DATING ADVICE Archives - Page 4 of 16 - Love TV

Category: DATING ADVICE

Sexy Home Dates

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

17. Have a Homemade Pizza Night. We love to do this with our kids, but it would be fun to do with each other. Here is our favorite homemade pizza crust recipe.

18. Write out the story of how you met (and fell in love). Better yet- video tape it! Your kids and future posterity will be so grateful and it is so fun to go back and read (or watch) years down the road. It’s amazing how much you will forget!

19. Have Breakfast in Bed (even if it’s a night date! Breakfast for dinner is one of my favorite meals!). Pull out the TV trays and go out all. Here are some of our favorite breakfast ideas!

20. A Year In Review. It’s always so fun to go back and remember all the things that have happened in the last year. Use this printable to easily record and remember all that has gone on in the last 12 months.

21. Make marshmallow guns and have a marshmallow war. Buy some PVC pipe from a hardware store and make your guns. Then have an all out war!

22. Break a record! Find a record in Guinness Book of World Records and spend the night trying to break it. Try doing it together as a team or make it a competition and compete against each other to see who has the better record.

23. Pop some popcorn and watch YouTube videos all night. Ask friends and family for recommendations or find some of the most popular ones. We were cracking up at some of the funny stuff on there!

24. Have a living room campout. Make indoor s’mores and tinfoil dinners in your oven. Make a tent out of forts and pull out your blow-up mattress and sleeping bags.

25. Have a snowy night party (winter time). Sneak outside (if you have kids, make sure they are asleep) and build a snowman or have a snowball fight. Come back inside when it gets too cold, make hot cocoa and warm up under some big blankets . . .

26. Have a movie marathon. Pick a theme (whether it’s an actor, genre, or series) and watch as many as you can. If you fall asleep, you can always pick up where you left off in the morning. :)

27. Babysit for a friend. If you have kids, offer to watch a friend’s kids while they head out on a date and then trade them the following weekend. If you don’t have kids, watch some kid movies, play with Play Doh, and eat chicken nuggets and mac and cheese. Don’t have any friends with kids? You could always try dog-sitting! :)

28. Take some personality tests and compare your results. Here are some good ones: Jung, True Colors, The 5 Love Languages, and The Color Code.

29. Play Twister! See how tangled up you can get . . .

30. Bubble bath for two. Need I say more?

31. Break out the board games. Make it interesting by adding a rule that the loser of each game has to lose one piece of clothing. :) Guarantee your husband will play Yahtzee like his life depends on it just so he can win.

32. Play this fun Love Match game using personal things from your relationship.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

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Dating a Normal Guy

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

“Chloe.” There was enough command in his voice to cause me to look over. “Speaking as a man who has, at one point in time, been hopelessly in love with a woman, you need to tell him.”

I frowned and it was more over his comment than the prospect of speaking with Vic. “Who was this hopelessly lovable woman?”

He stepped closer and pressed a kiss on my forehead, his eyes meeting mine in the bathroom mirror. “No worries. She couldn’t hold a candle to you.”

I rolled my eyes at the sentiment but felt a burst of well-needed confidence.

“Talk to him.” He pushed the subject and I looked away from the mirror, full concentration on applying my toothpaste to my toothbrush in a proper manner.

“OK?” he poked me and I looked up with a snarl.

“Fine.” I stuck the toothbrush in my mouth, scowled at him, and the conversation was over. My anxiety, on the other hand, was spiking at a ridiculous pace.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

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Breaking Up – Listen to Your Hurt

by Alexandra Norrisin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Do you need to hear this right now?

Breakups are the time when song lyrics often hold the most weight. It’s when we are shattered open, but also melodramatic enough that a song can “get” just what we are feeling, whether or not the intended meaning matches with our experience at all. Sometimes a song’s original meaning is much deeper than having our hearts ripped out, and other times, it’s just a bit of fluff, but one that we cling to as it shepherds us into to moving on. Below are some of the best break up songs.

Artist: Miike Snow
Song: Animal

There was a time when my world
Was filled with darkness , darkness , darkness
Then I stopped dreaming now
I’m supposed to fill it up with something , something , something

The opening hook brightly bursts in and deftly illustrates the mantra for the early stages of a breakup, when you feel most broken and empty, and have to remind yourself there is life outside of this relationship and figure out the parts worth holding onto. I repeated this to myself during the “housekeeping” phase of my last major breakup. That’s the part when you need to remain calm and tie up the loose ends like adults, restraining your bubbling rage which masks your hurt, which hides away your desire to be close to them, further clouding the dysfunction which is the painful root leading you to this song.

Artist: Drake
Song: Hold On, We’re Going Home

I got my eyes on you
You’re everything that I see
I want your high love and emotion endlessly
I can’t get over you
You left your mark on me
I want your high love and emotion endlessly

This song is for wandering around aimlessly at night while weeping to yourself. I preferred it as my drive-home music for whatever social event I could not fully engage with but tried to use as a distraction and be human. Powerful stuff, Mr Graham.

