching try these 5 tips for spicing up your normal routine and adding a little adventure in the bedroom!
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If you’re worried this year’s Valentine’s Day will just be a repeat of every other year with your spouse, then we have a list for you. There’s no reason the two of you can’t make the most of the day and spice things up to celebrate your love. These 6 tips will help you stay curious and give you and your partner a whole new perspective on Valentine’s Day!
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Are we honest about sex? According to this research, not always! Find out the difference between what we say about our sexual habits and what data says is the the truth.
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Are you and your partner stuck in a rut? Not having enough sex? Need a little more excitement? Try these 17 tips to re-energize your sex life!
1. Have Morning Sex At Least Once A Week
It has actually been scientifically proven that morning sex is great for you. Between being less self-conscious and the fact that your partner is already right there, it’s a great way to start the day. I love starting my day with an orgasm and watching my partner grin all morning for the same reason.
2. Don’t Be Afraid To Surprise Your Partner
Even those people who are adamant about not liking surprises enjoy surprises when it comes to sex.
I love to welcome my partner home with a sex-related surprise. Whether I tell him not to say a word as I pull his clothes from his body, or greet him with nothing but a sly grin, it’s fun for both of us. The key here is not to do it too often. Surprises are meant for special occasions.
3. Take An Evening To Share Your Ultimate Fantasies
Once you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, you’ve tackled the awkward stuff and can truly open up — especially when it comes to sharing your fantasies. My partner and I are really open about what turns us on and accepting of what the other wants. We try to fulfill these desires or, at the very least, find a common ground. We’ve also learned that some fantasies can’t be fulfilled, and that that’s OK, too.
Set a specific night aside to discuss your fantasies. Chances are, even if you don’t think you have any, you’ll discover something after talking for awhile.
4. Flirt Like You Mean It
Too many people think flirting is what you do to lure the object of your affection into your clutches — but it’s more than that. Flirting is playful and fun, so throwing your partner a wink is a friendly reminder that you’re still hot for them, even when you’re not in the bedroom. I think I’ve perfected my flirting game since I’ve been in my long-term relationship, which is great for when we break up. I kid!
5. Make A Plan to Try One New Sex Position a Month
The Kama Sutra exists for a reason — and it’s not to give Cosmo more fodder for impossible sex positions that “your man will love!” Although it does include 64 sex acts, it’s also a guide on all things amorous, including reaching ultimate intimacy during these positions. Sure, you won’t be able to master them all, (and besides, who really wants to stand on their head during sex), but trying some out, especially these ones, can be fun.
6. Get To Third Base Someplace Public-ish
The world is your oyster! (Hee hee.) There are so many places where you can have sexy times with your partner, so keeping it just in the bedroom isn’t an option. Spice it up! I’m not suggesting you take to a public bench for all to see, but with discretion and creativity, you can make it happen in more places than you know.
7. Meet Each Other For The First Time — Again
While personally, I think the whole school girl role-playing thing is played out, what I do love is meeting my partner at a bar and pretending we’re strangers. We actually like to play this game when we’re on a plane, too. We play ourselves, only we pretend we don’t know each other yet. There’s nothing better than meeting each other for the first time all over again, and remembering why you fell for them in the first place.
8. Make Out. Often.
Making out is so underestimated. Think about it this way: You’re probably with your partner now because it all started with a kiss, so why would you let making out go now? Don’t only think of making out as something that has to lead to sex — try appreciating it on its own, and seeing where that leads.
I could kiss my partner for hours, if only we both had the time. Damn these full time jobs! I guess we’ll have to wait for retirement to get that happening.
9. Take Advantage Of Technology
If only I had a penny for every time I sent my partner a sext, I’d be a very, very wealthy woman. Sexting, if you haven’t done it yet, is, in one word, fantastic. It’s basically the technological version of foreplay, and a perfect way to get both you and your partner in the mood. It’s also a great way to liven up your oh-so-long and exhausting work day. Think of it this way: at least you know you can trust them.
10. Watch Porn Together
Contrary to decades-old misinformation, women are watching porn just as much as men, and they’re loving it, too. Although we may have different things that turn us on than men do, you can, if you look around, find something that you both enjoy. If visual porn isn’t your thing, then written erotica (my personal favorite), is something to definitely give a try.
11. Tease Each Other
Teasing is awesome. Whether you do it with facial expressions or in a more hands-on way, it gives fuel to the sexual fire. My teasing of my partner is relentless. I just can’t help myself, then when I see that he’s getting all hot and bothered about it, I just turn it up a few notches.
12. End Every Argument With Make-Up Sex
Sometimes I think I subconsciously deliberately provoke my partner just so we can have make-up sex. Because even when it’s a legitimate argument, like who ate the last slice of pizza, we always make sure to end it in a romp. Hey, if you’re going to have a disagreement with your partner, you might as well conclude it with a bang.
13. Play ‘Everything But’
I love this game! As much as I love sex, the game of doing everything but intercourse is a great way to explore other avenues in getting each other off. You may also end up surprising each other, and appreciating intercourse more.
14. Communicate What Feels Good (And What Needs Work)
The most important part of having good sex is communication. If your partner goes down on you and clearly has know idea what they’re doing, it’s your job to give direction. You absolutely have to share what feels good and what doesn’t if you want to get the most out of your sex life. As our sexual health columnist Emma Kaywin likes to say, ”communication is the best lubrication.”
