Category: Sex

3. Your birth control pills can cause vaginal dryness.

Menopause may be years away, but lately, even when you’re totally in the mood, your vagina is more like the Sahara desert than the waterfall it used to be. While not typically the case, some women experience this distressing side effect from hormonal contraception.

4. Your vibrator won’t mess with your pacemaker:

No way do you want to tell your cardiologist that you are terrified that sex with your regular partner, “Bob” (AKA your “Battery Operated Boyfriend”) will cause a pacemaker malfunction. Rest assured, vulvar or vaginal vibration will not “unpace” your pacemaker.

5. Using vaseline as lubricant can cause recurrent vaginal infections.

Vaseline makes your chapped lips feel so much better, so it stands to reason that it would be the perfect product to keep your other lips moist as well. But unfortunately, petroleum jelly has been shown to double the chance of bacterial vaginosis, the most common cause of odor and irritating vaginal discharge. Instead reach for a silicone lubricant like Replens Silky Smooth when the time comes.

6. Infertility treatments don’t have to ruin your sex life.

You are not imagining it. Sex with a purpose, takes the sexy out. A 2012 study out of the Indiana University School of Public Health confirmed what most couples have already figured out — assisted reproductive techniques, especially IVF, cause problems with sexual desire, interest, and satisfaction. As expected, “mood-type symptoms” that could be attributed to the stress of going through fertility treatments, like sadness and anxiety, were huge, but the study also found that women had physical issues such as vaginal pain and dryness.

The Romance of Grindr

I remember so many details about him—his upbringing, the things he hated about his job, how he sounded reaching orgasm—but not his name.

He had big, moody eyes and curly brown hair. Or was it black? It’s hard to tell someone’s hair color on a smartphone screen, and when we finally met in person I was focused on other things.

He was visiting San Francisco for a tech conference. We had messaged on Grindr earlier that week and planned to meet at a rooftop bar, a quick walk to his bed or mine. I headed over straight from the office, unsure if I would recognize him. All in black. Bright green shoes, he’d texted.

The terrace was buzzing with young people, but they faded into the background as I quizzed him on his faraway life—the complications of commuting across the US–Canada border, the cultural divide between his South American parents and their North American neighbors.

He told me about his last boyfriend, their engagement, and the breakup six months prior. He told me about getting circumcised to please his fiancé; he said that he didn’t care either way.

Our easy conversation made for great foreplay, building trust that’s impossible to form via text messages and profile pics. No matter how perfect someone’s digital persona might be, for me, face-to-face conversation always makes the sex better.

We headed for his hotel. I clutched his hand and kissed him in the elevator, feeling oddly sentimental as I pictured how we looked from the dark street below. As good as the sex was, that moment on our way to his room, so radiant with anticipation, is still more vivid, even months later. I’m addicted to these apps because of moments like that—windows onto infinite potential futures, glimpses into the lives of men I would never encounter otherwise.

Leaving the hotel, as I glided down 30 stories in that same glass-walled elevator I looked out at San Francisco’s glittering skyline and snapped a photo with my phone. By the time I reached the lobby, I’d cropped the image, added a nostalgia-­tinged filter, tagged my location, and posted it on Instagram.

The next morning I awoke to a notification that @Westinstfr had commented on my photo: We hope you enjoy your time with us! With a few keystrokes, I responded. It was lovely.
—HUNTER OATMAN-STANFORD

4. Do more exciting things. Sometimes the real reason passion diminishes in a relationship is because one or both partners would rather be doing something else in bed. For example, maybe you wish your boyfriend spent more time kissing your breasts or giving you foreplay; maybe he wishes you would initiate sex more or give him more oral sex. Maybe neither of you wants to admit that the stuff you have been doing isn’t as thrilling as you need it to be because you’re afraid of hurting the other’s feelings. Put your cards on the table and let him know if there’s something more or different he could do to enhance your pleasure. Repressing your needs will only leave you frustrated.

