it is really annoying when you can’t hang out with your friend as you used to just because they found someone and when you get to hang out, they are buried deep in their phones “keeping the boo” posted on things happening around. Can’t we just have a regular outing where we don’t have to feel like the boo is hiding somewhere ready to pop out any minute? Come on, it is very uncomfortable for us to deal with.
–
Playing The Relationship Expert:
it is annoying when your friend suddenly starts dishing out unsolicited relationship advice especially on how to get and keep a man as if there’s something you are doing wrong that’s keeping you single. Come on, you used to be like me, remember. Cut me slack and stop with the advice. It is as irritating as getting nonstop calls from a marketer advertising romantic getaway for two, I don’t need it.
– When The Buddy Turns To A Stranger:
I know it is cool to want to please your man and be the best woman for him but do you totally have to give up your own self just to be accepted by him. It is totally annoying when your friend stops doing something she really loves just to please her man. Come on, be a better you but not a stranger to your own self.
– When I/My Becomes We/Our:
I know you’re in a relationship and you’re excited too, we don’t need the constant reminder by replacing every I statement with we “We love french fries” “Our favourite author”. It is really annoying. We are happy you found the love of your life but we don’t want you to rub you happiness in our faces, so keep the “we statements” to the barest minimum.
You can also stop trying to finish each other statements or gushing about your partner every chance you get; which is basically all the time. Stop posting all your cheesy pictures online; he is romantic, awww very sweet, but some things are best kept private. I know you may think these things are cute and sweet, yes, they actually are but when you do it all the time, it becomes annoyingly unbearable. We don’t need to be reminded of how boring and loney the singledom can sometimes be.
Statistically speaking most people form relationships with people close to their own age.
If you look around you, you will most likely find that your friends, neighbours and relatives are in relationships with people between two to 7 years older or younger than they themselves are.
Women have traditionally married men a couple of years older. There are a few rational reasons for this. In the past a woman wanted someone who was a bit more established than she was, and anecdotally men want to wait longer before they have families.
In my own life I have dated men up to 16 years older than I am, and also men up to 9 years younger. The younger I was it seemed, the older my partner was!
When I was 18 I had a 2 year relationship with a man of 34. He was just 10 years younger than my Dad, and was actually friends with him. I benefitted from his maturity, but eventually found the relationship a bit stifling. We were both volunteers for St. John’s Ambulance, and that was the only thing we really had in common.
During the time I was dating the older guy, I met a man of 22, and we had an on-off relationship for a couple of years. In many ways I was the more mature of the two of us, he was a musician and a bit of a skirt-chaser. The advantage of the relationship was that we had so much in common. We both enjoyed the same kind of music, and with that as a background would talk into the wee hours of the morning over endless cups of coffee, with our gang of mutual friends. My first really long term relationship was also with someone virtually my own age. We had similar backgrounds, similar interests, and in most ways were a perfect fit.
When that relationship broke down, I played the field for a few years and dated both younger and older men. Each age group seemed to have some advantages, younger men were mostly energetic, adorable and a tad insecure, awed by your profound knowledge! but had a totally different frame of reference. Older men were more likely to nurture and want to protect little old you, but tended to want to be “in charge”!
I remember telling one of my younger dates (He was 21, I was 30.) that I had gone to see the World’s Fair with friends, he replied that his parents had taken him – he had been 9, I had been 18, literally double his age! His tastes in music were vastly different, and his idea of a good time was dancing the night away at a party, my taste was maturing into an appreciation of Wine and Fine Dining!
My affection for him was almost condescending, and I did not like that he brought that out in me. I also found that men of my own age, despite the natural differences in personality, at least understood the same social and political references, and had seen the same movies that I had seen!
I had noticed that in many May/September romances of any kind, it is the power imbalance that strains the relationship, so if that is evened out in some way, by money, prestige, or even just personality, then relative power is not an issue.
In my opinion, similarity in tastes and experience is more important than age; but you are much more likely to find those similarities in someone fairly close to your own age. As you age, the gap can actually widen a bit. A 50 year old woman and a 40 year old man (or vice versa) probably have much experience in common, and, in North America at least, maturity is a great leveller.
