Sex Archives - Page 19 of 29 - Love TV

Category: Sex

Sexless Relationship. Is It Ok?

by zfortadminin Sex

What Should You Do About Your Sexless Relationship?

If you’re wondering where your relationship falls, take one of Epstein’s research tests online at arewegoodtogether.com or myloveskills.com.

Sexless relationships aren’t something for couples to aim for, Epstein says. Becoming sexually intimate is good for emotional bonding and great for your health and well-being. It burns calories, strengthens your immune system, has cardiovascular benefits, elevates your mood, and feels good.

But couples also shouldn’t feel as if they have to measure up to the Hollywood standard of sexual satisfaction or performance, Freed says. “Successful relationships have to be something that you create uniquely,” she says.

If you’re concerned about the state of your sex life, get more information on therapy, treatments, and ways to spice things up in our Sexual Health Center.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Pages: 1 2 3

When You Are Kissing These Hormones Get Released

by zfortadminin Sex

What’s in a kiss?

In the average lifetime, most people spend 20,160 minutes kissing. A passionate kiss can burn up to five calories per minute. The longest kiss, recorded in Thailand in February 2013 by Guinness World records, lasted 58 hours, 35 minutes and 58 seconds. But these philamatology1 factoids2 don’t really explain why people kiss.

Kissing not only feels good, it’s good for you. It relieves stress and releases epinephrine into your blood, making it pump faster, which signals a reduction of LDL cholesterol. But while “swapping spit” in today’s culture most often denotes sexual attraction, there’s more to it than that:

“’Mucous membranes inside the mouth are permeable to hormones such as testosterone. Through open-mouth kissing, men introduced testosterone into a woman’s mouth’ which ‘is absorbed through the mucous membranes… and increases arousal and the likelihood that she will engage in reproductive behavior.3”

But because some cultures don’t include kissing in their mating rituals, it’s possible the first kiss was given by a mother to her child rather than being shared between a couple.

Psychologists conjecture that kiss-feeding – exchanging pre-masticated food from one mouth to another was how babies received the nutrients needed to grow up strong and healthy (as they’re not always available from breast milk). This jump starts the digestion process and makes vitamins like B-12 more easily absorbable.

Actress Alicia Silverstone’s blog recently included a video of herself kiss-feeding her child4, nicknamed Bear, offering a clue to the meaning of mouth-to-mouth contact from a child’s perspective:

“I just had a delicious breakfast of miso soup, collards and radish steamed and drizzled with flax oil, cast iron mochi with nori wrapped outside, and some grated daikon. Yum! I fed Bear the mochi and a tiny bit of veggies from the soup from my mouth to his. It’s his favorite… and mine.

He literally crawls across the room to attack my mouth if I’m eating.”

 

How Cuddling, Breastfeeding and Natural Weaning Relates to Babies’ Emotional Health

There’s a school of thought that contends that the cuddling, visual attachment and emotional bonding that takes place between mother and child during breastfeeding and/or kiss-feeding helps the child establish healthy attitudes toward food later in life. Subsequent baby-led weaning (BLW), which includes premasticating regular whole foods in lieu of serving processed baby foods and spoon feeding, is said to:

  • Enhance mealtime enjoyment
  • Help reduce the child’s obesity risk
  • Promote natural jaw development
  • Improve eye-hand coordination and dexterity

But it’s also said to help children develop confidence and security in their future relationships. Of course, what you feed your baby after breastfeeding also is crucial. Merging from breastfeeding on demand to gradually introducing regular foods is what humans have adapted to do.

According to Dr. Kevin Boyd, whose anthropological studies led him to ascertain that children’s dental health depends very much on this transition, as well as an absence of carbohydrates and sugar in their diets.

Interestingly, babies up to four months old can only focus on objects eight to ten inches from their faces – about the same distance between infants and their mother’s face when breastfeeding5 – suggesting that facial recognition is the beginning of emotional, not just physical, attachment.

The phenomenon of pareidolia – seeing faces in flowers and cloud formations – may reinforce the possibility that the search for emotional attachment may be one of mankind’s most elemental instincts.

Scientific Animal Testing Shows How Baby Monkeys Attach to Another ‘Mother’

In the 1950s, Dr. Harry Harlow conducted experiments on attachment at the University of Wisconsin which today would undoubtedly be considered cruel. Harlow separated young monkeys from their mothers soon after birth and placed them in cages with two “fake” mothers.

One was an immovable doll made of soft cloth, while the second, mechanical “mother” was made of cold, unyielding wire which nonetheless provided food. The young monkeys were then confronted with a scary, threatening contraption. But rather than running to the mechanical food source, they invariably scampered to the soft, cuddly doll mothers, showing that comfort was more important to them than food.

Harlow also created a rejecting “mother” that used a blast of pressurized air to push the baby monkeys away. But they clung even tighter to these mother figures. The scientists observed that the “rejection” actually strengthened the baby monkeys’ determination to hang on, and essentially, attach. In the 1960s, similar experiments conducted by Dr. Eckhard Hess6 at the University of Chicago involved electric shocks to keep ducklings from attaching to figures they imprinted on. But this only strengthened the ducklings’ behavior and made them follow even closer.