5. Let your imagination run wild! As I see it, what two consenting adults do in the privacy of their bedroom is nobody’s business but their own. If you agree, then it’s time to put that theory into practice. Sex doesn’t have to be what other people have told you it should be. You’re a 21st century woman. You know you can have all the orgasms you want and still be a nice girl. So what’s holding you back from releasing your inner sex goddess? Try switching roles with him—if he usually initiates, try taking the lead for a night. If he’s usually on top, you get on top instead. Are you curious about a sex toy or an adult video you read about? You can shop for it together or surprise him with a naughty gift. If you’ve ever fantasized about being an actress, a rock star, a model—or maybe you’re more the Amazon-vampire-jungle queen type? Why not act out your fantasies and explore role play? Sex doesn’t always have to be serious. If you can laugh and play with your boyfriend, sex will never get dull for you again.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

5. Surprise him when he least expects it. There’s nothing worse than monotony in bed. That’s why you should have sex Outside of the bedroom, as often as possible. Make it memorable. Give him head in the car. Wake him up with a blow job. Have sex in a public toilet, or in his office. When he comes home, “attack” him the moment he comes in the house. Kill the routine. There’s nothing nicer than being wanted. Be sexy for him and initiate things. You should never be asked to go down on him, instead do it yourself and do it for your own pleasure, not his.

6. Work out regularly. Yes, you should take care of your looks as much as possible. Work out regularly, smell good and be as tight as possible. If you are light and easy for him to carry around in bed your sex life will be much more satisfying. This is the cold hard truth. And don’t do this because of him, do it because of yourself. You’ll feel a lot sexier in your own body and you’ll be more self confident.

If you feel sexier in your body you’ll attract him 10 times more sexually. Be fit, eat good food and take care of yourself. Silky, soft skin and a tight body, where you smell amazing will make every guy go mental just when he looks at you. Make this a lifestyle decision (staying fit) and do it together with him. You’ll see how this can transform your sex life completely and you’ll please him much more like this.

7. Role play. Role playing can be great and it will make your sex life a lot more fun. You should role play all the time, but do it sometimes to spice things up. Role playing is great as it gives you freedom to experiment and be somebody else, discover each others fantasies and fulfill them at least in an imaginary way. It’s better if he does it with you, than with somebody else:) Except if his fantasy is having you and your best girlfriend together in a threesome. Well – a girlfriend that really loves him would even do that just to satisfy him.

The good thing is that you already have the right mindset for being a “perfect girlfriend” (or wife) and that’s your willingness to satisfy him. That’s a great quality and it will get you far, as everything you give, comes back, eventually. So give, give and give some more and you’ll see your relationship transform (and your sex life). Start applying some of these essential tips and you’ll go far. Most importantly: have fun!

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Fantasy as therapy

Many sex therapists encourage patients to develop an active fantasy life to help overcome sexual problems. Within a therapeutic context, people have been able to use fantasy to confront the fearful stages of intimacy and lovemaking and reduce or eliminate their fears. Sexual fantasies can provide an opportunity to deepen both physical and emotional intimacy with your partner, as it creates a living metaphor to learn more about yourself and unspoken, underlying emotional issues.

One could argue that there may have never been a better time in our culture to explore the power of fantasy. Internet access has made a remarkably wide array of resources, ideas and practices to explore sexual fantasy readily available at little to no cost. Internet fantasy chat rooms, elaborate sexual avatar games, and free exchanges of pornography have all contributed to our awareness and capacity for fantasy. Sexual parties and clubs are also common in most cities.

Word of caution

Yet, a word of caution must also be added here. There are many stories of people who unknowingly allow their fantasy life to go too far. When fantasy life crosses the line into reality, obsessive thoughts about another or an inability to focus on your life or your partner can become a real danger in your relationship. In the same way that dreams are altered when we try to describe them upon waking, carrying our fantasies into our daily lives can be disruptive and destructive in ways we can’t always anticipate.