15. Add Sex Toys To The Mix
I write about sex. A lot. Because of this, I’m constantly getting new and exciting toys to try out. Sometimes they fall flat, because seriously, what am I supposed to do with terrifying mask from The Town? But a lot of them make for some experimental fun. It’s OK to bring in a little outside help in the form of toys — they really do add to the sexual experience.
16. Embrace The Magic Of Foreplay
Foreplay is amazing! And the longer you can extend it, the better. While a quickie is fun sometimes, devoting lots and lots of time to the build up to the big finale is really hot. I’ve always found that the longer the foreplay, the better the actual sex. It makes for one hell of an explosive orgasm.
17. Put Your Pride On The Line
I have, on more than a few occasions, tried to do a striptease — granted, it usually ends up being a disaster. I’ve yet to take off my underwear with the grace and seduction of a pro, but at least I try. It’s hard for me to put myself out there, but even as I stumble in my attempts to be sexy, my partner is still into it.
Even more importantly, it’s exciting for me to push myself outside my comfort zone. I’m making an effort, and that’s what being in a relationship is all about.
Curated by Michael
Original Article
There is a difference between sex and intimacy, and sometimes in a relationship, those two things can get separated. Once you reclaim that intimacy, you can find your relationship stronger than ever.
What is intimacy to you?
Chances are you picture hugs, and long talks staring deeply into each other’s eyes, and holding hands, and even enjoying the silence together. We love feeling totally emotionally connected to another human being–especially our husbands.
Yet most husbands’ definition of intimacy would likely involve far less clothing and far more action. To them, intimacy tends to be sexual. When we open ourselves up sexually, they feel invigorated, accepted, and needed.
Because we both view intimacy differently, though, it’s easy to withdraw when we don’t feel like our needs are being met. When he doesn’t listen to our hearts or show affection, we can easily feel hurt and unappreciated. That makes us clam up. Then he starts feeling unloved and unappreciated because we aren’t making love, and he withdraws.
Have you ever been part of that domino effect, where everything just starts collapsing?
It’s exhausting.
That was me for the first few years of our marriage. I felt like the more he wanted sex, the less he must love me, because it meant that he loved me for what I could do for him, not just for who I was. His love felt conditional. But he felt the same thing about me!
So there we both were, both feeling like we were being loving, yet both feeling very unloved.
There’s a neat thing about the domino effect, though. When those dominoes start dropping, you can stop the disaster by getting ahead of it. Just do something differently!
With Christmas coming, many of us are eagerly looking for the perfect Christmas gift for our husbands, so that they’ll feel cherished and loved and respected. Perhaps the best gift we can give him is to make an attitude change ourselves, and decide that this year, we’re going to stop that domino effect. We’re going to start figuring out how to look forward to sex–and how to feel true intimacy when we do make love, too.
Seriously. Sleep is a real marriage issue. One of the main reasons that women don’t want to have sex, and have their libidos plummet, is that we’re just too tired. Getting rid of things off of your plate, going to bed at a decent hour, and carving out time for yourself during the day isn’t selfish at all. It’s putting a priority on your marriage!
Added Benefit: Sex helps you sleep better! You fall asleep faster, and you sleep more deeply. So now when I’m super tired, I don’t tell my husband “no”. I say, “come put me to sleep, baby!”
Your husband doesn’t want to be placated. He wants to be wanted. Saying “yes” to him while you lie there and don’t move very much isn’t going to make him feel ten feet tall; he’ll feel like a heel. If you are the one who starts, though, you show him that you do want this.
Added Benefit: If you initiate, you tend to be more active, which has the added advantage that you do things that feel good to you. Instead of him setting the stage, you can set the stage and steer things into a direction that feels great to you!
Have you ever been making love to your husband when the thought suddenly occurs to you, “is there milk in the fridge for breakfast?” As soon as the thought’s in there, you start adding to it. “What else do I have to pick up at the grocery store tomorrow?” And before you know it your mind is gone.
We women are multi-taskers, but this is one area where that’s a very bad idea. If your head isn’t in the game, your body won’t follow. So when you are making love, make it a practice, even if it’s difficult, of not letting your mind go anywhere else. He’ll likely notice the difference immediately, since that will likely make you more active all at once.
Added Benefit: When we concentrate on what’s going on, we also feel more intimate ourselves, and we feel more loved, because it becomes more emotional and less clinical.
Finally, maybe one of the reasons it’s hard for you to jump on the bandwagon is because making love has never felt that stupendous. The earth has never moved and you start to wonder what all the fuss is about.
That’s normal. When I wrote The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, I found out that it took on average about sixteen years of marriage for things to begin to work like clockwork. It isn’t automatic. And that’s perfectly okay.
As you get better at communicating, as you trust more, as you become more vulnerable, sex will improve. But sometimes you also need a little bit of help! Get a book that can help you learn how to make your body feel good. Find a book to work through together (like my 31 Days to Great Sex). Even put the book in his stocking, with a letter, saying that you want 2014 to be the year that you both really connect.
Added Benefit: You’ll start to feel those fireworks, too! And the more your body starts to respond, the easier it gets to respond, so that it snowballs.