Experiments by A.E. Fisher on puppies in 1955 divided them into three groups. The first was treated kindly, while the second group was treated harshly and punished whenever they approached the researchers. The third group experienced random kindness mixed with punishment, so they never knew what to expect. But the third group of puppies formed the strongest attachment to the researchers. Guy Murchie7 dubbed this the polarity principal, which says the stress of uncertainty is one of the strongest factors affecting attachment, love and dependence.

The Paradoxical Nature of Attaching… What Doesn’t Comfort May Make You Stronger

These clinical tests introduce a paradox, which can be valuable teachers into the human psyche. Like the baby monkeys, ducklings and puppies, uncertainty can affect attachments and the most deep-seated behaviors – including who and how you kiss.

But what happens when early attachment was “iffy,” if not altogether absent, or when later attachments or relationships leave you feeling neglected or even abandoned? This is just one type of stress you can address using the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), which can help you eliminate emotional “scarring,” reduce the emotional impact of memories that trigger emotional distress and reprogram your body’s response to emotional stressors. EFT along with eating well, getting adequate sleep and exercising regularly, can help restore your energy meridians as well as your mind/body balance – whether or not you spend 20,160 minutes of your life kissing.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

What Your Sex Dream Means When THIS Person is in It.

by zfortadminin Sex

Your ex. You thought you were finally over him, and suddenly he’s back in your dreams — naked. Why must our minds torture us so? According to Wallace, if you’re dreaming about an ex-lover, it could mean that you’re unknowingly repeating bad habits from your failed relationship. Consider this type of sex dream a red flag.

Your partner having an affair with someone else. If you’re honey “strayed” while you were snoozing, don’t be too quick to worry about what’s going on in real life. This sex nightmare probably has a lot more to with you than him. “When you dream that your partner is having an affair, it may mean that you’re losing faith in your own abilities or attractiveness,” says Wallace. Perhaps all you need is a confidence boost, and it’ll be you — not that forbidden mistress — starring in your sex dream.

A stranger. “When people have sex dreams about strangers, the unknown person is often wearing a mask or has no face,” says Wallace. Who is this mysterious intruder? It’s just your subconscious telling you to unmask that talent you’ve been hiding. And according Holloway’s dream interpretation Web site, it may also mean that you’re discovering qualities you want in a partner — even though you haven’t found him yet.

Your family member. Eek! Having a sex dream with your sibling or parent sounds icky, creepy, and just plain wrong — but Wallace insists it’s completely normal. And once again, it all boils down to your kin’s character. If your dad, sister, or great uncle has some trait that you admire or recognize in yourself, watch out: You may just end up in bed with them … in your dreams, of course.

Bottom line? There’s no need to take that X-rated head trip too literally or start fretting about problems in your real-world sex life. Consider your sex dream the wakeup call you needed to get to know yourself better.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Pages: 1 2 3

A Woman’s Natural Scent and How it Attracts the Right Mate

by zfortadminin Sex

Women might want to think twice before spritzing Chanel No. 5. A new study suggests that a woman’s natural scent may be all she needs.

Recent research shows that a man’s testosterone levels, which are linked with sexual interest, are significantly higher when they smell the shirt of a woman who is ovulating.

Other studies have linked higher levels of testosterone with an increase in sexual arousal as well.

In surveys, men have reported being more attracted to ovulating women. The new study builds on this research by measuring the response of men to a specific chemical cue.

In the latest research showing that sexual attraction and desire are driven, at least partially, by subconscious cues, researchers found that simply sniffing the t-shirt of an ovulating woman is enough to significantly raise a man’s testosterone levels.

Testosterone levels in men are linked with increased sexual arousal, and the research suggests men may be able to sense the time a woman is most fertile based on her natural scent.

This “scent,” however, may be one that is working on your senses at an unconscious level via pheromones.

Are Secret Chemical Signals Determining Your Mr. or Mrs. Right?

Pheromones are small organic molecules known as the “secret seducers” that influence biological processes to stimulate your sex drive.

Animals secrete these pheromone-based chemical signals to communicate their gender or reproductive status to other animals — and humans are no exception.

Even though you don’t consciously recognize the smell of pheromones, these chemicals likely play a role in helping you find a suitable partner.

For example, if you’ve ever found yourself inexplicably attracted to a stranger you’ve just met, it could very well be their chemical signals that you find irresistible. Humans tend to be attracted to those with a dissimilar genetic make-up to themselves, which is signaled by subtle odors. This ensures genetic diversity for the species.

Researchers have actually confirmed the presence of a “secret sex nerve” (Nerve “O”), which has endings in your nasal cavity. Nerve O’s fibers go directly to the sexual regions of your brain, and because Nerve O bypasses the olfactory cortex, it does not register a conscious smell, but rather identifies chemical sexual cues.

As you might suspect, researchers are very interested in developing pheromone-based fragrances that promise to make you more sexually attractive.

Some studies have actually found that people wearing such scents are more interesting to the opposite sex, but this could simply be a placebo effect, where the person believes they will be more attractive, and therefore are.

Chemical signals like pheromones are not only about sexuality, however. They influence a complex array of biological processes and human relationships. For instance:

Women who sniffed fear-induced sweat became more mentally alert and intelligent, according to a study in Chemical Senses.

Studies have shown that women can pick a T-shirt worn by their infant from a pile of T-shirts. Babies also respond to the breast pads worn by their own mothers, but not to those worn by other women.

