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Category: LOVE

I Want to Masturbate in a Circle of Women

by Jess Beaulieuin LOVE1 Comment on I Want to Masturbate in a Circle of Women

I adore the ritual of masturbating. I live for every single sultry part of it. I get ecstatic when I feel the first tingle of arousal in my underpants, which typically appears while I’m watching a smooching scene in a movie and/or thinking about a man I’m crushing on hard and/or literally out of nowhere for no reason while I am at work in the middle of an important meeting. Do conversations about fiscal periods turn me on? Only my libido knows.

One of my most beloved thoughts to get lost in is the thought of beautiful vibrators, and in particular my beautiful vibrators. Yes, I have plural and I am proud of it. I love stimulants that aid my hormones in achieving their goal. I revel in finding sexy videos on the internet that excites my clit without offending my brain (trickier than it sounds) and/or digging deep in my imagination for the face/sweat/penis/butt/knees/hip bones of a dude I’m into and/or staring into a mirror and satisfying my hot self to my hot self.

And then of course I am a fan of the actual act. Searching for the right buttons. Figuring out what I want that day, that hour, that minute. Building the orgasm within me. Climaxing and feeling my whole body uncontrollably contract and twitch and release. It’s a transcendent experience that I attempt to repeat as often as I can, specifically in the mornings, and in the afternoons, and in the evenings… okay, I do it a lot and have since I was 13-years-old.

Something I haven’t ever done in the masturbation department though is get my own bod off while surrounded by important ladies doing the same to their bods. I hear dudes talking about circle jerks constantly but it’s rare for women to share tales of collective genital bliss. And why is that, I ask you? I mean, females often gather in groups to chat about life and drink wine and make plans to dominate the world. I wonder then how my ladies nights have never morphed into an epic, gorgeous, highly empowering jilling off session. Is there something I’m doing wrong? Do I need to provide MORE chips and dip? Is chocolate the answer? Should I start offering oysters and dildos with dinner? What is the SOLUTION TO THIS PROBLEM?

women-fire-circle3

I suppose it’s not really a problem but I honestly believe that if a group of ten women, all orgasmic simultaneously in a circle as if we were a coven of pleasure seekers it could better society. We could eliminate the wage gap with one unified moan. Our voices would ripple through the globe like a tidal wave of squirting. The 4th wave of feminism would rise and if it’s that time of the month the wave would be crimson! The energy we would release would be magnetic and contagious and legislation changing. Abortion access would suddenly exist for all! Maternity leave wouldn’t affect career growth! Slut shaming would be a thing of the past! Hillary Clinton would instantly be elected president and all men would make her a sandwich!

…. okay, I might be exaggerating a tad bit here. But, you cannot deny that the image of a dozen vibrators doing god’s (Gloria Steinem’s) work is rather powerful and hella inspiring and majorly instagram-worthy. I have become much more sex positive over the last two years and with that has come a growth in confidence, a decrease in body shame, and an understanding of how to expertly “walk my poodle” (yes, I refer to my vagina as my poodle). So why not take this sex positive attitude a step further? I say, let’s get real positive and bask in the glow that is women’s recently orgasmic faces. I’m interested in experimentation and my favorite hobby is being in and/or around crowds of labia lips. So why not combine the two?!

Plus, it would be so relaxing and non-threatening and FUN! We could do yoga afterwards and get brunch and check out a dog park. I would have to 100% make a day of it. if I’m going to gather my best friends together so we can all masturbate as a unit you better believe we’re going vintage shopping post-climax and eating gelato. We’ll be in top notch moods and totally at ease and ready to get real about our emotions in regards to women being censored on Facebook (which is one of my number one topics to get real about).

Also, we can give each other tips! If a lady is having a hard time locating that spot, another lady can saunter over and give her a helping finger. This could dip into a mutual masturbation zone and if it did I would be beyond thrilled. It’s killing two birds with one ejaculation! Or if one woman’s vibrator isn’t doing the trick, she could switch with another woman who wants to try something new. Like a game of musical chairs! And you know how sometimes it’s difficult to see what’s going on down there? When you’re attempting to pleasure yourself and it begins to feel like parallel parking? Sometimes you just need someone to say “an inch to the right, one centimeter up, and turn it at a 180 degree angle” in order to pinpoint that clit and that’s OKAY!

And another thing, I went to a nudist retreat once and what I loved most about it was seeing how unique each woman’s body is, specifically their crotch areas! It was a breathtaking sight that I would definitely like to repeat. Although I am straight, I have an obsession with the female anatomy and, like the process of masturbation every single part of it fascinates me, especially the sexy parts. If I could orgasm while several other vulvas are in my periphery, I could die happy. I want nothing more than to be satisfied as I hear other women being satisfied, metaphorically and non-metaphorically. That would be my ultimate wet dream.

The Brutally Honest Phases Of A Man Falling In Love

by zfortadminin LOVE

Looking for an inner peek in to the mind of the guy you are dating? What phase are you in with your date?