The best gift you can give your husband is to start valuing the things that he values, and that includes the way that he sees love. And as you do this, you’ll learn a special secret: sex is actually pretty great, and it isn’t just for him! So this Christmas, give him all of yourself. You may just find that you enjoy the present just as much.
Curated by Michael
Original Article
The foundation of a strong marriage starts long before you tie the knot. Before marrying the love of your life, you have to know there are promises both of you must keep. These 10 promises can prepare you and the one you love for the rest of your life.
I’m starting off with an important one. I have said it before and I’ll say it again — anyone can stand by your side during the sunny days. The real test of character is whether or not they will hold the umbrella over you during the stormy days.
When making a lifelong commitment to someone, you are committing to being there for them “in sickness and in health.” Sickness — may not be a common cold. It may be a large, life-altering challenge. It may be the sickness of a family member. Maybe, your own sickness. It may not necessarily be a literal health challenge, but perhaps a rough patch in life that tests your commitment and love. You are not pledging to be a fair weather spouse and only be there when times are good. You are pledging to be there — always.
Yes, strive for success. Yes, go for that promotion at work. Yes, hustle to take your business to the next level. But be very careful not to destroy your relationship through neglect in the process. Before you were a CEO or a high-powered attorney or a doctor, you were a man or woman who fell in love. You are a human being who is intimately and emotionally connected to another human being.
Even the greatest accomplishments in life lose their meaning when we have lost the person we always wanted to share them with. The key is to find a balance. To build off of your relationship as a foundation. To appreciate your teammate as part of your success as he or she supports you along the way. Letting the scales tip too far in either direction will only lead to disaster.
As an extension of the previous point, sometimes life gets crazy and we lose sight of things by accident. One of these things can easily be letting our significant other know how much he or she means to us, daily. One of the biggest problems in long term relationships is lack of gratitude. When someone feels taken for granted it can easily breed resentment and a whole slew of other problems that will eat away at your foundation.
You’ll know you’ve found the right partner when they keep showing you how much you mean to them, long after they’ve already committed to you.
In any happy, healthy relationship, it is important that the two individuals who are together still remain two individuals. Of course your lives are combined into one and you have become ‘us,’ but if either partner begins to lose sight of their hopes, dreams, hobbies, or whatever makes them, them — it can bring about a deep dissatisfaction that could be projected onto the relationship.
This is another reason why self development is so important, as well as personal growth. We need to be sure to not only grow as a couple, but also as individuals alongside each other.
A step beyond consistently reminding someone you love them is literally taking action to keep the spark alive. Spontaneous candle-lit dinners. A bath running when they get home from work. A weekend getaway for no reason.
When we start a fire, we cannot walk out of the room and expect it to keep burning forever. We need to continue to add logs to it and to stoke it. If we keep doing that, it will never go out. The problems arise when we stop giving it the attention it requires in order to continue burning.
Always keep stoking your fire.
I don’t have kids, so I can’t speak to the obviously large challenges that come along with it. But what I can do, is appreciate the importance of making them a priority in your life and doing everything you can to love, teach, and raise them into adults you can be proud of.
You can read all of the books you want, talk to all of the parents you want, and be as prepared as anyone could be — but one can imagine that there are endless unique challenges that every set of parents face. When you make the promise to your husband or wife that you will do the best you can and figure it out together along the way — that’s exactly what happens.
We all have flaws. We all have insecurities. We all have things we want to change about ourselves. We cannot expect to like every single little thing about our spouse, but what we need to do is promise that we accept all of their traits, and love them to their very core, just the same.
Yes, of course you should love someone’s beauty. Yes, of course you should be physically attracted to the person you are with. Yes, of course you should love making love to them. But all of these things are very different than loving someone for their beauty.
My mother and grandmother always said to never fall in love with someone for their hair, teeth, looks, or money — because they can lose all of it. When marriage is part of the conversation, when true love is part of the conversation, all of these things take a back seat to who this person is at their very center. In their heart. Who they would be if everything that made them beautiful got taken away. If it did, would you still love the person underneath it all?
Is this a contradiction to the previous point? I think not. There is an important distinction to be made between someone who reaches old age and someone who figures “hey, I’m married now, I can stop trying.” Of course bodies and appearance change as we age, but the point here is to not become a giant lump on the couch just because you’ve gotten yourself a husband or wife.
It is important we continue to live a healthy lifestyle. To eat right. To take care of the only body we have in this life. To show the man or woman you love that you will still put in effort for them and not become too comfortable. Just because you are in a long term, committed relationship, does not mean that your partner deserves a lesser version of you.
Scary, isn’t it? The rest of your life. Death. Possible illness. Forever. Hell yes, it’s scary. It scares the living daylights out of me, to be honest. I don’t want to get old, ever. I am watching my grandparents age and it kills me to think that we are all looking out into the same future. It is not romantic or glamorous or beautiful. And for them, they still have each other.
But, it is reality. It is love. It is commitment. And, it is marriage.
When you pledge the rest of your life to someone, that is exactly what you’re doing. I think this is so far outside of our realities that it’s almost not an ‘actual’ promise we feel like we are making. 50, 60, 70 years down the road? Who knows what the future will bring, anyway? We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it…
When you marry someone, though, you are making the promise that you will be crossing any bridges you reach together. You will do it whether you are walking side by side holding hands, or whether one of you is pushing the other in a wheelchair. You will cross each bridge you find along your journey with the quiet confidence that your partner is going to be stepping onto the other side with you.
