Category: DATING ADVICE

9. ELLIPSES.

Meaning: You want the person to read between the lines.

Using ellipses in a text is your way of saying what you either can’t say yet (because it’d fall under the “too soon” umbrella), or what you are afraid to say (because you’re afraid you’ll seem disagreeable or high maintenance). Check out this example:

Yeah, Kickboxer 4 could work … I’ve also heard good things about that Katherine Heigl movie Falling in Love Is Neat … either way, meet you there at 8?

It’s clear what that text really means: “I’d rather die than see a movie about the underground world of kickboxing, and you’re an idiot for suggesting that we go see it. I’d rather see a romantic comedy. And now, because this has gotten a little awkward, I think we should meet at the theater so I have an escape plan.”

You can also use ellipses in a positive way, to get the person’s imagination going:

Had maybe a few too many drinks last night … legs are sore from dancing … in the bathtub right now …

That text takes three statements and just loads them with sexual undertones thanks to the ellipses. (Unless a guy sent that text. Then it’s just kind of odd.)

10. QUESTION MARKS.

Meaning: It depends on how many question marks you use.

Question marks have a tendency to stack onto each other. And with each stack the meaning changes.

What time do you want to meet up? Simple, unassuming, and friendly. Gets the point across, elicits a response, but also drives toward a solution.

What time do you want to meet up?? Looks like a typo.

What time do you want to meet up??? Feels impatient, childish. It’s an aggressive question: It demands a response, and suggests that the response had better be to your liking.

What time do you want to meet up???? Cycles back to playful. Now it’s a joke. If you (God forbid) talked to the person on the phone, you might sing-say that entire question.

What time do you want to meet up????? Too many. Now it’s just confusing. Why were five question marks necessary? This seems like the kind of person who would write “kewl.”

So … use one question mark to just move the conversation along, and four to move it along flirtatiously. Anything else and you’re doing it wrong.

11. TILDE.

Meaning: You’re either a punctuation master not confined to the traditional system … or you’re Hispanic.

Either way, you sound like a catch to me.

Curated by Timothy
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4. You might have different pop cultural references.

An age difference can mean you don’t always like—or know about—the same TV shows, movies, and books.

“Our inner-relationship issues have (fortunately) mostly been about missing each other’s pop-culture references; I don’t understand his 80s movies/song references, and he’s never seen a 90s Disney movie. Or any Nickelodeon TV shows. Or “Boy Meets World”… come on!” Croft bemoaned.

Humor can also differ between older and younger partners.

“I guess the only thing that’s different is that I can be a lot sillier around someone my own age,” the 23-year-old Los Angeles-based woman explained.

5. Experience can be a good thing.

When your partner has considerably more life experience than you, it can feel a little intimidating. But it also provides opportunities and advantages you might not encounter dating someone your own age.

I have found that being with someone older can provide a unique support system; he has gone through a lot of things that I am currently going through (i.e. being out on my own for the first time, the frequent existential crises that you experience in your 20s, etc.) so he is my rock in a way that a person my age might not be able to be,” Croft wrote. “He can be extremely empathetic and/or give practical advice because he’s actually “been there” before.”

It’s also OK to admit you have something to learn.

“I’m continually struck by my girlfriend’s maturity, the strength of her values, and the way she chooses to live her life; things that, I believe, come in large part from age and experience,” the 25-year-old man said.

She encouraged him to grow and be independent, he explained:

“She’s had enough experience both in life and relationships to know that we need to grow individually in order to grow together and that we need to always respect each other. This is one small example, but it always means a lot that she encourages me to go do my own thing because she knows that when we are together, our relationship will be that much stronger if we’re both allowed the freedom to be ourselves. It’s this kind of trust that, so far, is awesome. I think it part it comes from age and experience.”

“They just straight up have more life experience. This guy was divorced. He’d had like seven jobs whereas I had, like, two. He’d lived in three cities since [he] graduated high school, all for extended periods,” Maya L. said, describing a 37-year-old partner. His life experience wasn’t strictly professional, either.

She added, “He was good at sex.”

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

7. He offers you his jacket when you’re cold.

I grew up watching rom-coms, and seeing the guy give the girl his jacket always made me smile. I’m freezing on a regular basis, and I hate it. If a guy is willing to brave the cold and give me his cozy means of protection so I can feel warmer, I can’t even express the amount of gratitude.

8. He pulls the car around when it’s raining.

It takes a long time for us to do hair and makeup. We’d rather keep it intact, you know? Enough said.