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We all, men and women alike, might feel the same emotions when it comes to love, but the journey to finding love is an experience differentiated by gender. When women fall in love, they are filled with bursts of happiness and other mixed emotions, which a man will never be able to comprehend. Men on the other hand, are a completely different ballgame.

You see, unlike women who experience intense surges of affection as soon as they meet a guy, men experience a phase of emotions when they meet a woman. This article will explain the phases and journey a man undergoes before falling in love with a woman.

Phase 1. The “I Like You” Phase

Unfortunately, men are very shallow creatures. This initial stage is all about instant physical attraction. If you ever thought a guy initially liked you as a person …oh boy, were you wrong!  Some women may fall in love during the first conversation, but sadly, in the beginning stages, men are only attracted to a woman’s physical appearance.  Don’t be fooled by the idea of a ‘physical appearance.’

It does not include the whole package. Every man is different and enjoys different things about a woman. For example, most men are attracted by breasts (may it be small or large) and also by your curvy behind (again, may it be small or large). It’s never about the whole package, but more about a man’s specific appeal in a woman. Sometimes, a guy may not even realize what attracts him most in a woman, but if he has such feelings, he will begin the “I Like You” phase.

Phase 2. The Scouting Phase

Most guys find themselves attracted to a lot of women for many reasons, and as a result, they will “scout” to see which one of them will respond to their advances. Yes, men try to bait as many women as we can, at any given time. It’s only when a girl has passed the “scouting” phase (by accepting our small advances) that a man begins to focus his attention only on her.

These advances are very discreet and are not upfront flirting. A man basically needs that little confirmation that if he does start to chase you, something will happen. Even though he likes a woman, in this stage, he doesn’t really care about the outcome, so if she rejects him or doesn’t respond to his advances, he generally doesn’t feel a thing and moves on to another woman that catches his attention. Sure, there are exceptions, but generally, this is how guys think at this point.

Phase 3. The Chase

If a woman a man likes gives even the slightest positive response to his advances, he will start the chase. Sometimes those signs aren’t even obvious; he just believes in himself that you like him back, and as a result, he starts the chase. The chase is all about winning your attention. In this stage, a man’s aim is to get you to notice him and understand that he’s into you. Once this has become clear, and you have given him a shot (by agreeing to go out with him, etc.), he moves into the next phase.

Phase 4. The “I’m Going To Impress You” Phase

By this time, some women are actually starting to fall in love, but us men are not even close to it. This whole stage is all about making an impression on you. A man will do everything in his power to show you that he is a worthy mate. He plans dates; he floods you with gifts, and generally tries to make you happy whilst hoping to really impress you. It’s in this stage that many women (that have held out, until now) give in to a guy’s advances.

Phase 5. The “I Want You To Love Me” Phase

If a guy is having success so far, he wants to know that you love him. Gaining your love and commitment is his utmost highest achievement. Instead of falling in love with you, in this stage, all he worries about is how to make you fall in love with him. He might even show his relationship skills, thus proving that he is, indeed, a good lifelong partner. You might have already fallen in love by this stage, but this is when he needs to see it.

Phase 6. The Decision Phase

If a man makes it into this stage, it means you’ve clearly expressed your feelings, and he knows that he has managed to gain your love and commitment. Now, unfortunately, for both parties involved, all he did up to this point was prove to you that he is “exactly” what you are looking for in a man.

Because of this, two core problems arise:

-He wasn’t actually being himself 100 percent, so the man you’ve fallen in love with isn’t exactly the man you think he is.

-He never wondered if you’re actually right for him, since his desire to impress you was based purely on his INITIAL physical attraction.

It’s at this phase when a man finally starts to wonder if a real relationship may blossom here. It’s at this point when he starts to actually observe you as a real person (and I know this may sound shallow) and see if he actually likes you in this department. Finally, it’s at this stage when a man decides if you are worth trying a long-term relationship with. We ask ourselves: Do I love her? Do I want to be with her? Will I be happy with her? Is she the woman I want?

It’s easy for a man, even at this stage, to dismiss a girl based on some seemingly pointless reasons, but it’s how we are as a species. We are genetically engineered to “spread thy seed,” so the girl that a man does eventually decide to love and be with has to be perfect from his perspective. It’s also the same for a woman …the only difference is that she probably makes up her mind much earlier in the relationship.

Phase 7. The “I Love You” Phase

If the decision stage was negative, it’s at this stage when the guy will either dump you if you had a short relationship, or start ignoring you if it was just a fling. On the other hand, if he decided he does want to give love a try, he is now ready for it. The next three to four months will be the best stages of any relationship. He will give into his feelings and be overwhelmed with love. You will start to see him taking care of you, acting jealous and all the other great things about love.

It may seem harsh and unrealistic that a guy has to DECIDE whether or not he wants to fall in love, but we don’t always rationalize what we are doing. These things are imbedded into us at an instinctual level, and the fact that we DENY love early in these phases is only because it’s our defense mechanism preventing us from getting hurt.