How can you be sure they will be there?
Because they promised you.
Curated by Erbe
Original Article
There’s nothing less sexy than putting a number on how many times a month you and your partner should be having sex.
But in the Business Insider video above, psychotherapist and author M. Gary Neuman suggests that carving out time for sex may be the key difference between happily married couples and unhappily married ones.
While working on his “Creating Your Best Marriage” video series, Neuman and his team polled more than 400 women and found that unhappily married women had sex three to four times a month while happily married women had sex 11 times a month.
“Believe it or not, it was not about the satisfaction of the sex, it was about the frequency versus infrequency,” he says of his 2009 research in the clip above.
So what’s Neuman’s best advice for fostering the kind of intimacy that leads to a little action between the sheets? First, you need to emotionally connect with your spouse.
“Sexuality in marriage is connected to the emotional connectedness of the spouses but sometimes that time needs to be planned out,” Neuman told The Huffington Post. “Go out on a weekly date night and talk about anything except the three subjects you always discuss: money, work, and kids. Those conversations aren’t what made you fall in love with each other and they won’t sustain your love either.”
Curated by Amber J.
Original Article
The cause of our dissatisfying sex lives has been in our pockets all along, or so new research from Durham University suggests. People are more likely to be seduced by gadgets than by their partners.
According to the study commissioned by condom-maker Durex, smartphones are destroying sex lives.
The survey involved detailed interviews with 15 couples around the UK, 40 percent of whom confessed to delaying sex to use their smartphones or tablets.
Others revealed they had “raced through sex” in order to check their social media notifications or respond to messages.
One third of participants admitted to interrupting sex to answer incoming calls.
The study however revealed over a quarter of the couples had used their gadgets during sexual intercourse to film their encounters, while 40 percent had taken sexual pictures.
Dr. Mark McCormack, the researcher who carried out the interviews, claims taking gadgets into the bedroom has “potentially serious costs to relationships.”
Durex launched an online campaign on Wednesday, urging couples to avoid technology when with each other in the bedroom. Couples keen to know how their smartphones could make their sex lives more exciting were surprised to learn the answer is the ‘off’ button.
“I feel like my priorities are not in the right place,” one survey volunteer said.
“You’re kind of cheating on me with Twitter,” one partner joked.
“I’m guilty, I think I’m addicted to it and I wish I wasn’t,” another volunteer admitted.
Speaking to RT, sex and relationships blogger Emily Yates said “Being online can be quite dangerous when it comes to balancing relaxation and relationships.
“Technology is great for keeping us connected, but it encourages a disconnection with others,” she added.
Yates claims it is essential to find a balance between virtual life and relationships, adding “smartphones and laptops must be switched off to engage with those around us.”
She suggests it is “more than possible” to be cyber smart and have a great sex life.
“Technology is destroying intimacy in our relationships,” adding the tech invasion is becoming “the new normal, but it shouldn’t,” Paul Levy, senior researcher at the University of Brighton, told the Mail Online.
As the quality of physical connections dilute over time, “we adjust, expecting less,” Levy says. “We forget what real romance is.”
Researchers at the University of Missouri interviewed hundreds of Facebook addicts, aged 18 to 82, whose partners claim the social network has increased conflict in their relationship.
The study revealed a rise in jealously in tandem with increased usage, leading to break-ups, divorce and cheating.
An Oxford University study of 24,000 married European couples discovered a strong link between the uses of smartphones and social media, and marital dissatisfaction.
It found the more couples read about others’ exciting lives via their smartphones on social media, the more likely they would feel disappointment about their own.
“True chemistry comes from intimacy,” suggesting technology can never replace human interaction, according the Siren dating app’ Susie Lee to the Mail Online.
“We really need to learn how to focus on each other in the bedroom, rather than on our smartphones or tablets,” she added.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O925jNVmpOQ#action=share
Curated by Erbe
Original Article
Every once in a while – on very rare occasions – we meet the woman of our dreams. It’s always unexpected and almost never at a convenient point in our lives, but she appears nonetheless and changes your life forever.
The dynamics between man and woman have been gradually changing for the past few decades, but the essence of the partnership basically remains the same.
We are designed by nature in a way that allows two such opposites to join and make a whole. Finding your other half is a journey of its own – usually a grueling one at that.
If you are lucky enough to find that woman, that rare sunflower growing on a barren desert, then do right by yourself and hold on to her as tightly as you can – never, ever let her go.
Not all of us were so wise when we met the loves of our lives… and believe me when I say that we’re regretting it. If she has any combination of these 12 qualities then you should never let her go:
Every man needs a smarter woman to help him get through life in one piece. They say that behind every great man is a greater woman – they aren’t lying. Without woman, man is little more than an ego-trip.
Enter a smarter woman into his life and suddenly that ego has a purpose, a direction, and the wisdom not to screw everything up.
Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder – as long as you find her to be incredibly beautiful, according to your definition, then she is worth holding on to.
I feel that these days we have those that put too much emphasis on beauty and then those that are rebelling against the concept and giving little to no importance to beauty.
Beauty is something that has been reveled upon since humans had eyes; it’s not something that we should be ashamed of, but rather something we should learn to appreciate properly.
