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Category: LOVE

The Things You Undervalue About Dating

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Cuddling, sharing, and happiness! These are just some of the things we can enjoy about dating someone.

1. By default, you always have someone to do things with.

2. And you can communicate using special eye-code when other people are around.

3. You get honest (read: invested) fashion advice.

4. And like, you finally have someone to make your choreographed dreams come true.

5. Sofa time is accompanied by hi-tech foot-warming technology.

6. There’s also the sweet, sweet relief of a simple hand-holding sesh.

7. You see a SIGNIFICANT improvement in meals…

And finally someone will appreciate your smooth moves in the kitchen.

8. …and twice the manpower for cleaning up (and other boring chores)!

9. Let’s not forget: Joint. Streaming. Accounts.

Guilty pleasures are best shared!

10. In fact, sharing things in general…

11. …and saving $$$ as a result!

(AKA money left over to do even more things together!)

12. Your knowledge improves from adopting their smarts and interests…

13. …and so does your hygiene.

14. Let’s not forget the comfort of sleeping with your S.O.’s shirt while they’re away.

Bonus points if you have a pet — you get all their attention too!

15. Just having someone special to hug and hold is awesome…

…and best of all, even staycations in your sweatpants can be considered sexy.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

You Are Into Him and He’s Not….How to Say Goodbye

by zfortadminin LOVE

Get a new look

However small or insignificant this one may seem to you, go for it. All the things your guy kept you from trying out when you were a couple, are now free to be tested out. Experiment with a new hair color or cut, or change your wardrobe and give yourself a makeover. Embrace your freedom to do whatever you want, especially all those things that the love of your life stopped you from. These small steps are the building blocks to happiness that doesn’t just come from someone else. The source is now you yourself. How great is that! Learn Successful Relation Tips.

Have a girl’s night out-every week!

Nothing comforts a broken heart like your girlfriends. They’re the ones you once shared all your joys and sorrows with, and the ones who lifted you up when you were bummed about a failed test or a bruised knee. What makes you think they won’t be there now that you’re nursing a heart that’s been hurt beyond repair. Don’t just sit around waiting for them to come to you, take initiative and make plans ASAP. Go out to the most happening clubs where most singles hang out, or just have drinks together and laugh over all the crazy times you’ve spent together. Make this a weekly ritual, and stick to it.Trust me, you’ll feel like you’re right where you belong and your guy will be the furthest thing from your mind. Find out, what can make you feel happy!

Step up your routine

When we’re in a relationship, we dedicate large portions of our day to just being with them. Now that your guy has distanced himself completely, you find huge empty chunks in your day that you fill by feeling sorry for yourself. That’s a complete no-no. First thing first, fill in those hours by taking on new activities. It could be that yoga class you were dying to try out but never had time for. It could be something as simple as going for a long drive or a walk by yourself. Join a book club or a cycling group, anything that lets you be with new people and at the same time, takes your sad daily routine to something exciting that you look forward to. In no time, the guy who you once obsessed over will be a long distant memory. Also find some useful tips to deal with a breakup.

Cut-off all contact

After all is said and done, and he’s gone on with his life while you’re left hanging, the time comes when you must break all contact, at least for 3 months. That’s the healing period you owe yourself in the very least. While you are still wrapping your head around the idea of no longer having him in your life, you need to put as much distance as possible between him and yourself. If you go to school together, now is the time to tweak your time table and have your girls help you avoid him. As tempting as it is to just send a tiny text saying hello, just don’t do it. It’ll only lead to rejection later, all over again. Surround yourself with solid friends who will keep you from calling or texting him, and oh! No snooping on his Facebook account! Tell yourself its over and move on. Keep sensing these things so that you can get an idea of an being into an unhealthy relationship.

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Social Butterfly …What to Expect When Dating One

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

4. At happy or sad times, your partner will often want to be with their social support network.

If you are more introverted (gaining your energy from being alone), then it’s important to consciously remind yourself of this point. Keep in mind that your partner’s extroverted nature makes them happiest when sharing experiences with others – often, with many others. This means that they might prefer celebrating their birthday with dozens of their closest friends to enjoying a special evening with just the two of you. And, in difficult times, they may look to buoy themselves up by surrounding themselves with friends and family. So, if someone close to them dies, they might keep busy socially rather than holing up alone to grieve.

