Dating Archives - Page 2 of 8 - Love TV

Tag: Dating

It’s All Relative: Meeting the Parents

by Frankie Symmsin DATING ADVICE, LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Whether you’ve been hot and heavy with your new main squeeze for a couple of months or a couple of years, meeting the parents is stressful for everyone. Your partner is hoping you get along with his entire network of relatives. His family is hoping you’re not too weird/crazy/mean to be dating him. You’re just trying to hold it all together. Luckily, with a little foresight and planning, you can ensure an easy introduction that works for everyone.

Do the homework.

If you’ve only been on a few dates with your honey, you might want to hold off on meeting Mom, Dad, and the rest of the gang until you get a sense of how he or she gets along with everyone. Do they talk and text everyday, or do they only get together at major holidays? Is there major drama with his older brother or her younger sister? Do they just not talk about long-lost Uncle Terry, or are conspiracy theories welcome? Also remember, if you’re being pressed to meet the family before you’re ready, be sure to let your partner know that you need time to get to know him or her better before you can meet everyone else.

Start small.

If your partner is set on you being his plus one at a big family wedding or this year’s multi-generational reunion, suggest that you meet a smaller group of his relatives to start out, especially if you’re shy or overwhelm easily in large groups. Meeting just your partner’s parents or siblings can give you a sense of their family dynamic without the added pressure of participating in a bouquet toss or three-legged race. Plus, you offer them the opportunity to really get to know you as a person, rather than as your date’s arm candy–it will make introductions at bigger family functions easier for everyone involved.

Set yourself up for success.

Encourage your partner to choose a meetup situation that works for everyone. After all, he knows everyone involved. Suggest avoiding passive activities, like attending a movie or sporting event, where conversation isn’t the focus. Sharing a meal, meeting for drinks, and other low-key social activities are best.

When the big day finally arrives, do everything you can to ensure a smooth introduction. Get a good night’s sleep, eat well, exercise–do whatever it is that helps you be your best self. Be polite and respectful, and follow your partner’s lead. Avoid discussing religion, politics, and other hot- button topics for the time being. Be sure to give everyone a basic picture of who you are. Tell them about your hometown, your work, and your hobbies. Keep it friendly and light–humor is your friend here.

Give honest feedback to your partner.

After you’ve both made it through the first meeting, take the time to check in with your partner. Let her know what you liked or didn’t like about the family, or ways that she behaved when she was with them that are red flags for you. If your relationship is getting serious, it’s important that decide together about what kind of family interactions are acceptable, and whether the two of you see eye-to-eye on how you fit into one another’s families. And don’t forget to emphasize the positives you experienced with his family–remembering the moments that worked alongside the moments that didn’t will go a long way toward figuring out the best way to build your relationships with family as a couple.

Chivalry: “Because it’s Free”

by MONROKin DATING ADVICE, LOVE1 Comment on Chivalry: “Because it’s Free”

Women in the modern day feel that chivalry is dead. Some men even feel that it insults women to be chivalrous: “I can carry my own boxes, thank you very much.” Others feel it appears too eager, or too old-fashioned. When it comes to the bill, a common retort from men is “If you want to work like a man, and earn equal pay, then why should I have to pay for your meal? You can pay for yourself.” While I understand that position, come on man, can’t a gal get a salad?

Nowadays, with the line between being courteous and sexist becoming increasingly obscure, I understand the confusion felt by men. The days of approaching women on the street and offering a hand might be well behind us, but when it comes to dating, I’ve found a little bit of chivalry goes a long way. If you don’t have the budget to buy dinner, here are 5 chivalrous acts that go a long way whilst being completely FREE:

Open her car door.

This is a game changer. The payoff in proportion to the amount of effort it takes is astronomical. WE NOTICE. THIS IS MAJOR. Its been said “If you open a woman’s door for her and she doesn’t reach over to unlock your side, she’s not a keeper.” Unfortunately, now that we have automated locks there is no way to tell anymore, so you’ll have to use your own judgment. Opening the door is an extremely positive way to commence a date. It showcases you in a positive light from the get-go. Make this a habit, a reflex, and you won’t be sorry.

Call, don’t text.