The smell of other women’s perspiration causes women’s menstrual cycles to speed up or slow down. This helps explain why women who live together often menstruate at the same time each month.

Why You May Want to Think Twice Before Covering Up Your Natural Scent

I would caution against wearing any synthetic perfume or cologne, as they’re almost always loaded with synthetic chemicals that have been linked to cancer, reproductive toxicity, allergies and more.

The fragrance industry actually regulates itself, through a trade association known as the International Fragrance Association. This association is responsible for conducting safety tests to determine the ingredients safe for use for their own industry.

And determining what’s actually in your “fragrance” can be virtually impossible, as there are thousands of different fragrance chemicals used to produce different aromas, and they are often not listed on the label.

Among them are the endocrine-disrupting chemicals called phthalates. The effects of these chemicals on your endocrine system, particularly during pregnancy, breastfeeding and childhood, are very disturbing. For instance, animal studies on certain phthalates have shown the chemicals may cause reproductive and developmental harm, organ damage, immune suppression, endocrine disruption and cancer.

When used during pregnancy, the chemicals in perfume and scented lotions may even lead unborn boys to suffer from infertility or cancer later in life.

Many are Chemically Sensitive

Well you may think that wearing these fragrances may make you more attractive to the opposite sex, many are unaware that there are a significant percentage of the population that are chemical canaries and these synthetic fragrances will actually make them sick.

Have you ever gotten a headache because someone sitting next to you is doused in perfume? Or felt dizzy, nauseous, irritable, confused or fatigued due to fragrances worn by other people in your office?

These are signs that you likely have a chemical sensitivity to fragrance, and many people do.

Even low-level exposure to fragrance, such as getting a whiff while out shopping, can lead to symptoms, and if you’re stuck in a closed environment (such as in an office with poor ventilation) the symptoms can be debilitating.

I know, as I used to be married to a physician who was debilitated with this illness, so I have had some first-hand experience.

We have a no-scent policy at my Natural Health Center and require patients to be scent-free during their office visits.

For a complete list of symptoms that may be caused by a chemical sensitivity to fragrance (there are easily 40+).

Artificial fragrances are also among the top five known allergens, and can cause asthma and trigger asthma attacks. For the many afflicted with allergies or chemical sensitivities, avoidance is the only real solution.

Unfortunately as with second-hand smoke, if you’re chemically sensitive you can be harmed by the fragrance someone else is wearing. You do have to breathe, after all.

So I advise everyone to avoid artificial fragrances at all cost, not only for your own health, but also for the health of those around you. If you simply cannot give up your fragrances, then at least consider switching to natural scents made from essential oils.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Politics of Girls Teen Sex …What is Really Going On?

by zfortadminin Sex

More concerning is how most of her interviewees seem like younger versions of herself: white, well educated and upper middle class. Included is the standard boilerplate that she doesn’t “claim to represent the experience of all young women,” but Orenstein also justifies her exclusive focus on collegiate or college-bound students by describing them as those who “had all options open to them, the ones who had most benefited from women’s economic and political progress.” That’s premised on a rather staid notion of “progress” solely centered on the experiences of middle-class white women. Elided are the generations of both the working class and women of color who’ve had to negotiate sex, desire and power with different challenges, strategies and outcomes.

All this said, I appreciated Orenstein’s bluntness, especially around the role that parents must play. As a dad, it was disconcerting to know that only two of her respondents “had ever had a substantive conversation about sex with their fathers.” I’d like to flatter myself and my wife as being less taciturn: Our 11-year-old already has her own copy of “The New Our Bodies, Ourselves,” and we don’t censor ourselves when she has questions about sex. But as Orenstein makes clear, we won’t be the only ones shaping her sexual self-hood. What will she learn from her peers? From pop culture? From her first boy/girlfriends? If assertiveness and self-advocacy are survival skills, they need to be encouraged at home but reinforced elsewhere.

As least for now, these concerns can feel more abstract than immediate. When I first brought “Girls & Sex” home, my daughter saw the title and loudly proclaimed, “ewwwwww!” She’s still at that age where sex is mysterious enough to perk her curiosity yet weird enough to be discomforting. We both could laugh at her reaction. Yet I know that sex will get more serious soon enough, and I wonder how well prepared either of us will be when that moment arrives.

Curated by Timothy
Original Article

Pages: 1 2 3

Getting Your Grove Back

by zfortadminin Sex

Make time for each other.

Responsibilities such as jobs, children, aging parents, and housekeeping can fill up your calendar quickly, leaving you no time or energy for each other. But intimacy can’t linger at the bottom of the list. Make spending quality time with each other a priority by scheduling dates, Hartlage recommends.

Ease into intimacy.

Trying to rush things can backfire. Instead, you may benefit from the common sexual exercise called sensate focus, Hartlage says. Sensate focus helps ease you into intimacy with your partner by progressing through stages. Initially, you disrobe with each other and spend time touching, avoiding genital touching and intercourse. Each partner gives the other positive feedback, telling what he or she likes. The next week, the couple does the same thing but adds genital touching. In the third week, the couple can progress to intercourse, Hartlage says.

Use videos, books, or toys to get in the mood.

