There comes a time in a relationship when things get boring, predictable and stale in the bedroom. Love making, sex feels the same. The touches no longer ignite the flames of passion. Kisses no longer open up moist caves, and make body parts throb.
If this is happening to you currently, you’ve hit a dry patch. No need to worry, as there are ways to liven things up in the sack. One of the surest ways to get your lovemaking from lukewarm to larva is hot is by having a sex playlist.
What’s a sex playlist? It’s a list of songs you play while having sex with your partner. Below we’ve outlined five key reasons why a sex playlist is essential in spicing things up.
Set The Mood – A sex playlist creates the mood needed for exciting and pleasurable sex. Think of it as theme music in a movie. With the right songs you can easily create the ambiance and mood needed for some lovemaking that will knock your socks off, and make neighbors know your name.
Tempo – A sex playlist can help determine the pace, and tempo of sex. If you are not satisfied with your lover’s temp (whether its too slow or fast), the right kind of songs can help quicken or slow down things easily. Watch your lover move to the rhythm of the song blasting from the speakers. A song like Future’s ‘Turn On The Lights‘ should make things go slow and deep, while a track like Reminisce’s ‘Tesojue‘ should ensure a fast race to the climax.
Enhances foreplay – Foreplay is an essential part of love making. Sadly it is often ignored. Foreplay greatly determines if sex ends with a big bang or have an anti-climatic. Every one desires to experience the great finish. A sure way to help you reach the finish triumphantly is with a sex playlist. Watch your wife or babe strip and tease while dancing to Rihanna’s ‘Pour It Up‘. For the ladies watch your man take off his clothes as he moves his waist seductively to Usher’s ‘Good Kisser‘.
Timer- Some people have been known to time their lovemaking. This means the thrusting and grinding does not stop until the playlist gets to the end. This helps create intimacy and bonding between lovers. Having sex is not bang, bang. Kissing, cuddling, teasing, nibbling and stroking are all parts of the game. Create a sex playlist that lasts for an hour, and do not stop until the last song plays out. Doing this will help you go through all the 9 yards of sex.
Creativity – Unfortunately a lot of people never get out of the dry patch. As we grow older some of us settle for less, and never try to recreate the fireworks in the bedroom. Don’t settle for less. Making love while sensual songs are playing in the background, will add the spice you need. Create that playlist now and watch your sex life go va va voom!
Everyone has been there. The amazing meal has been eaten, the clever and engaging chit chat has been had, and you’re ready to get down. Just as you really lean in to the moment – BOOM. Bloodhound Gang’s “Bad Touch” blares out of the speakers, the result of an unfortunate mixture of the shuffle feature and a “90s Novelty Playlist.”
Don’t let this happen to you.
There is no rule that you must engage in amorous congress with a backing track. In fact, there is often nothing sexier than listening to your partner during lovemaking. If you do opt to underscore your sexual congress, however, there are some important things to consider:
Give it a name that makes you feel powerful
Look, sex can be awesome and weird and fun all in the same moment. Preparation is key for a fun and safe time, music choices included. I have several playlists built out for sex at different times of day (more on that in a second), and they each have a name that makes me feel like a silly badass. For example: “Do It For Buffy,” “How To Seduce a Smart Lady,” or “Foxy Brown is My Boo” might all be sexually-focused playlists on my computer RIGHT NOW.
When in Doubt, Say Nothing
Instrumental music is your friend when it comes to makin’ bacon. Some people find lyrics very distracting, either because they’re physically incapable of not commenting on a deep cut track you included or because they can’t help singing along to music they know. Everyone has some go-to songs that just get them into the mood. Include them, but if deciding between two options always go for the less lyrically-focused.
Rhythm Nation 2015
The key to a great getting down mix is music that has a consistent, driving baseline and repeating rhythm. Not only does this help our heartbeats synch with our partner but it also sets a pace of sorts for adult activities.
Summer, the season that gets the lion’s share of credit for getting us all some of that sweet lovin’, is upon us! What better time to reflect on the ongoing soundtrack of our journey through great loves.
Below are my personal favorites.
Such Great Heights – Postal Service
I fell in love with my first grown-up love to this song. I was tour managing for a band and he was in advertising school and an aspiring singer-songwriter. This was one of those songs where you feel like each line relates to you. I remember once being in the tech booth during a sound check on the road and it came on over the PA system and it instantly made my insides into a pile of warm jelly.
NightCall – Kavinsky
This may seem like an odd choice to fall in love. I have been on a few dates with different men where they played the movie “Drive” for me, more on that another time. There is no denying the sexy coolness of this soundtrack. While arguably creepy, my boyfriend at the time and I delighted in calling each other up after dusk and whisper singing the lines into each other’s answering machine. It made us laugh, it brought us closer, and inevitably my childhood crush on The Gos paid off for us all and this song became thematic in our love.