Important Note: This is how a man falls in love if the woman he is after gives into all of his advances. If you want to turn a guy on his head, don’t give in to ALL OF HIS advances. Don’t say, “I love you” when he wants you to say it. Basically, turn his world upside down, and then, you’ll see a man falling helplessly in love, not being able to control his own emotions.

 

Curated by Tatiana
Original Source

How to Regain that Youthful Love With Your Spouse All Over Again

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Long term relationships needs nurturing and care to keep the fire and passion burning bright like Day 1. We love these 5 tips to ignite the empowered love that drew you in to your spouse.

Last month my daughter got married. During the ceremony, she and her husband gazed at each other adoringly and joy seemed to exude from every pore in their bodies. I found myself wondering, Have any two people ever been so in love?

Even as I squeezed the hand of my darling husband of 32 years, I felt as if I could never have been as much in love with him as my daughter was with her man on their wedding day.

Or maybe, I mused, love just looks more radiant on young faces. Could love possibly have a shelf life? Does it have “planned obsolescence,” like modern technology?

So I did a little research.

What I learned boils down to this: Even a marriage that’s about to smash up against the rocks (barring physical or emotional abuse or criminal acts) can tack its way back into calm and pleasant waters.

We’re not just talking about doing damage control. “It’s almost never too late to start the process of falling in love all over again,” says James Córdova, Ph.D., chair of Clark University’s psychology department and head of Clark’s Center for Couples & Family Research.

Taking Too Much for Granted

“One of the things that happens in long-term marriages is that the demands of everyday life steal our attention away from our partners — and paying attention to the other is crucial for happy relationships,” Córdova says. This lack of focus on your spouse slowly unravels the fabric of a solid relationship.

Sometimes the disintegration happens over a number of years, during which the couple exist in a kind of emotional limbo. Córdova notes that, statistically, it takes couples up to six years to seek help or advice after they’ve reached a tipping point. And that, he says, only increases the impact on the marriage.

Fritz Galette, Ph.D., a family therapist who hosts the weekly “Ask Dr. Fritz” on New York City’s WWRL, agrees. “By the time I see couples, they’re often in crisis,” he says. “The discontent has been festering for years.”

And yet experts believe that even in cases where the discontent has been on a low boil, there are still ways to revive the old passion.

5 Ways to Restoke the Fires of Love

Beautiful young girl tenderly looks at her lover, isolated on white
Gallete and Córdova both recommend that couples in crisis seek professional help, whether from clergy or family/marriage therapists. On top of that, the following steps — first discussed and then put into practice — can help salvage a troubled marriage.

1. Act like you’re in a new relationship. Gallete recommends that couples ask each other the kinds of questions typical of new daters’ “getting to know each other” conversations.

Jill Kaplan*, whose 28-year-old marriage had been feeling flat, realized that she and her husband, Todd (names have been changed), had fallen so out of sync that the things she was doing to please him were actually annoying him. “I thought he wanted me to watch sports on TV with him,” she says. “I really didn’t always want to, but I kept it up for him.”

It took a close friend, who observed the tension in the family room, to get Jill to ask Todd if he really wanted her company. She got a surprising answer. “It turned out that he preferred not to have me there if I wasn’t into the game!” Jill says.

“That was just the first question,” she adds. “Now we’re on to which family we want to spend holidays with and what clothes the other wears that we really like. It’s like he’s my new boyfriend. It’s like I’ve discovered a favorite old outfit in my closet: Todd looks good to me and yet our relationship has the spark of something new and special.”

2. Pay attention to your spouse. One of the biggest complaints Gallete hears is that couples feel ignored by their mates. Spouses get used to one another and, over time, don’t really notice what they’re each going through.

“Sometimes people think they’re paying attention to their spouses but they really aren’t,” he says. “I advise couples to look into the other’s eyes when they’re having a conversation. It’s much easier to concentrate on someone’s words and share when your partner is looking right at you.”

Gallete also promotes an effective technique called active listening. “When one person speaks, the other can’t interrupt. He must listen completely before he says anything — and then he has to respond.”
3. Share new experiences. For years, relationship experts (and every women’s magazine) have been advising couples to set aside time for “date night.” Córdova says that going out and doing things together on a regular basis and creating romantic rituals is good for a relationship. But it’s even better to try something out of the ordinary. Get creative and step outside your comfort zone.

Gallete agrees. “Doing something new and different together, like taking tennis lessons — which is what my wife and I did recently — enhances your sense of intimacy.”

Karen and Bob Callahan, a couple who had thought their next step was divorce, breathed new life into their marriage when they reluctantly took a kayaking course together. “Neither one of us is particularly athletic, so when our pastor [whom they had seen for counseling] showed us a brochure, we both thought, Why not?” Bob says.

“Actually,” Karen adds with a laugh, “my first thought was, ‘If we both drown, it couldn’t feel as bad as how miserable I am now.’”