Each relationship is unique, of course, what works for one is not necessarily good for another.
Problems due to different tastes can be worked through if both parties are willing to compromise. There are mature 20 year-olds, and immature 40 year-olds. As with any aspect of a relationship it works if you both really want it to. Just look at Madonna! – or maybe that’s not a good example.
Age may be just a number, and we are all as old as we feel, or as young as we look, Right now I am married to a man who is 6 months my junior, but looks and acts his age, whereas I look and act 10 years younger! The older I get it seems that age becomes just demographic information, and inside my head I can remember being 19, which makes me younger than my children!
“If she doesn’t scare the hell out of you a little, she’s not the one”
At first glance, this meme might seem to be implying that you need to only date emotionally unstable people. But if you sit with it for a moment, it takes on a whole other (and more important) layer of meaning.
As much as mainstream media would prefer you to think otherwise, the best relationships are not all sunshine and roses.
Relationships are the ultimate vehicle for self-growth… and the best kind of love that you can engage in is the confronting kind. The kind where your partner acts as a mirror to you and they lovingly help pull all of your demons out of you over time. They act as a catalyst for positive growth.
They’ll point a flashlight into every corner of your dark mental attic, and illuminate all of the things that you try to hide from the world. And they will illuminate it with love, patience, and compassion.
Just when you expect them to run away (after having found out about your deepest, darkest secrets), they’ll tell you that they love you even more now that they know more about you.
Intimacy is about truly letting someone see you. It’s also anxiety producing for the vast majority of people. Letting someone really know you, and really see you, can be terrifying. You are laying your heart in their hands and saying to them “Please be gentle with this.” And if they’re the right one for you, they will reply back (verbally or non-verbally) “I wouldn’t dream of ever being anything else to you.”
When I first started dating again after an emotionally traumatic breakup, I was hesitant to let anyone get close to me. I engaged in surface level relationships because I feared the anxiety that intimacy produced for me. Even ‘admitting’ that I’d had a difficult day was enough to make my heart race.
In my emotional closure I didn’t think I would ever be able to open up to someone ever again.
Until one fateful day when I met someone who shook up my world entirely.
Her eyes penetrated through me. There was no hiding around her. She never had to say it out loud, but I knew that she saw me.
My ego’s first self-protective instinct was to run away and revert back to my old unproductive habits. Run away before she finds out all of the messy things about your past. Push her away before she has a chance to see past your self-deceptions. Avoid any contact with her in case she might make you feel big, scary emotions again.
My ego resisted her every step of the way. I told myself she wasn’t my usual type. I tried to hide behind things like “She’s too young/inexperienced/small town/etc. for me.” But it was all bullshit. Every thought that tried to keep me away from her was just my ego’s sad excuse to stay closed down emotionally. It was a defense mechanism and I knew it.
When I really started to show up and tell her how I was feeling (namely, scared shitless to even be around her) she received it with grace and compassion. Because even before I had verbalized it, she knew. She already saw me.
As terrifying as intimacy can be, the process of holding up our demons in the light is deeply therapeutic. Shame cannot continue to exist or thrive in the loving context of a close intimate relationship.
Was I fixed forever for having her met her? No. It’s a process like everything else. I had to repeatedly breathe into the deeper layers of anxiety as I let myself be seen more and more by her.
But I’ll be eternally grateful that I did meet her. Because her scaring the hell out of me was my ticket to a positive transformation that I never could have anticipated.
So if you’re at a place in your life where you are starting to see someone who challenges you, confronts you, and scares you on some level, take stock of whether or not you think they might be a force for positive change in your life.
Don’t date someone who scares you because they are controlling, angry, violent, or abusive in any way. That’s the bad kind of fear and it’s an unhealthy relationship to engage in. But date someone who scares you because they encourage you to face all of the things you’ve tried to suppress for so long. Date someone who lovingly pushes you to become more who you are at your core as a person. Date someone who nudges you outside of your comfort zone regularly and helps you level up in life.
It might just be the best thing you ever did for yourself.
The prediction: “As augmented intelligence and video games become increasingly sophisticated, expect humans to get attached to and develop real relationships with their hardware and software. The movie Her deals with love in the age of seductive operating systems.”
