LOVE Archives - Page 21 of 36 - Love TV

Category: LOVE

Looking for Love on a Trail of Breadcrumbs

by Virginia Jonesin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

If you respond, they might say something back and they might not.  You might get a picture with a caption that feels generic/out of context, and this is because they’re sending it to a bunch of people.

If you’re Facebook or Insta friends with them, they might wordlessly “like” a particularly nice selfie or adventure photo, just pressing a button and changing the color of a thumb or a heart somewhere in the virtual universe, to remind you that they still exist and on some distant star, they might still like you.  You get just enough interaction to remember that they’re out there, sometimes thinking about you.

I had a really great first date with a curly-haired breadcrumber who kept in sporadic touch with me, which made me sad because I really had fun on our date and wanted to see him again.  I ran into him six months later and he asked me out again, and when I told him no, he was really surprised.

Me: “I have a two-three week test period on first dates.  Your window of opportunity to ask me out again has long since expired.”  (This is fancier than how I really said it, I think the f-word was in my original response.)

Him: “Oh!  I wish I’d known that was a requirement.” (That’s what he really said)

Me: “I think it’s pretty normal.  If I see you every six months, that’s less often than my parole officer or my hairdresser.  That’s not dating.  I don’t know what it is.”

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How to Accommodate Different Career Drives in Your Relationship

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

6) Accept that you will be loved differently.

Ambitious people will love you through their late nights, using you as motivation to push through. They will share with you and seek your validation. They include you in their victories and look to you for comfort in their losses. But if you are looking to be the center of someone’s universe, don’t date a dream chaser.

Advice:

You have to be OK with knowing that your mate’s appreciation and love for you will be expressed in a non-conventional way. This may mean having to completely redefine what love looks in your mind.

7) Do not make us choose.

If you value your relationship, the last thing you want to do is give your partner an ultimatum. If you force them to choose between you and what they love, they will choose their passion. If they do not choose their work, they will love you with resentment in their heart.

Advice:

If you are fed up with feeling like you are second to your partner’s work, then express your discontent in a way that can be resolved amicably. Be willing to be flexible in your demands and give honor to their hard work.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

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Why He Didn’t Call Back

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Daniel L.

Sales Manager for a very popular toy company – Chronic dater

Well they show their baggage early and often, the more it starts to look like I am going to be more psychologist than boyfriend it makes the decision easy – I just stop calling.

One example

– I met this chick and we went on a date to a restaurant; they have TV’s in there of course.  While we are talking you know I am looking around and see some dude bust his ass on one of the TV’s and I start giggling.  She immediately assumes I am laughing at her and keeps asking me what’s funny.

I point out the guy on the TV and she didn’t think it was funny, and goes back into her diatribe about men and how she was done wrong in her past relationship.  I could have poured a 32 oz. drink of the low self-esteem she was exuding.

It was clear she was insecure and was still dealing with her previous relationship.  She was nice and I felt sorry for her, but I couldn’t be that guy to help her get over her problems!

Conclusion

It goes right back to the same problem men have with women and rejection – basically we are afraid of hurting feelings so we choose to silently depart. Bad communication; you talk too much; you smoke; you have bad teeth; all can be summed up into one statement:

“I am not really feeling you to date you any further so this is goodbye.”

Saying this will lead to more questions where a woman may want a whole score card on the date and where she went wrong. This isn’t something any guy would want to answer, so again it’s easier to just disappear and dodge her phone calls… eventually she gets the hint right?

So ladies and gentlemen, what do you think about this? Is this news to you, or was it easier to believe that he didn’t call because you wouldn’t sleep with him?

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

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Falling in Love in a Foreign Language

by zfortadminin LOVE

I am now fluent in an odd “franglais” hybrid that makes sense only to us. Our conversations sound like one end of a phone call, the other gibberish to anyone who doesn’t speak both. I often catch people giving me sidelong glances in the metro; I forget how strange it sounds. That’s how our fights sound, too—staccato and strange, punctuated by changes in language and pauses when we’re not sure that the other party has fully comprehended that last jab.

I sometimes feel alienated by the fact that he has never seen the TV series “Daria” or heard of the Dave Matthews Band. He has become exasperated by the fact I speak too loudly on the phone and still sometimes use “le” when it should be “la.”

His friends have told me, no holds barred, that I’m better than “la dernière,” the last one, but they still keep me at a distance. I’m not part of the core group of high school “amis” that French men hold onto long into adulthood. I am different, “étrangère.” It’s no coincidence that the French words for “foreigner” and “stranger” are the same.