Boys text. Men call. If she’s “weirded out” by the fact that you called to arrange seeing her, then SHE’S not worth it. When people are first getting to know one another it is important to communicate, and calling is pivotal. It shows that you are willing to make the time and effort to talk to her, instead of taking the easy route: “Dominick’s. 8pm.” which feels much more impersonal. Is this guy asking me out or trying to buy weed? A quick call says, “Hey, I like you and look forward to getting to know you.”

Walk her to her car.

You guys, there are rapists out there. Creepers, lurkers, perverts, and sure you could be one of them, but we trusted you enough to go out with you so at least make sure we make it to our car. We may front like we are just as tough and strong as a man, but the reality is we will always feel safer with you by our side. This shows that you are a protector, which is instinctually the key trait that attracts women to men.

Choose your words.

When you are at dinner avoid phrases like “Lemme get a uh…” or “Can I get…” In fact, you should always avoid phrases like that. The proper way to order is by saying, “I would like” or “May I have.” Proper vernacular is the mark of a true gentleman. If you speak to others in a respectful manner and ask instead of order, this will put you in a league above the rest. Never forget, a charming man that knows how to say the right things the right way can win over a Queen, even if he’s bald.

Get Dressed.

This is the generation of the hoodie. A hoodie is not an appropriate thing to wear on a date, it is an appropriate thing to wear to a second interview at Petsmart. Show that you care about your appearance, it reflects well on you. It’s simple; all you need is one good blazer – THAT’S IT. Throw it on over a button up, or even a t-shirt. JUST GET A BLAZER. It will put you at the front of the line, and every woman wants to be with a winner.

As for offering your jacket, pulling out her chair, and walking on the side of the street closest to traffic (so you get killed first) those go without question, but these are just some of my favorites.

8 Simple, Powerful Ways To Create New, Better Intimacy In A Long-Term Relationship

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

These simple ways can change your relationship!

Being in a committed, long-term relationship is awesome for many reasons: You love someone who loves you back, you have absolute trust in that person, you don’t have to deal with the craziness and anxiety of dating, you have someone great to come home to everyday, you feel completely comfortable with that person—the list goes on and on. But being in an long-term relationship can also be really, really hard. When you’re with someone for the long-haul, it can be all too easy to take that person for granted, to assume that you both know everything about each other, that you both know how the other person is feeling, that your relationship will continue to work as long as it stays the same. People who have been with the same partner for a long time know that this kind of thinking can be a recipe for disaster: When we stop taking the time to nurture our relationships, regardless of how stable they might seem, distance can grow, small resentments can fester, and before we know it, all that intimacy that we used to have has evaporated.

I know from experience that maintaining an LTR is never easy. But I firmly believe that keeping, and increasing, your sense of intimacy with your long-term partner doesn’t have to be complicated. What it really takes is a commitment on both partners’ parts to spend time and effort nurturing the relationship. Read on for eight simple ways to deepen your connection.

1. Go on real dates

When you’re in a long-term relationship or married, it’s important to set aside time to spend together as a couple. The dates you set up with your S.O. or spouse can take whatever form you like—a fancy dinner out, a yummy meal cooked at home, a long walk around the park—but the important thing is that you clearly delineate that time from the rest of your daily life. Setting up real dates, even when they’re very simple, is an important act in itself because it implicitly states that you and your S.O. feel like nurturing your relationship is a priority.

2. Do this 36 Question thing

Back in January, the ­New York Times “Modern Love” column make waves when it ran an article by Mandy Len Catron titled, “To Fall In Love Do This.” The article explores the work of a study by Dr. Arthur Aron, which proposes that two strangers can fall in love by asking each other 36 questions, followed by a long, silent stare into each other’s eyes.

I tried this out with my husband, and it ended up being surprisingly cool. It didn’t necessarily make us fall in love all over again, but it did get us to have a real conversation about our hopes and fears, all while making dinner on a random Tuesday night! The end, when we had to look into each other’s eyes for four minutes, was also unexpectedly powerful. Staring that directly at someone can feel strange and exposing, even with a person with whom you’re very close.

If you’re not down with the 36 Questions (or you’ve already done them) challenge each other to come up with your own questions. Mix them up in a hat, pull them out at random, and talk. Look into each other’s eyes without speaking for four minutes at the end. (Then make out because it’s inevitable.)

3. Make something together

Set aside some time for you and your S.O. to make something together. It doesn’t really matter what: You could set aside a Saturday night to cook something labor intensive together. You could paint together, or do origami together. Seriously, it can be anything: Once my husband and I spent an evening putting together a LEGO set that someone gave us for Christmas, and it was super fun. As you both work on whatever your project is, you’ll find yourself bonding over the shared effort and talking about all sorts of things you might not have expected.

