Category: LOVE

Why do women discount and dismiss men who are eager to commit themselves right away?

1. Women understand the male role as the gatekeeper of commitment, just as we are the gatekeepers of sex.

In the same way that a man may question the long-term potential of a woman who grabs his junk on the first date, women are wary of men who are “emotionally promiscuous.”

Certain it is I liked her, 
And boarded her i’ the wanton way of youth: 
She knew her distance and did angle for me,
Madding my eagerness with her restraint, 
As all impediments in fancy’s course 
Are motives of more fancy; and, in fine, 
Her infinite cunning, with her modern grace, 
Subdued me to her rate: she got the ring;

Shakespeare, All’s Well That Ends Well

2. Some people are serial monogamists – the minute one relationship ends, they’re auditioning everyone in their sphere as a potential replacement.

A fellow SM may happily make the deal quickly, but most people want to take their time selecting a relationship partner, and they want to be evaluated and chosen with the same care.

3. A hasty attempt to elicit commitment has a vibe of desperation about it.

Like a used car salesman, he doesn’t want you to spend time looking under the hood, and he’s peevish if you want to think about the decision for a while. People with options tend to weigh them carefully, so rushing into a relationship implies a lack of options, and it carries the whiff of insecurity or fear.

4. Women expect to have to compete for a male, winning him over with our feminine wiles and enticing him into exclusivity as we successfully navigate his high standards.

Women do not want to be robbed of this opportunity to compete with other females. If there are no other females competing for him, a guy benefits from holding to his high standards in any case. Having low standards, or worse, none (like our friend in the comic above), is a turnoff to women.

3. Swedish Kissing –

Brides and grooms stop reading this, bridesmaids and groomsmen this is for you. Every bride or groom is someone else’s ‘one who got away.’ Maybe that person happens to be your best friend’s fiancee. You’ve fantasized about that person, imagined yourself standing next to them at the altar, leaning in to kiss them. In Sweden, you’re allowed to play out that fantasy. Every time the bride or groom leaves the room, guests are allowed to plant a kiss on the one left behind. Your best friend is going to have to go to the bathroom eventually, leaving your crush sitting all alone. Get in there, it’s your time! This is (probably) your only chance! Ok, you can bring back the bride and groom, tell them this was about wedding presents.

4. Egyptian Royalty –

This is a day everyone you know and love has come together to honor you and your fiancee’s love for each other. All eyes are on you, and everyone is showering you with adoration. Why wouldn’t you wear a crown? I’m not talking about a tiara, I mean a crown, and you both get to wear one. In Coptic Egyptian weddings it is tradition for the bride and groom to wear crowns and capes, similar to Eddie Murphy’s look in Coming to America. It’s meant to symbolize glory and honor, where the new ‘king and queen’ establish their own little kingdom – their home. Remember that when your new little princes and princesses are vomiting on your shoulder.

When we don’t play in our bodies with connection, or we use them with the robotic qualities that are often present when we exercise or do many other physical things, and when we are constantly absorbing impulses from outside of us, we can’t commune with our own original, intuitive, inspired self.  We don’t have access to that small child that knew love and laughter and joy and every emotion with pure, uncensored 100% authenticity.

Society tells you which emotions are OK these days,  and which ones aren’t.   And now there are so many pills to make sure that your emotions conform to what is socially acceptable  and politically correct.  If you don’t express your emotions within that range, you get some kind of psychiatric diagnosis, a stigma and a pill to get you back in the box.

We don’t play when we live in that box.  It’s a coffin,

Our lives have become about which pill do you choose?  And there’s a lot more than blue and red.   From my observations, most of them are anesthetizing us into conformity and robbing us of our our capacity to play, to feel, to connect to our authentic selves.

What was that thing you loved to do as a child that you don’t do anymore because someone told you that you had to grow up and act like an adult?   Or being told that being a certain age meant you couldn’t do those things you loved anymore?  Can you remember?

After we’ve had all the joy and the imagination and the unselfconsciousness that comes with being a child removed from us,  we then begin the journey of trying to remember what we knew and to try to retrieve all of that make-believe.  We feel empty and KNOW something is missing.  The workshops, the self-help, the therapy,  all of it designed to help us get back to this part of ourselves.  And it works, in large part.  That’s why the industry is so huge.

COUNTRY: IRAN

Dating Difference: The Islamic country is at a crossroads when it comes to dating customs. Women still cover their faces and the genders cannot mix freely in public. Yet a form of online dating has emerged in the country, as reported in a February 2009 Al Jazeera article, and a concept of temporary marriage has taken hold as a stand-in for relationships. Nearly 60 percent of the population here is younger than 30, and the new mindset is that it’s smart to sample the goods before buying.