9. He steps in during awkward situations.

My friend found herself riding a bus a few weeks back with a guy nearby who was “creeping on her,” so to speak. Another man, a perfect stranger, stepped in and got Creepy Guy to back off. Sometimes, it’s hard to break away from awkward situations like that. As women, we like to feel safe, like someone has our backs. When a guy goes out of his way to help a lady, it’s pretty much our favorite chivalrous gesture.

10. He cares about your opinions and shows respect.

Women know when we’re being taken seriously. We can tell when a guy wants to know more about us, more about what we believe, and more about how we think and react. We can tell when a man values our opinions and respects what we bring to the table in any stage of a romantic relationship. It’s what we look for most in a guy, and how we know when we’ve met our match

Curated by Erbe
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Myth 3:

It will be a real drag to date someone with a physical disability, because they are “damaged” people. You will have to take care of them physically and mentally.

Fact:

Many people with physical disabilities do not view themselves as “disabled,” let alone focus on this and/or let their disability get in their way. In fact,the majority of people with disabilities live extraordinarily full, intrinsically satisfying lives.They have great careers, killer social circles, and supportive families. They are also very skilled at being independent. When they are unable to do something for themselves, they hire someone to do it for them, just like everyone in Manhattan.

Myth 4:

My friends and family won’t accept us.

Fact:

Friends and family can pose the biggest obstacle. Often, they, like many others, have simply not been exposed to someone with a physical disability. That doesn’t mean that they would not be open to accepting your romantic partner as someone who makes you happy. A little explanation and myth-debunking on your part is usually all that it takes.

Myth 5:

We won’t be able to live a normal life and do fun things together.

Fact:

From my experience as a sexpert and public speaker, I have had the pleasure of meeting many people with disabilities from all over the world. I have met actors, models, politicians, mothers, fathers, doctors, athletes, world travelers, husbands and wives, all with physical disabilities, most in wheelchairs. Being their romantic partner would not only be fun, but possibly would offer some of the best experiences of your life, with continual discovery and adventure waiting for you around the corner. With some creativity, strategy and communication, any activity is possible, and both parties can experience the world to the fullest together.

Dating is tough for anyone. When we exclude a certain group of people from our dating pool, we limit ourselves and reduce our chances of finding our “soul mate” or “partner in crime.” Hopefully, with a better understanding of these five myths, your mind will be opened to new types of dating experiences. You never know who will be your next great love, and it would be sad to let a wheelchair get in the way, especially when it isn’t even an issue for the person with the disability.

Curated by Erbe
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Snooping Doesn’t Mean You’re Establishing Trust

If you have to look through his phone to make you feel like you really can trust this guy… that’s not a good sign. That means that you DON’T trust him because for some reason, you need him to prove it to you. If you’re having trouble trusting your boyfriend for some reason, your best bet is to talk to him about it rather than go behind his back and be shady about it.

It Won’t Stop With The Phone

Like I said… snooping makes you feel more paranoid and sometimes, it can become almost like an addiction. You might start to feel like you NEED to do it more and more because you need to know what’s going on. And if you think that will stop with just the phone, you’re wrong. You’ll start trying to get his social media and email passwords too. And that’s not okay!

It Probably Means You Shouldn’t Be In The Relationship At All

The bottom line is that looking through your boyfriend’s phone means you don’t trust him. And, like I said, trust is one of the most important parts of a relationship. If he has given you a reason to feel like you need to check up on him on your own, that means he may not be worth dating. If you just feel like you can’t trust him even though he’s done nothing wrong, that means you have some issues to work out and maybe you’re not ready for a serious relationship. Again, if you’re having trust issues, talk it out. Don’t act shady.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Seeing more doesn’t always reassure. Sometimes having access to more information just gives you more to worry about. One study in 2009 found that simply being Facebook friends (without any password swapping) has that effect on couples. Having a record of all of their friends, who’s writing on their wall, and who has been in their photos simply served to provide more fodder for jealous thoughts.

Nowadays, we have so much access to information about other people. We can scroll through their social networking accounts, see their location on Foursquare, see what people have said about them via a Google search, see photos from their entire lives on Flickr or Picasa or Facebook. Parents have monitoring programs on their kids’ computers and phones, so that they know where they are, who they’re talking to, and what websites they’re visiting. I’m starting to wonder if, as a society, we’re becoming addicted to spying on one another. The access to so much information just seems to be spurring us to want more and more. We’re like the Cookie Monsters of personal information.

There are a few lines we can draw to keep ourselves from truly living in a Little Brother society. An important one is keeping passwords to your email and social networking accounts to yourself.

In other words, kids (and adults), just say no to password sharing! Love means never having to say you’re sorry that you went back and read all of the emails that your significant other exchanged with their ex.

Do you disagree? Do you freely share passwords with your S.O.?