5. Find a balance of social time and quiet time as a couple that works for you.

To do this, you must know your personal need for being alone as compared with being with others. Then you must to ensure that your needs are met. Otherwise, you may find that you get swept up in your partner’s activity, leading you further and further away from what feels okay for you, both individually and as a couple. By contrast, you will be much happier if you and your partner are sensitive to creating a relationship that balances both of your preferences for being alone as individuals, alone as a couple, and together with others.

By keeping these tips in mind, you can help keep your relationship on course toward a happy future together.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

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Picking Up the Bill on a Date

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Women: “Practice Being Courted”

In the olden days, men routinely paid because women, generally speaking, didn’t have the means to do so. But if he offers to pay nowadays, it’s not because he thinks she can’t handle it; and he’s not trying to offend. He’s most likely just doing what feels instinctively appropriate in the moment.

So when he offers to pick up the tab, says Battista, “Let him. Practice being courted.”

Mendez agrees, and says letting him pay initially can be a small way of letting a relationship blossom. “It does let him know, in a subtle yet important way, that you are the kind of woman who is confident enough to accept his generosity,” he says.

This is not meant to set some sort of precedent where he pays all the time.

Remember that you can—and should—reciprocate (assuming there’s a next time). Let him pay for the first date and then offer to treat him the very next time you go out.

Or, if you’re planning to stay out after dinner, offer to grab a round of drinks or dessert at the next stop. This way you both get to practice your generosity, and it feels a bit more romantic than going halfsies all the time.

But what if she’s just not that into him?

Okay, but say she decides midway through the date—or even five minutes in—that this relationship has no future. Should she accept his offer to pay, or would that be leading him to think she’s interested in seeing him again?

The experts don’t see eye to eye on this. According to Mendez, “If during the course of the first date you decide that you absolutely don’t want to see this guy again, insisting on paying for your half can help you signal more clearly that you’re not open to it.”

Battista, on the other hand, says women shouldn’t worry too much about sending mixed signals by accepting his offer to pay.

“A lot of women think, ‘if he takes me out, then I owe him something,’” she says. “You don’t owe him anything. If he wants to pay, either be direct [and turn him down] or just allow him to pay because that’s part of the game of dating.”

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

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Here is Why Some Couples Never Cheat

by zfortadminin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Wondering how and why some couples never tend to cheat on each other? Here is the answer.

Perceptual downgrading of attractive persons who can turn out to be potential threats may help in sustaining relationships from temptation and keep couples from cheating on one another, finds a new study.

The findings showed that to keep up a steady relationship, couples are likely to use an unconscious ‘turn-off’ mechanism where either partner perceptually downgrades individuals who can act as possible threats to their relationships, as less attractive than they really are.

Couples who are highly satisfied with their current partners are more likely to use this mechanism.

“Committed individuals see other potential partners as less attractive than other people see them, especially if they see the attractive person as a threat to their relationship and even more so if they’re happy with their partner”, said lead author Shana Cole, Assistant Professor at Rutgers University in the US.

Both men and women indulge in this protective bias called ‘perceptual downgrading’ and which helps couples’ maintain their commitment to their current partners.

“When people encounter an enticing temptation, one way to reduce its motivational pull is to devalue the temptation”, Cole added in the paper published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.

“This study suggests that there are processes that may occur outside of conscious awareness to make it easier to stay committed to one’s partner”, she noted.

For the study, the team designed two studies. In the first study, the researchers told participants that they would be working with a very attractive person – who is either romantically unavailable or single.

They were shown the imaginary person’s face with its 10 morphed images and asked to pick the image that matched the original. The results shows that they consistently picked images morphed toward unattractiveness.

In the second study, the participants provided more information about their own romantic situations and the team described the imaginary person as single, and therefore, available.

Participants in relationships who thought the person was interested in dating found that person less attractive than individuals who were single.