That’s all fine and good, but there need to be many, many advances in technology before this happens. Right now, Siri can’t even find the closest Dunkin’ Donuts, let alone our G spot.
Photo credit: Warner Bros.
11. Celibacy syndrome
The prediction: “Finding modern relationships too emotionally complicated, many men and women are choosing not to become romantically involved in any serious way. In Japan, a 2011 survey found that 61 percent of unmarried men and 49 percent of women aged 18 to 34 were not in any kind of romantic relationship.”
Who needs a human when you have vibrating underwear, we guess.
12. New erogenous zones
The prediction: “In an overstimulated world, we seek new forms of heightened stimulation in the hope of discovering new erogenous zones. A bogus story about eyeball licking, also called ‘worming,’ in Japan went viral and subsequently created interest in erogenous experimentation in the U.S.”
Thank God that eyeball-licking story turned out to be bogus, because it made us want to squeeze our eyes shut forever. If new erogenous zones mean sex lasts longer or gets more interesting when you’ve been with your partner forever, we are all about it. As long as eyeball-licking isn’t involved. Shudder.
The bizarre story of how a Taiwanese model found herself the star of one the Internet’s most popular memes spread online like wildfire. The root of the tale is based on how differently cultures view the concept of beauty and of themselves.
The story begins a few years ago, when things were going pretty well for Taiwanese model Heidi Yeh. After taking small job posing in an ad for a South Korean plastic surgery company, however, everything changed.
The ad featured an attractive couple with three children who had something noticeably different about their appearance — their eyelids were Photoshopped.
“The only thing you’ll have to worry about,” the ad read. “Is how to explain it to the kids.”
While double eyelid surgery is common for affluent people in Asian countries (it’s done to give them a “Western” look, Yeh herself never had the procedure done. But that didn’t stop the Internet from giving that ad a horrible life of its own. The photo, widely circulated online, viciously mocked the model.
People made up a story about the woman in the photo and spread it on the internet,” Yeh said. “They said her husband figured out she had lied to him about not having plastic had surgery done … [the kids] didn’t look anything like her. Then he sued her and won.”
The meme became so widespread that soon even her family and close friends quizzed her about it.
“When a friend told me about this I thought it was just rumors. Then I realized the whole world was spreading the story and in different languages,” she said. “People actually believed it and thought this had happened to me. Even my relatives and fiance’s family have asked me about it.”
Yeh shared with the BBC what a terrible impact the whole thing has had on her career and life. “I decided to speak out because I wanted to give myself some courage to deal with this problem,” she said. “People refuse to believe that I have never had plastic surgery. After this, I only got small roles in advertisements. Because of this, I haven’t been able to sleep well and have broken down many times crying.”
The model is currently suing the ad agency, J. Walter Thompson (JWT), to recoup losses she claims the ad has caused. She’s also going after a cosmetic clinic that used the photo for an online ad campaign, one that may have been the biggest force in the meme becoming so popular.
The bizarre story of how a Taiwanese model found herself the star of one the Internet’s most popular memes spread online like wildfire. The root of the tale is based on how differently cultures view the concept of beauty and of themselves.
The story begins a few years ago, when things were going pretty well for Taiwanese model Heidi Yeh. After taking small job posing in an ad for a South Korean plastic surgery company, however, everything changed.
The ad featured an attractive couple with three children who had something noticeably different about their appearance — their eyelids were Photoshopped.
“The only thing you’ll have to worry about,” the ad read. “Is how to explain it to the kids.”
While double eyelid surgery is common for affluent people in Asian countries (it’s done to give them a “Western” look, Yeh herself never had the procedure done. But that didn’t stop the Internet from giving that ad a horrible life of its own. The photo, widely circulated online, viciously mocked the model.
People made up a story about the woman in the photo and spread it on the internet,” Yeh said. “They said her husband figured out she had lied to him about not having plastic had surgery done … [the kids] didn’t look anything like her. Then he sued her and won.”
The meme became so widespread that soon even her family and close friends quizzed her about it.
“When a friend told me about this I thought it was just rumors. Then I realized the whole world was spreading the story and in different languages,” she said. “People actually believed it and thought this had happened to me. Even my relatives and fiance’s family have asked me about it.”