It turned out that kayaking didn’t take too much athletic prowess, and the two had a terrific time paddling around a local lake. “We started making up stories about the fancy houses we saw and soon we were laughing so hard we almost tipped,” Karen says. The weekend after they received their “certificate,” they booked a B&B on the lake, where they spent less time kayaking and more time just enjoying being together.

4. Be affectionate — physically and verbally. Research has established thattouch communicates a wider range of emotions than mere gestures. “The science of touch suggests that a pat on the back, a squeeze of the hand, a hug or an arm around the shoulder can save a so-so marriage,” writes Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside. “Introducing more (nonsexual) touching and affection on a daily basis will go a long way in rekindling the warmth and tenderness.”

According to Córdova, however, this prescription for tenderness must also include loving language — and it needs to be heartfelt. “I love you” should be more than a reflexive recitation of syllables at the end of a phone call. Instead, say something affectionate and sweet at unexpected times.

Loving phrases can — and should — be sprinkled generously throughout your interactions. Tell your spouse he’s amazing while you’re eating dinner. Compliment your wife’s problem-solving abilities while trouble-shooting a plumbing problem.

5. Always be kind. “It’s not important whether your partner is ‘succeeding’ or ‘failing’ when your goal is to have a genuinely loving relationship,” says Córdova. “If your partner shows up late, no matter how annoyed you are, you can still respond with kindness.”

“When Bob and I began paying true attention to how we were communicating,” says Karen, “we realized that we were [venting] when we could have easily let the issue roll off our backs.”

So they tried an experiment. One Saturday they left a recorder running. “We were shocked when we listened to it later,” says Bob. “The way we were responding to each other made us cringe. It was exactly the kind of negative communication that makes people uncomfortable when they see it in others.”

To find a remedy for that habitual behavior, Bob and Karen made lists of 10 things the other did that bugged them and wrote down their usual responses. “Then we looked at each other’s lists and discussed how we could communicate our feelings without being hurtful,” says Karen.

Once you start being intentionally kind, says Córdova, “the interaction goes to a new place — the kind you would prefer in a happy marriage.”

But, he cautions, “Being kind when you’re not feeling that way takes practice. It doesn’t come naturally at first, but it can turn into a habit.”

What’s Old Is New Again

While we can’t realistically expect our long-term partner to be the exact same person we married, Córdova says, that may be a positive thing. “It’s like you have a whole new person there beside you — someone you can date, with all the benefits of already being married.” Ultimately, he adds, it’s not so much about going back to what you had before. It’s more about going forward and building something new and better suited to who you’ve each become.

 

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

The Powerful Benefits Of Unconditional Love For You & Your Lover

by zfortadminin LOVE

What else leads to happiness and overall good health? The ability to forgive. Kane offers the tidbit that love and forgiveness are often interchangeable. “Unconditional love walks hand in hand with forgiveness. As we learn to forgive others, we come to a greater understanding of our own need for forgiveness. Both giving and receiving unconditional love create a space of grace, a space in which all have room to forgive themselves, to gain permission to accept their own worthiness and then to expand/magnify (or maybe even to discover for the first time) their better attributes and potentials. Unconditional love creates a space that opens both giver and receiver to more love in their lives and, in turn, leads each of us to accept ourselves unconditionally.”

A common theme with unconditional love is that it’s not only about the receiver — it’s also about you. It is only when you love yourself that you can bring that love into the world. And what is the benefit of that? The feeling of being complete. Duncan writes, “There is another, more simple, prescription for loving our lovers, partners, spouses unconditionally than them being suddenly struck dumb. And that prescription is unconditionally loving ourselves. When we begin the daily practice of loving ourselves, of recognizing the autonomous and divine spark in our own being, of nurturing and expressing tender affection for ourselves, then we do not need to enter our relationships with our partners from a place of needs or demands. We are already complete.”

O’Koon confirms that sentiment and adds the great benefit of loving yourself is others people’s opinions won’t affect or bother you as much. “If we experience overt judgment or opinions of others, by unconditionally loving ourselves we block the sting of a negative judgment. We could say, “thank you for your opinion” or “I’ll take that under advisement”, and then decide if those words are helpful to you in your personal journey of life. It is your choice to accept the words and use them or not. Negative feelings about someone else’s judgment are unnecessary as you accept everything said as loving and unconditional. You have the power to interpret the words anyway you want. Why not interpret them as loving?”

Kane expertly summarizes all of the wonderful benefits of unconditional love for yourself and for others. “The more unconditional love we give, the more we are able to receive. It creates peace of mind and a mind for peace, as well as increases the net positive energy in the world. It also increases the probability that both giver and receiver will treat others with greater love in their lives day-to-day in both great and small ways.” Doesn’t that sound nice for everyone involved?