Good people are kind people. If she isn’t kind then she isn’t worthy of taking up a part of your life. Being a woman, being nurturing is very important as well. Some people may not want children.
In some relationships the man may be more nurturing than the woman. Nevertheless, women are born with/develop maternal instincts with age. If you wish to one day start a family then you want to be sure you found a woman who wants to be, and is suited to become, a mother.
Life gets difficult from time to time. It can get boring and monotonous just as well.
Women weren’t created to entertain men – if anything, it’s probably the other way around – but having a woman who is lively, energetic and hungry for adventure will add a dynamic to our life that will only make you happier.
This is, by far, the most important quality any woman can have. When a woman loves you she loves you with her entire soul. It’s not the same sort of love that men experience – men always were and always will be more egocentric than women.
Women, on the other hand, have the uncanny ability to devote themselves entirely to the person(s) they love. If you find a woman that truly loves you then you found the greatest gift in the universe.
People are stubborn – both male and female alike. We like things the way that we like them and aren’t especially open to making changes we don’t deem necessary to make. However, relationships require making compromises.
It’s just the way things have to work if you want them to work. Finding a woman who will make compromises is only half the battle, however. You’re going to have to make them just as well.
Being in love, deeply in love, is like finding your place in the world, your home, for the first time in your life. It’s knowing that you are exactly where you ought to be and that there is nowhere in the world you’d rather be.
If you look into her eyes and see your soul reflected in them, then you’re home. Don’t ever leave.
Every man – and I mean every man – needs a woman who will call him out on his sh*t. Guys have an uncanny ability to make poor decisions and do stupid things.
Finding a woman who will keep you on track and tell you when you’re wrong can very well make or break your life.
All people have a slightly different taste for the women they are attracted to – but they are all a combination of strength and femininity. A strong woman is a partner every man needs.
A feminine woman is… well, a woman. The two aren’t opposites. In fact, they are often one and the same – when found in a woman that knows how to hold her ground and be proud of who she is.
A life filled with passion is a life worth living. But living a life of passion alone is basically impossible. Passion exists between two living things – usually, in some way or another, between two individuals.
The beauty of passion is that it’s rather contagious. It’s the world’s most revered pathogen.
I understand that some men want women to be stay-at-home wives. I also understand that there are plenty of women who want the very same. This sort of woman isn’t for me, but clearly some people are looking for just this.
Nevertheless, you still want a woman that is driven. If she wants to stay at home, cook, clean, and take care of the children, then make sure she’s the kind of woman that wants to be the best stay-at-home mom she could possibly be. Without drive, there is no purpose.
Sometimes we love a person beyond imagination and we aren’t sure why. To be truthful, you don’t really need a reason. If you love her and can’t imagine your life without her, then don’t allow yourself to lose her.
If she means that much to you, then understand that she means that much to you. Too often people don’t realize what the other person means to them until they lose them. We always think that there will be another chance, that it’s possible that the two of you will one day reconnect.
Maybe. But the opposite is also true. You may have lost her forever. You may suffer for years and years because you let go of the most important thing in your life. Don’t take the risk.
Curated by Karinna
Original Article
It’s no secret that cuddling makes you feel good when you’re in a new or established relationship. It’s also something that you miss greatly when you’re single. But did you know there’s actually a scientific reason to cuddle? It’s true! There are many surprising benefits of cuddling—so read on, and you’ll want to cuddle someone right now!
Oxytocin is a hormone that does everything from making you feel good to helping you feel connected to others. Oxytocin is crucial in the act of cuddling, as you’ll see from its benefits popping up in the list below.
When you’re so in love you feel invincible, you’re experiencing oxytocin release. This feel-good hormone makes you feel like nothing can hurt you—which is an amazing benefit! It also increases hormones that help fight infection. So, basically, you’re boosting your immune system because you’re feeling too good and healthy to get sick. The power of positive thinking—and feeling loved and secure—actually works!
Just as it boosts your immune system, cuddling and releasing oxytocin will decrease your pain levels. Whenever your neck hurts, what do you do? Rub it, right? Even simple touches like that release enough oxytocin to make you feel better, so imagine the effect cuddling has!
Communication is important in relationships, but people often forget how effective and meaningful touch can be. When your career is so stressful you come home and can’t stop thinking about the job, you’re taking a negative toll on your relationship. Instead, imagine coming home and cuddling with your partner for even ten minutes a day. This brief break from the stress of everyday life will not only give you all the other benefits listed here, but will also deepen your relationship. You’ll be taking time to focus solely on your partner and what you feel for them.
Even non-erotic touch can release dopamine, which is a hormone that increases sexual desire. Getting a sweet hug or massage from your partner after a long day can lead to more, which is win-win for both of you! Regular sexual activity will strengthen your relationship as well. Also, sex is a good stress reliever, and an easy way to get in some physical activity.
Have you heard the term “oxytocin” in relation to childbirth and breastfeeding? It’s because this chemical doesn’t just inspire good feelings between couples—it also works for women and their babies. Oxytocin helps relax the mother, so that breastfeeding may come more easily. It also enables sleep, even when the mother might have difficulty sleeping with a newborn in the house.
Oxytocin inspires positive thinking. It helps you have an optimistic outlook on the world. Which means when you get a hug right as you arrive at the party where you only know one person, you’re going to feel happier and more social going in. You’ll feel like you can charm everyone at the party. And with oxytocin coursing through your system, you will!