When he met my expat friends, I provided an Americanized nickname, as most of my friends do—Chris instead of Christophe, Tom instead of Thomas, Zav instead of Xavier. When he met my parents, he said “focus” twice in conversation, even though I told him not to; given his accent and complete inability to pronounce short vowels, it sounds far too close to another, less appropriate phrase.

Speaking of which, French men are excellent in that department. They call it “making love,” which struck me as strange and far too intimate, at first, because I wasn’t sure I was in love.

Now, I say “Je t’aime” for his benefit. I say “I love you” for mine. After all these years, there are still some things that just don’t hold the same weight in any language but my own.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

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Why We Choose a Big Wedding When We Don’t Want One

by zfortadminin LOVE

I’ve talked more than one groom off the ledge when his bride was being unreasonable during wedding planning. I tell them that the last few weeks before the wedding are like an out-of-control carriage, with nobody driving the horses. I say “hold on tight, and remember to breathe,” and I promise them their beautiful fiancé will return to normal after their big day.

Dr. Greer says that the imbalance can lead to arguments and conflict.

“If one person doesn’t place the same importance on the fine details, and the other does, they may either be disinterested, uncooperative, or reluctant to contribute their assistance to handling the responsibilities,” Dr. Greer says. “It can make their partner feel uncared for or disappointed that their future spouse is not sharing the same excitement and enthusiasm for the wedding.”

When one of my brides tells me how angry she is with her fiancé about something wedding-related, I’m quick to caution her not to do anything or say anything that she can’t live with forever. They’re planning a day that is the launchpad for rest of their lives together. As a married couple, they’ll face far more difficult challenges. How they handle disagreements and stress together foreshadows their responses in difficult situations later on. If you cannot agree where to seat people at your wedding, how will you make decisions that actually matter later in life?

Every wedding – whether you have a huge bash or escape to elope – is significant and important for the couple. Dollars spent on the wedding day to not represent years of happiness after you say “I do.” Although life is certainly easier when your parents are on board with your wedding plans, what you actually decide to do should be up to the couple. And they should both buy in to the total package before any planning begins.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

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20 Ways to LOVE

by zfortadminin LOVE

20 ways to love

How will you celebrate love this weekend!? This video was made to share some ideas…please watch it here. We believe it’s the little things that count, creative surprises, things unspoken. We’re excited to hear your unique ways of expressing love, please share in the comments below!!!

Curated by Erbe
Original Video

LOVE Lessons to Know from Top Achievers

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Business owners can offer insightful — and inspiring — love advice.

There’s something pretty damn inspiring about CEOs. Not only because they were able to master their field and rise to the top, with many coming from very little, but also because of the sheer amount of passion, dedication and well, faith, that comes with the job title. When you consider your professional goals, you might have ‘run your own company’ somewhere toward the top, and for good reason: the benefit of being in charge of your professional future (and of the team reporting to you) is exciting and liberating. But what about being in control of your love life, too?

While having a successful resume and love life aren’t quite the same, they do require those same qualities: passion, dedication, and faith. That’s why business owners can offer insightful — and inspiring — love advice. They’ve not only had to learn how to manage that unattainable work/life balance, but they’ve discovered how to start, run, and flourish in something they love.

Here, nine CEOs share their best piece of dating advice. Who knows, it might just be the pro tip that helps you rise to the top of your latest match’s Tinder feed (or take your existing relationship to a new level):

1. When You’re With Someone You Love, Be Present

“I log over 150,000 miles a year traveling the world for ARIIX. The best piece of advice I have learned from running ARIIX is to make my husband and children my number one priority. In order for me to maintain a proper work/life balance I specifically carve out time between trips to be with my husband and children, after all they are the ones that keep me going. Whenever I am at home with them, I make it a point to be present — usually we have at least one meal together with a ‘no shop-talk’ rule, and I keep my phone upstairs.” -Deanna Latson, founder and chief product officer of ARIIX

2. Try Not to Rush Toward The Finish Line

“As a married mom and an entrepreneur, I try to remember that what I’m signed up for is a marathon not a sprint. In both life and work, I’m trying to build something really solid that will last. Some Saturdays, I’m not at home because I’ve prioritized work — but I often walk out of the offices earlier than other team members in order to make bath time and bedtime (and my husband does as well).” -Jennie Ripps, CEO and founder of The Owl’s Brew

3. Be With Someone Who Loves What You Love

“I’ve been in two serious relationships since starting my company nearly 20 years ago. There is a stark contrast between the two, and the biggest differing factor was an interest in what my company does. Find someone who has a genuine interest in what you do.