To conclude, Maliniak shares a touching and deeply personal story about an alcoholic niece who unfortunately was unable to get sober from her addiction. Despite the trial and tribulations of dealing with such a situation, she was able to learn just how much positive impact unconditional love can help to everyone involved. “I have a story about how I really learned what unconditional love is. I had a niece, Amy, who was an alcoholic. At first I was very angry and righteous about this. I couldn’t understand why she was choosing this life — to drink and be unhealthy. She was in and out of the hospital and jail. She couldn’t be at her grandmother’s, my mother’s, death bed at the hospital because she couldn’t drink in the hospital. I talked my sister into going to AA and getting Amy into rehab, which she did. She relapsed shortly after. I was determined she had to stop drinking. She was going to die if she didn’t.

Then something happened. I changed. I learned. I forgave and let go. I realized that this was the way it was going to be. I never enabled her drinking, but when she was brave enough to show up at her grandfather’s, my father’s, deathbed at hospice, I let her be how she was. She was drinking but I stopped judging her or trying to stop her. One of my niece’s wanted to pour her vodka out and my sister and I told her no. Let her be. We would ask anyone with poor behavior to leave drinking or not. Loving someone unconditionally means you understand you can not control them. I asked Amy to take a turn watching over “Pop” and she did. She brought us peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that were amazing good. She did this all while under the influence. She wasn’t driving, so she wasn’t hurting anyone. She was an alcoholic and she could not stop drinking. She was obviously dying from this, and I was going to love her unconditionally whether she stopped drinking or not.

I am so glad I did love her this way. She died almost exactly a year after my father died. I had last seen her at her birthday two weeks before. Her last words to me were: “You’ve helped me more than you’ll ever know. I love you.” She was only 36. I did love her so much. And I’m so glad I did. I didn’t get to ask her what she meant by helping her. I think what she meant was that I loved her even though she would die from drinking. I wasn’t angry anymore. I wasn’t trying to control her or punish her for being who she was. What is the payoff? She was loved and I have no regrets. This is what choosing to love unconditionally can do.”

You see, Tina? Your heart will be only be broken if you won’t love. Life is a tumultuous journey for everyone so why not bring the positive energy of unconditional love to your emotional and physical self. You won’t regret it, and neither will those on the receiving end.

 

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

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Breaking Up Without Breaking Down

by Frankie Symmsin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

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Find Closure on Your Own

Current thought is that closure is a myth, so banish any fantasies you might have about a happy, tearful reunion with your ex and figure out what it is you need to move on. What worked and what didn’t work in the relationship? Were there problems you feel like you should have noticed earlier on? What are the things that you’re going to miss about the other person? Is there something you really want to express to your ex now that the relationship is over? If so, can you do that while respecting the boundaries you’ve set with one another? If not, try writing a letter that you don’t intend to send–you can tear it up or burn it if you think that will help you put the past to rest. Don’t be afraid to get your self-help book on or to talk to a therapist if you think it will help.

Give Yourself Time to Grieve

You’ve just lost someone that you cared about and spent a lot of time with, so take time to acknowledge that loss and express it if you feel the need. You might need a good solo cry during a movie marathon or to click through your “True Love” photo album on Facebook. Use whatever helps you to come to grips with the ending of one chapter of your life and the beginning for another. You can be as low-key or cheesy as you like: make a breakup playlist on Spotify or have a faux funeral for the relationship with your besties. Even if you feel silly, it’s important to identify, honor, and express your feelings.

Open Up to New Possibilities

Now that this relationship is over, focus on things you want to do. Whether you feel like your former flame was holding you back or just feel the need to dive into something new, moving from passive coping to active coping will help you move on with your life. Focus on your relationship with yourself for the time being, unless a Tinder hookup is part of your active coping strategy! Putting yourself in new situations and new headspace is crucial to being ready for the next step in your romantic life, whether that means embarking on a relationship with a new partner or maximizing the single life. Whatever you decide, you’ll be refreshed and ready to handle anything.

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How about Making Yourself Online Datable

by Virginia Jonesin DATING ADVICE, LOVE2 Comments on How about Making Yourself Online Datable

In the interest of fairness, here is a list of men’s online dating complaints that women can learn from:

  • The LIST: Women have a long list of what they DON’T want in a guy. “No fakes, no players!” What, you want someone who’s not a drug addict AND who has a job? Picky, picky!
  • NO Profile: Women that do not have profile info. I know you might be a private person, but no information at all makes it hard to start a conversation. “So…I see you have eyes! I do, too!”
  • Over-Accentuating the Curves –-If a woman’s photo accentuates her body, one assumption is that she is not interested in a serious relationship, and another is that she might be a paid escort.

4. And lastly, Misrepresentation- when women in person are fatter/older/less attractive than their photo.

Again, I understand this complaint. Who among us has not overrated our own looks? When we are picking out our best pictures of ourselves, sometimes we don’t recognize that because the picture is ten years old, we are posting pics of someone else who we used to be. I once had a long correspondence with a man who had deep brown eyes and long, wild hair whom I called “sexy werewolf”, and when I met him, he was just a regular, non-sexy werewolf with one great photo.

Clearly neither sex has mastered the online dating experience.