4. Have sex

Physical intimacy and emotional intimacy are, of course, not the same. But sex can play an important role in maintaining a long-term couple’s emotional bond, making them feel more connected, more attracted to each other, and generally happier. If you need any more motivation to hit the sheets (but why would you?), sex has also been shown to have all sorts of mental and physical health benefits.

5. Laugh together

Psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein writes in Psychology Today that “Laughter is a potent love medicine. It is an intimacy builder for couples.” Laughter can help to relieve the tension in difficult situations, and it can impart a sense of fun to relationships that are feeling staid. Make an effort to bring more laughter in your relationship: watch comedies together, tell each other jokes, and let yourselves be really, really silly.

6. Discuss the State of the Union

Discussing the state of your relationship might not be the most fun thing to do, but it is necessary. Take time here and there to talk seriously with your S.O. about how you’re both feeling and what you want. These discussions are important even if you feel like your relationship is in good shape; you might discover that, when you press the issue, there are underlying tensions just below the surface. Better to deal with these things now, when they’re small irritations, than later, when they bloom into huge problems.

7. Be uncomfortable together

As a couple, make an effort to try new things together, and to allow yourself to be in uncomfortable situations. These situations could be big events like visiting a country where you don’t speak the language, or small instances, like forcing yourselves to sing a duet at a karaoke bar in front of other people. Dealing with the new and unexpected in these situations as a team will bring you closer together in the other parts of your life.

8. Be physically affectionate

Sex is important, but so is simple, non-sexual touching. Studies have shown that physical affection decreases stress, and it’s been associated with lower blood pressure and increased satisfaction in relationships. Like sex, physical affection causes the body to release Oxytocin, often called the “love hormone.” Oxytocin has a variety of effects; studies have shown that the hormone can make us more likely to be monogamous, more extroverted, and more generous and trustworthy. A study recently published in Natureeven suggests that Oxytocin might be useful in treating mental disorders.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Move away from Friend With Benefits to Thriving Relationship

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Want something more, it might be time to change your dating approach

If you can’t handle the heat, stay out of the bedroom.

The “friends with benefits” (or FWB) relationship is a hot-button issue for many women, so understandably most women hold a preconceived notion of what it is and speak against it.

Many think FWB is just a booty call arrangement and it’s all about sex that doesn’t benefit women in the slightest. Men, on the other hand, are the ones benefit the most out of this arrangement.

Is that so? That very much depends.

Not every woman wants a relationship and not every woman wants a relationship with the guy(s) she sleeps or has slept with, just like not every guy does!

Shocking, isn’t it?

What usually follows are the arguments perpetuated by the “Oxytocin Myth” that women will willy-nilly fall in love or bond with every guy they have sex with because of Oxytocin, the “cuddle” hormone released by men and women during sex and orgasm and physical closeness such as cuddling, kissing and hugging.

Oxytocin indeed bonds women to their partners, but … here’s the catch: that doesn’t mean every woman will act like a psycho and can’t control how deep their feelings are for the guys.

We still have control upon our own emotions. We still have freedom to choose our response. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

To some, this arrangement is a perfect way to prepare themselves for a real relationship when they are ready. It is a great way to practice relationship skills and is healing to those who have just been out of a long-term relationship or marriage.

Perhaps you’re reading this because you are under such predicament… correct? You want to know if you have a chance to turn this arrangement to something more serious and permanent.

My stance is yes … yes … yes!

It’s a limiting belief to think that relationship can only happen a certain way. There is no one form of relationship that is superior to the others. It’s all about what feels right or not right at any given moment.
If you feel you are falling fast for your FWB and want more, here are a few guidelines to follow:

1. You can always change your mind, you know.

If this arrangement doesn’t serve you anymore — the costs really exceed the benefits — you know where the door is, right? Never agree to something you are not comfortable with.

2. Wean yourself off of him. 

Of course it’s not that easy to leave because you are hormonally and emotionally attached to him now, so what you need to do is to start weaning yourself off him by seeing him less and seeing others more.

I don’t recommend talking to him about wanting to be serious if he hasn’t initiated the conversation himself because the likelihood is he hasn’t changed his mind about not wanting a relationship.