 

Artist: For the Mathematics
Song: A Versus

Ahh, this one is a deep cut. It takes me way back. Full disclosure, this was the band I toured with as their road manager around the same time I had my first “adult” relationship. I remember being picked up by the band in their converted airport shuttle retro-fitted into a mini-tour bus. It was the first moment of confusion in the early stages of our courtship. I hadn’t eaten all day, and after arriving home from day-job work, had started drinking a Smirnoff Ice like the cultured 20 year old I was, while waiting to be picked up for our next mini-tour date. That’s all it took. When they arrived to collect me, I recall a dramatic overture, questioning the very confused and exclusively male team as to why men are so hard to understand; before promptly dropping myself on the floor of the bus, leaned against one of their protruding knees, and immediately being reminded how fun it was being with my best friends, joking around on our way to a show. I was, more importantly, reminded how fulfilling it was contributing to their development as a group. It was the most supported I had ever felt and we often described it as a 6-way platonic marriage. When the relationship did finally run it’s course, my generous mother asked if I could turn this song down a bit. When I quietly protested, she turned it full volume, and allowed me absorb the song’s healing power while I wept cathartically in the passenger seat of her car, and was reminded by this song of how I still had value. I belonged to something beautiful. I never quite understood the lyrics to any of their music, but the wall of intricate and powerful sound hit me right where I needed it.

Artist:Parlovr
Song(s): Three Songs in A Tunnel

This video helped me through the first break-up in which I had lived with somebody. In the wake of the devastation, my brother had driven up to collect me from my hometown and delivered me to my family for recovery. I cocooned inside their guest room and binge watched episodes of the UK series The Green Wing; until my high school best friend collected me and we went to see Parlovr play a live show. The drummer had been a friend of mine back when I was running a small magazine and I had a tiny secret crush on one of the other members for years. At this show, I came out of my cocoon as the friend and I engaged in a thrilling discussion of everything and nothing and my friend turned to me discreetly and said “I don’t know what the situation here is, but he is INTO you” whatever it was, I felt lit up and had a joy come out from inside for the first time in many moons. To be flirted with by someone so charismatic, clever and charming, whom I had secretly carried a torch for, was the best medicine. I watched this video of the band performing in their beautiful city of Montreal for a pick-me-up whenever my emotions threaten to delve back into a case of the “why-me”s.

 

Artist: Madonna
Song: Hung Up

Time goes by so slowly for those who wait
No time to hesitate
Those who run seem to have all the fun
I’m caught up
I don’t know what to do.

Oh this; this old classic is the triumphant rejection of holding on. The antithesis of Drake’s crooning. You are fed up, you’re ready to move on and walk away. You are not staring at your phone, you are Getting. Your. Life! Listen on repeat when you are fed up and ready for pure freedom to bubble through you.

Artist: Santigold
Song: Disparate Youth

Don’t look ahead, there’s stormy weather
Another roadblock in our way
But if we go, we go together
Our hands are tied here if we stay

This can apply to a new love, but I prefer to direct it inward, to myself. After years of loving this, I just properly read the lyrics and I could write them all out for you because they are quite profound and applicable to this entire experience, but this intro is enough to get you started. Now you are free, this is you get up and go. I used this video, quite literally, to get myself out of bed while on a particularly arduous month long festival in the UK. I loved the work, but it was a mental challenge that required a shot of adrenaline to get moving. If there was ever anything I could recommend to set yourself flying out into the night, it is this.

Can you relate to the songs above?

Finding Yourself In the FriendZone

by Virginia Jonesin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Jerks always get the girl, nice guys like me get Friendzoned.

Well- if you feel entitled to have sex with everyone you like, or think if you’re a good friend to a girl you deserve sex- you’re also a jerk, you’re just a jerk she’s not attracted to.  Hope this helps!

Now I’m her friend and I have to listen to her complain about how there’s no good guys and it’s killing me!

If you don’t want to be her friend, don’t.  If you’re only being her friend in case one night she decides to sleep with you, don’t.  Be her friend because you think she’s cool and you like her company.  If you liked her so much, but she’s not good enough to be your friend: what did you like about her, again?

Women and Friendzoning:

Whenever a guy I liked didn’t like me back, I pretty much assumed that either I was too fat or he was threatened that I was smarter than he was, depending on how I was feeling that day.  I never blamed him for not liking me back, and I never said “MAN IF I’D BEEN HELLA AGGRESSIVE I WOULDN’T BE IN THIS STUPID FRIENDZONE.”

Pretty and Pink Friendzoning:

In the film Pretty in Pink, Duckie is pretty thoroughly Friendzoned by Andie.  He spends the movie romantically pining and pretending that she doesn’t know that he’s interested in her as a partner, but when he freaks out on her in Cats for being on a date with someone else, it’s clear that she’s known all along.  The audience sides with him in the movie and wants him to get the girl, even though she has never acted interested in him or misled him in anyway.  “But he’s been such a good friend to her!” So what?  She’s a good friend to him, too.  Why is his time worth her sexual interest?  And in the end he was just as interested in a random blonde at prom, anyway.