Curated by Erbe
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“I look for a woman who is confident and strong. She doesn’t have to have everything worked out, but having goals and the work ethic to get there is important. Otherwise, she’ll probably never understand why I work so hard myself. Also, the acceptance of what I like to do and not a desire or idea that I’ll stop doing it once we are together. And being a redhead doesn’t hurt!” – Matt, 33

“Someone that wants me, but doesn’t need me; is smarter than me; is jealous of me; who loves me more than I love her; who drives me to be better at what I do; who makes me feel superior, and at the same time inferior; who loves her family; and who enjoys playing sports, but not really watching them.” – Drew, 24

“Someone who doesn’t play games when she wants something; she asks for it clearly. She knows to give a guy space when he needs it, and doesn’t make him feel like s**t about it afterwards. A woman who understands that just because a guy doesn’t always want to make love— he just wants to f**k — doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you, or he’s objectifying you. And when you’ve done something to bother or hurt her, she will just say it outright … and once you apologize to her she accepts it and moves on.” – Brandon, 36

“When you find out that she swallows. No, no, actually, when I like her so much I get jealous that she might be doing other guys, that’s when I want to be monogamous.” – Jon, 34

Curated by Erbe
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Dating For Scientists 101

And then of course, one should speculate on further directions or decide if the study is at an end. The theoretical and practical implications of further dates may be required to elucidate the situation. Unfortunately, it probably isn’t practical to get a colleague to repeat the date to see if your observations can be replicated by another person.

By the end of my spiel, my friend was no longer so heartbroken, and agreed that I was right (yes!). In addition, we had decided that the study should be extended by us writing a dating guide based on scientific method, since relationships are essentially the ultimate experiment.

Sometimes the results are bad, but you’ve just got to pick yourself up and re-enter the lab. Never forget that there is also an element of luck involved. And of course, sometimes the results can be really good—and when they are really good, you can get papers at the end!

Curated by Erbe
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4. At happy or sad times, your partner will often want to be with their social support network.

If you are more introverted (gaining your energy from being alone), then it’s important to consciously remind yourself of this point. Keep in mind that your partner’s extroverted nature makes them happiest when sharing experiences with others – often, with many others. This means that they might prefer celebrating their birthday with dozens of their closest friends to enjoying a special evening with just the two of you. And, in difficult times, they may look to buoy themselves up by surrounding themselves with friends and family. So, if someone close to them dies, they might keep busy socially rather than holing up alone to grieve.

5. Find a balance of social time and quiet time as a couple that works for you.

To do this, you must know your personal need for being alone as compared with being with others. Then you must to ensure that your needs are met. Otherwise, you may find that you get swept up in your partner’s activity, leading you further and further away from what feels okay for you, both individually and as a couple. By contrast, you will be much happier if you and your partner are sensitive to creating a relationship that balances both of your preferences for being alone as individuals, alone as a couple, and together with others.

By keeping these tips in mind, you can help keep your relationship on course toward a happy future together.

Curated by Erbe
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Women: “Practice Being Courted”

In the olden days, men routinely paid because women, generally speaking, didn’t have the means to do so. But if he offers to pay nowadays, it’s not because he thinks she can’t handle it; and he’s not trying to offend. He’s most likely just doing what feels instinctively appropriate in the moment.

So when he offers to pick up the tab, says Battista, “Let him. Practice being courted.”

Mendez agrees, and says letting him pay initially can be a small way of letting a relationship blossom. “It does let him know, in a subtle yet important way, that you are the kind of woman who is confident enough to accept his generosity,” he says.

This is not meant to set some sort of precedent where he pays all the time.

Remember that you can—and should—reciprocate (assuming there’s a next time). Let him pay for the first date and then offer to treat him the very next time you go out.

Or, if you’re planning to stay out after dinner, offer to grab a round of drinks or dessert at the next stop. This way you both get to practice your generosity, and it feels a bit more romantic than going halfsies all the time.

But what if she’s just not that into him?

Okay, but say she decides midway through the date—or even five minutes in—that this relationship has no future. Should she accept his offer to pay, or would that be leading him to think she’s interested in seeing him again?

The experts don’t see eye to eye on this. According to Mendez, “If during the course of the first date you decide that you absolutely don’t want to see this guy again, insisting on paying for your half can help you signal more clearly that you’re not open to it.”

Battista, on the other hand, says women shouldn’t worry too much about sending mixed signals by accepting his offer to pay.

“A lot of women think, ‘if he takes me out, then I owe him something,’” she says. “You don’t owe him anything. If he wants to pay, either be direct [and turn him down] or just allow him to pay because that’s part of the game of dating.”

Curated by Erbe
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