It’s obvious by now, right? Oxytocin is an amazing natural hormone that has so many benefits for the human body. It’s only natural that all these positive effects are going to release stress, also. You’re feeling more connected with your partner, you’re feeling confident in social situations, your immune system is stronger—what do you have to be stressed about? You have a great, cuddle-filled, loving life. Enjoy it!
Yup—oxytocin again! All the benefits listed above add together to mean less stress, less anxiety, lower blood pressure and—you got it—a lower risk of heart disease! Because your heart is happier and not working as hard to combat the effects of stress and sickness, you’ll be healthier, longer.
Cuddling doesn’t have to be between you and your romantic partner. It doesn’t even have to be with another person—you can rub your own shoulders! You can also hug friends or play with your pets. If you don’t want to be social or don’t have a furry friend, never fear! You can take a warm bath or get a massage. Feeling warm and connected by some sort of touch is enough to release oxytocin into your system and get you feelin’ good!
Curated by Erbe
He has a dog/wants a dog/LOVES DOGS.
Having a dog tells you two things about a guy:
A. He is responsible.
B. He cares about something other than himself.
These are great qualities to look for in a guy. A dog is a responsibility. You can’t stay out for days partying when you have this level of commitment. There is someone at home that needs you. If you have the ability to love and care for an animal, you are most likely a kind and loving person. I have always said that there is no such thing as a “dog person,” there are people that love dogs, there are people that grow to love dogs once they’ve been exposed, and then there are cat people. On the real though, even if he has a cat, it’s cool, as long as it’s not more than one.
He calls his parents.
I don’t mean e-mailing, or texting, I mean ACTUAL CALLING. He talks to his parents. They know what’s going on with him. He has a vested interest in their well being. Do not confuse this with momma’s boys. If he is talking to his mother 10 times a day, that is NOT a good sign and will most likely translate into him putting his mother’s wishes before yours. Just someone that checks in with his parents to make sure everything’s all good in the family.
He treats all women the same. (NOT BADLY)
If a guy walks you to your car, he is a gentleman. If he walks your friend to their car, he is a keeper. Of course I mean he is doing this in a friendly manner, and not trying to get their number. Look for the man that treats their mother, sister, and you with the same amount of respect.
Your friends like him.
I don’t care if he’s “different when you’re alone” or “you guys don’t get it – I LOVE HIM, YOU SHOULD TOO.” If you are dating someone that your friends and family do not like (and it’s not because they’re being racist), chances are he is probably NOT A GOOD GUY. You are lying to yourself. If you find yourself constantly making excuses for his behavior, you are really making excuses for your choices. Make the choice to leave and do better.
He doesn’t leave the seat up.
Ok, this one might seem a little trivial, but what I mean to say is, he is considerate. Considerate of your feelings, your time, and your day-to-day routine is pivotal to secure a happy partner. If he’s ignoring your needs or putting his own needs first, that shows a basic lack of respect. So if he is unable to do such a small thing for you, chances are he won’t measure up when things get real. What if he has to pick up the kids unexpectedly or god forbid change a diaper, how do you think he will handle it? The least he can do is make sure you don’t take a bath in toilet water at 3am.
Just a reminder, we kicked off the year by enhancing your love life in 2015 with #SexyResolutions from LOVE TV. Follow these sexy lover resolutions and become more open, curious, powerful, and maximize your bliss for a happy, healthy, sexy and loving new year!
This April, make it your #SexyResolution to bring your A-game to love and sex. Here are your action steps:
1. Shut off your phone
2. Show Up with Respect
3. Bring Diversity to Your Engagements
Narcissists are appealing for good reason: they’re charming, compelling and don’t hold back on the compliments. By the time you realize just how toxic a narcissist can be, you’ve likely already been duped into developing feelings for him or her.
Of course, not everyone you date who’s vaguely self-absorbed has full-blown narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). It’s important to note that narcissism exists on a spectrum, said Dr. Craig Malkin, an instructor of psychology at Harvard University and the author of Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad — and Surprising Good — About Feeling Special.
“Not all narcissists have NPD,” Malkin told The Huffington Post. “‘Narcissist’ is just a label that indicates someone scores well above average on narcissism measures. They’re high in traits, but may or may not have the disorder.”
Below, Malkin and three other experts shed light on the telltale signs you’re in a relationship with a narcissist.
1. In the beginning, they love bomb you.
Narcissists are very, very good at turning on the charm when they first meet you. As far as they’re concerned, you’ve got the looks of a young Elizabeth Taylor and the wit of a thousand Tina Feys. But don’t get used to those compliments or the pricey dinners they treat you to — it’s not likely to last, said licensed marriage and family therapist Virginia Gilbert.
“That behavior is called love bombing but with a narcissist, the smothering, razzle-dazzle display has nothing to do with you,” she said. “You merely supply whatever the narcissist wants at the time (sex, money, status, youth),” she said. “Once he or she has you, the ‘love’ you feel will morph into control and denigration.”
2. Grand, sweeping gestures are their strong suit.
Narcissists want to be remembered. If there’s a chance to one-up someone’s good story and impress others in the group, they’ll take it. If there’s a group dinner tab, they’re more than happy to pick it up. They live for those moments that bolster their own grandiose self image, said Tina Swithin, the author of Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle. But you need to stay wary of their motives.