A man who knows what he wants will go and get it. If he hasn’t moved the relationship forward, it’s because nothing has changed since your agreement. Getting more focused on youwill get him to notice and do something about it if he’s so inclined.

3. Don’t be more invested than he is. 

Avoid being a one-down, i.e. a party of the “coupledom” who is more invested and more into the other. The more you are ridden with one-down anxiety, the more you feel vulnerable, helpless, hopeless and desperate. That will translate into you vibe and behaviors and it’s a repellent to most guys.

The secret of stability and longevity of every relationship is when no one is ahead of the other. When you “let yourself go” and start pining, you lose your power and simultaneously his attraction for you.

4. Induce some anxiety into him. 

Based on point 3 above, if you can induce some anxiety into him and make him to want to put more efforts into wooing you, the more he will see you as a high-value woman. And since anxiety and uncertainty is an inherent part of romance, the vulnerable feeling he might lose you might trigger him into action.

He needs to yearn for you to fall in love.

5. Work on yourself. 

Work on yourself to become a secure, self-sufficient and independent feminine woman. You are soft on the outside but steely strong in the inside. You are full within yourself and you don’t need a man to complete you. I repeat: you don’t need him.

There is a reason why a lot of women pine for guys who don’t reciprocate their love and who are not in their life: it’s because they need them.

There is a place for vulnerability in relationship, but in general you are far more desirable when you don’t need him or any man. Why? Because when you don’t need anyone to be happy, you don’t put pressure on or have high expectations of anyone to do anything for you. You become a magnet to men because they know you will be fine one way or another and they are not going to be made responsible for your happiness or lack thereof. Who wants to be blamed for anyone’s suffering?

Love yourself more than you love him, he will love you more for that! A secure woman who knows what she wants yet isn’t jaded nor desperate and is extremely attractive and desirable.

Once you become that woman, commitment is a matter of finding the right match as it will happen organically.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

The Brutally Honest Phases Of A Man Falling In Love

by zfortadminin LOVE

Looking for an inner peek in to the mind of the guy you are dating? What phase are you in with your date?

—

We all, men and women alike, might feel the same emotions when it comes to love, but the journey to finding love is an experience differentiated by gender. When women fall in love, they are filled with bursts of happiness and other mixed emotions, which a man will never be able to comprehend. Men on the other hand, are a completely different ballgame.

You see, unlike women who experience intense surges of affection as soon as they meet a guy, men experience a phase of emotions when they meet a woman. This article will explain the phases and journey a man undergoes before falling in love with a woman.

Phase 1. The “I Like You” Phase

Unfortunately, men are very shallow creatures. This initial stage is all about instant physical attraction. If you ever thought a guy initially liked you as a person …oh boy, were you wrong!  Some women may fall in love during the first conversation, but sadly, in the beginning stages, men are only attracted to a woman’s physical appearance.  Don’t be fooled by the idea of a ‘physical appearance.’

It does not include the whole package. Every man is different and enjoys different things about a woman. For example, most men are attracted by breasts (may it be small or large) and also by your curvy behind (again, may it be small or large). It’s never about the whole package, but more about a man’s specific appeal in a woman. Sometimes, a guy may not even realize what attracts him most in a woman, but if he has such feelings, he will begin the “I Like You” phase.

Phase 2. The Scouting Phase

Most guys find themselves attracted to a lot of women for many reasons, and as a result, they will “scout” to see which one of them will respond to their advances. Yes, men try to bait as many women as we can, at any given time. It’s only when a girl has passed the “scouting” phase (by accepting our small advances) that a man begins to focus his attention only on her.

These advances are very discreet and are not upfront flirting. A man basically needs that little confirmation that if he does start to chase you, something will happen. Even though he likes a woman, in this stage, he doesn’t really care about the outcome, so if she rejects him or doesn’t respond to his advances, he generally doesn’t feel a thing and moves on to another woman that catches his attention. Sure, there are exceptions, but generally, this is how guys think at this point.

Phase 3. The Chase

If a woman a man likes gives even the slightest positive response to his advances, he will start the chase. Sometimes those signs aren’t even obvious; he just believes in himself that you like him back, and as a result, he starts the chase. The chase is all about winning your attention. In this stage, a man’s aim is to get you to notice him and understand that he’s into you. Once this has become clear, and you have given him a shot (by agreeing to go out with him, etc.), he moves into the next phase.