So go ahead and flirt with your fantasies. Let your imagination lead you into a better and more fulfilling intimate life.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How? For starters, immediately after being with a man, if it’s a situation where you’ve been used, or a relationship that has never honored you, you just feel empty. Many, many women know this place as not wanting to have sex, but doing it anyway. Some women may be unaware of this emptiness if it’s been the way you’ve done sex your whole life or for a protracted period of time, but there is an emptiness, and often there are tears, if not immediately in his presence, later when you are alone. When you’ve chosen wisely, you feel CONNECTED, more connected to that man after being penetrated by him. And penetration by him is beyond his penis. When a man truly penetrates a woman, the WHOLE woman and not just the hole of a woman, he finds his own heart and all of the polarities come alive. There is vulnerability and trust. A woman may cry after this kind of sex as well, but the tears will be very different because they will be from a place of being embraced rather than used, a place of connection rather than disconnection, a place that reached into her heart – and his.

I’ve worked with women who were sleeping with men that they knew were wrong for them, yet they continued to have sex with them. Often, your body will create physical dis-ease as a message to you about your choice. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve encountered this phenomenon in my work with women. I remember one client would get a yeast infection every time after sleeping with this man she was attached to. Her vagina’s wisdom was literally speaking to her, telling her this man was wrong for her. I’ve seen women get bladder infections as well after sexual encounters with men who were bad choices for them. Cervical issues as well are often body wisdom messengers speaking to a woman about how she is not honoring herself. Many women will have an intensification of menstrual pain, if they are prone to it normally, and women who normally don’t experience PMS will while in a relationship, sexual or otherwise, that does not honor them. Ladies, you KNOW. You may be choosing to ignore that you know, but in that deepest part of you, there is wisdom.

Someone shared with me recently that they read an article saying that it’s impossible to have a vaginal orgasm, that there’s no such thing. That’s utterly ridiculous. When a woman’s body is shut down emotionally or indulging in fast food sex, which is the cultural norm, there is a lack of vulnerability IN HER HEART. Remember the vagina and heart are connected. If your heart is closed and you have sex with someone without connection, orgasm is not possible vaginally for most women. Vaginal orgasms are the deepest, most profound form of orgasm. Many women are getting off on jackhammer vibrators, using only clitoral stimulation, which only promotes more desensitization, resulting in more of an inability to feel the subtleties within the vagina. It’s aggressive, surface stimulation, and I know that many men feel with penetration they can’t compete with those quickie surface orgasms. It deprives them of an ability to become great lovers if women seem to only want to get off clitorally. Deep, vulnerable, heart and soul-stirring orgasms come with a willingness to choose openness of your heart and the wisdom to discern whether you should open your legs to this man. That is why women are finding it difficult to have vaginal orgasms, not because they don’t exist, but because our relationship to our vaginas and our hearts is so fragile.

When a woman allows a man to f.u.c.k. (my definition: f.ree u.nrestrained c.onnection to k.undalini) her from a place of heart connection, both can let their freak flags fly. All those shades of our sexuality, when done from a place of real connection and trust, can be incredible to experience, and promote the deepest of intimacy. But when we allow men into this vulnerable place, using that definition of vulnerable I mentioned earlier, our bodies know immediately if we can trust him. If a woman is tuned in to herself and the subtle energies that we have access to through our vaginas, that knowing is unmistakable. If you are tuned in to your body in general, you know before you ever get to the point of penetration. But we often ignore that voice that tells us not to go there. And then when we do, it’s like we have broken our own hearts. If we can’t say the word vagina, if we can’t look at it, touch it and have pleasure through it, then we are disconnected from its wisdom consciously, but it will speak to you via the body messages I’ve mentioned above, and more. Even if you don’t physical issues related to your vagina, depression will often be the messenger.