In my past relationship, the woman I was with had zero interest. She could not understand my frustrations, my wins and my losses. She didn’t care. The problem with this sort of relationship is that the company is the CEO’s baby. It’s as if she had no interest in my son.

I am now married to my best friend, who understands my company inside and out. She is a partner in so many different ways and constantly has good advice and completely understands every challenge, every win, and every loss.

This is so important because there is only one person in the world who has no ulterior motives and has only my best interests at heart. I’ve heard CEOs say their employees are like family, but I believe that’s only because their family doesn’t get what they do. Nothing can replace a true partner in life.” -Jeremy Shepard, founder of Pearl Paradise, Inc.

4. Find A Routine That Lets You Play

“Managing my love life and my business has always been a challenge for me but I’ve gotten better at it over the years. My best advice is to get on a routine and stick with it. Set boundaries for yourself around your business and make dedicated time per week for your love life that will not hamper your chances of success with building your company.

What works for me is working late every night and getting home at 9:30 p.m. That being said, Friday afternoons and Sunday afternoons are set aside for making deposits into my relationship.

This way nobody is surprised or caught off guard and you and your significant other can fall into a rhythm and not feel cheated. The reality is to make it in today’s tough business world your business is probably going to have to be your priority or at least tied for top priority along with your relationship.” -Bryan Clayton, CEO of GreenPal

5. Get Out Of Your Head And Talk To Strangers!

“While running your daily errands, at a cafe or on your morning commute (whether it be on a train platform, parking your car or even waiting to cross the street), force yourself to smile at the intriguing stranger next you and simply utter the word, ‘Hi.’ You really have absolutely nothing to lose except an opportunity.” -Lori Cheek, CEO and founder of Cheekd

6. Don’t Treat Your Partner Like A Business Partner

“Through the years of running various companies, I’ve realized that you cannot treat your significant other like you would someone in your business life. What do I mean by this? If you send your significant other a Google Calendar invite, or otherwise directly schedule them into your day in your calendar even if it’s an 8 p.m. dinner date, the reaction you get back will not be pleasant!

Your significant other wants to know that they are special to you and you will not treat scheduling time with them in the same way that you treat your business meetings. Let’s face it — we all do it just to stay organized, especially as our days get more packed. But, perhaps think of another way of remembering those date nights!” -Keith Shields, CEO of Designli

7. Try Your Best To Remain Flexible

“There are a lot of parallels between marriage and running a company. The best advice for both is to be flexible. The only certainty in marriage and business is change and those who can adjust, change and constantly improve will be happy at home and successful in business. Don’t be afraid of change or obstacles, embrace them and you will grow and prosper!” -Nick Braun, Founder & CEO, PetInsuranceQuotes.com

8. Listen To Your Partner And Celebrate The Little Things

“Running a business and love are very similar. The number one key to doing either successfully is mastering the art of communication. Listening to the other person, repeat what you heard for clarification, removing ego, understanding what the end result looks like, and willing to be wrong to achieve that end result.

It’s also important to celebrate the little wins. In business, we sometimes forget to celebrate our victories, and in relationships we forget to appreciate the small things.” -Austin Iuliano, CEO of Snapchatmastery.com

9. Remember You Don’t Have To Do It Alone

Maintaining my relationship with my girlfriend has been very difficult, but has ultimately strengthened our bond. As a business owner and also entrepreneur I have gone through some crazy highs (receiving funding to grow the business) to some very difficult lows such as getting unjust lawsuits filed against the business. This has ultimately affected our relationship and really made us go through really difficult times in a very short period of time.

My best advice though came from when I realized that I wasn’t the only one feeling this struggle of the lowest lows. As a business owner, I felt like I was the one feeling all of the burden and stress that came from owning a business, but I wasn’t. My number one fan was right there alongside me feeling every pain that I was feeling. Both of us didn’t try to fake putting on a strong face and be the one who said ‘it will all be OK.’ We went through the most difficult times and we did it together — she’s got my back and I’ve got hers!” -Ryan Chan, CEO and Founder at UpKeep

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Developing Your LOVE Muscles = Quality LOVE

by zfortadminin LOVE

4. You can have fun

Sometimes a little humor can go a long way. Be silly and fun. Allow your inner nerd to come out and encourage your partner to dork-out along with you. Laughter is key to any relationship and it creates a bond (and inside jokes) that only the two of you share. Not only will having a good sense of humor ensure you and your partner have a good time together, but it may be what keeps you afloat when life gets difficult.