People who were in relationships and were happy with their partners, perceived the imaginary person as less attractive than any other participant.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

You Are the Love Affair

by Kalistain LOVE, Mind, Wellness

A journey through the dimensions of your being, from soul to the Infinite Abyss; then forward as consciousness fully embodied into the Infinite. A direct path to authentic being. One can spend years in meditation or stripping layers of emotional wounds and shadows. These are honorable and meaningful practices, however, there is a more direct path. Entering into the Abyss at the core of being, all that is not truly you is dissolved effortlessly. Layers of inauthenticity, “seeking energy”, reaching, pushing, trying… dissolve. What remains, is simply and profoundly your true essence. It is the deep home coming, connecting you directly with your Source, aligning you with the true heart and depth of your unique being and creations.

YOU are the LOVE AFFAIR of the Infinite Abyss and Everything Arising. You are the miracle in between that love. Simultaneously Nothing and Everything, birthing something exquisitely new in every eternal moment.

What Matters to these Couples and Why We Should Care

by zfortadminin LOVE

Love is love.

Interracial relationships are beautiful.

This country didn’t always think so, however, since it wasn’t until less than 50 years ago that it became legal for mixed race couples to marry.

On June 12, 1967, the Supreme Court struck down state laws which banned individuals of different races from marrying in the Loving v. Virginia decision. Sunday marks the 48th annual celebration of this progressive milestone, aptly named “Loving Day.”

“I see Richard and Mildred Loving as strong yet soft-spoken heroes for me, my family, and generations to come,” Loving Day founder Ken Tanable wrote of the couple who helped make this decision possible. “They simply loved each other and wanted equality for all. This basic notion of celebrating love continues to be just as important today. I strongly encourage everyone to learn more about them and the gift they left us. Through knowledge, shared stories, and support, we can build a community that believes love is love.”

To celebrate Loving Day, HuffPost Black Voices asked its readers who are in interracial marriages and relationships to share their love with us. We received 30 responses from couples echoing Tanable’s sentiments and telling why their love matters. Their love for each other is absolutely heart warming.

Check out these wonderful couples below and if you’re in an interracial relationship, tell us why your love matters in the comments sections below.

TaRaea and Bryan

“My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years and together for almost 9 years. Both of our parents are in interracial marriages that have lasted 30+ years.Our parents embodied the freedom to love someone based on who they are, regardless of their skin color. We are immensely thankful for Mr. & Mrs. Loving for fighting for the basic human right of marring whomever you want.” – TaRaea Todtenhoefer

Keosha and Jonathan

“Our interracial relationship matters because love isn’t simple but family is. We are getting married in August of this year, and it each day I see the strength in our love and our family. I have no need to prove our love to people who assume we are not together because the idea of a black woman and a white man being in love is beyond their reality, and quite frankly, confuses them. I cannot stop people who see me holding his son’s (now my son’s) hand in the street from assuming that I am the nanny. Not seeing our love makes things complicated and fuels an ignorance that has plagued our society for generations. I realized that I cannot fix those thoughts in people. I can just love my family. Yes, I am Black and he is White but more importantly, he is the man that loves me. And just as important, I love him.” – Keosha Bond and Jonathan Shank

Franklyn and Niki

“My relationship with my girlfriend Niki matters to me because I can freely love someone who makes me a better person and keeps me happy. She understands that being with me will be a challenge, especially in a world where some people think interracial couples are to be looked down upon. One of the most important things about my relationship is that she loves me being unapologetically Black. 

The amount of love I feel isn’t quantifiable. I’ve been with Niki for less than a year, and we’re already having our first child, but I feel so connected to her in multiple ways. Knowing that less than fifty years ago, she and I could have never been together is a daunting thought. When loving someone becomes a crime, upheld by white supremacy, I think of how fortunate I am to have someone like her.” – Franklyn Brown

David and Karl

“My relationship with my partner, Karl, matters most of all because we support each other, bring joy to each other, and help challenge each other to become our best selves.