Time – Jungle
My current boyfriend has struggled to find the middle part on our musical venn diagram where we meet throughout our relationship. Spotify and Pandora are both exclusively instrumental movie soundscapes for him; while I mostly like songs with words. Jungle have created some of my favourite music videos and their music transcends generations. He will often put their station on Pandora and look at me as if to suggest I should be very impressed and wooed immediately by this gesture. Admittedly, after I’ve finished laughing at him, it works. Time is possibly the most effective at cracking the shackles around my heart.
Breakups are the time when song lyrics often hold the most weight. It’s when we are shattered open, but also melodramatic enough that a song can “get” just what we are feeling, whether or not the intended meaning matches with our experience at all. Sometimes a song’s original meaning is much deeper than having our hearts ripped out, and other times, it’s just a bit of fluff, but one that we cling to as it shepherds us into to moving on. Below are some of the best break up songs.
Artist: Miike Snow Song: Animal
There was a time when my world Was filled with darkness , darkness , darkness Then I stopped dreaming now I’m supposed to fill it up with something , something , something
The opening hook brightly bursts in and deftly illustrates the mantra for the early stages of a breakup, when you feel most broken and empty, and have to remind yourself there is life outside of this relationship and figure out the parts worth holding onto. I repeated this to myself during the “housekeeping” phase of my last major breakup. That’s the part when you need to remain calm and tie up the loose ends like adults, restraining your bubbling rage which masks your hurt, which hides away your desire to be close to them, further clouding the dysfunction which is the painful root leading you to this song.
Artist: Drake Song: Hold On, We’re Going Home
I got my eyes on you You’re everything that I see I want your high love and emotion endlessly I can’t get over you You left your mark on me I want your high love and emotion endlessly
This song is for wandering around aimlessly at night while weeping to yourself. I preferred it as my drive-home music for whatever social event I could not fully engage with but tried to use as a distraction and be human. Powerful stuff, Mr Graham.
Artist: For the Mathematics Song: A Versus
Ahh, this one is a deep cut. It takes me way back. Full disclosure, this was the band I toured with as their road manager around the same time I had my first “adult” relationship. I remember being picked up by the band in their converted airport shuttle retro-fitted into a mini-tour bus. It was the first moment of confusion in the early stages of our courtship. I hadn’t eaten all day, and after arriving home from day-job work, had started drinking a Smirnoff Ice like the cultured 20 year old I was, while waiting to be picked up for our next mini-tour date. That’s all it took. When they arrived to collect me, I recall a dramatic overture, questioning the very confused and exclusively male team as to why men are so hard to understand; before promptly dropping myself on the floor of the bus, leaned against one of their protruding knees, and immediately being reminded how fun it was being with my best friends, joking around on our way to a show. I was, more importantly, reminded how fulfilling it was contributing to their development as a group. It was the most supported I had ever felt and we often described it as a 6-way platonic marriage. When the relationship did finally run it’s course, my generous mother asked if I could turn this song down a bit. When I quietly protested, she turned it full volume, and allowed me absorb the song’s healing power while I wept cathartically in the passenger seat of her car, and was reminded by this song of how I still had value. I belonged to something beautiful. I never quite understood the lyrics to any of their music, but the wall of intricate and powerful sound hit me right where I needed it.
Artist:Parlovr Song(s): Three Songs in A Tunnel
This video helped me through the first break-up in which I had lived with somebody. In the wake of the devastation, my brother had driven up to collect me from my hometown and delivered me to my family for recovery. I cocooned inside their guest room and binge watched episodes of the UK series The Green Wing; until my high school best friend collected me and we went to see Parlovr play a live show. The drummer had been a friend of mine back when I was running a small magazine and I had a tiny secret crush on one of the other members for years. At this show, I came out of my cocoon as the friend and I engaged in a thrilling discussion of everything and nothing and my friend turned to me discreetly and said “I don’t know what the situation here is, but he is INTO you” whatever it was, I felt lit up and had a joy come out from inside for the first time in many moons. To be flirted with by someone so charismatic, clever and charming, whom I had secretly carried a torch for, was the best medicine. I watched this video of the band performing in their beautiful city of Montreal for a pick-me-up whenever my emotions threaten to delve back into a case of the “why-me”s.
Artist: Madonna Song: Hung Up
Time goes by so slowly for those who wait No time to hesitate Those who run seem to have all the fun I’m caught up I don’t know what to do.
Oh this; this old classic is the triumphant rejection of holding on. The antithesis of Drake’s crooning. You are fed up, you’re ready to move on and walk away. You are not staring at your phone, you are Getting. Your. Life! Listen on repeat when you are fed up and ready for pure freedom to bubble through you.
Artist: Santigold Song: Disparate Youth
Don’t look ahead, there’s stormy weather Another roadblock in our way But if we go, we go together Our hands are tied here if we stay
This can apply to a new love, but I prefer to direct it inward, to myself. After years of loving this, I just properly read the lyrics and I could write them all out for you because they are quite profound and applicable to this entire experience, but this intro is enough to get you started. Now you are free, this is you get up and go. I used this video, quite literally, to get myself out of bed while on a particularly arduous month long festival in the UK. I loved the work, but it was a mental challenge that required a shot of adrenaline to get moving. If there was ever anything I could recommend to set yourself flying out into the night, it is this.