Jon Hamm Friendzoning Me:

Because I am a Hollywood type person with a modern a go-go lifestyle, last Thursday I was in a room with Mad Men’s Jon Hamm.  He is incredibly handsome and caught me looking at him in the dark.  We had a brief exchange, I was friendly, I was charming, I was wearing a dress and everything, but he definitely treated me as a friend, or, even worse, as a stranger at a comedy show.  That’s right: I was friendzoned by Jon Hamm, which is HORSEFEATHERS because I KNOW HE DOESN’T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND RIGHT NOW.   I WOULD BE SO NICE TO YOU JON HAMM.

So, like I said.  Crossed signals happen to everyone.  Stop talking about the friendzone.  Be as honest, kind, and open as you can, and also dress up when you go out, because people are attracted to that.

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Dating Tips: 14 Signs to Know If a Guy is Really Into the Girl He’s Dating

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Do you want to know if the guy you’re dating is really into you? Check the list below if they’re happening with you while dating.

1. Texts her throughout the day. You just met your boo and you have a good feeling, like, a really good feeling. You can’t stop thinking about her. You’ll text her while you’re in class, you’ll text her while you’re in a meeting, you’ll text her while you’re crossing the road. BEEP BEEP!

2. Loses sleep. By the time you get home, take a shower, and browse the internet for a bit, it’s time for bed. So, you’ll head to your room, switch off the lights, jump under the covers and call her. Because when you’re into someone, you don’t get to sleep for eight hours (unless you skip class or call in sick for work.)

3. Taps her a**. When she’s walking by, just for the heck of it.

4. Plays around. You’re going on the road to grab some dinner, and you ask “Babe, would you like anything?” and she responds “No, I just had something to eat.” But when you get back home, and begin to devour your meal she uninvitingly takes a bite. And, then, she looks at you with that sheepish smirk on her face. So, you pretend to be pissed.

5. Texts “I miss you.” And wait for her to respond, “I miss you too.”

6. Texts “I love you.” She’ll respond “I love you too.” And if you’re the really mushy type, you may take it one step further and say “I love you more.” Damn, that sounds sappy.

7. Cuddles her. At 5:00 am, when you’re half asleep, you’ll roll over to her side of the bed, put your arms around her and pull her close. And for her, that’s the best feeling ever. Every girl will agree.

8. Cleans up. He’ll help out, willingly. And even learn to put the toilet seat down. The toilet thing might take up to 10 years, but it’s a good sign when it happens.

9. Slow dances. You’re in the club, dancing to rap music (or as the older folks say “grinding on each other”) because apparently what we do these days is not exactly dancing. Towards the end of the night, when the DJ switches up the music and plays a song like “All of Me,” you’ll turn your girl around, put your arms around her waist, and look into her eyes. And actually dance!

10. Hugs her. You’re watching a movie and you want to get comfortable. So you’ll stretch out your legs (on a foot rest), inch closer and wrap your arms around her. She’ll then shuffle in your arms and rest her head on your shoulder.

11. Really listens. After making love, she may want to talk a little. She’ll fold her hands and rest them on your chest, using it as a cushion for her chin. And while she asks you all kinds of questions — because women always have stuff on their minds — you’ll stroke her hair and gently rub her arms.

12. Teases her. When she does something silly, he’ll tease her right back. Because it’s kind of cute when she gets worked up over minor stuff.

13. Looks out for her. You’re up late doing work, but you’ve had enough, so you close your laptop and head to your room. And there she is lying across the bed, sprawled out. Clearly, women can’t sleep in a straight line (it’s impossible for them). But more importantly, you don’t want her to get chilly nor be eaten alive by mosquitos, so you cover her with the sheet.

14. Watches her sleep. You finally get into bed, take a second to gaze at her, smile contentedly and then you’re off to sleep.

How many from the list have you experienced?

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Signs You’re Going to Get That Second Date With Him

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Will he ask you for that second date?

It was 10:30 P.M. on a Tuesday. We’d met for our first date more than an hour before, and now we found ourselves shuffling our feet beside my car, struggling to say goodbye. Instead, Andrew said, “I know it’s late and you have to go home to do work, but I’m not ready for the night to end. Do you think you could stay out for just one more drink?” And that’s when I knew we’d get to a second date, readers.

While they’re not always obvious, men do give off signs they want to see you again. Some, like my now-boyfriend, invite you to stick around, unwilling to part ways so soon. I turned to a few male friends to dish on five more.

restaurant, people, celebration and holiday concept - close up o

1. He’ll feel you out for the future. “I’ll mention an upcoming concert or event and ask if that’s something she’d be into seeing or doing,” says one guy. “I may not ask her right then and there to commit to coming, but I’m definitely planning to.” My guy agrees. “We’ll say something like, ‘we’ll have to try X, Y or Z,'” he says. “Making future plans, however loose, is a good sign.”

2. You made him laugh. “A sense of humor is so attractive, and if I spent the date smiling and laughing, I’m going to want more,” my friend says. A flowing conversation sans awkward silences, one that focused on common interests and lively debate, is also a great indicator you’re cruising toward date No. 2.