But in doing that, we daily commit “personal as political” acts that we believe have an impact, however subtle, on how others perceive both race and sexual orientation.  As an interracial couple, we demonstrate that individuals of different races have more in common than not. This is particularly important in the gay community where race continues to be a polarizing factor in the pursuit of sexual and romantic interactions.  In the hetero-normative world, our presence has a double impact, helping to break down pre-conceived notions regarding racial divisions as well as challenging others regarding how they view same-sex relationships.A recent event serves as an illustration: we attended Karl’s 25th college reunion at Colgate University in early June.  By publicly identifying and acting as a loving couple in a mostly white and heterosexual environment, our presence required his classmates, other attendees, and their families to acknowledge our legitimacy as a gay couple and as an interracial couple.  As we also attended several events for Alumni of Color, we served a similar purpose in those social situations.” – David Pasteelnick

Jasmine and Roope

“My wonderful partner, Roope, was living 4000 miles away in Finland when we met during his first visit to New York City in 2014. We fell in love deeply and quickly soon after that. Our interracial relationship matters because we can live, laugh, and love out in the open and free of ridicule, which is a privilege that I know many still do not have even in 2016. We have both learned a lot about each other’s cultures and how different life is when you’re both a different race and nationality in America. Our relationship has opened both our minds to each other’s worlds and, I think, we’ve become better people because of it.“ – Jasmine Bayron

Sharon and Vincent

“Love transcends racial and cultural differences.  Although we come from very different backgrounds, the two of us share important values.  The silk screen in the background of our wedding picture says it all, ‘One Race-Human-One Love.’” – Sharon Dole

Chima and Laura

“Since youth, I was told that I was only allowed to marry a girl of my own race. I was warned that straying away from my dark brown skin was unethical, and unacceptable. I was informed that a relationship outside of my melanin could never work. Until I met my Laura. She was the first person to ever disprove the warnings I had been given, and helped me realize that I can truly spend my life with someone despite our differences in pigmentation. My relationship matters, because in Laura, I found a best friend, a lover, and a soon to be wife. None of this would have been possible without Loving v. Virginia.” – Chima Odinkemere

Tre and Jamie

“We are not a couple because of, or in spite of, our race or ethnicity. We are with each other because of the individuals we are and the love we share. Race and culture play a big part in our identity and life, but what makes us appreciate one another is how we as individuals integrate our experiences, think about things, and react to situations. We both believe that our relationship is more interesting than any previous, and part of the reason is our differing races. We have learned a lot about diversity from one another. While we have learned more about the cultures each one of us is from, we have also found that our relationship has made us more understanding of how individuals from all different cultures vary in amazing ways. Noticing differences in race and ethnicity does not make us think that people should be separated by their skin tone, but rather, it makes us realize that we should all come together because we have so much to learn from one another. (And we have so much different, delicious food to share among cultures!) We choose to share what we have learned from our interracial relationship with family, friends, and classmates in the hopes of spreading, understanding and promoting acceptance of diversity. The two of us have been open and honest about race and its impacts on our relationship and society as a whole from the beginning and we will continue to do so, even if the conversations get tough. All in all, we know that we are in an awesome relationship and we wouldn’t trade it for anything.” – Jamie Bergmiller

Susanna and Nikia

“My interracial relationship matters because I want our future children to look at us and experience freedom, on so many levels. When kids can see the future of the world in front of them, a reality that has overcome (but continues to fight) racism, homophobia and sexism, then we start to see real change in our lifetime. I want them to live in and celebrate that freedom.” – Susanna Speed

Darrell and Keia

“My interracial relationship matters because it shows what love really is. Two people being brought together to share their life. Skin tone should not be deal breaker for anyone. Loving a person’s heart, mind, and spirit is what’s important. Looks will fade but knowing you are with someone that is your partner in life (and sometimes crime lol) is what matters when my boobs drop and his six pack fades, we will be sitting on the porch talking crazy to another. #loveislove” – Keia Foster