The truth is that I sometimes meet guys online that I find interesting, but when they make one of these errors, I delete them. I think of these as “dealbreakers” and an indication of deeper problems, and maybe they are, but sometimes I’m just dealing with men who hadn’t spent any time dating online. These are actually the people you want to meet: men who seek out and enjoy serious relationships, and stay off the market while they’re in them. The guys who stay online for years and years, perfecting their online presence and their patter, only pausing to occasionally list what bands they’d most like to see at Coachella, are confirmed bachelors who would sooner kiss a beartrap than give a girl more than a month of their attention.

What I learned is that: the only thing that online dating really makes you good at is online dating- especially in the case of free sites, whose goal is not to pair compatible couples up, it’s to keep everyone in the mix, looking at their ads and clicking, and generating revenue, so, the only real method to online dating is to relax, honestly be yourself, and accept some mistakes in the process of meeting real people!

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Are You Falling in Love or Lust?

by zfortadminin LOVE

Are you tripping into infatuation or allowing time for real love to develop? Infatuation involves a projection of own needs, hopes, and dreams. While real love cares about the well being of others and not just their own desires.

10 Signs He’s a Keeper

by zfortadminin LOVE

6. He packs an overnight bag. When he stays over, he’s not running out the door first thing in the morning. He wants to stay for pancakes. Although, to be fair, this could just mean he’s serious about pancakes, not you.

7. His friends Facebook you. No one in their right might would send a friend request to someone they know isn’t sticking around. Granted, not everyone is in their right mind, but if you get a torrent of new Facebook friends, it’s because they can tell he’s serious about you.

8. He comes over when you’re sick. Cuddling with a sweaty ball of oozing mucus isn’t fun for anyone. If he’s making you soup and hanging out with you on your couch while you start building a collection of used tissues around you, it’s not because this is some casual fling.
Sexy couple and old car

9. He’s willing to take things slow. He doesn’t disappear on you if you don’t sleep with him after the first three dates. The two of you even have a conversation about “where things are going.”

10. He doesn’t actively avoid meeting your friends (or even your family). If he were planning on making a clean break after some casual dating, he wouldn’t bother trying to make a good impression on your friends. If he’s not having something come up every time you want him to meet you at a group event, it means he’s not looking to run away at the first sign of things getting serious.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

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Six Signs You Are Ready For A Keeper

by Ansuya Nathanin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

4. You Have Forgiven Yourself

I debated on whether to include this on the list. But, I know it in my heart of hearts to be true. We’ve all been around the block a few times, caused a few casualties and been victim to a few, too. As long as you are holding on to any guilt or resentments, it will inform your future relationships. You will either spend your time atoning for past wrongs done by you or be militantly guarding against being wronged. That’s not to say you won’t still have tinges of regret or rage at those icky memories. But accepting you might have done some dumb things or allowed dumb things to happen to you is the best way to prevent bringing your baggage with you on the Next Adventure.

5. You Listen To Your Gut

Because the truth is you ALWAYS know if they are the real deal. And I mean ALWAYS. C’mon, admit it – you know you do; you know I’m right on this. You might not know the exact whys or wherefores but you will know that something is not right. Conversely, you know when it’s right because there is ease. Things align. There is no tussling (except for, hopefully, during sexy times).
Passion Portrait Of Couple In Love

6. You Believe You Deserve Love

I thought for many years I was ready. I yearned to be in a loving committed relationship. But there was a disconnect between what I wanted and what I thought I deserved. Ask anyone what they want in a relationship and you’ll get variations on the same theme, if indeed they want one at all. Ask someone what they think they deserve and you might get something different. The more different the list is, the deeper they have to dig to uncover it – it’s difficult to admit feelings of unworthiness – then the deeper the work they have to do to unroot those beliefs. Again, believe me, I’ve uncovered it and I’m doing the work. What I wanted was the usual litany of wonderful attributes. What I thought I deserved was far less and so that is what I got for a very long time.

There are no easy answers; there are no quick fixes. But taking the focus off finding Mr. or Ms. Right and looking honestly at your stuff goes a long way. I have learned so much about myself and the way I see the world and that has helped me immeasurably in my relationship. I am so much better at seeing what is my baggage, and I try my best not to take it out on my loving, supportive boyfriend – with varying degrees of success!

It takes effort to be a good person. It’s so much easier to be selfish and self-centered and act out. Admittedly, there are no guarantees that ‘doing the work’ will yield results. However, when you find the person you want to be better for, that is a really good sign you are onto a keeper. So why not get on with the work in the meantime?

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When Casual Sex Becomes Less… Casual

by Jess Beaulieuin LOVE

Sex is emotional. It’s an emotional activity that us humans enjoy participating in and for me it’s hella emotional. I personally wish occasionally that I could turn off my emotion faucet. It would save me a lot of trouble and a lot of regret filled text messages and a lot of crying in the bathroom at work situations. It seems that without me even trying, I often, with the help of oxytocin, hormones, and having apes as my ancestors, become attached to the naked person beside me, and that is never not complicated. Attachment and complication are basically synonyms.