5. You’re willing to grow

When you meet your partner you may both love the Grateful Dead, Italian food, and soccer, but that doesn’t mean these passions can’t change and evolve. Encourage your partner’s personal growth and be open to your own. Things will change and if you can be flexible and open about your significant other’s sudden interest in skateboarding or French culture, it will go a long way in maintaining an open and successful relationship.

6. You challenge them

Part of what makes a couple successful is their ability to challenge each other. If your partner feels like you’re dragging them down — the relationship won’t last long. It’s important to be paired in a way that encourages growth from both parties. Maybe your knowledge of the art world inspires your partner or the that fact that you’re hardworking and ambitious. It’s important to not only grow and learn from a relationship, but to be able to offer that quality to your partner in return.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

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Alien Encounter (AKA: A Non-Monogamist Goes to a Wedding)

by Lisa Lauretain LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

“’Til death do us part,” has always been replaced in my mind with, “’Til next Tuesday, then…we’ll see.”

When I was a child, I used to play house. Like most children, I would mimic what I grew up with, so, of course, I was often a single mother. I did have a healthy example of a relationship through my grandparents who to this are completely and madly in love. While I realize that high levels of commitment are possible, I tend to find them improbable, and have never desired them in my own life. I haven’t entertained the concept of marriage or long-term monogamy since back in the days of cabbage patch kids when I would receive pretend phone calls from a pretend absentee husband (who was always named after the boy I had a current crush on) telling me he’d be late again and to go ahead and start pretend dinner without him.

In my more recent romantic endeavors, which are slightly more real, I still never pretend to say forever. I’m the kind of person who changes so much from day to day, let alone year to year, that I think it’s unfair to make such a promise when you know it can’t be kept. I believe that marriage is great for some people, but fewer than we’re willing to admit, and definitely not me. “’Til death do us part,” has always been replaced in my mind with, “’Til next Tuesday, then…we’ll see.” So the thought of weddings seemed as make-believe as the phone calls I was receiving from Scott when I was seven years old in my playroom kitchen.

I’ve been lucky enough to have a lot of queer friends, who up until recently didn’t even have the legal right to exchange vows, in addition to a lot of nomadic wanderers like myself who are equally either against or afraid of commitment. Those I know who are married were already in their matrimonial state when I found them, and lucky for me, I’ve never had to buy a dress just to watch them prove their love for one another. This luck has lasted for about fifteen years, but came to an abrupt end this last winter.

My current partner, like so many others, has a family. And his family, also like so many others, likes to get together around the holidays. His cousin happened to plan her wedding on January 2 in Florida. A strange date to me, but who am I to judge? This date happened to be a great way to ensure that everyone’s holidays revolve around a one special bride. Because it’s really the only time of year his family sees him, he was guilted into attending this silliness. Now, I’m not big on holidays, but I love New Years Eve. I also love trips to Florida, hotel sex, and free cake. I was promised all of these if I were to accompany him on this journey. So I went. And I discovered a few things, including but not limited to: weddings are weird.

The first thing I learned was that weddings have websites. As if the bride and groom are comedians trying to get road gigs, they’ve got an “about” page, a bio, and a schedule of events. Upon visiting their dot com, I discovered many things about the bride and groom. Apparently the bride was romantically sleeping off a headache before she came out of the bedroom. That’s when the groom got down on one knee! They like each other because they both like board games. Amazing that two people with such distinct similarities could ever have found each other. The schedule of events page at one point actually read, “the bride and groom will then go to their room, and be in there for approximately a half hour, before coming down to the reception…” Did they just tell us they were gonna fuck?! I’m sorry. “Consummate?” And a half hour? I can’t tell if they’re joking.

Before the ceremony

So we drive from California to Daytona where we meet his family with the usual, “hey how are ya, nice to meet ya, please don’t think of me as your next daughter-in-law…” greetings. Oh, did I mention I hadn’t met his parents yet? Yeah, so that happens. It’s fine. When you’re in a place surrounded by alligators, your partner’s parents don’t seem so bad.

The next day is the big event. Until now the only weddings I’d ever attended were Catholic, so I’m expecting a long ceremony including a full mass and no kiss at the end. I’m wrong. I’ve already had much of the hotel sex I’d been promised so I’m in a fairly good mood. It also helps that the wedding was not at a church, but rather held on a large patio at a hotel with a nicer pool than ours, making me wish I’d worn my swimsuit under my dress.