April and Parker

“This is my boyfriend Parker and I. We met as campus counselors in Oklahoma. We met from his sister introducing us and we hit it off right before sophomore year of college! We found out we both went to the same college and from there it was chemistry! I love him so much and wouldn’t change a thing. We have been together for almost two years. Our interracial relationship matters because we love each other beyond our skin color and our cultures. We have to fight everyday basic prejudice from others, but we know we want to have a life together one day.Our families were initially hesitant but are both behind us. We do plan to marry soon. Our relationship matters for other people like us who want to love in the open without being banned from their families and they just want to love who they want freely. #LovingDay” – April Garrett

Olivia and Matt

“There are so many reasons why he is my person, but one reason he’s special is because he is so incredibly woke. I’ve never met a white man that tries so hard to be in tune with the black American experience. He’s been raising his adopted 17 year old African-American brother for the past 5 years since his mom passed. From watching (and re-watching) “Lemonade” or “Girlhood” to attending panels with Janet Mock and Angelica Ross or discussing the PBS Black Panthers documentary, he’s such a gem! I was so nervous to show him my natural hair, but on this day, he said he wanted to get “crown crunk.” It’s not the most flattering picture of us, but I love it. And him ✨” – Olivia Morris

Adia and Benjamin

“My relationship matters because it’s rooted in our shared faith in God and deep respect for who were are as individuals. Our relationship has helped bridge the gap on a small scale; of cultural divides in our social circles. This is my first inter-racial relationship and his and we’ve learned there are differences, but not as many as we both originally believed. Loving Ben is like home to me, a home that has no color or limitations.” – Adia Hamer

Nora and Todd

“Our interracial relationship matters because we prove to the world everyday that love has and should have no boundaries. We have been together for 25 years and have 3 amazing children. We have experienced our share of racism and bigotry from all sides but we remain and will remain steadfast in our conviction that love sees no color, and despite hardships our love is stronger and our bond is unbreakable.“ – Nora Johnson

Altheria and Francisco

“Francisco is as proud of his Mexicanness as I am of my Blackness! Instead of pretending to be blind to our differences, we acknowledge our cultural backgrounds as they have helped shaped us into the individuals we each love and admire. Our distinct cultural traditions make our lives rich and vibrant! We watch Mexican soccer and we watch U.S. football. We celebrate Dr. Martin Luther King and we celebrate Cesar Chavez. We eat tortillas and we eat cornbread. We listen to Maná and we listen to Beyoncé. We speak English, and we speak Spanish.

As individuals of color, we have a shared consciousness of how colonialism and racism and nativism and capitalism continually work together to oppress our folk. Our relationship matters for many reasons, but perhaps most importantly because we are a symbol of resistance. We resist those who want to define interracial love as deviant. Our union is not miscegenation. There is nothing “mis” or “bad” about it. Instead, it is a striking amalgamation of all the richness that our cultures means to us. Our relationship matters because we choose to live and love in a society that is intent and strategic in positioning Mexicans and Blacks at odds with each other. We resist this positioning. Through our friends and family, we are purposeful in bringing members of both ethnicities together. We were married on March 28 last year in Guadalajara, Mexico. Since our first date in 2012, we have visited more than ten countries together, our mere presence attesting to our right to choose the partner who makes our hearts sing and to the beauty of Blexican love!” – Altheria Caldera

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

5 Honeymoon Tips for Twenty-Somethings

by RJ Newellin LOVE

A lot of young newlyweds feel too broke, too stressed, or too busy to go all-out on their honeymoon. If that’s you, don’t stress! When you’re young and in your twenties, a boring adventure is out of the question.

You can have an amazing time without breaking the bank. And once you’ve reached your destination, there are plenty of creative ways to make the most of it.

Here are five of the most important things I learned during the honeymoon planning process.

  1. Have an open mind.

I like museums, but my husband likes the beach. We made a list of places that had both. My first choice was France; he wanted Fiji. Both were WAY out of our price range. So when we couldn’t make up our minds, we decided to pick an affordable place that we were least likely to visit any other time.

The last place we ever expected to travel (but still really wanted to go) was Bali. So that’s where we went.

To my surprise, it actually ended up being much cheaper than our other options. And because we knew very little about the culture going into it, Bali was an amazing learning experience for both of us. I can’t imagine what would have happened if we had remained stubborn with our first choices. We might never have seen this faraway place!