See, we’re animals and being an animal includes sometimes not choosing who our heart wants to hook up with for a long while and that sucks. It sucks the big one, and not in a good way. ‘Cause not choosing who we want to hook up with for a long while can result in feelings being hurt/torn apart/shattered into a million pieces that cannot be put back together even if you block everyone on instagram. You sleep with another person in hopes that the previous person will be lobotomized but your stupid, idiot brain won’t delete the memories of them. In fact, your brain keeps rerunning those blissful moments like they’re a goddamn episode of Seinfeld.

And you’re like “Hey, brain, can you find something else to focus your energy on for a bit?” and your brain is like “Sure! How about I focus it on your taxes and remember that time he told you that your skin was soft? Let’s think about that for three hours”. This attachment is only made more complicated when you have agreed with the naked person that there would not be any form of attachment. That your hooking up would remain at a hooking up level and Christmases would not be spent at each other’s houses ever. Yet, regardless of that iron clad agreement, your stupid, idiot brain is all “Check out this image of you rubbing his head in your bed on your birthday! WASN’T THAT FUN/ ISN’T THIS CRUEL?”

And you can always sense this unwanted attachments arrival. Suddenly, you’re waiting for them to text you every single day. Suddenly, you’re willing to lose a ton of sleep just to have a conversation with them about dinosaurs. Suddenly, you get upset thinking about how holding their hand in public will continue to be an unfulfilled desire. Suddenly, when they mention seeing other naked people, it stings. It didn’t for two months, but now, you can’t bear hearing about it. You’re attached and you don’t want to be, but there is no going back at this point. You’ve shared too many childhood experiences. You’ve romantically spooned for too many hours. You’ve gotten late morning cheap brunch together too many times.

I didn’t comprehend this idea of unwanted attachment until recently when I began doing the casual thing for the first time. Before two years ago, I didn’t know what “casual” was or why it existed or how it smelled. I was in three long-term relationships back to back and even if I thought my first intercoursing with each boyfriend could possibly only be one night of awkward passion, the oral sex always seemed to lead to them meeting my mother a few weeks later. My process of coitus was: ask out a man/be asked out, go on said date with man who asked/was asked, fornicate with above mentioned man, and repeat for two years straight.

This resulted in me only having three copulation partners at 26-years-old, thus I was curious. I was curious about boinking random strangers I met at dive bars and/or friends of mine who I had a consistent flirt-on with and/or anyone on my “crushing hard on these peens” list. I was curious about fearing that I was impregnated by a generic dude named Mike who I couldn’t communicate with because he only checked Facebook once a year. I was curious about getting tested at the doctor and wondering “BUT WHAT IF??!?!” I was curious about the stand of the one night.

It all sounded daring and delicious and dangerous. So, after my last BF and I decided to call it mutual quits, I promised myself to remain single for at least 6 months, which turned into 12 months which turned into 24 months. And while I was pursuing singledom, I wanted to make sure I banged as many butts as I could and boy did I ever! I banged them butts like banging butts was going out of style and the world was about to end by butt explosion and my butt banging coupons were going to expire any day now.

There have been fun times. There have been not-fun times. There have been fun then not-fun then fun again then definitely not-fun at all times. I am happy that I did it and proud of myself that I delved into the scary world of non-committed horizontal tangoing. But, it has come with its problems, the major one being unwanted attachment. My attached to naked persons was guaranteed wanted before two years ago. I didn’t worry about saying “I like you” or having a texting limit or PDAs. I mean, the oral sex led to them meeting my mother every single time.

But, suddenly, I was late for work ‘cause I was up until 4 am conversing about dinosaurs with a body that was not my boyfriend’s. They weren’t necessarily my friend but they weren’t more than my friend either. They were just… a guy I slept with regularly. I haven’t wanted “more” with a bunch of guys I have slept with. In fact, I’ve wanted less. I’ve wanted the sleeping with them to not exist in history. But, then, with others, I’ve desired for them to hold my hand. I’ve hoped that they weren’t seeing other naked people, or at the very least, they didn’t enjoy seeing them naked as much as they enjoyed seeing me naked. I’ve hoped that I could eat turkey with their family at Christmas.

I’ve often wondered, “What does one do in such a situation? Do they end it? Do they continue on and pretend as if they’re totally cool with it? Do they ask for something deeper?” And I still don’t have an answer. Two years later. It seems that timing is a big factor in the “more” decision. Two people can both be attached but those attachments are unwanted due to circumstances out of their control. Or the circumstances are in their control but they, like me 24 months ago, made a promise to themselves and they want to keep it. Or their attachment to another naked person is greater than their attachment to you.

Whatever the reason, it stings. It never doesn’t sting and the stinging does not go, disappear quickly or easily.