The ceremony

As soon as we get there, I feel as though I’m being sized-up by the entire family. I wish I’d brought a sign to wear around my neck that reads, “I’m not trying to join. I’m also not the reason he got divorced.” But I hear signs are out of fashion for weddings these days. In an attempt to keep it cool and casual, I stuff my face with hors d’oeuvres. I look around and there doesn’t appear to be any free cake just yet. Then I remember from the few weddings I’ve been to that the cake comes later. I decide I can wait, but not long.

Everyone eventually starts to head over to the chairs, set up in two separate columns, as if to say, “we like each other but we’re not family YET.” All the guests are asked to grab a rock from a basket. I think my question, “are we going to stone the bride?” is a fair one at this point. We take our seats and I learn something else about weddings: they have programs. Great, I love plays! I look for the bride’s headshot and bio with a blurb about how she’s been doing off-Broadway projects for so long and she’s super grateful to join the touring cast of RENT. It’s not there. But a schedule is, which is nice because I’m able to treat it like a countdown to cake.

The music begins and I can’t help but be distracted by a couple making out on the beach. They look like they’re really going for it, and I don’t understand why we’re all looking back at a bunch of girls in bad dresses walking awkwardly down an aisle when sexy fun times are happening right in front of us. The bride is wearing white, adding to the ever-growing list of things I don’t understand. I mean, we all read the website, right? They were living together. Am I being presumptuous when I say she’s probably not a virgin anymore? Maybe it’s possible with this couple, but honestly, why are we all so inclined to pretend? It’s like the “ooos” and “aaahhhs” that come out of everyone’s mouths as they look at the people marching one by one. It all feels so rehearsed, and why? BECAUSE IT IS! They rehearse these things! “Ooooo, the bride is glowing!” Well sure she is, and so are all of us. This is Florida, and that’s not glow, that’s sweat.

Dad symbolically kisses the bride goodbye forever, like he’s never going to see her again, before sitting in the front row where he’s got a better view of her now than he did when she went to college. “Goodbye forever…or until you move back in with me and your mom because you realize you shouldn’t have spent so much on a wedding and should’ve used that money for a down payment on a house.”

The next thing that happens is possibly my favorite thing in the world. The bride’s aunt gets up to speak. She reads a passage from one of the bride’s favorite books, which happens to be a Winnie the Pooh book. It’s cute because it’s about friends that last forever, but that’s not why I’m so psyched. The passage begins with the words, “Pooh is in me, Pooh is in all of us.” How am I not supposed to laugh?!?! WHY IS NO ONE ELSE LAUGHING?!?!?!

The man wearing the white collar tells us to think a positive thought for the bride and groom and put that energy into the rock before we pass the rock toward the middle of the aisle where someone with a basket will collect it. Great, I don’t even get to keep the rock?! Fine, I wish them good sex for as long as they can stand each other and the courage to get out of it if and when they ever feel it’s time before passing my rock to the middle.

As people are talking about forever, I can’t help but think to myself, how can you be so bold? How can anyone make a promise even for tomorrow, in a world where literally the only thing that’s for sure is change? How do you know you’re still going to be boring two years from now? Let alone fifty?! Why are you doing this to yourself? You’re an American woman who can buy her own land! You don’t need this. And his family doesn’t need goats in exchange for you. So why go through all of it? If you need the attention, become an actor.

The wedding is officially over and it’s time for cake! No? Still no cake?! Oh great, pictures. My partner’s mom tries to get me to pose with the family. I politely decline, three times. After two it feels a little less polite but I just don’t want to be a part of this memory. I want to be like a ghost. You feel my presence but you can’t quite put a finger on just how I look or what I say or how much cake I eat. Speaking of cake…

The reception

We head up to the reception and the bride and groom theoretically head up to their room to fuck like they said they would. I finally get some free food, and quickly realize that nothing’s free. My asparagus and potatoes come at the cost of waiting through several speeches before my partner’s mother switches her seat so she can sit next to me and attempt a Spanish Inquisition about her son, and myself, and how we met. It’s as though she’s expecting a sweet, romantic story. I tell her “online” and am vague with my answers in hopes to shut it down.

Throughout the evening, people cling on their glasses prompting the bride and groom to kiss. That’s right, like dogs with a pre-conditioned response. It’s Pavlov’s kiss. I can only hope this trained response carries over into their day-to-day lives. Maybe after the honeymoon, he’s at a work meeting and someone at the conference table accidentally hits their water glass with a pen. Next thing you know, he’s planting a big wet one on his boss. “Oops. Sorry about that, boss. I just got married.” “Ahh,” everyone gets it and laughs it off because he’s trained now.