3. The time flies by. Have you ever been on a date with a guy who glanced at his watch after two hours only to have a holy crap expression cross his face? When a guy isn’t in a hurry to wrap things up—and is surprised by how time has flown with you—you’ve got him hooked.

4. He follows up within a few days. Any longer and you were likely an afterthought—unless he’s got a great, legitimate excuse. “It’s a balance, of course,” says another guy. “But a guy who’s into you isn’t going to let a week go by before contacting you.”

5. And the follow-up may not be about a seeing each other. “A guy who texts to ask you out for a drink at 10 P.M. on Friday is not actually looking for a second date—he’s looking to hook up,” says one guy. When a guy is into a girl, he says, the follow-up text or call might be about something more general, just to touch base and get to know you better.

What are some other signs a guy is going to ask you on a second date? How did you know you’d get a second date with your guy?

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Trying to Flirt on Facebook

by Robin Tranin DATING ADVICE

I got extremely defensive and told her that I was just trying to be friendly, thinking, “How dare she say that to me?”  I told her she was being full of herself and blocked her because I felt humiliated.  I didn’t allow myself to accept the reality that she had rejected me and saw through me.  The truth is, her accusations were 100% correct, but there was no way she could prove it with any type of certainty.  Plausible deniability was on my side.

A few days ago, a similar situation happened to me on the other end.  Someone messaged me and said he wanted to ask me about my gender identity, and I told him I was happy to help.  As the conversation continued, he began sending me compliments and would say things like, “I really look up to you, I really admire you, haha…”  I found myself not knowing whether he was just being friendly or flirting, but I didn’t want to assume the worst.  And then, I began feeling uncomfortable when he started going through my Facebook pictures one-by-one to make inappropriate comments on my clothing and appearance.  I showed a friend part of the conversation and she confirmed that this man was indeed probably trying to flirt with me.

The next day, somebody publicly told him on Facebook, “Stop hitting on Robin, she has a girlfriend.”

He became incensed and responded, “I’d never date a disgusting creature like that.  I only go out with real women, not fake women who are dudes that dress up like chicks.”  His turnaround occurred less than a day after he spent a half hour trying to win my affections.

The “I’m just kidding!” method is rooted in so much misinformation from sources including outdated romantic comedies and awful pick-up artist books.  I read a book entitled “Double Your Dating” when I was 17-years old (the book totally worked by the way, because zero times two is still zero).  The book basically said that women liked guys who were funny and arrogant.  I don’t believe women were ever consulted in the writing of this Great American Novel.

From personal experience, it took my current girlfriend several months to go on a date with me because I would always “jokingly” ask her out and then chuckle nervously, using humor as a protective cloak–per the “Double Your Dating” book’s advice–instead of a complement to the rest of my personality.  Instead of taking an actual risk, I let my fear of being rejected supersede my desire to actually want to get to know her better.

It wasn’t until I finally developed some self-esteem, dropped the act, and said–very confidently and casually–that I’d like to get to know her better and would love to have dinner with her that she finally said yes.  I assume it’s because she finally saw me grow up.

I learned the hard way that there’s nothing more obvious than attempted subtlety, and “joking around” to protect oneself due to fear of genuine moments and making oneself vulnerable is immature.  Instead of playing these childish games where nobody is saying what they’re really thinking, it would be beneficial for all parties involved if everybody learned how to approach their romantic feelings maturely, knew how to read the situation and, if appropriate, made their intentions clear at the outset, because there is nothing funny about this alleged “joke.”  I wish I had learned this years ago.  I would’ve saved many women from a ton of discomfort, and I would’ve saved myself from a lot of embarrassment.

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Date With a Social Network

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

google-plus-date-video

What would it be like if you went on a date with a social network?

That’s the question answered in this very funny video, produced by up and coming YouTube star Emma Blackery, and it turns out, Google+ would be very, very needy indeed. So, we should clarify here. In the video, Emma shows what would happen if you were on a date with a person who exhibited the stereotypical qualities of a particular social website. It’s shockingly accurate.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Tips for Couples to Achieve a Long-Lasting Intimate Relationship

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” -~Sam Keen

Before I married my wonderful husband, I dated a lot of men. For most of my 20s (and even my early 30s) I had a perfect fairy-ideal of what romantic love was, probably because I was an actress and loved drama back then.

It took years for me to realize a relationship is not a romance movie.

At some point in our lives, we may believe that love should be like the kind of romance we see portrayed in films, television, and novels.

For some reason, I always thought my romantic relationships were less if I did not experience this kind of fairy-tale relationship. Maybe this is why I kept meeting frogs.

At times, I bought into the belief that if I had a relationship with the perfect prince, then all would be well in my life. I thought, Now, I will be safe forever.

In truth, I did marry a prince—but a prince who is also human, who has faults and issues just like every person, no matter how wonderful he is.