Rutter recommends the Sinclair Institute’s website, where you can find information about sex and sexuality, as well as buy books, videos, and sex toys to increase your sexual satisfaction as a couple. You may be able to find books and videos that specifically address your issues. For instance, if pregnancy or a new baby is keeping you from becoming intimate, check out the video series about sex during and after pregnancy, and how to deal with changes in body image and sexual discomfort, Rutter says.

Consider other ways to be intimate.

If your focus is usually intercourse and climax, broadening your sexual activity by including oral sex, mutual masturbation, or fantasy sex play may help make the bedroom steamy again, Rutter says. Another idea is to plan an exciting sexual surprise for your partner, such as being intimate in a different place than usual, Hartlage suggests.

Resolve conflicts.

If fights with your partner are leaving you both cold, it’s vital that you work on resolving these issues. Some couples are very insightful and able to talk about problems without devolving into a raging argument, Rutter says. In that case, you may be able to talk it through yourselves. However, a lot of people will need to seek couples counseling. Finding solutions to conflict can warm things up in the bedroom and lead to sexual satisfaction.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Pages: 1 2 3

4 Tips for Getting Fit Through Good Sex

by zfortadminin Sex

I’m all about multi-tasking. If you can hit two birds with one stone, why not, right? Making love with your spouse, boyfriend or lover can make for a great time, but did you ever think about the other benefits?

If done the right way, sex can be sexercise. After all, you’re stretching, clenching, arching and propping. Doing all of those things can work out some of those muscles of yours (not just his). Read on for some position ideas!

Bend Over and Stretch

With any workout that you do, you can never forget the importance of stretching. Usually you’ll bend over and touch your toes and hold for a few seconds. When it comes to sexercising, the idea is the same, but the procedure is slightly different. In the name of the stretching sexercise, simply bend over and lay your hands on the seat of a chair, while you keep your legs as straight (and comfortable) as possible. Let your partner have at it from behind, but pay attention to your legs’ form.

Being on Top Has Other Benefits

“We must admit, woman on top is our least favorite position because it requires the most physical effort,” says The Frisky, “but then again, riding cowgirl is way more fun than the Stairmaster, ain’t it?” Though, women usually say they can orgasm quickly while on top. Even better, there’s another benefit. Sit on top of your man while he’s sitting up. Wrap your legs around him and use your hands and arms to prop yourself up and down. That will work your triceps, biceps and forearms. If your arms aren’t strong enough, employ your legs and that should work out your thighs.

Crouching Can Replace Squats

I don’t know about you, but I hate doing squats. They’re just not fun. Doing squats in bed with your lover, on the other hand, is really fun. Simply squat on top of your man while he’s laying flat. Use your arms and legs to prop yourself up and down. Be careful though – we don’t want you to hurt your back. Do this slowly and watch your form so you don’t strain anything. Take breaks if you start to get really tired. Some of us aren’t used to this position and it takes some practice to master.

Make the Missionary Position Work for You

This sexercise sounds way too easy, you wonder. He’s on top and you’re laying on your back. How is this a workout, you ask? Well it’s all about stretching, arching and tightening. While he’s working, you can do some work on your own. Stretch your back, arch it here and there and tighten your abs. It’s like you’re doing pilates right in bed. If you want to sexercise even more than that, try tightening your kegel muscles while you’re at it – your lover will be sure to enjoy it!

Straight-Legged on His Shoulders

Stretch your legs, lady. Next time he’s on top and you’re laying on your back, take your legs and prop them right on each of his shoulders. This will not only stretch out your legs and help them tone during love-making, your abs will also feel some tension. Try to focus on your form and arch your back when possible – this will help tone your abs in the process.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Foreplay With Your Feet, Here’s How

by zfortadminin Sex

Kisses on the neck, a shoulder rubdown, a nibble on the nips—it’s all great foreplay, but hardly unpredictable.

Want to mix things up? Get your feet in the game. Your toes and soles are jam-packed with nerve-endings, making your tootsies one of the most sensitive parts of your body. Not a foot person? These six tricks might just win you over.

1. Tie ‘Em Up

If you haven’t tried bondage, make this your first foray. Using a scarf or necktie, loosely tie your partner’s feet to the bedposts or legs of a chair, says Jessica O’Reilly, Ph.D., Astroglide’s resident sex and relationships expert. He’ll feel vulnerable and get to zone in on whatever naughty, pleasurable thing you do to him next. Just make sure to switch turns.

2. Give a Rub Down

“There’s something sexy about playing the role of submissive and serving your lover, as long as it goes both ways,” says O’Reilly. Try washing your partner’s feet, then place a pillow on your lap and give him a massage. Use your fingers to squeeze and knead all over, or hold the ankle steady with one hand while rotating the foot clockwise and counterclockwise with the other.

3. Play Footsie

It may sound elementary, but rubbing your toes along your partner’s calves, feet, or inner thighs under the table is the perfect primer for sexy shenanigans, says O’Reilly. Slip your shoes off and don’t make eye contact at first—then, once you’ve built up enough anticipation, send over that mischievous ‘let’s get out of here’ glance.

4. Get Warm

Cold feet could literally be cock-blocking your pleasure: “Research suggests women are more likely to orgasm when their feet are warm, so have him rub them down with oil before you get frisky,” says O’Reilly. Giving the thermostat a boost before getting it on could help, too—and no judgment if your juices flow better with socks on.