I think it’s important to mention that I’m a person who likes to play games when she’s bored. So, I begin to play a game with my partner. I tell him that every time we hear the group say “Aw” at something adorable and/or sickeningly sweet, it’s one more guy that gets added to the gangbang he owes me for coming to this wedding. We may not be quite as traditional as the bride and groom, but we like games just as much!

So, we’ve watched the ancient tradition of a woman being given away as though she’s switching owners. We’ve also watched a series of awkward dances while I successfully avoided the dance floor myself, not because I don’t love dancing, but because I feel twerking is inappropriate in front of Christian grandparents with heart conditions. I’ve also successfully avoided pretending like I care about catching fake flowers at the end of the night. And best of all, I finally get my cake!!!

So, why do we get married?

The night was as successful as it could be, but I can’t help but wonder why this all still happens? Why do we still feel the need? I understand there are tax breaks that come with marriage, and certain rights that a married couple has that no one else does, like insurance coverage and other protections. But it doesn’t seem to be about that. If it were, everyone would just do this in a courtroom. So why? Why do people who are supposedly utterly and completely in love feel a need to go through this whole charade? And why is it so highly valued by some? I’ve grown up with girls whose main goal in life was marriage, and who feel like they’re not whole until they find someone to take through this archaic ritual.

It’s my understanding that love is between the people who are in it, and if it’s real, it doesn’t need to be shouted about. If you happen to be a person who needs a promise of forever, why do these particular traditions stick around? Why does the female need a rock that was probably found by an African living a terrible life just so some woman living across the globe can have something shiny on her finger? Why does she wear a big white dress to pretend like she’s this pristine, virginal thing when really she’s someone who should be proud of her past, whether it’s peppered with mistakes or not, because it’s what got her to where she is now? Why does the groom dress like all the other men and just stand there while he’s “given” a woman, “his” woman? Why is there an aisle? Why do all of these people need to be here to watch? When you look at it, really look at it, the only thing that makes sense about a wedding is the cake. I know why there’s cake.

The entire event left me feeling like an alien or a time traveler who knows the truth but can’t say anything because it’ll mess with the time space continuum. So I’ll say it now: if you’re in love, just be in love, for however long, with whomever it happens to be with. Be nice to each other. Listen to each other. Talk to each other. And if it fades away or becomes less fun, then allow each other to go your separate ways amicably and know that you’ll always have those beautiful memories of great hotel sex.

How I Knew I Found Someone Special

by Robin Tranin LOVE

What I didn’t expect that night was instant chemistry. It took little effort for us to keep a conversation going, and I love talking more than almost anything in life. We had very witty back-and-forth banter. And on top of that, there was a palpable sexual attraction we had for each other.

But it wasn’t until later that night that I realized I found someone special.

When I got back home, I couldn’t get her out of my mind. I had been enamored with other women in the past. I had been in love before. But this was the first time in my entire life when I felt that I could see someone more than a couple of times a week without getting bored or overwhelmed.

Shortly after our first date, I moved in with her, and we’ve been living together ever since.

I broke every rule I previously had for her. The thing is, though, I still have my introverted tendencies where I can’t see anyone else more than a couple of times a week. I still have to be by myself at times, even from my girlfriend, where we’ll spend time in other rooms, or I’ll sleep in the living room.

But I still love seeing her every day, and I miss her every time she goes to work. I feel like I can’t get enough of her. And this isn’t codependency; it’s that I found someone that I’m willing to share my life with, introverted tendencies and all.

I knew I found someone special because I put the way she makes me feel above everything else. I didn’t look at any arbitrary standards of what constitutes lovability. All I cared about was that she made me happy whenever I was around her, and she helps me help myself feel worthy of that love every day.

I hope that you have rules that you stand and abide by, but I hope, even more, that you find someone who you love so much that it makes you break your own rules.

Life is hard, and when you find someone you want to spend all of your time with, and it’s still not enough, work on building that relationship for as long as you can.

For me, there’s no better feeling in the world.

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How to Win at Online Dating

by Carlyn Hudsonin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

  1. If it doesn’t work, let him know, and quickly move on.

I’m going to advocate for something here that’s not exactly a popular tactic with the youth. Instead of “ghosting” (I had to look it up too), tell the person the truth.