Yeh shared with the BBC what a terrible impact the whole thing has had on her career and life. “I decided to speak out because I wanted to give myself some courage to deal with this problem,” she said. “People refuse to believe that I have never had plastic surgery. After this, I only got small roles in advertisements. Because of this, I haven’t been able to sleep well and have broken down many times crying.”
The model is currently suing the ad agency, J. Walter Thompson (JWT), to recoup losses she claims the ad has caused. She’s also going after a cosmetic clinic that used the photo for an online ad campaign, one that may have been the biggest force in the meme becoming so popular.
I did that day as I held my daddy, my hero, in my arms. I discovered just how to finally let the love come in that my dad had been giving me for 22 years, and not question or find a reason for it.
My dad has taught me that to love unconditionally is to love with absolutely no boundaries. Even when it hurts, his love is never failing; it stays limitless, never changing.
There are times in our lives when loving someone else seems nearly impossible because of the difficult situations that we find ourselves in. There are times when we say harsh things to people we love just because things aren’t going our way, or because they made us unhappy.
In these situations, we find ourselves putting provisions on love. We attach it to how others are acting, and whether they reciprocate the feelings we give to them. We attach it to the circumstances and emotions that go on in a single moment.
We find ourselves holding back, fearful of being hurt, afraid to sacrifice a piece of ourselves. But what if we looked beyond all this and just loved?
Love because you’re grateful for the things someone has done for you. Love because someone needs you, needs a friend to lean on during their struggles. Love even when it is difficult, even when your mind tells you that you shouldn’t.
Love by looking beyond people’s faults, struggles, and whatever pain and hardships that life may bring.
This unconditional love is something that can so easily be given if we recognize it, and that can change someone else’s life completely.
When we love and treat each other with the utmost care and attention, the little things that bother us seem far less overwhelming.
What would the world be like if we stopped looking to get something in return, and just loved unconditionally, for the happiness and inner peace it brings us all?
I didn’t even know that you were so amazing. That you were the only person I really trusted in my life.
That you were the only one that could take care of my computer problems, my personal drama, fix anything, take care of our bills, make me laugh, plus finish our entire house inside and out. A skill set you had, O so amazing, but I didn’t even know.
I didn’t know how unique that was. I didn’t get to tell you I am in awe of you.
I didn’t get to tell you.
I would trade everything and anything for one more moment with you to tell you all of this.
I’d tell you how lucky I am to have met you. How special you are and how no one could ever be as cool as you, for me.
I’d hold you so tight and I’d never complain about your work schedule, or your meetings, or your social life. I would love you for it all, because you are perfect just as you are.
Did I love you enough?
Babes I ask myself this all the time, I loved you so much but could I have done better?
Could I have seen you more fully. Loved you more entirely? Praised you more freely?
Marriage: It’s two people really digging deep, getting to know each other and share each other’s lives, to give and take strength from each other as needed.
In my standup comedy act, I sometimes ask the audience “Who’s married?” and a lot of hands go up. Then I ask them, “Who USED to be married?” and feign amazement when lots of the same hands go up. I berate them for making the same mistake twice-
“Who ARE you people? Who on earth says, well, that sucked- let me try it again with some other asshole?”
I only sort of mean this.
But I don’t entirely not mean it.
I was married for eight years. That’s right, in a row, because anyone can take breaks, Janice!
My marriage ended badly, but that doesn’t mean that it was all bad. I learned a lot about what marriage is.
The first thing I learned about marriage is that it’s not about the engagement or the parties or the wedding, those public, social media things.
It’s the opposite of that. It’s the ultimate private thing. It is two people making a life together, alone. It doesn’t have anything to do with looking pretty in a dress or if your mom enjoyed the profiteroles at the reception. There is a whole industry geared up to tell you that marriage is about paying 100% more for shoes because they are white, and if you don’t have the right diamond ring, it means he doesn’t love you enough. It’s not about that. I learned a lot of things about what marriage isn’t, or wasn’t for me. It’s not an endless meet cute. It’s not (necessarily) about pleasing God or childrearing. It’s two people really digging deep, getting to know each other and share each other’s lives, to give and take strength from each other as needed. If you primary motivator to get married is not the desire to make and share a life with that person, you should look at what it is you really want.