“As a narcissist is paying the tab, she is scanning the group and taking notes on how she can use the experience or group members to maintain her inflated self-image or elevate her status,” Swithin said.” There is always an ulterior motive when it comes to a narcissist.”
3. They can’t admit when they’re wrong.
There’s a right way and a wrong way to do things: Naturally, the right way is always the narcissist’s way and the wrong way — just by default — is yours, Gilbert said. And if you try to follow through on orders the narcissist barks, you’ll still be doing it wrong.
“The narcissist will publicly lambaste you or anyone who dares do something not precisely to his or her liking,” Gilbert said. “The way they see it, you didn’t just make a mistake: you committed an atrocity and are accused of being stupid or incompetent.”
If they put you in the position of defending yourself, don’t even attempt to explain. “You will never get a narcissist to see your point-of-view or admit he was wrong,” Gilbert said.
4. They’re envious of your relationship with others.
Initially, narcissists may tell you they admire the close knit-relationships you have with family and friends. But criticism of those same people soon follows, said clinical psychologist Margaret Rutherford.
“Again, it’s all about control,” Rutherford said, adding that the motivation is usually twofold: “He or she may be envious of your relationships with others or want you more to themselves. And just by their very nature, the narcissist is demanding. They want to feel in control of you. This is just another way of doing that.”
5. The narcissist lives for the “likes.”
New research suggests that people who constantly update their Facebook status are more likely to exhibit narcissistic traits. If you’re currently coupled up with a narcissist, be prepared to have your Facebook newsfeed flooded with humble-brag statuses and photo posts.
“The most outgoing narcissists adore the spotlight,” Dr. Craig Malkin explained. “Image churning on Facebook draws attention to people. The flood of likes and comments gives everyone a rush of affirmation but narcissists tend to become hooked. That’s probably why people who frequently update tend to be more narcissistic than those of us content to choose one selfie and stick with it.”
6. Their brand of empathy is self-motivated.
Contrary to popular belief, most people on the narcissistic spectrum don’t have a complete lack of empathy for others. It’s just that they’re far too concerned with their own preoccupations, needs and fears to show it, Malkin said. When they do express it, there’s usually some ulterior motivate for doing so.
“If they’re motivated, say by the need to get you into bed with them, they can be amazing listeners and their caring is genuine,” the psychologist explained. “But it may only come to them when there’s a payoff. If their empathy seems to come and go depending on what’s in it for them, beware.”
7. Conversations are one-sided.
Good luck getting a word in edgewise while having a conversation with a narcissist. Dominating the conversation — even when the topic relates entirely to you — is a hallmark trait of the narcissist. They may feign interest in your college basketball picks, but deep down, they can’t wait to to hijack the conversation and offer up their superior opinion.
“Their interest is always short-lived,” said Swithin. “ Over time, you will notice that every topic is skillfully turned into an opportunity for the narcissist to brag or boast about their favorite topic: the narcissist! A simple conversation about your new car will likely turn into an opportunity for him to talk about the rare sports car that he is importing from Germany.”
8. They’re really, really ridiculously good looking.
Face it: the narcissist’s style and good looks may have been one of the first things that drew you in. But the need to look good is not a healthy vanity with the narcissist; it’s just another way to gain the adoration that they run on, Malkin said.
“Sorry to say, but if your partner wears sexy outfits or always dresses to nines, odds are they’re more narcissistic than most of us — or worse,” he said. “Manipulative, coldly calculating narcissists aren’t better looking from birth, but they’re really good at looking sharp — something called ‘effective adornment.'”
9. Your needs and requests don’t matter.
If you’re in love with someone who’s narcissistic, your needs will always come second. They’re too busy assessing what they need from you to see you as a whole, separate person with your own needs and desires, Gilbert said.
“Everything is an extension of the narcissist,” said explained. “Expressing those needs feels like a threat to the narcissist, who will likely make you feel that your requests are outlandish, while she demands to have everything her way. If you feel like you’re starving or gasping for air just to be heard, chances are you’re involved with a narcissist.”
Curated by Timothy
On the eve of Valentine’s Day, my boyfriend sent me a message containing those magical words that every woman longs to hear: ‘don’t worry love, I’ve already got the milk.’
Simple words. Romantic words. Words akin to: ‘you just stay in bed’ and ‘but I love putting the seat down’ and ‘here’s an idea, why don’t I do both our tax returns’. (I’ve never had to do a tax return, but can imagine that someone offering to do it for me would feel like the most solicitous of marriage proposals.)
When I got this text I was driving home through London traffic having just completed a gruelling 12-hour shift. The thought of stopping to buy milk had been tormenting me ever since I noticed we were out first thing this morning. In the intervening hours I had decided that my boyfriend never bought milk, or bread, or did anything around the house for that matter, and that I might as well just end it (and him) (and me while I was at it) right now, because what future could we possibly have together? In fact, he’d already got the milk. And so our relationship was saved.
We didn’t have any plans for Valentine’s Day, but as good fortune would have it, the boy chose this of all days to clean the bathroom (N.B. it was definitely his turn). I found him kneeling over the bathtub wearing nothing but marigolds and a pair of long johns, and was overcome with desire. Refreshed after a solid night’s sleep, I interrupted him mid-scrub and lured him back to bed, where we spent a lazy morning making each other feel 100% loved. Happy February 14!