At some point I grew up and learned to let go of the crazy metaphor of romantic love in order to find true happiness. Yes, I was disappointed to realize that the knight riding through the night to save the damsel in distress is a fallacy. It’s a bummer.

But, let’s look at it in this light: We all saw Romeo and Juliet and Titanic. Why stories like these make our hearts sing is that the love is unrequited. Unavailability fuels the romantic expression.

This kind of romantic story can only work when there is an absence of the lover. Sometimes, they have to die in the end in order for their love to fit into this romantic view. Or, we eat handfuls of popcorn, waiting to see if they live happily ever after, and we rarely find out if they really do.

The romantic love fantasy is really a substitute for intimacy—real, connected, vulnerable intimacy.

So then, how do we make relationships work and stay happy?

We begin with the understanding of what pure love is, and then redefine and update the romantic fairytale into a healthier type of love.

Here are 10 ways to create true intimacy, find pure love, and be truly happy in your relationship:

1. Use relationships to teach you how to be whole within.

Relationships aren’t about having another person complete you, but coming to the relationship whole and sharing your life interdependently. By letting go of the romantic ideal of merging and becoming “one,” you learn as Rainer Maria Rilke says, to love the distances in relationship as much as the togetherness.

2. See your partner for who he or she really is.

The romantic tragedy occurs when you view the person you are in love with as a symbol of what they have come to represent, the idea of them. When you realize that more often than not you don’t really know your partner, you begin to discover who they are and how they change and evolve.

3. Be willing to learn from each other.

The key is to see the other as a mirror and learn from the reflection how you can be a better person. When you feel upset, rather than blame your partner and point fingers, remain awake to what has yet to be healed in yourself.

4. Get comfortable being alone.

In order to accept that love can’t rescue you from being alone, learn to spend time being with yourself. By feeling safe and secure to be on your own within the framework of relationship, you will feel more complete, happy, and whole.

5. Look closely at why a fight may begin.

Some couples create separateness by fighting and then making up over and over again. This allows you to continue the romantic trance, creating drama and avoiding real intimacy. If you become aware of what you fear about intimacy, you’ll have a better sense of why you’re fighting—and likely will fight far less.

6. Own who you are.

We generally grasp at romantic love because we’re yearning for something that is out of reach, something in another person that we don’t think we possess in ourselves. Unfortunately, when we finally get love, we discover that we didn’t get what we were looking for.

True love only exists by loving yourself first. You can only get from another person what you’re willing to give yourself.

7. Embrace ordinariness.

After the fairy-dust start of a relationship ends, we discover ordinariness, and we often do everything we can to avoid it. The trick is to see that ordinariness can become the real “juice” of intimacy. The day-to-day loveliness of sharing life with a partner can, and does, become extraordinary.

8. Expand your heart.

One thing that unites us is that we all long to be happy. This happiness usually includes the desire to be close to someone in a loving way. To create real intimacy, get in touch with the spaciousness of your heart and bring awareness to what is good within you.

It’s easier to recognize the good in your partner when you’re connected to the good in yourself.

9. Focus on giving love.

Genuine happiness is not about feeling good about ourselves because other people love us; it’s more about how well we have loved ourselves and others. The unintentional outcome of loving others more deeply is that we are loved more deeply.

10. Let go of expectations.

You may look to things such as romance and constant togetherness to fill a void in yourself. This will immediately cause suffering. If you unconsciously expect to receive love in certain ways to avoid giving that love to yourself, you put your sense of security in someone else.

Draw upon your own inner-resources to offer love, attention, and nurturance to yourself when you need it. Then you can let love come to you instead of putting expectations on what it needs to look like.

These are only a few ways to explore real intimacy. How do you create a loving connection in your relationship?

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Creepy Dating…

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

10. Siri the sex surrogate

Scene from Her

The prediction: “As augmented intelligence and video games become increasingly sophisticated, expect humans to get attached to and develop real relationships with their hardware and software. The movie Her deals with love in the age of seductive operating systems.”

That’s all fine and good, but there need to be many, many advances in technology before this happens. Right now, Siri can’t even find the closest Dunkin’ Donuts, let alone our G spot.

Photo credit: Warner Bros.

11. Celibacy syndrome

Lonley woman with cat

The prediction: “Finding modern relationships too emotionally complicated, many men and women are choosing not to become romantically involved in any serious way. In Japan, a 2011 survey found that 61 percent of unmarried men and 49 percent of women aged 18 to 34 were not in any kind of romantic relationship.”

Who needs a human when you have vibrating underwear, we guess.

12. New erogenous zones

Woman hiding behind hands

The prediction: “In an overstimulated world, we seek new forms of heightened stimulation in the hope of discovering new erogenous zones. A bogus story about eyeball licking, also called ‘worming,’ in Japan went viral and subsequently created interest in erogenous experimentation in the U.S.”

Thank God that eyeball-licking story turned out to be bogus, because it made us want to squeeze our eyes shut forever. If new erogenous zones mean sex lasts longer or gets more interesting when you’ve been with your partner forever, we are all about it. As long as eyeball-licking isn’t involved. Shudder.