What I have learned is that sex is hella emotional and I can’t change that. I can’t turn off my emotion faucet. If I hook up with someone and my heart chooses them, so be it. If I want them to hold my hand or text me dinosaur images in the middle of the night or meet my mom that’s okay. I don’t have to pretend that I’m totally cool with it being casual. I’m not ashamed of becoming attached. I’m actually starting to wish it happened more often. ‘Cause I’m realizing how special that attachment is, especially when it’s wanted by everyone.

 

When a Gentleman’s Love Language is Giving

by zfortadminin LOVE

When the love of my life and I decided to get engaged, we went on an extensive search for the perfect wedding ring. What my bride to be didn’t know was that I wanted to learn what shapes, colors and designs she liked best so I could design “the perfect ring” myself.

Sometimes, she would put on a ring and take it off immediately other times she would say, “…that’s kind of nice” and then finally, at what seemed an eternity, she said, “Wow.”. That’s when we stopped looking and I started designing a ring that incorporated all of the things that she liked in individual pieces.

When the design was completed, it required 32 Marquis cut diamonds. Try as I might to find perfect stones, I could not get 32 that matched in size, color and clarity. A bit of research found a diamond cutter in Brussels and off I went to have him cut 32 Marquis diamonds in the exact size, color and clarity that I wanted. Then, I found a wonderful jeweler, outside San Francisco, who my gut told me was the right person to build this ring. The ring itself is an open design with white gold and yellow gold interwoven and diamonds all the way around. After a wax was prepared, it was shipped to me for approval. Shipped because I live in Atlanta. We tweaked the ring just a bit and I saw a final casting before the ring was completed; when it was, it was simply spectacular.

Perhaps you can see, I have been called a hopeless romantic (more than once) who enjoys giving gifts. That is how I express my love.

Of course, the entire design, acquisition and building of this ring was unknown to my bride-to-be. When it was finished, over a romantic dinner, I showed it to her for the first time. Much to my chagrin, she looked at it and said, “It’s a beautiful ring but when would I wear it? I am a ceramic artist whose hands are in clay all day.”

To her our earlier search was simply a fun exercise while to me it was much more serious. My beloved had told me long ago that she didn’t really like diamonds. I took it upon myself to show her something beautiful in anticipation that she would change her mind. While I heard her words, I did not listen. That was several years ago. To this day, that ring sits in a safe and sadly we did not marry.

Not to be dissuaded, the one thing my fiancée complained about the most was the studio in which she worked. It was a warehouse with no heat or air conditioning and no windows. During the four months out of the year where one can be perfectly comfortable with windows and doors wide open in Atlanta, she would work feverishly while the rest of the year she either was much too hot or far too cold.

This time, when I suggested that I build her the studio of her dreams, I listened carefully as she told me what would make that studio ideal. I then added a few touches of my own, like floor to ceiling windows, a 20 foot cathedral ceiling, and, of course, heat and air-conditioning.

Each day for a month, I would be so excited to show her the progress. This was a 1,500 sq.ft.studio and I was the general contractor and assisted in the construction. Again to my dismay, my beloved showed no interest in the process.

When the studio was completed, she stepped inside and said, “…this is beautiful. Thank you.”   With that, I then moved all of her equipment from the warehouse into the new studio where she quickly unpacked everything and organized the space.

She received my gift and my passion in the love language of giving.

Written by Barry

 

Newly Coupled: the Learning Curve

by Ansuya Nathanin LOVE

3. “You don’t know me!!!”

Yup, I actually said that. But it gets worse. Imagine it been said like a petulant stepchild would say, “You’re not my REAL Dad!!” *Door slam.

Hmmmmm…

I probably don’t need to point this out but I had a few hang ups going into this relationship. Not in the least that I thought I was not a good person. Not a bad person, per se. Just not a very good one. Let’s just say that there were a few shitty things I had done in the past that I had not yet forgiven myself for. So when my bf tries to tell me I am, indeed, a good person, I want him to know there is stuff about me he doesn’t know! That I have a dark side and he and his ever-loving niceness better watch out!

Sheesh…

4. Asking, directly or indirectly, about his or her ex.

This is always, ALWAYS a recipe for disaster. And I’ve done this so many times, there’s no one quote to encapsulate it. The thing is I want to seem cool about it. Y’know, we’ve both been in previous relationships, whatever happened before got us to this point, etc, etc. I’ve got it down to such a fine art now, that I don’t even have to be asking about her to be gathering information. But holy flaming jealousy! An instant wave of nausea hits, I turn into a robot – very calm and logical and still – until I can change the subject or exit the scene entirely.

5. “ Can you remember any stupid things I said to you early on in our relationship? I’m writing my next article.”

Ok, so technically this isn’t something that falls under the initial concept of this piece. But let’s just say I am still opening to learning from my mistakes…  So when my beau told me something dumb and hurtful that I’d said which I’d long forgotten about, at first I got a wee bit defensive, then I tried to explain myself, then I simply said ‘I’m sorry’.  So see – I am growing up little by little each time. Maybe by this time next year I’ll be able to go straight to ‘I’m sorry’.

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