Last year I went on a lovely date with a guy who would have been an amazing match except that I didn’t feel chemistry with him. When I got the dreaded “I had such a great time with you! What’s your schedule like next week?” I put on my big girl panties and said something along the lines of, “I had a great time with you too, but I’m afraid I’m not feeling the love connection. Friends?” He sent me, no joke, a GIF of Nicky Minaj doing a hair flip, along with the response, “All good. Thanks for being up-front with me! See you around.”

I can only imagine that once he got over the initial shock of my response (I won’t pretend like rejection doesn’t hurt), he was glad to not be on the hook for weeks, wondering if I forgot to pay my phone bill, was playing a marathon version of “the game,” or some other stupid excuse we come up with in our minds to convince ourselves we’re not just being blown off when we know, deep down, that’s exactly what’s happening.

Think about the golden rule here. Don’t forget that these are humans you’re going out with, so treat them with respect, yeah. Unless you get an unsolicited dick pic. In that case, you have my full permission to send endless photos of micro-penises to that scumbag.

  1. Be kind to yourself.

When I was on Bumble I matched with about 30 guys in the first day (see? Not kidding about the numbers game). I messaged all of them, and got responses from only half. I was NOT happy about being rejected that many times, but you know what? It doesn’t matter. They don’t know me, and unfortunately for them, they never will (hey-ooooo!).

If you’re dating, online or IRL, you will probably get your feelings hurt, and will almost certainly feel rejected. I am sending you a big hug from the interwebs because I know how hard it can be. It would be very convenient to turn on a robot switch when feelings are on the line, but alas, it’s not 2020 quite yet.

In the meantime, be very, very kind to yourself. Keep in mind that dating is hard for everyone, and even Cara Delevingne gets rejected (look, those eyebrows aren’t for cowards).

But if you’re going to do it, follow these rules, and WIN*.

*(Cue DJ Khaled)

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A Pageant Dropout’s Guide to Love

by RJ Newellin LOVE

Every shred of my true self had disappeared – but that was a good thing, right? Now I was exactly what the judges wanted.

The pageant came. I was nervous. After all, I was giving myself to them completely. My body, mind, and soul had been pining for this for months. I had dropped everything else I was doing, just for this. My career, my self-esteem, my life depended on winning. I had twisted myself to fit the mold of a smiling, perfect beauty queen. Was I good enough, yet?

They loved me, they said. But it was not meant to be.

I lost a lot more than the crown, that night. I felt I had lost my purpose, my sense of self…my identity. But that was only because I had given them away. This was a messy breakup, the kind that takes a couple of years to bounce back from. And today, looking back, I finally see it all so clearly.

It wasn’t the pageant that broke my heart; it was my warped view of it. I had come to depend on their admiration so much that I lost the ability to supply it for myself.

When your entire self-worth is wrapped up in something (or someone)… it’s not love. It took me several unhealthy relationships and losing an international beauty pageant to learn this the hard way.

Don’t say ‘I’ll love myself when [insert self-improvement goal here]. Because self-love is not conditional, self-loathing is. Acceptance and approval from others may be what you want, but self-love is what you need. If you do not truly value yourself, attention from others will never be enough.

Love is not a competition. If your partner (or crush) demands that you change yourself in exchange for their affection, walk away. There is only one you. And you deserve to have your needs met, just as much as anyone else. Love is not a game to win; it’s a journey to share.

This may have been a painful experience, but I have no regrets. I’ve learned from each mistake. Every failure presents an opportunity to love myself better next time. And I’m grateful. Starting over was a gift that led me here.

So, take it from the Pageant Dropout: Life is short; live the one that satisfies you. Love is valuable, so invest in the one that feeds your soul.

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If Your Dad Wanted to Pay a Man to Marry You…

by zfortadminin LOVE

What would you do?

Fathers can be so embarrassing right? How they’re always making hokey dad jokes to the waitresses at dinner, dancing like idiots at weddings, and making public offers to pay a guy millions of dollars to marry you. Uh, come again?

Dads, am I right?

Going way beyond the usual “Oh Dad” groaner, a property developer in Hong Kong with way too much money on his hands has offered the equivalent of $64 million to any man who will marry his daughter, Gigi Chao. And I thought the time my grandma offered my boyfriend a diamond ring to give me was bad! Sheesh.

To be fair, Cecil Chao Sze-tsung did say that his only requirement for potential suitors is that he “loves my daughter, and she loves him,” so maybe his heart is sort of in the right place?