If all goes well, you two have the rest of your lives to travel together. Don’t stress about the where so much. Talk about your interests, and make it a fun discussion. Draw destinations out of a hat if you must, but make the decision together.

  1. Less is more.

Our trip was three weeks long. For a couple on a budget, this was quite ambitious. And to spend so long in a place we’d never been, well…that took some daring! If trekking around a foreign land for a month seems like your cup of tea, go for it. But if relaxation is what you’re into, don’t underestimate what you can accomplish in a week or two.

Pros of a longer trip: Total cultural immersion, seeing more sights, and adjusting to a new way of life together.

Cons of a longer trip: It’s more expensive and stressful, especially if you’re staying in a lot of different places.

In the end, we were glad we spent three weeks in Bali. But everyone is different, so make sure you know what you’re in for before booking tickets!

  1. Do your research when buying cheaper airfare.

We bought our tickets on the Kayak app, which made our airfare significantly cheaper than anywhere else. But what we didn’t realize was just how long our layovers were. Often, cheap tickets mean longer layovers and no checked bags. It’s definitely something to talk about before you book.

Because we ignored the fine print, my husband and I spent the first three nights of our honeymoon sleeping in airports. If you don’t want this to be you… do your research!

  1. Define your comfort level in advance.

Do you want a luxurious hotel, or does AirBnB sound more fun? If you’re the adventurous type, I highly recommend AirBnB. But if you’re set on luxury, skip the guesswork and book a hotel in advance.

We stayed in several AirBnBs, which had its ups and downs. While staying in private rentals was cheaper and gave us a better understanding of Bali’s culture, we didn’t have hot water for most of our trip. When we finally splurged on a luxury hotel, I nearly cried with joy. Two weeks into our trip, we were finally enjoying bubble baths and drinking wine together. If I had been up front about my comfort level in advance, we might have avoided cold showers altogether!

Having a budget is one thing, but don’t compromise your comfort level on a honeymoon. Know your non-negotiable desire. If it’s romance, make decisions with that in mind. If both of you crave adventure, then that’s where you should splurge.

For a honeymoon, put your money where your needs are. Save the stress for a different trip.

  1. Remember your first priority: each other.

The most important thing on any honeymoon is your partnership. Your trip will only be as fun as you are. So, relax! There will definitely be obstacles during your trip. Things won’t always go as planned, because that’s life. But don’t let the logistics of your trip get in the way of why you’re there.

Look at your honeymoon as an allegory for your marriage: You can’t control the future, but you can love each other as life unfolds. Solve problems together, be considerate of each other’s needs, and have fun like the best friends that you are.

In the grand scheme of things, your honeymoon won’t matter too much. You can travel the world right after your wedding, or save money to go all-out years later. You can enjoy celebrating each other in a foreign country, or fake a weekend getaway with a tent in your backyard and a bottle of wine. Either way, have a blast!

You’ve made the commitment to be adventure buddies for life. Vacation is what you make it. Marriage is what you make it. So make the most of both.

Standing Up for Yourself in Your Family

by zfortadminin LOVE

So how do we break a pattern that causes distress and frustration and develop a style of relating that communicates what is truly important to us and has the best chance of getting through to the other person?

First, we must step away from the stressful situation and give ourselves the opportunity to truly reflect on what is going on. If we are so focused on blaming the other person for all the heartache they are causing us, we lose an important opportunity to fairly assess the situation. It’s important for all of us to remember that when we accuse or blame another person they invariably become defensive and tune us out or attack back. That’s the surest way for a conversation to deteriorate to an ugly confrontation.

If we are able to sincerely state what’s important to us and how we are feeling, taking responsibility for our own part of the disagreement, we have our best shot at making an impact. Learning how to “speak up” often takes some effort and may not feel comfortable at first. Importantly, we may also conclude that the situation is hopeless and there is nothing we can do to make things better.

In Matt’s case, if he wasn’t so angry at his father he might have been able to see the proposal from all angles, and even consider the possibility that his father’s position had some merit.