Biggest Shocker: Some may appreciate the cut-and-dry nature of online dating in Iran. The agency is operated by clerics and there’s not much time to “see where things go.” Those who use the service get three meetings, two of which are supervised. If the couples mesh, they get a third meeting, after which they have one of two choices: marry or never meet again.

COUNTRY: FRANCE

Dating Difference: The French seem to have perfected the art of “non-dating” dating. You meet people and date in groups, not one-on-one.

“As a general rule, dating in France barely exists,” says Lindsey T., an American who lives in Paris and is married to a Frenchman. “From the moment you express interest in one another and kiss, it can be assumed you’re in a relationship.”

Girls who complain about the fade-away will be happy to know that it doesn’t happen much in France. Men and women will clearly state their interest and disinterest. Men also rarely play hard to get.

“I think if you don’t want to be boyfriend-girlfriend and the French guy is into you, the normal hints — putting off plans, vague texts — might not get the message across,” says Leonora E., who lived and dated in Paris for a year.

Biggest Shocker: Even though this is the land of fast hook-ups and romance, many French still frown upon women pursing men, as highlighted in the article “French Women Don’t Date” on France Today. This means even if you’re just trying to be friendly, a Frenchman might take it as an invitation to get in your pants.

To avoid this type of awkwardness, I’ve turned to dating sites and apps. I know, I know, these apps and sites are dreaded by many and have a terrible reputation, but I personally love them. They’re a great way to know whether or not everyone is on the same page and to get it right out there in the open. I met a couple from Portland once using OK Cupid. While he was barely tolerable when not on my bed, she was super hot and he was great while actually doing the deed so it worked out perfectly. The best part about it was that they left right after and I had the place to myself! In addition to OKCupid, which is a site actually attempting to make it easier for couples as well as others in the “LGBTQ” community to date, I’ve also used apps like Tinder and 3inder. 3inder is like Tinder but with an ability to make a true couple’s profile. It also allows for more than one other person to be brought into the messages. The only downfall is that it’s incredibly glitchy, so it’s best to have a messaging app like KIK that people can just directly message you on if they like what they see once they’ve come across your profile. Quick word to the wise: it’s best to have your rules right there on your profile. Mine reads: “Couples and single females only. NO SINGLE MEN.” I know this sounds unkind and discriminatory, but you have no idea how many unsolicited dick pics I received before putting that in my profile, and how often I used to get men asking me to call one of my “fun girlfriends” to play with some single guy and myself. No thanks dude, not my job to make your fantasy come true. I’m busy fulfilling my own! There’s also Craigslist, which, if you can get past all of the horror stories and rumors of horror stories, can also be quite fun. No matter which of these methods I use, I always play it safe by meeting in public first. That way, not only can I rule out a murdery vibe, but I also get an idea if that person is going to be as fun in between the sheets as they were in text. In lieu of apps and sites, you can also frequent swingers clubs and sex parties. If you’re a single guy, this can be tricky because you’re often not allowed or have to pay higher prices. Sorry. I have no answer for you. I’m lucky. I’m a Unicorn, so I get in FREEEEEEEEE!!!!!! This is just another one of many benefits to being such a rare beast.

Another tricky part of couple dating is figuring out whether or not the other member of the couple is just as into it. I like to call myself a sexual socialist, meaning that everyone must have equal fun otherwise, I just can’t have a good time. It’s typically the guys who reach out most often, so sometimes I’ll ask the guy I’m messaging something along the lines of, “what kind of things is your girlfriend/wife into?” and often he replies with something like, “Well, I’ve been wanting to add a girl into the mix and I think she’d be cool with it. She might even have fun…” WARNING!!! Do not proceed with this one. This is the guy who’s trying, at anyone’s expense, to fulfill his fantasy. This will end in tears, punches, smeared mascara, or extreme awkwardness, and if you’re lucky that’ll be it. However, often times the answer is something more along the lines of, “Well, she’s super bi but has a tough time meeting women…” etc, in which case, I proceed. The best way to tell if all parties are equally excited by adding a third is to simply ask for the other member of the couple to be brought into the conversation. I’ve done this before and have had varying results, the most prevalent of which being a complete end to the convo. Fine, then she wasn’t into it and you just proved it. Thank you for making my job easier. Now none of us has to waste any more time!

Next, the researchers set out to determine whether genes or the environment was a bigger influence on how people perceived attractiveness. In other words, they wanted to figure out what accounted for the 52 percent disagreement rate they saw in the first part of the study.

For each twin pair, the researchers compared the preferences of one twin to those of the other, to determine how similar they were. Then, they compared the similarity of all of the identical twins’ preferences to those of the fraternal twins, Germine said.

If the identical twin pairs had preferences that were more similar than those of the fraternal twin pairs, it would suggest that genes play a bigger role, Germine said. But if the identical twins’ preferences were not more similar to each other, it would suggest the environment plays a larger role, she said.