Or maybe not exactly. Adding to the drama, there are reports that the marriage offer is timed to a significant development in Chao’s life. Last week, she may have eloped via civil ceremony in France with her longtime female companion, Sean Eav (a union which would not be recognized in Hong Kong). Ouch. Chao has tactfully declined to talk about her personal life, saying “I’m not afraid to admit anything. But I do want to respect my parents.” She says his proposal to the men of the world is “quite entertaining.”

Well, she sounds like a classy lady who deserves love from any man or woman she chooses, without a multi-million dollar incentive. I’ll choose to follow her dignified path and refrain from any comments except to say how thankful I am for my own dad for never trying to interfere in my love life.

Do you find this dad’s move to marry off his daughter to a man totally horrifying? Or is he just looking out for her happiness? Has your dad ever done anything to interfere in your love life?

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Why We Fail in Today’s Relationships

by zfortadminin LOVE

We’re a generation of ‘wanderers’ who wouldn’t stay at one place for too long. Everyone is commitment phobic. We believe we’re not meant for relationships. We don’t want to settle down. Even the thought of it is scary. We cannot imagine being with one person for the rest of our lives. We walk away. We despise permanence like it’s some social evil. We like to believe we’re ‘different’ than the rest. We like to believe we don’t conform to social norms.

We’re a generation that calls itself ‘sexually liberated’. We can tell sex apart from love, or so we think. We’re the hook-up-break-up generation. We have sex first and then decide if we want to love someone. Sex comes easy, loyalty doesn’t. Getting laid has become the new getting drunk. You do it not because you love the other person, but because you want to feel good. It’s all the temporary fulfillment we need. Sex outside relationships isn’t a taboo anymore. Relationships aren’t that simple anymore. There are open relationships, friends with benefits, casual flings, one-night stands, no strings attached – we’ve left very little exclusivity for love in our lives.

We’re the practical generation who runs by logic alone. We don’t know how to love madly anymore. We wouldn’t take a flight to a far-off land just to see someone we love. We’d break up because, long distance. We’re too sensible for love. Too sensible for our own good.

We’re a scared generation – scared to fall in love, scared to commit, scared to fall, scared to get hurt, scared to get our hearts broken. We don’t allow anyone in, nor do we step out and love anyone unconditionally. We lurk from behind walls we’ve created ourselves, looking for love and running away the moment we really find it. We suddenly ‘cannot handle it’. We don’t want to be vulnerable. We don’t want to bare our soul to anyone. We’re too guarded.

We don’t even value relationships anymore. We let go of the most wonderful people for ‘the other fishes in the sea.’ We don’t consider them sacred anymore.

There’s nothing we couldn’t conquer in this world, and yet, here we are ham-fisted at the game of love – the most basic of human instincts. Evolution, they call it.

Curated by Jeremy
Original Article

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Is Your First Date a Success? Here is How to Tell.

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

When you’re in the thick of a date (whether it’s the first, second, or fifth), there are so many emotions, thoughts, and feelings running through each person’s head, it can be hard to judge how well the actual date itself is going.

How many times have you caught yourself leaving a date wondering, “Was that good?” “I had a good time. I wonder if they did, too?” Here’s a list of five tell-tale signs that will help you know if you’re date is going well:

1. You both laugh, a lot.

A connection via sense of humor is powerful. If you and your date spent the majority of your time together cracking up, chances are it went even better than you think it did! If you can laugh together, the possibilities are endless.

2. You keep jumping from one subject to another.

One of the best signs that you and someone else have really hit it off is if neither of you are able to stay on one topic very long. You both just have too much to say; one line of conversation reminds you of something else you just have to share with them right away! Fast-paced, exciting conversation like this is a great sign.

3. You didn’t even realize what time it was.

If the date flies by before you even realize what time it is, you can rest assured both of you are having a great time. It’s very telling when a date goes on much longer than either of you had planned. If just drinks turned into hours of talking then into dinner then into a nightcap, you just had yourself a great date!

4. Quiet moments are few and far between.

When you’re first getting to know someone, lag time between conversation topics should be pretty much non-existent. It’s natural for the fervor of new conversation to temper itself over time, but the very beginning should be filled with non-stop get-to-know-you exchanges. If you’re already experiencing painful, awkward silences on the first few dates, someone could either be extremely shy or just not the right match.

5. Your initial feeling when you get home is positive.

We all fall into the trap of over-analyzing a good situation. Don’t do that! When you walk in the door after your date, and the first feeling your gut gives you is “YAY!” then go with it. Don’t muddle your good feelings with pangs of nervousness or second-guessing. Chances are, if you truly believe the date went well, it did. Now relax, pour yourself a glass of wine, and get ready to divulge all the details to your friends.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article