The second thing I learned about marriage is that you could be so proud and excited about spending the rest of your life with another person one second…
like the time I came home and found that my spouse had spent the day spontaneously putting up shelves for me, and just as aggravated the next day, when that same spouse had totaled his car doing something stupid. It’s the same person. “I’m so lucky, I can’t believe I’m married to you!” is the flip side of “OH MY GOD I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M MARRIED TO YOU.” They’ll feel the same way about you sometimes!
They WILL do stupid things, and you will too. Committing to the rest of your life together means that you’re going to have moments of strength and weakness, days when you can take on the world and days when you can’t get out of bed. If we were all paragons of virtue and strength every day, we wouldn’t need other people, we’d just be constantly having sex with celebrities. I think. And we’d never be sick or tired or unemployed or lonely, because we’d be so busy kicking the universe’s ass every single day.
The third thing I learned about marriage is that it can transform you.
The support of another person, plus all the time you save from online dating, means that each of you can really figure out what you want your life to look like, and make that life. Sure, you’ll probably stop matching your bra and panty sets and you’ll start eating more bread, but you can become a more fulfilled person.
The things your partner does will reflect on you in a way they never have before, both good and bad. If they spout off at a party, fail to keep their promises, or behave antisocially, that’s your problem too. Of course, if your spouse is a Nobel-prize winning doctor, some of that rubs off on you, as well.
I also learned that your spouse is who they are.
People can change behaviors but they can’t really change their identities. When I met my husband, he was leaving a marriage that ended in infidelity. Ours ended the same way. He’s married again and I suspect it’ll end with another woman’s number in his phone.
One good thing about being united with another human being is that you can learn more about who you are, by contrast. “That’s his thing. That’s my thing.” You can find out more about where you overlap and don’t overlap.
Sex will get really good.
Really, really good. Having sex with one person who is committed to having good sex with you, having years to figure each other out, means married sex, although the phrase lacks luster, can be incredible.
Your spouse will know you better than anyone.
I regret that my marriage ended badly, because there are things I want to tell him sometimes that only he’ll get. The person who was closest to you for ten years is hard to lose.
The thing I learned when my marriage ended was that all endings are sad.
Every person who tells you they are divorcing deserves your sympathy and condolences. Even when the marriage was bad, had been bad for years, there is a sadness in ending something that you hoped would last forever.
The last thing I learned is that other people like being married, and when they’re healed and feeling strong, they’ll seek it out again, and I won’t. And that’s OK, too.
What are the things you learned from your marriage?
Of course, all this reasoning goes only so far. If you asked me whether I would prefer for my 24-year-old daughter to remain alone or to find herself a life partner, I have no doubt that I’d prefer the latter. Finally, there is no way around the fact that being unpartnered comes with a certain amount of emotional discomfort, whether it is at a dinner party where you are the only single person, or on a trip where you tire of striking up conversations in restaurants. Not to overlook the matter of sexual companionship— or, rather, the lack of it. To that point, I can’t say I have been completely celibate during the years I’ve been on my own. There was the man from my romantic youth who reappeared decades later and latched on to me with an intensity that I initially found captivating until I found it irritating, not least because our relationship in bed never matched the soulfulness of our discussions outside of it. Then there was the married mogul whose energy and curiosity were as intriguing as his narcissism was not—and whose highly selective availability began to make me feel like an overage girl toy, to be snuggled up to when the missus was out of town or a business dinner got canceled. Still and all, I’m not the sort of woman who specializes in one-night stands or blissfully casual sex, and the arid patches have been consistent enough to make me wonder if I could make do with a life without sex altogether.