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Are Dating Apps Ruining Marriage or Are They Saving It?

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

On top of that, our happiness-at-all-costs culture isn’t helping. In a TED talk about infidelity, sex therapist Esther Perel said it’s a sign of the times. “We have never been more inclined to stray,” she said. “We live in an era where we feel entitled to pursue our desires, because this is the culture where ‘I deserve to be happy.’ And if we used to divorce because we were unhappy, today we divorce because we could be happier.” Going on Tinder, or any online dating site, can show you scenario after scenario that maybe, possibly, could vastly improve your life.

As tempting as these apps might be, reps from Tinder deny that this is going on on their site. “You can’t really use Tinder for cheating, because we show you common connections and people you know. You have to use a Facebook profile [to sign up],” says Rosette Pambakian, head of communications at Tinder. “It’s probably the fastest way you can find a cheater. Logically, it’s not the right app for that.” Yes, logic. So commonly used among cheaters.

The key to navigating this new world is through a new kind of communication. “I find that people talk the least about sex with the person they’re having sex with,” Nelson says. “What is your monogamy agreement?” Does checking out singles online count as cheating? Figure that out before it happens. And if it’s too late for that and you catch your spouse on Tinder, take it as an opportunity to redefine, and even reinvigorate, your marriage. “Not everyone is convinced that an affair has to be the end of their relationship,” she says. “For some people it’s a wake-up call. For a lot of couples it can mean a brand-new beginning.”

And remember: This may not really be about an app at all, says Jessica Tom, novelist and former community director at dating site HowAboutWe. “Dating sites are tools. They don’t invent desire. If my husband went on Tinder, it’s not Tinder’s fault. It’s my husband’s fault. The relationship may be flawed.”

Tinder is thinking even more positively, claiming these apps might even be “disrupting” marriage in a good way. “I actually think it’s making marriage better,” Tinder’s Pambakian says. “I think people are choosing their mates more wisely. They’re encountering more people, they’re making smarter choices, and they’re choosing more compatible partners.” Here’s hoping being more compatible from the start fends off the desire to stray. Until then, we’ll be keeping this tab open.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

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10 Ways to Make Your Significant Other Feel Like They’re the Only One

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

“I had an opportunity to have a long discussion with her fiance the day before he proposed”

My daughter recently became engaged, and I had an opportunity to have a long discussion with her fiance the day before he proposed about her, marriage, and living life together. The topic of how hard he wants to work to make his fiancee, and soon to be wife, feel special and loved came up repeatedly in our conversation.

What can a husband do to help his wife feel special and know that she is loved?

This list, built after years of observation and experience, will help stimulate ideas of your own for helping your wife feel special.

Send her a love note

Handwriting notes and letters is becoming a lost art in an era of instant communications and technology. A love note, written by hand, is an expression that communicates love, caring, and giving of one’s time and self.

A short note sharing your love, your admiration of her, your appreciation of her special traits, and your commitment to her speaks volumes about how special she is.

Learn to speak her love language

Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages has been a true revelation in many relationships. Chapman makes the case that most people receive messages of love in one (or more) of five different ways. The way we receive love is our “love language.” The five languages are:

  • Words of affirmation
  • Quality time
  • Physical touch
  • Receiving gifts
  • Acts of service

My primary love language is words of affirmation; my wife’s is quality time. So hearing from her how wonderful I am communicates love to me, but that love language doesn’t work for her.

I need to give her undivided attention and lots of it for her to feel love. Take time to determine which love language works for your wife or partner, and then speak love in her love language.

Get ‘er done

Do you have a “honey-do” list a mile long? I know that with my hectic schedule, my list never seems to end.

Doing things that are on her list is a good way to show how special she is to you. If she sees you doing the things that are important to her, she will feel love and devotion. Painting the family room, cleaning up the garage, or following through on a commitment to the kids will make a big difference in how she feels about you and about her worth to you.

Call her on the phone

A phone call in the middle of the day lets her know that you are thinking about her. Consider calling at a random time, when she will least expect it, and just tell her that you are thinking about her, wanting to know how her day is going and to communicate love. It is easy to get caught up in all the business of the day, and she knows it. So taking time to call and let hew know she is important will make a big positive difference in her day.

Send sweet text messages

If you have the ability to communicate via text message, consider sending texts that communicate love, and maybe even flirt occasionally. Here are a few suggestions to get your ideas flowing about what might work for your partner.

  • If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together!
  • Thinking of you makes me smile.
  • Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
  • I just moved you up to the top of my TO DO list

Plan a romantic getaway

Find someone responsible to take the kids and make plans for a weekend away. Plan everything out, choosing things that she likes to do. For example, make dinner reservations and get tickets for a play, a movie or an event she would enjoy. Reserve a hotel room, pack her bags, and make sure her calendar is clear. Some quality time with things she loves to do is an awesome way to communicate how special your wife is to you.