5. Slip on Heels

Some dudes will notice a pedicure—most won’t. What they do see? Sexy, strappy heels and thigh-high stockings. Strut your stuff before having him unbuckle your shoes or roll down your tights in slo-mo.

6. Hit the Hot Spots

Glide your toes gently over your partner’s sensitive zones (think: hips,penis, small of the back, or breasts if he’s doing it to you.) “No technique is universally loved or loathed, but a number of my clients rave about partners who gently brush their feet up against the penis—it’s simultaneously pleasurable, taboo, and threatening,” says O’Reilly.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Impermanent Relationship Commitment… Just Right for This Couple

by zfortadminin LOVE, Sex

I wanted kinship, drama, and obsession with someone eccentric in my twenties; equality, worldliness, and stability with someone calm in my thirties; intimacy, attention, and adventure with someone exotic in my forties.

A few years ago, my husband, Rob, and I converted our traditional marriage to a polyamorous one. It’s been remarkably smooth. We’re very happy with our choice. And yet eventually we’ll probably divorce. Does this mean that polyamory failed us? Not at all.

Like many of our generation, Rob and I are children of divorce, and so when we got married a dozen years ago, we designed a quasi-Buddhist ceremony that made room for the concept of anicca, or impermanence. We wrote our own vows and left out the “until death do we part” and “forsaking all others” stuff: Instead, we spoke about the inevitability of change and pledged to support one another as we continued to evolve.

We meant it, but we had no idea what that might look like. We didn’t anticipate that our evolution could involve the desire for sex and relationships with other people.

But that’s what happened. In our previous relationships and with one another, we’d both been serial monogamists, but after we finished having babies, we looked around and realized that although many things about our marriage were stellar—close friendship, mutual support and admiration, compatible co-parenting—we weren’t ideal for one another sexually. We never really had been. Our libidos don’t match; I’m more “sex motivated” of the two of us. Our relationship had thrived despite a lack of romantic chemistry.

This is not an unusual revelation, of course, and in most marriages, it results in screaming matches, or swallowed resentment, or affairs conducted amidst lies and betrayals. But Rob and I didn’t see our “problem” that way—we didn’t even really see it as a problem. We saw it as a reality, and an opportunity for positive change. We became poly.

I look at it like this: Humans go through multiple phases over the course of a lifetime. It makes sense that our relationship needs shift, too. I wanted kinship, drama, and obsession with someone eccentric in my twenties; equality, worldliness, and stability with someone calm in my thirties; intimacy, attention, and adventure with someone exotic in my forties. Each phase has required partners with different personalities, interests, and energies. As I see it, it’s unfair to expect one person to evolve over many decades on a precisely parallel path to my own. Which is why I also believe that we should stop thinking about the end of a marriage as a crisis and start thinking about it as a reality.

Maybe longevity isn’t the best indicator of a relationship’s success. Why not measure marriages by the level of satisfaction reported, or the self-actualization achievable, or how much the people respect one another even after it’s over, rather than as an endurance test? In Gaga Feminism: Sex, Gender and the Edge of Normal,the cultural critic Jack Halberstam calls our culture’s infatuation with long-term monogamy “the romance of permanence.” In a 2012 interview, Halberstam suggested that rather than have weddings to celebrate the beginning of a union, we instead throw parties to honor milestones like getting through a difficult job loss or health crisis together, or to reward surviving the sleepless years of early parenting, or to cheer an amicable and fruitful separation.

HAVING SPENT THE LAST FEW YEARS LIVING POLY WILL ACTUALLY MAKE DISSOLVING THE HUSBAND-AND-WIFE PHASE OF OUR RELATIONSHIP A LOT GENTLER THAN IF WE HADN’T TAKEN THAT LEFT TURN AT SEXYTOWN.

Poly people tend to view divorce in a less binary way than mainstream culture does. Dr. Elisabeth Sheff, a sociologist who studies polyamory, has written about how, in contrast to a dominant worldview in which a “successful” relationship is one which is “the two people involved remain together at all costs,” polyamorists have a broader and more flexible take on the demise of relationships. “Poly people,” she writes, “ultimately define their relationships as both voluntary and utilitarian, in that they are designed to meet participants’ needs.” We understand that the relationship might have to change when needs change. One of the people Sheff interviewed called this “moving apart without blame.” Maybe Gwyneth Paltrow, with her “conscious uncoupling,” was onto something after all.

In this regard, monogamous couples could stand to learn a thing or two from those of us forging an alternative path. For Rob and me, our guess is that having spent the last few years living poly will actually make dissolving the husband-and-wife phase of our relationship a lot gentler than if we hadn’t taken that left turn at Sexytown.

For the last few years, most days at my house look like this: my partner Mike, who lives with us, helps me with dinner while Rob tends to the kids. We all eat together, and then Mike and I put the kids to bed while Rob texts a woman he’s met on OKCupid. Once the kids are down, the three of us sit on the couch for a movie and a cup of tea. Sometimes Rob stays home with the kids while Mike and I go out dancing. Sometimes Mike and I stay home while Rob travels for work or goes on a date. Sometimes Rob and I go out to a play while Mike stays home. Sometimes Mike and I take the kids camping and Rob spends the weekend combing bookstores. Sometimes Mike and Rob watch football together while I volunteer. Sometimes we all take a family vacation together.