Combined, these experiences made me feel as though I’d had the most romantic Valentine’s Day of my life. From this, you might infer that I have unusually low standards. Not so. In the past, I’ve been whisked off to Barcelona, punted down the River Cam (not a euphemism), and given the entire Sex and the City Box Set, a romantic gift if only for the personal sacrifice it represented. But to this tired midwife, my boyfriend’s lightening of the domestic load constituted the greatest gift of all.
I discussed this with my big sister who knows everything and is always right. She agreed it’s good to have a partner who is handy around the house. ‘But,’ she added, ‘if there are things they can’t do, you can always remove the issue altogether’. Here, she was talking about washing up; specifically, her husband’s inability to do it. Throughout the early, impoverished years of their relationship, his bad washing up was an endless sticking point. Then, they hit the big time (i.e. qualified as teachers) and could afford a dishwasher. Today, thanks to this common household appliance, happiness reigns: while terrible at washing up, the husband is a mean stacker. Vive la domestic revolution!
For the busy grown up, it is undoubtedly a treat to have one less thing to do. But, as far as those squishy love feelings go, it’s about so much more than that. In my experience, the nurturing love that – if we’re lucky – we receive from our parents comes along rarely in a romantic form. It is a great thing to be with someone who can put your needs before their own; it is joyous thing to be with someone who actually seems to enjoy doing it.
My boyfriend is far from perfect (he has an uncanny knack of getting rubber gloves wet on the inside), and he is more than capable of looking out for himself. But on a good day, through a multitude of gestures, he makes me feel infinitely cared for. This makes me want to care for him in return. In this way, we waste little energy on resentment.
In my 20s, love was an ego-fuelled rollercoaster ride of fulfilled then thwarted wants. In my 30s, it is a coffee pressed into my hand made with milk that I didn’t have to buy. And I’m fine with that.
Written by Midwife X
Unfortunately, I know a thing or two about divorce. My parents divorced when I was in my twenties, and my first marriage ended in divorce after 13 years. Even my closest friends all have parents who are divorced.
So when my marriage ended, I thought that having a successful marriage wasn’t in the cards for me. But as luck would have it, I ended up meeting and marrying a man who is not just an amazing person, but a top-notch husband. My second marriage has been my version of Happily Ever After.
What I’ve learned from my experiences of divorce and remarriage, and from observing other couples, is that every couple has the ability to have a successful marriage. Marital success has nothing to do with education, economics or social status. In fact, if ever there was an even playing field, it is in this area.
Having a successful marriage is all about the choices we make every minute of every day. Marriages fail when spouses make poor choices as to how they are going to treat each other. It isn’t more complicated than that. So here are some of my insights about marriage (some learned the hard way) and how you can make good choices and have your own happily ever after…
Lesson #1: Remember that it isn’t your job to make your spouse happy. Your job is to help create an environment in which your spouse can be happy. That means get your act together and be a dependable partner. That means don’t create unnecessary stress or conflict in your marriage. That means genuinely love and encourage your spouse. After that, whether or not they are happy is up to them.
Lesson #2: It helps immensely if you and your spouse have a spiritual practice. Your choice of religion doesn’t really matter. Simply following any spiritual teaching that reinforces the importance of love, compassion and forgiveness, will inspire both of you to treat each other far better than you would otherwise.
Lesson #3: If you are married, that fact should be part of your public persona. Wear your wedding ring. Talk about your spouse in glowing terms to your colleagues and friends. Being married should be part of who you are.
Lesson #4: You can always find someone smarter, more attractive or more successful than your spouse. Remember: your spouse can do the same. “Affair proof” your marriage by telling your spouse regularly how highly you think of them. A daily dose of positive reinforcement goes a long way.
Lesson #5: Frequent physical intimacy is necessary for a happy marriage. Don’t make it complicated. You don’t need outfits, pornography, role playing, threesomes, spouse swapping, BDSM or anything else. You only need to give your spouse your undivided attention, caring and acceptance. It requires nothing more and nothing less.
Lesson #6: If your daily communications with your spouse are limited to the Costco list and your children’s soccer practice schedules, then you both are going to be looking elsewhere for a romantic charge. Flirt with your spouse, not your co-workers or the Starbucks barista.
Lesson #7: Dating does not end on your wedding day. When you go out with your spouse, act like it is your first date. Put on a great outfit, hold hands and make interesting conversation. Don’t save your best self for others. Give your best self to your spouse.
Lesson #8: If you are married, you have an obligation to take care of your appearance. You are the person who is most closely associated with your spouse, and you shouldn’t be an embarrassment to them. You don’t have to look like Kate Upton or Will Smith. You just have to look your best.
Lesson #9: There is no glory in remaining in a bad marriage. No one is going to give you a gold sticker or saint you. Worse yet, your kids ultimately may not thank you for it. So choose how and with whom you spend your time on this earth wisely.
Lesson #10: People stay in marriages for many reasons. For their children. For money. For convenience. For ambition, political or otherwise. But you will find no greater joy than being married solely for love.
Over the years, I’ve learned that marriage is not for the faint of heart. It requires a level of maturity and selflessness that most people don’t possess when they first say, “I do.” However, if you are patient and work hard at it, the rewards of a happy marriage are immeasurable.
Curated By Timothy