Phase 4. The “I’m Going To Impress You” Phase

By this time, some women are actually starting to fall in love, but us men are not even close to it. This whole stage is all about making an impression on you. A man will do everything in his power to show you that he is a worthy mate. He plans dates; he floods you with gifts, and generally tries to make you happy whilst hoping to really impress you. It’s in this stage that many women (that have held out, until now) give in to a guy’s advances.

Phase 5. The “I Want You To Love Me” Phase

If a guy is having success so far, he wants to know that you love him. Gaining your love and commitment is his utmost highest achievement. Instead of falling in love with you, in this stage, all he worries about is how to make you fall in love with him. He might even show his relationship skills, thus proving that he is, indeed, a good lifelong partner. You might have already fallen in love by this stage, but this is when he needs to see it.

Phase 6. The Decision Phase

If a man makes it into this stage, it means you’ve clearly expressed your feelings, and he knows that he has managed to gain your love and commitment. Now, unfortunately, for both parties involved, all he did up to this point was prove to you that he is “exactly” what you are looking for in a man.

Because of this, two core problems arise:

-He wasn’t actually being himself 100 percent, so the man you’ve fallen in love with isn’t exactly the man you think he is.

-He never wondered if you’re actually right for him, since his desire to impress you was based purely on his INITIAL physical attraction.

It’s at this phase when a man finally starts to wonder if a real relationship may blossom here. It’s at this point when he starts to actually observe you as a real person (and I know this may sound shallow) and see if he actually likes you in this department. Finally, it’s at this stage when a man decides if you are worth trying a long-term relationship with. We ask ourselves: Do I love her? Do I want to be with her? Will I be happy with her? Is she the woman I want?

It’s easy for a man, even at this stage, to dismiss a girl based on some seemingly pointless reasons, but it’s how we are as a species. We are genetically engineered to “spread thy seed,” so the girl that a man does eventually decide to love and be with has to be perfect from his perspective. It’s also the same for a woman …the only difference is that she probably makes up her mind much earlier in the relationship.

Phase 7. The “I Love You” Phase

If the decision stage was negative, it’s at this stage when the guy will either dump you if you had a short relationship, or start ignoring you if it was just a fling. On the other hand, if he decided he does want to give love a try, he is now ready for it. The next three to four months will be the best stages of any relationship. He will give into his feelings and be overwhelmed with love. You will start to see him taking care of you, acting jealous and all the other great things about love.

It may seem harsh and unrealistic that a guy has to DECIDE whether or not he wants to fall in love, but we don’t always rationalize what we are doing. These things are imbedded into us at an instinctual level, and the fact that we DENY love early in these phases is only because it’s our defense mechanism preventing us from getting hurt.

Important Note: This is how a man falls in love if the woman he is after gives into all of his advances. If you want to turn a guy on his head, don’t give in to ALL OF HIS advances. Don’t say, “I love you” when he wants you to say it. Basically, turn his world upside down, and then, you’ll see a man falling helplessly in love, not being able to control his own emotions.

 

Curated by Tatiana
Original Source

Getting My Needs Met Under the Covers

by Jules Thompsonin Sex

I write this article knowing it is likely to be my most divisive to date. For it contains the following shocking truth: my boyfriend and I sleep with two single duvets. And we are not yet in our 70s (at which point, apparently, this kind of behavior becomes acceptable). No, we are just two 30-somethings who really like our sleep. So when we realized that we hated – truly hated – sleeping in the same bed, we put our heads together and thought our way out of the box and into our current sleeping arrangement. This process marked a transformative and empowering moment in our relationship. For it was one of the first times that we bothered to fly in the face of convention and find a solution that really worked for us.

Picture this: once upon a time, my partner and I shared a duvet. Throughout the night, we would wake up at least once an hour, sometimes too hot, often too cold. Resentment grew, minor disagreements morphed into physical spats, knees found their way into backs, humans found their way onto floors. It was an intolerable situation that could not go on. And yet, many couples continue like this their whole lives.

You might think I’m exaggerating the significance of our single duvets, but they really do seem to offend some people. A few friends have reacted to the news of them as though we have just revealed we like to take small mammals to bed with us; others see them as deeply unromantic; a sign that we are inherently divided, and probably never touch each other, let alone have sex.