IT HELPS THAT BOTH THESE MEN ARE TIDY CANCERS WHO SHARE A LOVE FOR PROGRESSIVE POLITICS AND SPORTS BLOGS; THEY ARE ALSO GUYS WHO HAVE ALWAYS ENJOYED LIVING WITH MALE FRIENDS.

Our arrangement wouldn’t work for everyone. It helps that, when Rob and I first became poly, our kids were very young, young enough so that this has pretty much always been their normal. It also helps that Mike didn’t have kids of his own, but is great with ours: my kids say they have two dads. And it helps that both these men are tidy Cancers who share a love for progressive politics and sports blogs; they are also guys who have always enjoyed living with male friends. And they’re wonderful, generous, thoughtful people who like each other, who love me, and who value the extra help and freedom that comes with having a third adult around: there’s a symbiosis they have together. We might argue about stuff like what to feed the kids for lunch or who threw out the last of the conditioner, but I honestly can’t remember a fight that stemmed purely from the fact of our poly arrangement.

Rob’s turning 50 soon, and he recently said that he’s thinking about the possibility of considering a shift within the next few years. We’ve been together for nearly two decades, and I know that his shifting need is not a reflection on me or an indication that I’ve fallen down on the job as his wife, any more than my relationship with Mike is an indication that Rob is somehow deficient as a husband. So we’re having an ongoing conversation about whether this might mean that he’d move out, and if such a move is an economically wise for us, and where the best place to move might be, and if separate households might necessitate a legal proceeding like divorce. Nothing feels dire, and no one feels hurt or rejected.

Practicing polyamory has helped us refrain from seeing this as a failure: failure to be everything to one another, failure to be people we’re not. Like many of the folks Dr. Sheff has reported on in her studies, we’re able to see a shift in the parameters of our relationship as an inevitable change rather than a reason for guilt or anger or blame. We love each other and we want each other to be happy, and part of being happy means getting our needs met. We want to support—not stand in the way of—one another getting our needs met, even if those needs involve reconfiguring our partnership. We know we can still be close and loving, no matter our relationship status.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Sensuality Science —The Body’s Best Touch Points Proven

by zfortadminin Sex

Most men admit to remaining curious as to what turns a woman on and what specific body parts require the most attention.

It is not until several rounds of trial-and-error that men will begin to become aware of what turns their partner on in between the sheets. They then stick to the usual repertoire in the boudoir. Now, Canadian scientists have found a way to eliminate the process altogether by identifying the most erogenous female body parts, based on touch, pressure, and vibration. The recent study is published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

To investigate, the team of Canadian researchers at the University of Montreal recruited 30 women between the ages of 18 and 35. Using light touch, pressure, and vibration, they studied each woman’s clitoris, labia minora, vaginal and anal margins, the lateral breast, areola, and nipple. They were then compared to neutral areas on the body, such as the neck, forearm, and abdomen.

The women were asked to lay under a bed sheet while they stimulated various outer parts of the female body with scientific instruments. The researchers asked the participants to rank their sensitivity to light touch, pressure, and vibration stimulated by the instruments in each area. Stimulation was applied for 1.5 seconds. Then, the researchers waited for five seconds before they asked the women if they felt it.

The unsurprising findings confirmed our common knowledge and the scientists’ knowledge about the erogenous zones in the female anatomy. When it came to light touch, the neck, forearm, and vaginal margin were ranked the most sensitive area, and the areola was reported the least sensitive. The clitoris and nipple were the most sensitive when it came to pleasure, whereas the lateral breast and abdomen were the least. Lastly, the clitoris and nipple were found to be the most sensitive to vibration. The clitoris, expectedly, was the most sensitive to vibration compared to all the body parts.

Overall, the female genitals were found to be more sensitive to pressure and vibration compared to touch, which the scientists found “interesting” since people enjoy sex and sex toys, according to Time magazine. The Canadian scientists hope their findings will lead to more satisfying sexual experiences for women since their most erogenous zones are now scientifically proven. They also suggest this can provide useful information for doctors who perform breast augmentation and gender reassignment surgery.

Feet were once thought to have a sensual connection to the genitals due to the concentration of nerve endings in the sole and digits of the foot. However, in a 2013 study, neuroscientists have found it to be the least appealing part of the male and female anatomy when it comes to studying the link between sex and the brain.

So men, stop the toe sucking and licking, and use what scientists have confirmed. They have better equipped you to please your woman.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Sexual Fetishes… Here Are the Top 10

by zfortadminin Sex

5. Spanking

Why do people like being spanked? It has more to do with just the feeling of pain one feels. The area of the buttocks that meets the back of the thigh is considered an erogenous zone and if contact is made with the right amount of pressure and frequency, it can result in arousal for many people. Spanking though elicits a whole array of psychological responses as well. It can take us back to our childhood, make us feel loved or humiliated, which many people find a turn on. It can also be a part of domination and submission with the partner administering the spankings taking total control. Whatever it is that we enjoy about spanking, it’s a common fetish, making it number five on the list.