And here’s the surprising part: Although I’d be lying if I said that I’ve completely made my peace with sleeping alone night after night or that I don’t indulge in erotic fantasies, some of which have made their way into my dreams, I can’t say I waste much time mooning about my lost carnal life, either. Once you’ve moved past the age when your hormones run riot, sexual desire becomes more containable and less urgent, more of a choice and less of a compulsion. I think of all the energy I once put into romance and sex, and I feel a slight sense of relief at being out from under anyone’s thrall. I also tell myself that given that I’m a writer, there’s something to be said for the power of sublimation. Look where it got Freud, who reportedly stopped having sex with his wife in his forties and then went on for 40 more thrillingly productive years, thinking and publishing to beat the band, without taking up sexually with anyone else. (Although there has been speculation that he became involved with his sister-in- law Minna Bernays, it is unproven and strikes me as dubious.)
I’d like to be able to conclude on a note of cheerful finality regarding the unpartnered state, if only not to leave you, the reader, in as irresolute a mind as I am. I’d like, that is, to be able to say: This is where I’ve ended up, and I’m fine with it. But that would be to underplay my lingering doubts as to whether it is simply a testament to my difficulty in compromising that has left me alone on the raft of life rather than a nobler impulse—as well as a stray, lingering hope or two. Just the other evening, for instance, I found myself in conversation with an attractive stranger…who could turn, if the fates would have it, into an intriguing dinner companion…who could turn (although I’m not betting on it) into someone more permanent, someone whose warm body would grace my bed and whose idle chatter would fill the solitary corners of my life.
On top of that, our happiness-at-all-costs culture isn’t helping. In a TED talk about infidelity, sex therapist Esther Perel said it’s a sign of the times. “We have never been more inclined to stray,” she said. “We live in an era where we feel entitled to pursue our desires, because this is the culture where ‘I deserve to be happy.’ And if we used to divorce because we were unhappy, today we divorce because we could be happier.” Going on Tinder, or any online dating site, can show you scenario after scenario that maybe, possibly, could vastly improve your life.
As tempting as these apps might be, reps from Tinder deny that this is going on on their site. “You can’t really use Tinder for cheating, because we show you common connections and people you know. You have to use a Facebook profile [to sign up],” says Rosette Pambakian, head of communications at Tinder. “It’s probably the fastest way you can find a cheater. Logically, it’s not the right app for that.” Yes, logic. So commonly used among cheaters.
The key to navigating this new world is through a new kind of communication. “I find that people talk the least about sex with the person they’re having sex with,” Nelson says. “What is your monogamy agreement?” Does checking out singles online count as cheating? Figure that out before it happens. And if it’s too late for that and you catch your spouse on Tinder, take it as an opportunity to redefine, and even reinvigorate, your marriage. “Not everyone is convinced that an affair has to be the end of their relationship,” she says. “For some people it’s a wake-up call. For a lot of couples it can mean a brand-new beginning.”
And remember: This may not really be about an app at all, says Jessica Tom, novelist and former community director at dating site HowAboutWe. “Dating sites are tools. They don’t invent desire. If my husband went on Tinder, it’s not Tinder’s fault. It’s my husband’s fault. The relationship may be flawed.”
Tinder is thinking even more positively, claiming these apps might even be “disrupting” marriage in a good way. “I actually think it’s making marriage better,” Tinder’s Pambakian says. “I think people are choosing their mates more wisely. They’re encountering more people, they’re making smarter choices, and they’re choosing more compatible partners.” Here’s hoping being more compatible from the start fends off the desire to stray. Until then, we’ll be keeping this tab open.
Male thoughts decoded. What are the signals he is giving?
There he is, the man of your dreams. He’s sitting across from you at the coffee shop or standing at the opposite side of the bar. His eyes meet yours, a quick glance, and then it’s back to his drink. Was he giving you a signal?
It’s not easy to decipher the mind of the modern male, but learning to decode what his nonverbal communication truly means is an invaluable asset in the game of love. So in order to be sure you’re reading him right, look out for the following 10 signs.
Leaning into Love: If a guy is interested in you, you’ll find that his body will lean forward toward yours. This move can be either very subtle or extremely “in your face” (literally!). It’s his way of letting you know he’d like to get even closer. Once his interest is piqued, you’ll both find it hard to pull away!
Keeping It Even Closer: A vital aspect of the physical nature of romance is reciprocity. Translation: meeting his advances with your own. This not only signals your own interest, but also serves to keep his.