The researchers used standard calculations, that are often used in twin studies, to figure out the relative influence of the participants’ genetics and their environments on their ratings of people’s attractiveness. They concluded that people’s individual environments accounted for most (78 percent) of the differences in how people perceived attractiveness.

And even for each twin in a pair, a person’s individual environment is unique, the researchers said.

For example, even though twins share a lot of their environment because they usually grow up together in the same house, their individual environments — including their friends, what they see in the media and their first relationship — differ enough to give each twin an individual perception of attractiveness, Germine said. Previous research has shown that if people see a face and associate it with something positive, they tend to find that face more attractive, she added.

The researchers noted that shared environments (as opposed to individual environments) may still play a role in influencing people’s preferences, but for this study, the population included was not very diverse.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

A man who understands the journey, will not apologize for where his mind leads him. He will seek wisdom from any place that it hides. This man is a visionary, and he seeks a woman whose life is her own.

He will own you if you ask it, but only when you allow him into your darkest requests. He will advise you if you need it, but give you space to follow your own truth. He will understand that your journey is a battlefield only you can lay yourself down on.

But ask him for protection and you’ll hear his sword rasp out of its shield.

Love a man who dreams of the future but never wastes today.

Love a man whose intensity keeps the wolves at bay.

Leave your door wide open, he will come to you when you need him – stranger, seeker, sinner; thinker.

Men on their journey push past the mists of the unknown and bare themselves to loss or gain, whichever will find him first, and trusting in the process, awaken stronger, more alive, gifting the world with their insights and inventions.

Men on their journey will enjoy your mind, will yearn to learn from you—will find their pleasure in discovering your truth.

Men on their journey are wild and sensual. Because their soul knows no boundaries, their thoughts are limitless, their voices can either soothe or excite.

Love a man who shakes loose the questions of the ages, who throws himself in to the sea, seeking salty respite from the ravages of his quests, who listens to the call of mermaids, and believes that the spirit world holds more wisdom than all the books in the world.

Love a man who’ll be on his journey until his dying day.

You’ll know him by his integrity. He’ll never tell you that he’s finished being the adventurer.

You’ll know him by his vulnerable heart.

Curated by Timothy
Original Article

The memoir describes the heartwrenching lives of Ms Hart’s first two sons, Marlon and Louis, who were both born with X-linked myotubular myopathy, which affects only boys. Marlon lived for just 14 weeks and Louis died at 14 months.

Ms Hart told Nine she felt the memoir was largely a tribute to her lost sons, so it didn’t come without its emotional challenges.

“Because their lives were so short I thought it would be a beautiful thing for them that can bring them to life and give their life a bit more meaning and context,” she said.

“I realised how emotionally we wrap things up in little boxes and tuck them away just to carry on. To access that part of my life was really emotional.”

Ms Hart, now in a much happier place, said she did not take for granted the joy she had with her daughter and new husband.

“(Leila) is such an easy kid to parent, just a delight. She wakes up smiling goes to bed smiling,” she said.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

2. Burn your fears.

An incredibly cathartic way to release negative feelings or obsessive thoughts is to literally set them on fire. In pride of place on my hot pink altar sits a miniature cauldron — I call it my “travel cauldron”— since I have taken it all over the world with me. I buy magic paper which sparkles and sizzles as it burns, tear it into small strips and write down the things I want to release. Then I crumple them up, drop them into my cauldron, and set ’em alight. There’s something primal and wonderful about watching your fears literally go up in smoke.

3. Keep your best qualities on file.

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to forget a compliment? On the other hand, that critique you got in 1992 still echoes in your head today. So frustrating, right? It’s not your fault: we all have a negativity bias that makes the insults stick out while the praise shrinks into the background. Oh, humans. We’re so complicated!

You can get around it, though. When you’re just getting started with radical self-love, it can be hard to see yourself as the magnificent, cosmic miracle you are. Sometimes it’s easier to see yourself through someone else’s eyes.

I want you to start keeping a list of the compliments you receive, and keep the list where you’ll see it every day. Read them aloud to yourself as often as you can. With a little time, you’ll start to believe the beautiful things other people say about you, and you’ll be able to accept them gracefully.

4. Stop putting off your passions.

Your time on this incredible planet is unbelievably limited. You are going to die one day, and nobody knows how much longer they have. Why waste your time doing things that you don’t care about?

You absolutely must carve out time to do the things that light you up from the inside and make your heart chirp like a baby bird. No one else is going to help you make time for these things. Guard your schedule aggressively and make space to write, or dance, or invent, or whatever it is you adore.

Here’s the truth: nothing will make you feel better than working on something meaningful. Pouring energy into your passions makes you vibrate at a higher frequency, and it is so life-affirming. When’s the last time you spoke to someone who was truly passionate about something? Didn’t it make you feel alive? Make it one of your goals to become one of those people.