Giving himself the chance to calm down and consider all his options might enable Matt to find “the voice” to speak up directly to his father. After one particularly distressing blowup, Matt took the plunge and decided to approach his father differently. He asked to speak to his father privately, making sure it was a time neither of them would be distracted by outside pressures:

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Don’t Filter This Out of Your Dating Profile

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

If you’re thinking about dating a man with kids, here’s what you should know:

1. Wait for the introductions.

My husband and I were a little impatient to introduce me to his family, so I met his kids after only a couple of months of dating. Though things worked out, it was overwhelming to me at first, especially because I wasn’t certain that our relationship would last. We were still just getting to know each other. In retrospect, I think the smarter thing to do would be to wait until we were in a committed relationship for the sake of the children.

2. Seeing a man’s nurturing skills can be a big turn-on.

When you watch your boyfriend interacting with his kids, you see what kind of man he is, what he’s capable of. You see what he has to give because he doesn’t hide his feelings. To me, that’s truly sexy.

3. Even once you’ve met his children, take it slowly.

You’re not Mary Poppins, and his kids may not like you at first. We’re all human beings with insecurities, wants and needs. The difference is, you’re an adult and they are still kids, so it’s important to think before you act. There can be tension and tempers, so you need to put on your big-girl pants and take things in stride. There will be arguments, hurt feelings and misunderstandings. Don’t force your relationship with his kids. Get to know them and let them get to know you. Take the initiative and reach out — spend a little one-on-one time together. But don’t be surprised if they rebuff your efforts at first. They don’t know you, so how can they be expected to trust you? Take things one step at a time and form your own relationship with them.

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What Hook Up Culture is Doing to Your Emotional Life

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Ms. Fessler convinced herself that her desire for monogamy was “antiquated.” Yet she couldn’t help longing for connection. “With time, inevitably, came attachment,” she writes. “And with attachment came shame, anxiety, and emptiness. My girlfriends and I were top students, scientists, artists, and leaders … but the men we were sleeping with wouldn’t even eat breakfast with us the next morning.”

The sex was lousy too. “In retrospect, it’s obvious that I was highly unlikely to have an orgasm with a guy who didn’t know me or care to,” she writes. Yet she blamed her sexual dissatisfaction on herself.

My first reaction to Ms. Fessler’s essay was, Well duh. Meaningless sex with guys who don’t care about you isn’t all that fun. Who knew? But she deserves a break. As I recall, I and many of my friends also learned the hard way. We learned that although women may be equal to men, we’re not the same – especially in matters of mating, sex and intimacy. Like it or not, our sexual feelings and behaviour are deeply gendered.

Feminist theory denies these differences exist, except as artifacts of the patriarchy. And so our smart young daughters grow up ignorant of the emotional facts of life – as ignorant in their way as their great-great-grandmothers were on their wedding nights.

I called Ms. Fessler (who graduated last year) to ask her about the sexual education of her generation. “Nobody ever talked to me about sexual pleasure or intimacy,” she said, “or about the asymmetry between men and women.” The sex ed she got in school was purely mechanical. No one ever told her that there’s a significant difference between sex and, say, sneezing. She never learned that sex and desire and jealousy and passion are among the most primal forces in nature, that they are powerful and dangerous, and that they will rock your world in ways you cannot possibly control or even imagine.

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Self-Love 101, with Brie Larson

by RJ Newellin LOVE

I’m adopting Brie Larson as my new spirit animal. I mean, how can I resist?

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(Photo credit below)

Brie Larson is an Academy Award-winning actress, human rights advocate, and self-love QUEEN. When she’s not in front of the camera, Brie dedicates her time to learning, self-care, and taking action on causes she’s passionate about.

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Love is Physically Magnetic. Is this True?

by zfortadminin LOVE

“The nonmagnetic and the repel condition didn’t seem to differ from one another at all,” he said.

So in their next experiment, this one with 150 students, the researchers included only blocks with magnets that attracted, and nonmagnetized blocks. The people who played with the magnetized blocks again reported greater levels of attraction, satisfaction and commitment in their relationships than those who played with nonmagnetized blocks, the researchers said in their article, published May 26 in the open-access journal PLOS ONE.