4. Voyeurism and Exhibitionism

According to researchers at the Carolina Institute, one out of three individuals enjoys watching sex or exposing themselves in public. Studies show that men are more voyeuristic than women with 12 percent of men being aroused while watching sexual acts compared to 4 percent of women. As demonstrated by the adult entertainment industry, 80 percent of their audience is men. Exhibitionism is a different story though. How many of us have worn revealing clothing at some point or another or showed our bodies off a bit at the gym or beach? There may be a bit of exhibitionist in all of us. Although exposing yourself and having sex in public is illegal, as a society, we seem to almost encourage it with the existence of nude beaches, fetish clubs, and even certain festivals such as Mardi Gras, where women are encouraged to flash their breasts for beads and trinkets.

3. Rubber/Latex/Leather

This fetish relates to those that gain sexual enjoyment by wearing or having their partner wear rubber, latex or leather material. They refer to themselves as “rubberists”. The tight material acts as a type of sexual bondage. For some, the smell of rubber/latex/leather may also be a turn on. The fetish can range from wearing the more conventional types of items such as a cat suit to something more unusual such as a gas mask.

Pages: 1 2 3 4

Make Mine a Make Out

by Virginia Jonesin Sex

Look, almost everyone likes sex.  Presidents and college students and married people all like it  and think it’s great.  But whatever happened to just making out?

In the beginning, there was kissing.  Lots and lots of sweet, hot, open-mouthed kissing.  And it was good.  We’d walk around in a daze after hours of it.  And then we moved to second base.  And lo, it was also pretty good.  Bras were stuffed under couches, not to be seen again until moving day.  Slowly, a bunch of kids who knew next to nothing about baseball moved towards a home run- and many of us never looked back.

Look, almost everyone likes sex.  Presidents and college students and married people all like it  and think it’s great.  But whatever happened to just making out?  You know, getting hot and heavy, kissing until your mouth is all tingly and puffy, feeling hands inching ever closer towards the edge of your bra- it’s fun and super hot!

Kissing Feels Great:

Kissing reduces cortisol, a stress chemical in the body.  Fifteen minutes of kissing measurably reduces levels of cortisol in academic laboratory make-out tests.  Kissing and making out releases all kinds of feel-good chemicals and hormones, including oxytocin, the love drug.  That makes making out a natural painkiller, and it also bonds you to a new person or an established partner.  Men like kissing because it’s a way to introduce more testosterone into women’s systems, which makes sex even sexier.  Women like kissing men because it’s a way to assess their appropriateness as a biological mate.   We’re usually looking for people whose genetic makeup is dissimilar to one’s own, which makes for stronger offspring.  Kissing and pheromones transfer a lot of that information about another person- unfortunately, kissing can’t help determine whether one still uses a skateboard as their main mode of transportation.

Kissing is Intense:

Kissing is done with one’s eyes closed, not just because it’s a social norm, but because kissing provides so much great information and stimulation it’s better to cut down on visual stimuli- also, because while you’re kissing, your partner probably looks like they have one big eye in the middle of their forehead.

It’s Low Risk:

For single people, kissing and making out packs a lot of the same heart-stopping thrills as sex, but without the downsides of one-time hookups- there’s virtually no STD or pregnancy scares, and it’s not as embarrassing to run into someone you made out with once at the Trader Joe’s.  If you’ve just started seeing someone, think about making out a time or two before you start having sex- you’ll be more comfortable with each other and probably have even more fun building intimacy and looking forward to the main course.

It Makes Sex Hotter:

For couples, making out makes sex hotter- building anticipation and just having fun with each other.  Try making rules- set a ten minute timer that’s only for kissing, then another timer that’s only for touching each other, and so on- by the time you get to sex you’ll be completely bonkers and have a wonderful time!

It’s Portable:

Making out can be done with your clothes on, or mostly on, so you can do it in a car or in a gazebo, in a movie theater or methadone clinic, or lots of places it wouldn’t be that great to have sex.  It’s not polite to do in a Denny’s, but many have.

In closing, the next time you’re with someone you’re into, consider making more out of making out!

Using Sex to Cope with Emotions

by zfortadminin Sex

My experience with hypersexuality involved meeting men on Craigslist expressly for the purpose of having sex.

I love sex. Maybe more than the average person. But having had an episode of bipolar hypersexuality — defined clinically as extremely frequent or suddenly increased sexual urges or sexual activity — I’m always careful when starting a new sexual relationship. I know that I can have a healthy sex life even with this struggle in my past, but it takes some careful attention to my situation and to my feelings.

My experience with hypersexuality involved meeting men on Craigslist expressly for the purpose of having sex. Other than work, finding the next sexual partner was my primary focus during that time. As is common with this condition, I couldn’t find the pleasure that I sought with these encounters, which made me seek out even more men. The driving force behind hypersexuality is actually bipolar mania, so without proper treatment or a change in my condition, my sexual behavior was not likely to change.

After having gone through this period of intense sexuality, I sometimes view my sexual appetite as a symptom. I’ve been careful to ask myself whether I’m really feeling someone’s vibe or if I’m about to have sex because I’m driven by other feelings. That helps me make sure that I’m well emotionally, my bipolar is under control, and that I’m about to be intimate with someone for the right reasons.