In fact, this change marked an improvement in our sex life. Because, let us be clear on this, tiredness is not sexy. Sleep deprivation has been used throughout history as a method of torture; there is a reason for this.

And not all our friends disapprove of our decision to sleep with separate duvets. For those who have suffered similarly miserable nights at the hands of their loved ones, our sleep solution is akin to the secret of alchemy. When these same friends learn that the Swedes do it (and make it look really rather stylish) they are often officially sold.

These days, however, we generally sleep the whole night through completely oblivious to the other’s presence. It is marvelous. In the morning we wake up after eight hours’ uninterrupted sleep and get to discover each other all over again. One of us will usually slip under the other’s duvet for a toasty morning cuddle. If anything, we now enjoy more physically intimacy, because we like each other the whole night through.

I’m not saying single duvets are for everyone, but this issue reminds us of the importance of making choices in our relationships that are right for us. Marriage is for some people, but not for everyone; children, date nights, swinging likewise. If we want to be happy in love, we need to question our decisions, so that we can be sure they are motivated by what we truly want, and not simply by the fact that ‘everyone else is doing it’. Others will always judge our choices, but this matters not one jot if we are able to wear them with pride.

Why We Love, Why We Cheat

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

Anthropologist Helen Fisher takes on a tricky topic – love – and explains its evolution, its biochemical foundations and its social importance. She closes with a warning about the potential disaster inherent in antidepressant abuse.

6 Traits Men Find Incredibly Irresistible

by zfortadminin Sex

He’s looking for these traits and they have nothing to do with looks! 

While a sultry dress and stilettos may make him look, what really gets him going might surprise you.

So you’ve spotted a guy who looks like he could be the man of your dreams across the room, and before you know it, he’s noticed you too. He walks over, gives you a cheesy (but cute) opening line, and now you’re talking to him.

You and I both know that you are all that, but right now he only knows that you look great. So what will make him realize that you really are the girl he’s been waiting his whole life for and make him want to retire his little black book for good? Here are 6 personality traits that will make just about any guy fall head over heels for you.

1. You’re Not Easily Impressed

You’re not the type of woman that gets all dreamy eyed just because an attractive guy has decided to talk to you. You know that you’re the one doing the choosing. Of course, in any good relationship both partners have to choose each other, and for the right reasons, but what we’re talking about here are those first fledgling hours and subsequent dates.

The point here is not to pretend that you aren’t interested while your heart is actually fluttering and you’re secretly concerned that you’re starting to sweat; instead, consciously realize that you’re not sure if he’s all that either — after all, you just met him, how could you possibly know anything more about him than how he looks, walks and smiles?

That’s just not much to go on. So, approach the situation as exactly what it is — you think he’s superficially attractive, but he’s going to have to prove to you that he’s worth talking to, much less giving your number to. Look at this as a chance to find out if he really is a guy that you want to get to know better.

Men love this because they truly want to win you over; they’re biologically wired for the chase, so let him chase you. If you’re interested, and think he’s attractive, that will automatically show through your body language. You’ll be smiling, laughing at his jokes, your eyes will light up, and he’ll notice that.

But he’ll also notice that you’re clearly not desperate, because you know that you’re a great catch, and now it’s time for him to show you why he’d be a great catch. We’re not talking about playing games like intentionally acting uninterested or walking away from him after ten minutes.

Just be who you actually are — a woman who finds him attractive on the surface, but who needs to find out what’s underneath to be convinced that he’s the right guy for you. You know that it will take more than a few minutes (or even a few dates) for him to convince you of that.

2. You Know You’ve Really Got It Going On

You know you’re all that (and more), but not in an arrogant way. You’ve got that kind of quiet confidence that allows you to feel comfortable in almost any situation because you feel good about yourself and your capabilities.

When you’re confident your body language shows it in the way you make eye contact, the way you carry yourself, and your easy smile. Men can’t help but go gaga over a woman who’s just so sure of herself.

3. You Feel Sexy

It’s not about looking sexy, it’s about feeling sexy. I’m not talking about that low cut dress and stiletto heels kind of sexy — I’m talking about the kind of sensual, self-assured, comfortable in your own skin (and oh what beautiful skin) kind of sexy. When you feel sexy, it will automatically show through your body language, the way you move, and the way you smile.