The Eyes Have It: We’ve all heard the proverb, “The eyes are the window to the soul.” If he’s interested in you, he’ll focus on you with those piercing peepers and hold it. Return his romantic gaze with a quiet smile and let him know that you are interested. He’ll be at your side in no time.
Touching Is a Good Thing: If a guy is interested in you, then he’ll want to be near you. He’ll also want to take every opportunity to touch you. Maybe it’s your arm, your leg, your knee — it doesn’t matter, as long as his presence is physical and affectionate. It’s his way of letting you know he likes you.
Funny Meeting You Here: Coincidence is out. Serendipity is in. Those so-called “happy accidents” may not be so accidental after all. Perhaps his “surprise” appearance at your favorite Starbucks or hangout is a signal that he’s trying to connect with you (but doesn’t want you to think he’s a stalker!). Take this as a positive sign and make the most of your next encounter. You may find that you share more in common than just an addiction to double lattes.
Listen Closely: How do you know that you have a guy’s attention? When he’s not talking about himself. It’s that simple. The next time you’re in a bar, listen closely to any table full of men and you will hear them speaking rapturously about their favorite subject: themselves. For a man to shut up and really listen to what you have to say, you know it must be love (or at least a strong attraction). He’ll put that male genetic ADD to rest once and for all after he’s found his Miss Right.
The Guy Who Liked Chick Flicks: Okay, we all know he’d much rather be watching the big game, but it’s an important sign if he shows an interest in the things you like as well. If he’s happy to watch a movie you picked out or doesn’t complain when it’s time to hit the mall for a little shopping trip, you’ve made a serious leap forward in the dating game! Give him extra points if he makes the popcorn.
Funny Lady: Can’t tell a joke to save your life? Does he laugh at it anyway? Men are very in touch with their sense of humor (women often complain that men never take anything seriously, right?), so if he’s sending some hearty laughter your way, it’s a good bet he’s looking at you as relationship material.
Confidence, Man: If a guy’s into you, you make him nervous. He’ll get goose bumps or a rapidly beating heart just from being around you. Look for signs like unexplained laughter, sweaty palms and fidgeting. Guys always want to be in control of their emotions — we like to be in charge. If he has trouble doing that around you, it’s most likely because you make him nervous and excited. Don’t take it for granted; help him to relax, and he’ll thank you by being a great guy you can depend on.
The Feeling Is Mutual: Men and women have very different brain chemistries: She is verbal; he is not. He is driven by visual desires, while she is guided by her deep emotions. Women are taught to rationally express their feelings and feel no shame in crying, and men punch things. Therefore, if you get a guy to actually open up and express his emotions, consider it a major achievement in your relationship. Discussing your feelings for each other is a powerful bonding experience for the two of you and serves to strengthen a relationship for whatever challenges the future may bring.
All these dudes have ex-girlfriends. All these dudes have someone that yearns for them the way I do for my ex. Fuck all these dudes, and their stupid boats. I don’t ever want to have sex again.
Hour 29:
First message! Opens by calling me “cutie”. Continues, telling me that he lives in Brentwood, and asks me what I’m into. I reply, asking “In regards to what?”. Hope that doesn’t seem defensive, but what if he means in general, not sexually?
Hour 33:
No reply from the first guy. I’m assuming he meant sexually. Now there are 3 more messages. All boring, very standard cold opening stuff, it all sounds really contrived and planned. I don’t like this, I like the organic spontaneity of a random in-the-flesh meeting. But I said I’d reply to everything, so here we go. Friendly return greeting, answer the boring questions, ask something benign in return…
Hour 37:
Message from a HOT DUDE. He sends just an emoji. Smiley blowing a kiss. I reply with a taco, then immediately worry that he’s going to think I’m suggesting cunnilingus, then immediately stop caring about a grown man’s perception of tiny pictures. He sends back “Ah, so you’ve done the update?”, we go back and forth a couple of times benignly. I’m bored and walk away.
Hour 40:
Left swiping is my jam. I’ve run out of people a few times now. None of the messages have piqued my interest. I’ve seen a bunch of guys I know in the real world, left swiped all of them. If you know me in person and have that sort of interest in me, I’m probably already aware of it. So many superlikes!! This is definitely a nice ego boost. I’m pretty dense when it comes to noticing men flirting with me, so it’s nice to have definite confirmation.