Recently, I was reminded of a period when I was driven by hypersexuality in a relationship. There is a man in my life, Steven, that I see every few years. It’s one of those situations where we just can’t get out of each other’s systems — you know what I mean. The last time he called me, I was a mess. I’d recently gotten out of the hospital and was still reeling from a breakup earlier that year. Of course, I agreed to see him and we got together a few times. But what I really wanted to do was see Steven more frequently. I couldn’t stop thinking about him, calling him, imagining how wonderful it would be if we just had more sex. When I didn’t get what I wanted from him, I went to dating sites — I’ll never go back to Craigslist — but couldn’t meet anyone. That’s when I knew that I was in trouble.

Fortunately, I confessed my behavior to my therapist while getting an adjustment in medication to keep the mania at bay. I learned that, yes, hypersexuality can be a symptom of my disease, but that it can also be a symptom of unregulated emotions. My experience with Steven was probably a little of both, since I’d been a bit lonely since my breakup and I saw sex as something that I could use to replace any other negative feelings I had. I know now that it’s not healthy for me to use physical intimacy as a substitute for my emotions.

Steven called me a few weeks ago and we did get together. These days I’m healthier and clearer about the role of sex in my life, and I decided to be with Steven because of my feelings for him and not as a surrogate for anything — or anyone — else. As a result, we can have a fulfilling, honest and healthy sexual relationship and I don’t have to worry about triggering an episode of hypersexuality or other unhealthy behavior. So far its going well for me, which I believe is working out well for Steven too. If you know what I mean.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

The Birds and the Bees …Has Adult Content Become the Tutor?

by zfortadminin Sex

Professor McClelland writes about sexuality as a matter of “intimate justice.” It touches on fundamental issues of gender inequality, economic disparity, violence, bodily integrity, physical and mental health, self-efficacy and power dynamics in our most personal relationships, whether they last two hours or 20 years. She asks us to consider: Who has the right to engage in sexual behavior? Who has the right to enjoy it? Who is the primary beneficiary of the experience? Who feels deserving? How does each partner define “good enough”? Those are thorny questions when looking at female sexuality at any age, but particularly when considering girls’ formative experiences.

We are learning to support girls as they “lean in” educationally and professionally, yet in this most personal of realms, we allow them to topple. It is almost as if parents believe that if they don’t tell their daughters that sex should feel good, they won’t find out. And perhaps that’s correct: They don’t, not easily anyway. But the outcome is hardly what adults could have hoped.

What if we went the other way? What if we spoke to kids about sex more instead of less, what if we could normalize it, integrate it into everyday life and shift our thinking in the ways that we (mostly) have about women’s public roles? Because the truth is, the more frankly and fully teachers, parents and doctors talk to young people about sexuality, the more likely kids are both to delay sexual activity and to behave responsibly and ethically when they do engage in it.

Consider a 2010 study published in The International Journal of Sexual Health comparing the early experiences of nearly 300 randomly chosen American and Dutch women at two similar colleges — mostly white, middle class, with similar religious backgrounds. So, apples to apples. The Americans had become sexually active at a younger age than the Dutch, had had more encounters with more partners and were less likely to use birth control. They were also more likely to say that they’d first had intercourse because of pressure from friends or partners.

In subsequent interviews with some of the participants, the Americans, much like the ones I met, described interactions that were “driven by hormones,” in which the guys determined relationships, both sexes prioritized male pleasure, and reciprocity was rare. As for the Dutch? Their early sexual activity took place in caring, respectful relationships in which they communicated openly with their partners (whom they said they knew “very well”) about what felt good and what didn’t, about how far they wanted to go, and about what kind of protection they would need along the way. They reported more comfort with their bodies and their desires than the Americans and were more in touch with their own pleasure.

What’s their secret? The Dutch said that teachers and doctors had talked candidly to them about sex, pleasure and the importance of a mutual trust, even love. More than that, though, there was a stark difference in how their parents approached those topics.

While the survey did not reveal a significant difference in how comfortable parents were talking about sex, the subsequent interviews showed that the American moms had focused on the potential risks and dangers, while their dads, if they said anything at all, stuck to lame jokes.

Pages: 1 2 3 4

I Haven’t Lost My Virginity

by RJ Newellin Sex

Do I regret it? No.

My only regret is having viewed my virginity as the essence of my worth, and allowing someone else to determine my value. I let another person define me, and no one deserves that power. I spent years blaming the guy for hurting my feelings, however in the end, I was the one hurting myself.

Sex is supposed to be vulnerable. Sometimes, it’s an amazing experience. Other times, it’s a nightmare. Intimacy is personal, and exploration is important. But sex does not define us.

It’s been a long time since that first time. Instead of looking back with regret, I’m making the choice to honor that younger version of me. My innocence is still intact. I know it is, because I still feel pain. Life still surprises me, and I have not lost my will to love.

So what have I lost, really? Nothing. I’ve gained a few things, though.   Love. Loss. Self-awareness. Mistakes. Adventures. These experiences, both positive and negative, have helped to shape the sexual being that I am. I’m still the same person that I was before sex. I just know more, now.

We all have a story, and the way it starts (and ends) is up to us.

Nobody takes their first steps without falling a few times. Do you regret walking? Probably not. So I challenge you to celebrate your virginity, instead of mourning its loss. I urge you to see sex for what it is – a physical expression of mutual attraction, instead of what it isn’t. No matter how long it’s been since that first time, or if sex hasn’t happened yet for you – please know that you are valuable. Nothing (and no one) can change that.

I did not “lose” my virginity. I became sexually active. End of story.

Pages: 1 2 3