The best way to feel sexy? It’s not about what you’re wearing on the outside; wear your sexiest lingerie underneath your outfit, even if it’s jeans and a sweatshirt at a spring barbeque. Even though you know that nobody will see it but you at the end of the evening, by wearing your soft, sexy, silky lingerie you know in your mind that it would knock the socks off of the guy you’re talking to, and that shows through. When you feel sexy, you’ll be sexy.

4. You’re Interesting

You have your own life, and wow, it’s pretty good. Guys want to know that once the two of you start dating you won’t be looking for them to be your sole source of a social life and happiness in general. Nobody wants the clinger – the girl who has no social life of her own except for going out with her girlfriends looking for men. Guys know that this girl won’t be interested in doing that once she settles down, and are afraid that then she’ll want to do everything with him.

Most men highly value their alone time, and they need to know that they won’t lose all of it if they’re in a relationship with you. It’s as simple as mentioning a project that you’re working on (non-career related), talking about an interesting course that you’re taking for fun, or a weekend getaway you have planned with your girlfriends. By casually letting him know that you have other interests (you do, right?) and that you like to spend time and have plans with your friends, he’ll feel good knowing that you’ll be ok without him when he needs his alone time.

5. You’re Interested

You want to find out more about this cute guy you just met, right? So you’re asking a few questions about him — where he grew up, how many siblings he has, any pets? Not to the point of it sounding like an interview, and certainly not questions that are inappropriately personal, but generally you’re showing him that you’re interested in getting to know him better (and you are, right?) This makes him realize that once you’re in a relationship together it won’t just be all about you.

6. You’re glowing

People that are happy, exuberant, enthusiastic, and have a great attitude towards life are very attractive to other people. It’s like there’s a light that shines from your eyes and your smile, and surrounds you, bathing you in its translucent beauty.

It’s a of mix of confidence, physical and emotional health, self-esteem, and loving your life. Men can’t help but pick up on this energy and get drawn in by it. It may have been what brought him over to you in the first place, and he’ll be so intrigued by this vibrant gem that he’s found that he won’t be able to tear himself away.

This inner glow is not something you can fake, and I know it’s not always easy to feel when you’ve been dateless for a while and may be starting to feel down on yourself and your life. If you’re not feeling the glow right now, then it may be time to take a break from the search and work on improving your happiness, confidence levels, and self-esteem.

The best way to start feeling good about yourself and your life simply involves doing things that you love, being healthy (physically and emotionally), and getting some accomplishments under your belt, even if they’re relatively simple ones.

Try your hand at something new, something slightly intimidating, and keep at it until you’ve become relatively proficient. Accomplishing things that you were initially afraid to try can be an excellent confidence booster and add tremendously to your excitement and zeal for life.

The key to each of these really boils down to being your best, authentic self. If you can focus on being true to yourself, following your own interests without trying to be something different than what you are, then everything else will fall into place.

Once you stop trying to go against your own true nature you’ll discover your own sense of self, you’ll feel more confident and happy, you’ll be more excited about life, you’ll be more loving, and you’ll start to attract the same into your life. You’ll be nothing less than irresistible.

 

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

When Casual Sex Becomes Less… Casual

by Jess Beaulieuin LOVE

Sex is emotional. It’s an emotional activity that us humans enjoy participating in and for me it’s hella emotional. I personally wish occasionally that I could turn off my emotion faucet. It would save me a lot of trouble and a lot of regret filled text messages and a lot of crying in the bathroom at work situations. It seems that without me even trying, I often, with the help of oxytocin, hormones, and having apes as my ancestors, become attached to the naked person beside me, and that is never not complicated. Attachment and complication are basically synonyms.

See, we’re animals and being an animal includes sometimes not choosing who our heart wants to hook up with for a long while and that sucks. It sucks the big one, and not in a good way. ‘Cause not choosing who we want to hook up with for a long while can result in feelings being hurt/torn apart/shattered into a million pieces that cannot be put back together even if you block everyone on instagram. You sleep with another person in hopes that the previous person will be lobotomized but your stupid, idiot brain won’t delete the memories of them. In fact, your brain keeps rerunning those blissful moments like they’re a goddamn episode of Seinfeld.

And you’re like “Hey, brain, can you find something else to focus your energy on for a bit?” and your brain is like “Sure! How about I focus it on your taxes and remember that time he told you that your skin was soft? Let’s think about that for three hours”. This attachment is only made more complicated when you have agreed with the naked person that there would not be any form of attachment. That your hooking up would remain at a hooking up level and Christmases would not be spent at each other’s houses ever. Yet, regardless of that iron clad agreement, your stupid, idiot brain is all “Check out this image of you rubbing his head in your bed on your birthday! WASN’T THAT FUN/ ISN’T THIS CRUEL?”