Although the effects of the magnets on people’s levels of attraction and intimacy were larger than in the first experiment, the effects on people’s satisfaction and commitment were smaller, the researchers found. The reason for those smaller effects may have been that the second experiment took place later in the semester, and more students who originally reported being in relationships had broken up, the researchers wrote. Thus, more participants may have been remembering past relationships instead of thinking of current ones.

Words to thoughts

No one has previously studied the “love is attraction” metaphor, Christy said, though, in a similar vein, a previous study did find that people report that candy and water taste sweeter after they are primed with thoughts of love. A 2008 study found that people made to think of loneliness rate the room they are in as colder than those primed to think about being accepted.

“These studies reiterate the basic point of conceptual metaphor theory, that these metaphors that we use in language aren’t just figures of speech or ways of talking about things,” Christy said. “They actually are reflective of how we think about things, too.”

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

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Hands Free Dating: Thinking Outside the App

by Jennifer Ashley Greenein DATING ADVICE, LOVE

As we chatted further, we discovered that we were getting tempted by the sign outside the bar next door, boasting LA’s “Best Happy Hour”, so we decided to relocate to finish our discussion (this happened to be a friend I hadn’t seen in a year by the way, this isn’t how I spend every Wednesday). Over spicy margaritas, I regaled my friend with my most recent volunteer story, which led me to meet a cute, sweet, and funny guy while working with a really awesome organization that offers an after school program for children who want to write plays. The group then enlists professional adult actors to come into these schools and act out the plays for the young student writers. Brilliant! Until this point, I had always separated dating and volunteering, because the prospect of falling in love isn’t my motivation when it comes to being charitable. But as I posed to my friend, why can’t the two coincide? When I think of all the characteristics I would like in a mate, at the top of the extremely (and albeit way too long) list, is a selfless person who appreciates those less fortunate and wants to ultimately create a more loving and compassionate society.

Had I thought of this before that last volunteer experience, perhaps I would have asked that cute guy for his number. But as it was an afterthought, and as I am a massive proponent of things happening for a reason, I am now more than excited to put my experiment into practice the next time I volunteer, which just so happens to be next week, with that very same girlfriend! #staytuned

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Why Independent Women Are Saying No. Would You?

by zfortadminin LOVE

So, we might summarize one trend as: “Independent Single Ladies on the Rise.”

For more than forty years I have specialized in working with men. I’m seeing a disturbing trend of increased male irritability and anger, along with a rise in the depression and suicide rates for males. In doing research for my book, The Irritable Male Syndrome: Understanding and Managing the 4 Key Causes of Depression and Aggression, I developed a quiz that has now been taken by more than 60,000 men throughout the world.

I’ve seen a disturbing trend where more and more men feel disconnected, disrespected, and angry. We see the anger acted out in violent attacks such as the ones we saw in Orlando and also in the rhetoric of presidential candidate Donald Trump.  We also see it in a rise of male loneliness.

Men’s increasing isolation from others helps account for the fact that men die sooner and live sicker than do women.

When I speak to large groups of men and women, I ask the women how many have three or more close friends that they can talk to about their hopes and dreams as well as their fears and frustrations. Almost all the women raise their hands. When I ask the same question of the men in the audience, almost no one raises their hand. Many men don’t have even one close friend that they can share their most intimate concerns with. For men who do have a close friend, it is often his wife. If there are stresses in the relationship, as is true for all marriages, the man has no one who he can open up to and with whom he can share his feelings.

Men’s increasing isolation from others helps account for the fact that men die sooner and live sicker than do women. According to social scientist Thomas Joiner, author of Lonely at the Top: The High Cost of Men’s Success, “Males experience higher mortality rates than females at all stages of life from conception to old age.”

Suicide is the most extreme indicator of male mortality. According to the National Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, there were 41,149 suicides in 2013 in the United States (the most recent year for which full statistics were available).  32,920 (80%) of the suicides were committed by men.

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