Make it physical

Lots of dads will read this and think sex. But remember, our partners want to be touched in more ways than we like to be touched. Consider an extra long hug in the morning, or a kiss hello or goodbye that lasts about 15 seconds. A back rub, foot rub, or a tender massage communicates worlds about your feelings for her. Physical touch is important in a relationship, and while it often leads to sexual touching, your wife will love the extra attention and the feeling of being touched without it having to lead to something else.

Listen fully engaged

With our busy and demanding world where work tends to invade every moment of life, it is easy to be distracted at home. Even the kids can create significant distractions from meaningful communication. One habit my partner and I picked up long ago is setting aside 30 minutes each evening to just talk. No television, no kids, no telephone or computer, no friends. Having half and hour for just us has really helped with our communications patterns and allows me to be fully engaged in the conversation.Active listening, where you listen with all your senses for intent and feeling, is a big communicator of love and affection.

Cook for her

There is something a bit romantic and something that communicates love and caring when a man cooks for his woman. Plan ahead for a meal she likes. Find a recipe, get the ingredients, and the follow the recipe to create a great meal for her. A little pampering like being able to eat a meal that she didn’t have to plan for or prepare goes a long way in letting her know how much you care.

Give her a break

One things our partners don’t usually get at home is a break. From the time she gets up until the time she crashes into bed, it is usually one very long day with more demands on her time that she can fill. This is especially true if she is a stay-at-home mom where she is likely starved for adult human contact. And moms who work outside the home also tend to carry with them all day their responsibility as a mother. Giving her a break from the stresses of the day can really communicate love. A hot bath with some music she enjoys while you clean up, go through the bedtime routine with the kids and get things ready for the next day will really help her feel your love and your specific concern for her and her needs.

Whatever you do, make sure that you regularly communicate how special your wife is to you. Little things are big things, and it is important to identify how she receives your communication of love and to make time to make these little expressions happen.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

He Is Interested If…

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Male thoughts decoded. What are the signals he is giving?

There he is, the man of your dreams. He’s sitting across from you at the coffee shop or standing at the opposite side of the bar. His eyes meet yours, a quick glance, and then it’s back to his drink. Was he giving you a signal?

It’s not easy to decipher the mind of the modern male, but learning to decode what his nonverbal communication truly means is an invaluable asset in the game of love. So in order to be sure you’re reading him right, look out for the following 10 signs.

Leaning into Love: If a guy is interested in you, you’ll find that his body will lean forward toward yours. This move can be either very subtle or extremely “in your face” (literally!). It’s his way of letting you know he’d like to get even closer. Once his interest is piqued, you’ll both find it hard to pull away!

Keeping It Even Closer: A vital aspect of the physical nature of romance is reciprocity. Translation: meeting his advances with your own. This not only signals your own interest, but also serves to keep his.

The Eyes Have It: We’ve all heard the proverb, “The eyes are the window to the soul.” If he’s interested in you, he’ll focus on you with those piercing peepers and hold it. Return his romantic gaze with a quiet smile and let him know that you are interested. He’ll be at your side in no time.

Touching Is a Good Thing: If a guy is interested in you, then he’ll want to be near you. He’ll also want to take every opportunity to touch you. Maybe it’s your arm, your leg, your knee — it doesn’t matter, as long as his presence is physical and affectionate. It’s his way of letting you know he likes you.

Funny Meeting You Here: Coincidence is out. Serendipity is in. Those so-called “happy accidents” may not be so accidental after all. Perhaps his “surprise” appearance at your favorite Starbucks or hangout is a signal that he’s trying to connect with you (but doesn’t want you to think he’s a stalker!). Take this as a positive sign and make the most of your next encounter. You may find that you share more in common than just an addiction to double lattes.

Listen Closely: How do you know that you have a guy’s attention? When he’s not talking about himself. It’s that simple. The next time you’re in a bar, listen closely to any table full of men and you will hear them speaking rapturously about their favorite subject: themselves. For a man to shut up and really listen to what you have to say, you know it must be love (or at least a strong attraction). He’ll put that male genetic ADD to rest once and for all after he’s found his Miss Right.

The Guy Who Liked Chick Flicks: Okay, we all know he’d much rather be watching the big game, but it’s an important sign if he shows an interest in the things you like as well. If he’s happy to watch a movie you picked out or doesn’t complain when it’s time to hit the mall for a little shopping trip, you’ve made a serious leap forward in the dating game! Give him extra points if he makes the popcorn.

Funny Lady: Can’t tell a joke to save your life? Does he laugh at it anyway? Men are very in touch with their sense of humor (women often complain that men never take anything seriously, right?), so if he’s sending some hearty laughter your way, it’s a good bet he’s looking at you as relationship material.

Confidence, Man: If a guy’s into you, you make him nervous. He’ll get goose bumps or a rapidly beating heart just from being around you. Look for signs like unexplained laughter, sweaty palms and fidgeting. Guys always want to be in control of their emotions — we like to be in charge. If he has trouble doing that around you, it’s most likely because you make him nervous and excited. Don’t take it for granted; help him to relax, and he’ll thank you by being a great guy you can depend on.