Hour 43:
Middle of the night swiping, woken up by a stupid notification noise. I’m not ready to meet someone else. I’m mad at these strangers for not being the man I (unfortunately) still love. I feel like I’m being unfair even looking at their pictures, pretending I have some interest in meeting them. I’m overthinking this because it’s 3am. Going back to sleep.
Hour 48:
I’ve crossed the finish line, and I honestly think my time on Tinder was perfect. I mean, I didn’t find true love, make a special date, or even lock down some hot, easy D, but it was what I needed, when I needed it. I’ve learned that I’m not ready to meet someone else yet, but also have been reminded that there are plenty of options enthusiastically available when I am. Still gonna delete it for now, though…
Straight women who are turned on by both naked men and women are considered to be “bisexual or gay, but never straight,” say researchers. Pixabay, Public Domain
What turns women on? This question has baffled men for ages. A groomed beard, a generous penis size, or a sexy cologne are all tried and true, but science has found something else that sexually arouses women — other women. According to a recent study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, eye tracking devices found videos of both naked men and women caused straight women’s pupils to dilate, signaling sexual arousal.
“Even though the majority of women identify as straight, our research clearly demonstrates that when it comes to what turns them on, they are either bisexual or gay, but never straight,” said Dr. Gerulf Rieger, lead researcher of the study from the University of Essex’s Department of Psychology, according to The Telegraph.
Women’s sexual preferences tend to be a gray area. A 2011 study from Boise State University found 60 percent of heterosexual women admitted to being attracted to other women, while 45 percent had kissed another woman. Fifty percent of those participants also reported same-sex sexual fantasies. Based on these results. the researchers suggested women are more affectionate with other women because of their friendlier nature. In turn, this presents an opportunity for intimacy or even romantic feelings to develop.
Although previous research has shown women are sexually aroused by both sexes at varying degrees, the differences in arousal between straight and gay women has been overlooked. Which is where this study comes in.
To clearly define the differences in the physiological sexual responses of straight and gay women, Rieger and his colleagues used eye tracking devices on over 300 women who were shown videos of both naked men and women. The devices were used to capture pupil dilation (or lack thereof) in response to the sexual stimuli.
The findings revealed straight women were strongly sexually aroused by videos of both attractive men and women, even if they chose men as their sexual preference. This was in stark contrast to lesbian women who showed much stronger sexual responses to their preferred sex — women. Lesbians were seen as more “male-typical” in their arousal than women, meaning their responses seemed to align more with those of men, and were therefore distinct from other women.
Prior to the study, the researchers theorized since lesbians can be more masculine in their non-sexual behaviors (like the way they dress), they are also more likely to be masculine in their sexual responses. However, Rieger and his colleagues did not find supporting evidence to prove masculine-behaving lesbians always exhibited male-typical sexual arousal patterns. This suggests how women appear in public does not say anything about their sexual role preferences.
“Although some lesbians were more masculine in their sexual arousal, and others were more masculine in their behaviors, there was no indication that these were the same women,” said Dr. Rieger, in the press release.
The truth is straight women, not just lesbians, ogle at beautiful women. For straight women, these sexual fantasies and feelings of intimacy and romance with another woman may be projected onto their porn viewing habits. A recent study by Pornhub found lesbian content is the most popular among women, with “ebony lesbian” and “girl on girl” among the most common search terms. This highlights women are watching more porn than we might expect.
Remember, these findings should not be generalized because not all women have same-sex fantasies. Rather female sexual desire is a complex subject and unique to each and every woman. After all, “men are simple, but women’s sexual responses remain a mystery,” Rieger said.
Sources:Rieger G, et al. Getting in touch with our female sexuality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 2015.
Morgan EM and Thompson EM. Processes of Sexual Orientation Questioning Among Heterosexual Women. Journal of Sex Research . 2011.
Women. Journal of Sex Research. 2011. Pornhub and The Daily Beast. More of What Women Want. 2015.
The bizarre story of how a Taiwanese model found herself the star of one the Internet’s most popular memes spread online like wildfire. The root of the tale is based on how differently cultures view the concept of beauty and of themselves.