And you can always sense this unwanted attachments arrival. Suddenly, you’re waiting for them to text you every single day. Suddenly, you’re willing to lose a ton of sleep just to have a conversation with them about dinosaurs. Suddenly, you get upset thinking about how holding their hand in public will continue to be an unfulfilled desire. Suddenly, when they mention seeing other naked people, it stings. It didn’t for two months, but now, you can’t bear hearing about it. You’re attached and you don’t want to be, but there is no going back at this point. You’ve shared too many childhood experiences. You’ve romantically spooned for too many hours. You’ve gotten late morning cheap brunch together too many times.

I didn’t comprehend this idea of unwanted attachment until recently when I began doing the casual thing for the first time. Before two years ago, I didn’t know what “casual” was or why it existed or how it smelled. I was in three long-term relationships back to back and even if I thought my first intercoursing with each boyfriend could possibly only be one night of awkward passion, the oral sex always seemed to lead to them meeting my mother a few weeks later. My process of coitus was: ask out a man/be asked out, go on said date with man who asked/was asked, fornicate with above mentioned man, and repeat for two years straight.

This resulted in me only having three copulation partners at 26-years-old, thus I was curious. I was curious about boinking random strangers I met at dive bars and/or friends of mine who I had a consistent flirt-on with and/or anyone on my “crushing hard on these peens” list. I was curious about fearing that I was impregnated by a generic dude named Mike who I couldn’t communicate with because he only checked Facebook once a year. I was curious about getting tested at the doctor and wondering “BUT WHAT IF??!?!” I was curious about the stand of the one night.

It all sounded daring and delicious and dangerous. So, after my last BF and I decided to call it mutual quits, I promised myself to remain single for at least 6 months, which turned into 12 months which turned into 24 months. And while I was pursuing singledom, I wanted to make sure I banged as many butts as I could and boy did I ever! I banged them butts like banging butts was going out of style and the world was about to end by butt explosion and my butt banging coupons were going to expire any day now.

There have been fun times. There have been not-fun times. There have been fun then not-fun then fun again then definitely not-fun at all times. I am happy that I did it and proud of myself that I delved into the scary world of non-committed horizontal tangoing. But, it has come with its problems, the major one being unwanted attachment. My attached to naked persons was guaranteed wanted before two years ago. I didn’t worry about saying “I like you” or having a texting limit or PDAs. I mean, the oral sex led to them meeting my mother every single time.

But, suddenly, I was late for work ‘cause I was up until 4 am conversing about dinosaurs with a body that was not my boyfriend’s. They weren’t necessarily my friend but they weren’t more than my friend either. They were just… a guy I slept with regularly. I haven’t wanted “more” with a bunch of guys I have slept with. In fact, I’ve wanted less. I’ve wanted the sleeping with them to not exist in history. But, then, with others, I’ve desired for them to hold my hand. I’ve hoped that they weren’t seeing other naked people, or at the very least, they didn’t enjoy seeing them naked as much as they enjoyed seeing me naked. I’ve hoped that I could eat turkey with their family at Christmas.

I’ve often wondered, “What does one do in such a situation? Do they end it? Do they continue on and pretend as if they’re totally cool with it? Do they ask for something deeper?” And I still don’t have an answer. Two years later. It seems that timing is a big factor in the “more” decision. Two people can both be attached but those attachments are unwanted due to circumstances out of their control. Or the circumstances are in their control but they, like me 24 months ago, made a promise to themselves and they want to keep it. Or their attachment to another naked person is greater than their attachment to you.

Whatever the reason, it stings. It never doesn’t sting and the stinging does not go, disappear quickly or easily.

What I have learned is that sex is hella emotional and I can’t change that. I can’t turn off my emotion faucet. If I hook up with someone and my heart chooses them, so be it. If I want them to hold my hand or text me dinosaur images in the middle of the night or meet my mom that’s okay. I don’t have to pretend that I’m totally cool with it being casual. I’m not ashamed of becoming attached. I’m actually starting to wish it happened more often. ‘Cause I’m realizing how special that attachment is, especially when it’s wanted by everyone.