The Feeling Is Mutual: Men and women have very different brain chemistries: She is verbal; he is not. He is driven by visual desires, while she is guided by her deep emotions. Women are taught to rationally express their feelings and feel no shame in crying, and men punch things. Therefore, if you get a guy to actually open up and express his emotions, consider it a major achievement in your relationship. Discussing your feelings for each other is a powerful bonding experience for the two of you and serves to strengthen a relationship for whatever challenges the future may bring.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Tinder – The First 48 Hours.

by Susanna Leein DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Hour 26:

All these dudes have ex-girlfriends.  All these dudes have someone that yearns for them the way I do for my ex.  Fuck all these dudes, and their stupid boats.  I don’t ever want to have sex again.

Hour 29:

First message!  Opens by calling me “cutie”.  Continues, telling me that he lives in Brentwood, and asks me what I’m into.  I reply, asking “In regards to what?”.  Hope that doesn’t seem defensive, but what if he means in general, not sexually?

Hour 33:

No reply from the first guy.  I’m assuming he meant sexually.  Now there are 3 more messages.  All boring, very standard cold opening stuff, it all sounds really contrived and planned.  I don’t like this, I like the organic spontaneity of a random in-the-flesh meeting.  But I said I’d reply to everything, so here we go.  Friendly return greeting, answer the boring questions, ask something benign in return…

Hour 37:

Message from a HOT DUDE.  He sends just an emoji.  Smiley blowing a kiss.  I reply with a taco, then immediately worry that he’s going to think I’m suggesting cunnilingus, then immediately stop caring about a grown man’s perception of tiny pictures.  He sends back “Ah, so you’ve done the update?”, we go back and forth a couple of times benignly.  I’m bored and walk away.

Hour 40:

Left swiping is my jam.  I’ve run out of people a few times now.  None of the messages have piqued my interest.  I’ve seen a bunch of guys I know in the real world, left swiped all of them.  If you know me in person and have that sort of interest in me, I’m probably already aware of it.  So many superlikes!! This is definitely a nice ego boost.  I’m pretty dense when it comes to noticing men flirting with me, so it’s nice to have definite confirmation.

Hour 43:

Middle of the night swiping, woken up by a stupid notification noise.  I’m not ready to meet someone else.  I’m mad at these strangers for not being the man I (unfortunately) still love.  I feel like I’m being unfair even looking at their pictures, pretending I have some interest in meeting them.  I’m overthinking this because it’s 3am.  Going back to sleep.

Hour 48:

I’ve crossed the finish line, and I honestly think my time on Tinder was perfect.  I mean, I didn’t find true love, make a special date, or even lock down some hot, easy D, but it was what I needed, when I needed it.  I’ve learned that I’m not ready to meet someone else yet, but also have been reminded that there are plenty of options enthusiastically available when I am.  Still gonna delete it for now, though…

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Challenges of Dating as a Man VS. a Woman

by Robin Tranin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

As a result, I believe this traditional dating paradigm creates a culture of disproportionate loneliness from men and harassment to women.  Having lived as both the male and female genders, I can safely say that as a man, I don’t think most women will fully appreciate the severe loneliness I felt.  Yes, I fully understand that women get lonely, too.  As a woman, I do feel lonely sometimes.  But I also know that if I ever wanted to have lunch or dinner with an acquaintance, there are many people in my life who would spend time with me in a heartbeat.  I didn’t have such luck as Robert.  I could text 15 of my friends and I’d be lucky if even one of them responded.

However, as Robin, after receiving these plethora of solicitations, I’m not sure if most men will ever know how scary it is to receive so many menacing messages from strangers and acquaintances.  I don’t know if they’ll know how uncomfortable it is to never have a moment’s peace when walking around in public and have people constantly staring at them, either due to anger, attraction, or just generally analyzing the way they look.  And while I understand when some men are resentful and even jealous of the attention, there are many instances when I wish to just be invisible.  Sometimes, I want to go to the grocery store without having to worry whether someone is checking me out or following me.

One of my friends coined this misunderstanding as an “empathy mismatch,” a term that I think perfectly describes this situation.  We have a culture where men are encouraged to “go for it” and women are discouraged from being proactive.

We need to change the way we look at male/female romantic relationships.  If men were encouraged to practice self-love and to take care of themselves before seeking affections from a woman, there wouldn’t be such an intense pressure for them to preserve their manhood.  Unfortunately, so much of men’s values are dependent on what kind of woman they’re dating.  That has to change as well.  There would be fewer instances where men act irrationally and angrily due to lonely desperation.

Simultaneously, if women were encouraged to be more proactive in seeking a relationship instead of acting as passive consumers, they would have more control over their choices in choosing a romantic partner while also alleviating some of the pressure from men to always be pursuers.  I believe this would minimize the amount of lonely men, and I think women would be harassed less frequently as a result.

I feel that the current paradigm is simply not working.  I have empathy for the male and female genders and don’t feel like I can definitively say that one experience is worse or better than the other.  I just know that both experiences feel awful in their own ways, and I believe that changing our traditional dating paradigms would be a good start in minimizing those unpleasant feelings for everyone involved.

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